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|Thread : Now it makes sense, well sort of.....|
|6 Apr 2008 @ 1:10 PM|
Sun 6th Apr 2008
Threads: 1 Posts: 1
Now it makes sense, well sort of.....
Hello. I've recently been diagnosed with ADHD. I am in my late 20's, and have also been diagnosed with severe major depression, generalized/social anxiety, motor skill issues, and learning disabilities (slow processing for verbal and math). Here's where I get confused....I'm a graduate student in geology, and have always been an honors student. I've delt with having to adjust and accomodate all my life for one thing or another. But I just can't help but wonder how much of this can be "real." It seems like after all I've been told I have a accomodate for ADHD just seems like an excuse for not getting my dissertation written.
Sure, I know it is much more than that. I've been researching and reading up on the symptoms and other aspects of ADHD and it fits me perfectly. It just is very frustrating to feel like I have "no control" or no "natural" talents in my life. I've started medication, and I am working with a therapist whi insists that I have to be "more than bright" to accomplish what I have without the diagnosis, but that comment right there, while a very nice compliment, causes me to question the validity of the problem. Maybe it's just that I've had to work for everything, even the simple things that most people take for granted, but it just seems like a cop out. True, I've been stuck and unable to make significant process in my work. And it feels as though I really have not control over my concentration (but it is getting better with the medication), but that just adds to the frustration. I just want to be able to know that there isn't a reason that is in my mind. I want something concrete that I can hold on to and say, ah ha, there's the problem.
I feel like the diagnosis and my therapist is essentially "letting me off the hook" for my irresponsibility. I feel like the entire situation is essentially telling me, oh, you didn't do X,Y,and Z and you are struggling with your focus and organization, it's not your fault, you have no responsibility, it's just your brain chemistry. Part of me just wants to yell at the top of my lungs...that's BS--I'm responsible for me, it's all my fault, I'm a screw up, and I don't deserve anything or any "special" consideration.
But, alas, as I said I've been doing research and the symptoms and the stories are things that I can relate to and identify in myself. It just seems too easy. It just seems like an incredible coincidence that is too 'good' to be true.
Thanks for reading. I really don't think of ADHD as a hoax or a myth, there is a part of me that recognizes that it is a true disorder that can be accommodated for, but I guess I'm just really frustrated with myself and the situation and everything that's been toss at me that I'm a little angry, confused, and a tad disillusioned with a touch of denial.
Has anyone else reacted this way to an adult diagnosis? Any suggestions?
|7 Apr 2008 @ 9:26 PM Reply # 1|
Sat 10th Nov 2007
Threads: 5 Posts: 265
Making sense of ADD
|9 Apr 2008 @ 1:13 AM Reply # 2|
Sun 6th Apr 2008
Threads: 0 Posts: 15
treating the adhd will help with grad school
hey there, I want to congratulate you on getting as far as you've gotten in grad school and in life. The way I see it, recognizing adhd is acting responsibly. Pretending not to have it or pretending that it is not debilitating is acting irresponsibly in my mind. I can PRETEND my focus and organization are fine. I can PRETEND that with a little more "effort" I will organize everything better. But that's all fantasy. How is indulging in fantasy taking responsibility? The fact is I want to accomplish many things in my life. Having ADHD makes some of these things harder. by the way, i have a family member with adhd (undiagnosed at time) who spent 10 painful, painful, agonizing years working on his dissertation. Frankly, he is still recovering from the depressions and bad habit and addictions he suffered in this period. If he had been treated, i imagine he could have done it in 5! And with 75 percent less agony.
I feel like we Americans are generally raised with the "I can do anything" view of the world. That's great in that it spurs us to achieve many great things. It's devastating and harmful when it sends up head-first into a brick wall without a helmet. I see acting responsibly as coming to terms with our strengths as well as our weaknesses and learning how to work around them or compensate for our weaknesses. I've got news for you: now that you know you have adhd, it's still a lot of work to get the right treatment and to practice creating structures and routines that help you stay on track. Look around at the articles on this site. Everyone of them is about WHAT WE CAN DO TO DEAL WITH X! ... it's all about responsibility. So hey, good luck. By the way, you don't say if you're being treated or are on medications right now. I am on a med that is helping me a lot. But it's still hard work to get organized. I worked my tail off today to prep a lesson for my students, and I finished it ... Within minutes I got an email from a student telling me I had gotten some key dates wrong for an assignment. I corrected this, so no big problem. But i thought i had checked and checked and checked to prevent this. But it's the adhd--it's just truly stupendously hard for me to be as organized as many other people. But that's ok. Everyone has various limits. But guess what? ... I know this ... so I always look for student notes to almost serve as a check ... And I correct right away .... I'm taking responsibility. Good luck ....
|15 Apr 2008 @ 1:43 PM Reply # 3|
Thu 3rd Jan 2008
Threads: 0 Posts: 7
It's ok to be confused and angry. It happens.
I too was diagnosed in my adult years. I too was an honors student. I too am now in grad school.
I do not use my diagnosis as a crutch - I rarely even tell anyone about it. I don't like to take the medication, so I don't. I have gone all my life with a mind that runs a mile a minute, and for it to all of a sudden slow to a mile an hour, that was too much for me.
|5 May 2008 @ 11:52 AM Reply # 4|
Mon 5th May 2008
Threads: 0 Posts: 1
Talk about having to review your story
I have just admitted to my ADD. In fact I call it my coming out, rather than admittance. It seemed that everyone else knew about it, well, maybe not my Ex wife, but me. I have been finding myself reflecting on the confusions, social mishaps, poor grades, endless detentions, misunderstandings and meeting phobias that have dogged me. It is also a relief to see that very few of us are using this as a opt out for our behavior. I am looking forward to this journey and the self discovery that comes from such things. Best of luck to you all and I appreciate your voices in this forum.
|2 Jun 2008 @ 10:39 AM Reply # 5|
Sat 31st May 2008
Threads: 11 Posts: 38
Again, I can relate
I feel like I keep posting the same thing, but that I can relate to all these different stories, and it's such a RELIEF! Feeling like the ADHD diagnosis is an excuse is largely why I was bitter towards my older brother my whole life...and part of why I was obsessed with "success" and "responsibility." I too was an honors student and am now beginning a PhD in foreign literature, and nervous as heck about the prospects of ever getting through it--my brother (who has ADD and has drawn a LOT of attention for it) has always struggled with school and has had issues with controlling himself financially and socially. While I also was diagnosed with it young, I think I picked up on my brother's failures and, not wanting to become a like failure who constantly made excuses for myself, learned to cope before I ever realized I even had it (hence it's only now that I am "finding out" that I have it).
While I'm not a fan of the idea of med's or of accomodations, this last year has made me realize that I do need some sort of help if I'm going to get my degree without constantly battling with severe depression (which I have been flirting with for the last 2-3 years). I agree that it should not be an excuse, but I also think that life is too short to be constantly working for little output and much aggravation, while REASONABLE accomodations could be helping. I think the eyeglass analogy is perfect (I have those too and would die if I lost them).
About whether to tell people: I also was nervous about telling people about it, but one of my (many many) issues is not being able to control my talking, so about 75% of the people I know (including many of my colleagues but none of my professors) know that I'm going through the official test and that I was diagnosed as a kid. Reactions have ranged from denial/disbelief to sympathy to encouragement. Perhaps I shouldn't have told everyone and their mother, but the barn door's already open, so oh well. While I don't like the idea of going to my professors due to the shame issue, the reality is that I will probably want to ask for extra time on my MA exam if I am legally allowed to (I was the last one in my group to finish the prep exam, and had to undergo the humiliation of the professor's disdainful stare as I tried to finish as quickly as I could).
At the same time, I'm not really ashamed of my ADHD. I AM ashamed that I was stubborn (thinking that I could do it all myself and that searching for help would be looking for excuses) and that I didn't seriously start looking into it earlier, before certain aspects of my life (procrastination, motivation, boredom, depression, social anxieties, excessive talking) started slipping more and more out of control. I think I've missed out on a lot of opportunities in life and a lot of joy (I like that word better than "happinness") AND limited my achievements by TRYING to do by myself what I could have done BETTER with help.
At the same time, this diagnosis process has been quite the blessing. I can finally see eye-to-eye with my brother, for one thing, and I have an explanation for my negative quirks (mostly listed above, but there are many many more) as well as my positive ones (creativity, a love of humor, a love of people, spontaneity, persistance, a belief in my talents, a wide array of interests and abilities, etc). Taking some time to stop fighting my mind and just observing it has let me begin to appreciate myself (and even "gasp" like myself) in ways I've never imagined. It's like getting to know a whole new person, which is both frighteningly confusing and amazingly fun.
So that's my "2 cents" (more like $2 given the length of this post, but hey, I'm a rambler, and most of you will either skip this or skim it anyway, so who cares??)
|13 Jun 2008 @ 11:50 AM Reply # 6|
Fri 13th Jun 2008
Threads: 1 Posts: 7
You are ok.....
I was just diagnosed with adult ADHD. I can now understand why I have had to struggle so much for things. I was always told I was an underachiever or that I was lazy. Deep inside I alway knew I could do better but just could not make it happen, to my great frustration. I also knew deep down that I was not lazy, but could not get myself to react to things that needed to get done. Rest assured - ADHD is not a "excuse", the medication is not an "advantage". We have a valid and real problem that should be treated in whatever manner works best for you.
You have accomplished so much and will continue to do so!!! Just remember you are not alone and the rest of us totally understand what you are going through. This is a wonderful website for support and information.
|26 Jun 2008 @ 4:31 AM Reply # 7|
Thu 26th Jun 2008
Threads: 1 Posts: 2
ADHD in person with higher IQ's
Current research shows that persons with ADHD and higher IQ's learn to compensate. We learn ways to "get around" our disorder. You came a long way before your diagnosis. Now that you have been diagnosed, once you get it under control, imagine how much further you will be able to go!!! I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child. I took Ritalin for 11 years. Back then, then consensus was that ADHD disappeared after puberty. I am just learning that a large percentage of children with ADHD become adults with ADHD. It sure explains a lot!!! There is a great book... "You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!: The Classic Self-Help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder". When I read it, I realized it was describing my life!!! I was so relieved. Check it out. It might help.
|15 Jul 2008 @ 12:32 PM Reply # 8|
Tue 15th Jul 2008
Threads: 0 Posts: 3
I can relate...
I also went through a phase of doubt and denial when I was first diagnosed. I thought that it might just be a way for me to justify all my flaws and failures to say, "Oh poor me, I have a disability." But, after doing a lot of research, I have come to realize that it isn't a cop-out to say that you have ADD, but it is a turning point where you can address those challenges that come with it and learn to rise above them.
|3 Aug 2008 @ 7:35 PM Reply # 9|
Tue 11th Dec 2007
Threads: 0 Posts: 6
Making Sense of Your ADD
<<I feel like the diagnosis and my therapist is essentially "letting me off the hook" for my irresponsibility. I feel like the entire situation is essentially telling me, oh, you didn't do X,Y,and Z and you are struggling with your focus and organization, it's not your fault, you have no responsibility, it's just your brain chemistry. Part of me just wants to yell at the top of my lungs...that's BS--I'm responsible for me, it's all my fault, I'm a screw up, and I don't deserve anything or any "special" consideration.>>
These are my beliefs as an ADHD Coach. You're brain IS wired differently and that does cause you to have certain challenges in your life. And THAT is not your fault! However, as with any kind of physical or emotional condition, one can take responsibility to learn to MANAGE those symptoms. Using one's ADD as an excuse, is not going to serve you well. So, on that piece I agree with you! I recommend a multi-modal approach that includes medication and working with a coach and/or therapist. A coach will teach you individualized strategies and is someone you're to whom you are accountable -- in a kind way, of course! This is something you may wish to consider along with your therapy.
Rhonda Pawlan, M.S. http://coachmerhonda.com
Local Time : 22 May 2013 12:10 PM
(Wed, 22 May 2013 16:10:31 GMT)