Hi - Here are some really helpful articles I found about survival techniques for Moms/Wives with ADD...

Parenting Tips for ADHD Moms: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/738.html School Survival Guide for Moms with ADD: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/1673.html Survival Strategies for SuperMom: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/804.html Get Organized: Best Resources for ADD Moms: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/2517.html More for Moms with ADD: http://www.additudemag.com/search/keyword/Moms%20with%20ADHD.html

When Both Husband and Wife Have ADD: http://www.additudemag.com/q&a/ask_the_adult_add_expert/1340.html ADHD Marriage Help: The Right Way to Fight: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/722.html 5 Ways to Avoid Marital Conflict: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd-web/article/1637.html

Hope that helps!

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Alexandert78, I don't have any answers but I can sympathize! I haven't been diagnosed but my hubby and both kids (10 & 12) are dx ADHD. I'm always trying to get us all working on the same track, but I'm rather easily distracted myself and tend to get off track when someone else gets off track. Haven't figured out the solution yet, but I keep telling myself someday my house will be clean!!

Jessica

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I am 41 and have six children, ages 12 to 21! Four of my kids have ADD/ADHD and I know my husband and I have "something". You know what, I never quite meet my expectations, but one thing I have had to learn from experience is to give myself a break, not worry about what other people think and that it is okay to do things a little differently than the norm.

We have certain values that are important to us as a family and we concentrate on those, everything else is work-in-progress. When I feel like I am not making any progress, I make myself a "What I did" list rather than the infamous "to do" list....and am pleasantly surprised by what I have done!

I set a few main goals, but I do not put a lot of conditions on them and they are even subject to change as our family grows and things come up that are out of my control. The kids are not over scheduled. I limit my outside responsibilities to church where our family in also involved and people are understanding of our limits (vs PTA president where I would have to manage many different people/meetings/responsibilities for example).

A lot of the anxiety that we feel when we get interrupted by our family when we are trying to get a project done is because we want so much to be good moms and it is hard to find that balance. It is important that we sometimes stop what we do to help our child or spend time with them, then again, it is important for them to wait a little bit so we can finish what we are doing, which is so much harder for an ADD kid. It took cancer six years ago to stop me in my tracks and I had to realize that I could either try to make me fit into my life or I could fit my life around me a little more! I have found that writing in a journal helped me to analyze things, find solutions and figure out how much I could reasonably accomplish in one day.

I hope that helps. Good luck!

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Hello,

I am 27 yrs old, I have a 9 yr old daughter with ADD, and my husband also has ADD but was never treated as a child. Sometimes I feel I might have it as well, but have been too embarrassed to ask my family neurologist for a visit. I work full time, and have a 20 month old son. We are just now learning to work with our daughter and often we do not have the right answers. I try my best but my husband works nights and I pretty much do it on my own. When I am so tired at night I want to cry because I want to have a clean home, and I want my daughter to grow up with a good self esteem, when I am cleaning I cant give her the attention and consistent routine that she needs, I learned to let go of my chores, because I want to my child to grow up and remember that I supported her and tried. In the past I would scream at her, and tell her to be patient because I have a lot of things to do and the world did not revolve around her. I created a low self esteem for her. I would go to work in the morning and feel awful, things are not all better now, but she does have an IEP on the way, I am asking not yelling at her to pick her clothes out the night before. And I go to the gym from 5am to 6am to help relief some stress from my body. As for my husband he remains untreated, he is not taking medication. Therefore he is a different battle, hang in there!

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I'm a full time working mom, have a husband with ADD and a 9 year old son with ADHD and a 3 year old daughter who will also possibly qualify for a diagnosis later. There are days when nothing seems to go right and your'e reduced to a quivering heap of jelly-it happens, but you survive, you learn and you move on. Accepting that I have a family with high needs is not something I have come to terms with fully, there are still days when I feel if I work hard enough on this I can fix everything! But it is an issue that I am consciously working on- not an easy task considering I am a high achiever and a perfectionist. What helps me in my daily battles is creating time for myself, even if it involves just having an undisturbed cup of tea, for 5 minutes, keeping communication lines open with my husband and making full use of my support networks,. when things get really bad I sing hymns! Hang in there.

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Soccermom,

You have a beautiful daughter! You can go online and find famous people who have ADD (and dyslexia/learning disabilities) and tell your daughter that she can do anything if she is willing to work hard for it. Find her strengths and capitalize on it. Getting an IEP is going to help her a lot at school. Right now she does not need to know that much about it....just work with her teacher to make sure she is learning and succeeding in school.

Remember that you can make your own success at home. For example, trying to make five hyper boys conform to proper table etiquette became a losing battle at our house (and a husband who would just start eating! lol!). I would love to have that picture perfect, sit quietly around the table with kids with napkins in their laps and while we all conjugate verbs and talk about world politics. Life became a lot better when I found our own solution to enjoying our meals together....sometimes it's watching American's Funniest Videos or American Idol after a prayer! Then we get our talk time in before bed (they really open up if they think they stay up a little bit longer!) So we break a few rules but they make happier memories!

I have been at home most of the time raising my kids and I do not know how you guys do it who work either part or full time! I promise you that, as long as you do not give up, you will find your own success as a mother and your children will find their passion in life! A wise school counselor once told me that the traits that make our kids struggle so much in school can be the same traits that make them successful in life....as long as they are able to have that self esteem they that they earned themselves.

My oldest is a junior in college at one of the top business schools in the nation (and on the Dean's list) and he has struggled with dyslexia/ADHD all his life. He works really hard, has learned how to compensate and has a ton of energy to get him through. Hard work, persistence, faith and the ability to know how to work around a disability are key.

Remember that having children who are a little harder to raise can be frustrating and a saint would have trouble not yelling from time to time. The fact that you want better for yourself and your child will help you find answers. Remember that you can eat an elephant a spoonful at a time (although it might not taste good). Teaching your daughter to do small chores (you do not have to make yourself crazy over it....just, "You can go play with your friend after you make your bed"...then let go. If she makes it, great....she earned the right to play with her friend and it makes sense to her. If she refuses....don't get into a battle, just stick to your guns and don't let her go.)

The bad thing with moms is that we really want our kids to go have fun with their friends (especially if they are having trouble socially) and we let them get over on us (in my case, I forget stuff that I said or they learn how to "divide and conquer"), but you get the idea. It is okay to say sorry when you make a mistake sometimes too. (i.e. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. Mommy got frustrated.") Then you can talk about better ways to handle that situation. They will learn to make amends and correct their mistakes! This will also help with bonding. You know, when you see little successes in yourself, it will help your family too!

Sorry I wrote so much! I just totally know what all of you are struggling with and I hope something I wrote helps. :)

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Both of my parents have ADD. I am the second of four children... all with different variations on ADD. We just have to be able to laugh at ourselves and each other. That was always present when I was growing up. We all KNOW that we will be late. We KNOW things will be messy.. or a blanket will be thrown over the mess. We KNOW that our call will not get returned. BUT We are able to understand why things don't happen as planned. We understand why my brother can't seem to get along with people. (he's still prone to anger problems sometimes, but he hasn't broken through a wall in YEARS!) It helps us to know that the person next to us at dinner has the same problem. It sounds bad, but we learned not to expect too much from each other. We know that things will go wrong, so we have to stay flexible. Our home is loving and open and.. just operates a little differently from the others on our street.

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Courey,

I LOVE that!

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Thanks, to all of you. I am trying to get things somewhat organized. When I am home, my Microsoft Works Calendar reminds me of all the things I need to do. I am staying home with the kids this summer (they appreciate the lunch time alarm). I am sorry that you all have to go through this ADD thing, but I am glad to know that I am not the only one that feels like she is chasing her tail. Thank you for the kind words and advice.

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There is a book out there called Mom's with ADD and it was a great book. As a mom with ADD it really helped me understand and accept certain things about being a mom with add. Especially because there is a lot of pressure on moms to be super mom.

HTH

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