Hello and welcome to the forum! This may have taken you by surprise but as you learn it will help you to understand your son better, including why he does what he does.

Once my son and daughter were diagnosed and I learned about ADHD, I began to understand that certain things that drove me crazy were not done to annoy me. How many fights I had had with my daughter over her inability to keep her room neat and her tendency to procrastinate, esp. with school papers and projects, prior to knowing she had ADD. The punishments and arguments that would have been avoided with both my son and daughter had I known sooner. Most kids who have unrecognized ADHD are told they are lazy, stupid or bad. My husband grew up being told all of those things by parents, teachers and others. A friend was constantly being grounded for his grades and inability to keep track of time. The number of times you repeat yourself and still the chore goes undone and forgotten. the last minute school projects that are due that your child remembers the night before.

Treating your child's ADHD will help him tremendously and your household will run much more smoothly. His self-esteem will rise and he'll be less likely to be shunned by classmates who think him annoying. You are fortunate that you have this diagnosis early enough before it does much damage.

Speaking from the experience of dealing with children before being aware of their ADHD and a husband who grew up undiagnosed, we had countless arguments and punishements for behaviors that they couldn't help. Yes, my husband used to tell me that our son was just lazy and simply being a boy and that the diagnosis was wrong.

My husband grew up abusing drugs, dropping out of school, developing other psychological disorders, behavior problems etc. An individual with untreated ADHD is at risk for these and other problems. They are twice as likely to get fired from a job, drop out of school, abuse drugs or alcohol and more likely to have legal problems and go to jail. They are also nine times as likely to have an unplanned pregnancy and less likely to have protected sex. They are also get more traffic tickets and are involved in more auto accidents. The risks of not treating ADHD are much greater than the risks of medication. Ritalin is one of the most researched medications and is actually safer than aspirin. It was even found to reduce cancer rates, particularly breast cancer.

My son was diagnosed at age 10, my daughter at 20 (after my son had been diagnosed, she wanted to be evaluated) and my husband at age 45. All three of them are on medication and it has helped them to concentrate and think more clearly. My son plays baseball and he won't pitch without taking his medication. He even noticed that he had less anger when he was on the medication than if he didn't take it.

A good place to get facts about ADHD and the latest information is www.chadd.org They also have support groups for parents of children with ADHD. you can locate one through the website. I would also recommend the book "Attention Deficit Disorder" by Thomas Phelan. He has good tips for how to discipline a child with ADHD, as they don't respond to the usual discipline that other children do. He is also the author of "1,2,3 Magic" which you may have heard. I hope this was of some help to you. Good luck!

Elaine

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My son who is 5 1/2 yrs old was diagnosed this month (may 2008). However, I knew he had it earlier. But my husband did NOT want him tested. He didn't want him labeled as stupid. It took a meeting at his preschool with his teachers to say that Nick wasn't paying attention. He would roll around at circle time, he invaded personal space and no pay attention to tasks. The first month he would come home with bite marks because he couldn't control himself around other boys and they would bite him. In their own way they were telling him to back off. After that my husband stopped fighting me to get him tested. I began to read everything I could on the subject. I would tell my husband, "see he has ADHD". I went from being called crazy to" he's just a boy leave him alone"

Now I am batteling the diagnosis and the recommendation to put him on medication. My family just doesn't get it. And I'm scared for my son if I put him on meds and I'm scared if I don't put him on meds. My husband says he doesn't need medication. I hope your husband can see that you both need to work as a team. It's hard enough having a child with ADHD but to not have support is really tough-I know! Invite him to support groups and to the doctors office, parent meetings at school...maybe hearing these perspectives would help. Take care nickabbeysmom@aol.com

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Men, especially, seem to have a hard time with the idea of ADHD. They think it means their child is stupid, and worry about what others might think of their child and in many cases, they think it reflects poorly on themselves. Something must be wrong with them, the fathers, if their child has this problem. It may not be spoken out loud, but I think many men find it an affront to their ego.

And people who have ADHD are not stupid, although sometimes the symptoms of ADHD untreated, makes them appear as if they are. And many grow up feeling stupid, even if they aren't. My neighbor has an IQ that is over 180 and he has diagnosed ADHD. My sister was valedictorian of her high school graduating class, a pharmacist, and she has ADHD. Bill Gates has ADHD. Many believe that Albert Einstein, Ben Franklin and Thomas Edison had ADHD.

Would he be ashamed if his son needed to wear eyeglasses? Having ADHD is no different than needing eyeglasses. I was just diagnosed last month and started on medication. Suddenly, I felt so much smarter. It reminded me of the first time I put on eyeglasses at age 7 and was amazed at how clearly I could see everything. That's how it felt. I was able to "get" things more quickly. It was easier for me to express myself, both verbally and in writing. I feel more confident both with my work and socially, with other people. I don't have to pretend that I understand what they said, because I do understand it now. It makes life so much easier. I get more done, I'm able to prioritize and organize both my thoughts and my papers.

I didn't have the benefit of early diagnosis and treatment. Although I would have loved to have grown up feeling the same way I do now, and how different my life might have been. Even so, I am happy that I am finally being treated and the rest of my life will be so much different.

Elaine

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