Magnaplum,

Learning you have ADD can take some getting used to. You look back on things that you thought you understood at the time, but now you are looking at everything through a different lens. things appear differently and it takes time to make the adjustments. Yes, we are responsible for our actions and ADD is not an excuse, but it explains why things may have been more difficult for you. The latest research did a comparison between individuals with and without ADD who were at the same IQ/intelligence level. Those who had ADD were consistently found to be one school behind individuals of the same intelligence who didn't have ADD. For example, if two individuals had the same intelligence, the one without ADD might attain a master's degree but the one with ADD will only have a bachelor's degree. Another person with ADD may graduate high school and go no further but a person of the same intelligence but without ADD will be able to get a college degree. Those with ADD are not able to reach their full potential.

I need to wear glasses or contacts in order to correct my nearsightedness. If I sat in the back of a classroom with another student who had 20/20 vision, would I have an unfair advantage because I am wearing glasses? Our vision is now equalized. If I wasn't allowed to wear my glasses and still had to sit in the back, I might fail the class since I can't see the board. Accomodations for ADHD is not an unfair advantage. It is only evening out the playing field so you can compete at the same level as others.

It is not avoiding responsiblkity by taking medication or having accomodations. I see it the opposite. If I know I have something wrong and do not do anything to correct it, I am being irresponsible. If I have Diabetes, I am responsible to manage my disease to the best of my ability, if I am nearsighted, I am responsible to get glasses especially if I want the privilege to drive a motor vehicle. Driving without my glasses would be irresponsible.

You needn't feel guilty because you need certain accomodations. you wouldn't feel guilty if you had to wear eyeglasses. Learn as much as you can about ADHD. You may one day be a blessing to someone else because you will be able to help them. Undiagnosed children with ADHD generally suffer from low self esteem and I have seen some children unmercifully blamed and punished for things they couldn't control. Learn to be an advocate for others with the disorder.

Elaine

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hey there, I want to congratulate you on getting as far as you've gotten in grad school and in life. The way I see it, recognizing adhd is acting responsibly. Pretending not to have it or pretending that it is not debilitating is acting irresponsibly in my mind. I can PRETEND my focus and organization are fine. I can PRETEND that with a little more "effort" I will organize everything better. But that's all fantasy. How is indulging in fantasy taking responsibility? The fact is I want to accomplish many things in my life. Having ADHD makes some of these things harder. by the way, i have a family member with adhd (undiagnosed at time) who spent 10 painful, painful, agonizing years working on his dissertation. Frankly, he is still recovering from the depressions and bad habit and addictions he suffered in this period. If he had been treated, i imagine he could have done it in 5! And with 75 percent less agony.

I feel like we Americans are generally raised with the "I can do anything" view of the world. That's great in that it spurs us to achieve many great things. It's devastating and harmful when it sends up head-first into a brick wall without a helmet. I see acting responsibly as coming to terms with our strengths as well as our weaknesses and learning how to work around them or compensate for our weaknesses. I've got news for you: now that you know you have adhd, it's still a lot of work to get the right treatment and to practice creating structures and routines that help you stay on track. Look around at the articles on this site. Everyone of them is about WHAT WE CAN DO TO DEAL WITH X! ... it's all about responsibility. So hey, good luck. By the way, you don't say if you're being treated or are on medications right now. I am on a med that is helping me a lot. But it's still hard work to get organized. I worked my tail off today to prep a lesson for my students, and I finished it ... Within minutes I got an email from a student telling me I had gotten some key dates wrong for an assignment. I corrected this, so no big problem. But i thought i had checked and checked and checked to prevent this. But it's the adhd--it's just truly stupendously hard for me to be as organized as many other people. But that's ok. Everyone has various limits. But guess what? ... I know this ... so I always look for student notes to almost serve as a check ... And I correct right away .... I'm taking responsibility. Good luck ....

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It's ok to be confused and angry. It happens.

I too was diagnosed in my adult years. I too was an honors student. I too am now in grad school.

I do not use my diagnosis as a crutch - I rarely even tell anyone about it. I don't like to take the medication, so I don't. I have gone all my life with a mind that runs a mile a minute, and for it to all of a sudden slow to a mile an hour, that was too much for me.

I did, however, find a WONDERFUL website that can help you with organization. Flylady.net. From the looks of it it's for housekeeping, which to be honest, it is. But you can apply the principles to anything. I promise you it will help you out tremendously. It's the only way I've made it this far in my education to be honest with you. It's also teaching my children who have ADD and ADHD (one of each) the principles they need to succeed without medication. Since adapting their principles we have been able to take them off medication and their grades have never been better!

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I have just admitted to my ADD. In fact I call it my coming out, rather than admittance. It seemed that everyone else knew about it, well, maybe not my Ex wife, but me. I have been finding myself reflecting on the confusions, social mishaps, poor grades, endless detentions, misunderstandings and meeting phobias that have dogged me. It is also a relief to see that very few of us are using this as a opt out for our behavior. I am looking forward to this journey and the self discovery that comes from such things. Best of luck to you all and I appreciate your voices in this forum.

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I feel like I keep posting the same thing, but that I can relate to all these different stories, and it's such a RELIEF! Feeling like the ADHD diagnosis is an excuse is largely why I was bitter towards my older brother my whole life...and part of why I was obsessed with "success" and "responsibility." I too was an honors student and am now beginning a PhD in foreign literature, and nervous as heck about the prospects of ever getting through it--my brother (who has ADD and has drawn a LOT of attention for it) has always struggled with school and has had issues with controlling himself financially and socially. While I also was diagnosed with it young, I think I picked up on my brother's failures and, not wanting to become a like failure who constantly made excuses for myself, learned to cope before I ever realized I even had it (hence it's only now that I am "finding out" that I have it).

While I'm not a fan of the idea of med's or of accomodations, this last year has made me realize that I do need some sort of help if I'm going to get my degree without constantly battling with severe depression (which I have been flirting with for the last 2-3 years). I agree that it should not be an excuse, but I also think that life is too short to be constantly working for little output and much aggravation, while REASONABLE accomodations could be helping. I think the eyeglass analogy is perfect (I have those too and would die if I lost them).

About whether to tell people: I also was nervous about telling people about it, but one of my (many many) issues is not being able to control my talking, so about 75% of the people I know (including many of my colleagues but none of my professors) know that I'm going through the official test and that I was diagnosed as a kid. Reactions have ranged from denial/disbelief to sympathy to encouragement. Perhaps I shouldn't have told everyone and their mother, but the barn door's already open, so oh well. While I don't like the idea of going to my professors due to the shame issue, the reality is that I will probably want to ask for extra time on my MA exam if I am legally allowed to (I was the last one in my group to finish the prep exam, and had to undergo the humiliation of the professor's disdainful stare as I tried to finish as quickly as I could).

At the same time, I'm not really ashamed of my ADHD. I AM ashamed that I was stubborn (thinking that I could do it all myself and that searching for help would be looking for excuses) and that I didn't seriously start looking into it earlier, before certain aspects of my life (procrastination, motivation, boredom, depression, social anxieties, excessive talking) started slipping more and more out of control. I think I've missed out on a lot of opportunities in life and a lot of joy (I like that word better than "happinness") AND limited my achievements by TRYING to do by myself what I could have done BETTER with help.

At the same time, this diagnosis process has been quite the blessing. I can finally see eye-to-eye with my brother, for one thing, and I have an explanation for my negative quirks (mostly listed above, but there are many many more) as well as my positive ones (creativity, a love of humor, a love of people, spontaneity, persistance, a belief in my talents, a wide array of interests and abilities, etc). Taking some time to stop fighting my mind and just observing it has let me begin to appreciate myself (and even "gasp" like myself) in ways I've never imagined. It's like getting to know a whole new person, which is both frighteningly confusing and amazingly fun.

So that's my "2 cents" (more like $2 given the length of this post, but hey, I'm a rambler, and most of you will either skip this or skim it anyway, so who cares??)

:)

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I was just diagnosed with adult ADHD. I can now understand why I have had to struggle so much for things. I was always told I was an underachiever or that I was lazy. Deep inside I alway knew I could do better but just could not make it happen, to my great frustration. I also knew deep down that I was not lazy, but could not get myself to react to things that needed to get done. Rest assured - ADHD is not a "excuse", the medication is not an "advantage". We have a valid and real problem that should be treated in whatever manner works best for you.

You have accomplished so much and will continue to do so!!! Just remember you are not alone and the rest of us totally understand what you are going through. This is a wonderful website for support and information.

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Current research shows that persons with ADHD and higher IQ's learn to compensate. We learn ways to "get around" our disorder. You came a long way before your diagnosis. Now that you have been diagnosed, once you get it under control, imagine how much further you will be able to go!!! I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child. I took Ritalin for 11 years. Back then, then consensus was that ADHD disappeared after puberty. I am just learning that a large percentage of children with ADHD become adults with ADHD. It sure explains a lot!!! There is a great book... "You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!: The Classic Self-Help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder". When I read it, I realized it was describing my life!!! I was so relieved. Check it out. It might help.

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I also went through a phase of doubt and denial when I was first diagnosed. I thought that it might just be a way for me to justify all my flaws and failures to say, "Oh poor me, I have a disability." But, after doing a lot of research, I have come to realize that it isn't a cop-out to say that you have ADD, but it is a turning point where you can address those challenges that come with it and learn to rise above them.

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<<I feel like the diagnosis and my therapist is essentially "letting me off the hook" for my irresponsibility. I feel like the entire situation is essentially telling me, oh, you didn't do X,Y,and Z and you are struggling with your focus and organization, it's not your fault, you have no responsibility, it's just your brain chemistry. Part of me just wants to yell at the top of my lungs...that's BS--I'm responsible for me, it's all my fault, I'm a screw up, and I don't deserve anything or any "special" consideration.>>

These are my beliefs as an ADHD Coach. You're brain IS wired differently and that does cause you to have certain challenges in your life. And THAT is not your fault! However, as with any kind of physical or emotional condition, one can take responsibility to learn to MANAGE those symptoms. Using one's ADD as an excuse, is not going to serve you well. So, on that piece I agree with you! I recommend a multi-modal approach that includes medication and working with a coach and/or therapist. A coach will teach you individualized strategies and is someone you're to whom you are accountable -- in a kind way, of course! This is something you may wish to consider along with your therapy.

Rhonda Pawlan, M.S. http://coachmerhonda.com

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