|Adult ADHD Home||Succeed at Work||ADHD Self Test|
|Love & Friendships||Manage Time & Money||ADHD Adult Blogs|
|The Organized Life||Stress, Sleep, Health||Adult Support Groups|
|Apps & Gadgets||Inspirational Stories||Expert Answers|
|ADHD Parenting Home||Schedules & Time||Sample Routines|
|Discipline & Behavior||Teens & Young Adults||Parent Support Group|
|ADHD Parenting Skills||Nutrition & Diet||Parenting Blogs|
|Friendships & Social Skills||Sports & Hobbies||Summer & Camps|
|ADHD Treatment Home||ADHD Medications||Medication Reviews||Adderall|
|Treating Your Child||Nutrition & Diet||Fish Oil Printable||Daytrana|
|Expert Q&As||Non-Medical Treatment||Find Professionals||Strattera|
|Behavior Therapy||Brain Training||Quillivant XR||Vyvanse|
|ADHD/LD School Home||High School & College||Accommodations|
|IEPs & 504s||ADHD Study Skills||ADHD School Guide|
|Working with School||School Organization Help||College Survival Guide|
|Social Skills at School||For Teachers Only||Is it LD? A Self Test|
|ADHD Diagnosis Home||ADHD & Women||Is it ADHD? Self Tests|
|Getting a Diagnosis||Is it a Related Condition?||Medical Q&As|
|ADHD Symptoms||Post Diagnosis Next Steps||Myths & Realities|
|Is it Learning Disabilities?||ADHD Treatment||ADHD Support Groups|
|Tools and Checklists|
|ADHD Topics A-Z|
|Share Your Story|
|Give a Gift|
|Buy Back Issues|
|Thread : Zero Tolerance Nightmare - I am About to Lose My Mind...|
|19 Mar 2008 @ 1:30 AM|
Wed 19th Mar 2008
Threads: 1 Posts: 0
Zero Tolerance Nightmare - I am About to Lose My Mind...
My son is 11 yrs. old, dx ADHD when he was 6. He has always had difficulties in school, but we could always work it out to his benefit. We started fresh with a new school this year. First few months were a dream kind-of..notes home from teacher said "he is such a joy to have in class! The sweetest kid! BUT he needs to learn to control his impulses to lash out when angry". So I asked for a conference with her and the principal just to discuss ADHD and how we can work together to help him help himself. Well that meeting left me with a lot of questions because they just kind of skipped over everything I was trying to say.
I started with talking to my son and he told me that a few of the kids picked on him and he would just "blow up when he couldn't take it anymore", so I told the teacher and principal about this and the teacher said "I have never heard them bothering him". My son said they would do it quietly, and of course when he blew his top she sure heard him. I believe my son when he says this.
So we decided that next time it happens he is to immediately tell the teacher, so the next time it happened he tried to tell her..but she brushed him off. I guess he was the troublemaker by now. But he came home and told me, so I called the teacher to talk about it. She assured me she would watch them carefully. She must have done something because they left him alone.
For awhile everything was quiet, parent teacher conferences came and went with no problem..he was happy, his grades even went up. Well last Thursday I got a phone call from the Assistant principal, my son and a few other boys were saying "inappropriate things" on the bus..overheard by the bus driver. The other boys just happen to be the same ones from earlier in the year...As many of you know some kids w/ ADHD are WAY too trusting, mine especially so..he really is a sweet kid.
Well anyway he will be suspended off the bus for 3 days. O.k. that's fair, what about the other boys? "WE cannot discuss other kids with anyone other than their parents". Understandable. So everything was agreed upon, he was suspended off the bus. Well later that day the Principal calls , she says "upon further investigation, we have spoken to the other students involved and uncovered some very disturbing information about your son..please come right away" OMG! I 911 it all the way there, thinking 1,000 different things.
So I get there and my son is in a desk there in the office facing the wall, the principal says come on into the office. She was "informed" that my son had said he would tie the teacher to a tree and shoot her with a paintball gun ..he admitted he said it during the interview with him and the other boys in the office, before that they had gotten his side of the story (this was before I even was informed of any of the current issues). They also said that he has threatened to "sneak into their house during the night while their parents were asleep like a ninja and kill them"..my son said he had only said that to one of the boys after one of the other ones has said the same thing to my son.
After she informed us that "those boys have been in this school for 3 years now and I have NEVER had any trouble with them, so your son has a definite problem telling fact from fiction"..his punishment is 18 weeks in Alternative school...."we have people here in fear for their lives because of him"....I was too stunned to even think!
Meanwhile my son is sitting beside me crying his eyes out. After we left the school my son hands me his report card that he had gotten that day. The grades were o.k. and his teacher had written " has beautiful handwriting and he is a great kid!" The next morning I couldn't stand it..I called the principal to appeal this decision, she informs me that his teacher had called her at home the night before "just devastated" about what is happening. "But at any rate I have already sent the packet to the alternative school, if I change my mind "which is doubtful" I will call you back after spring break.
Again I brought up the problems my son had with these boys since the beginning and she said "well if he had made it an issue before we may have been able to do something about it"..OMG!!!!!!! Here it is 3 days later and I haven't been able to think about anything but this, I am beyond mad and there is absolutely no way I am sending him to an alternative school. I will be homeschooling him for the remainder of the year. And even better this principal is the District Superintendents Daughter...I feel I do not even stand a chance of trying to fight this.
|19 Mar 2008 @ 8:55 AM Reply # 1|
Sat 10th Nov 2007
Threads: 5 Posts: 265
|18 Apr 2008 @ 1:05 PM Reply # 2|
Fri 21st Mar 2008
Threads: 0 Posts: 3
Elaine....... You are Not alone !!!!
|23 May 2008 @ 9:58 AM Reply # 3|
Wed 16th Apr 2008
Threads: 1 Posts: 3
You are SOOOO not alone!!!
|6 Nov 2008 @ 2:09 PM Reply # 4|
Wed 10th Sep 2008
Threads: 1 Posts: 3
We are in the same nightmare!!
I feel for you, we are going through the same thing! My son is 14, recently diagnosed with ADHD, inattenion type. He started High School this year and we were so hopeful that things would change. We were still trying to adjust his medication when our "incident" happened. My son was in English class and was very upset and said that it wasn't worth it to live anymore. His teacher was vigilant as her daughter has problems with depression. She asked him if he wanted to go to the counselor's office. He said yes and she took him to the office. In the counselor's office, the counselor asked him to be really honest about why he was depressed and angry. He said that the dean and the principal had talked to him once again about being tardy. They have instituted a new no tolerance policy on tardies. If you are even 5 sec late, you report to a "tardy station" manned by the principals and deans. You are given an immediate detention and end up missing about 20 minutes of the class. Well, I guess he was angry about that and told the counselor "if one more person confronts me about being tardy or slow, I am going to go off". The counselor asked him, "What do you mean by that? Would you harm them?" He said yes, I feel like killing them." The counselor, said "Do you have a weapon?' My son said, "No, I wouldn't use a weapon." Well, they then called the sheriff's office and had him sent for a mandatory mental health hold for three days. They called us at home AFTER calling the sheriff. He was lead out by two law inforcement officers, 2 paramedics with kids looking out the windows of the school. He was realeased with a good prognosis and diagnosis once again with depression, anxiety and ADHD. He was assessed as a low risk by the hospital and the school counselors. The powers that be above the counseling office said he was going to be suspended until we can determine if he is going to "kill anyone". Now it is a month later and we are going to a meeting today to re-evaluate his IEP. His IEP is for phonemic awareness deficit and the manifestation hearing said that could not have caused the incident. I told them that I tried to get the special ed coordinator to change his IEP to include ADD and she said, no, only one disability was allowed on the IEP. She would make a "note" of it. We trusted her, so it was never changed or even forwarded to his new school, because she was let go from her job. We showed them articles on the co-morbidity or phonemic awareness deficit, ADHD, depression and anxiety. They wouldn't even read it. We called a lawyer and that changed the whole picture. They are one the "best school districts in the nation", they claim and haven't a clue about ADHD. We have been advocates for our child since the day it happened on a daily basis and they wouldn't listen to us. It made us realize that the "professionals" are so ignorant of anything about ADHD and believe it's just bratty kids with excuses. Our doctor called and told them that blurting out things before they think is a very common problem and that he would vouch for his diagnosis. They won't let him back to school, because of the dangerous threats and their fear. He has been suspended during this time and they wanted to expel him. I am telling you, this is not legal and they cannot do this. They have an obligation under the laws surrounding the IEP that they must provide a proper learning environment. They have offered a home tutor, or a class for severely emotional and social problem kids for him, due to the heightened security of the case. I understand the fear in the post Columbine world, but my son is being treated like he brought an automatic weapon to school and waved it around. So, hang in there and fight for your rights! Our kids are worth it! My husband and I would wake up everyone morning and pray we were just dreaming, it has been absolutely draining.
|31 Mar 2009 @ 11:21 PM Reply # 5|
Tue 31st Mar 2009
I'm not crazy
Thanks so much for your stories because I have one too. What should I do? Should I have him tested, since the teachers are saying that his behavior is so bad? My son is 7 years old(has not been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD) and he has been labeled from day one since he went to public school(4-K). All of the past and present teachers have labeled him as a bad kid, but not one of them has offered any help. Where has the patience gone with the teachers? This year has been so frustrating that I have not been sleeping at all and have had to change my hours at work because of the constant suspending from school and off the bus. The very last incident occurred when he was sent to the office for inappropiate contact with a girl student. (received one day out of school) When he was sent to the assistant principal's office, she left him unsupervised. As all children do, they are curious when left alone and she said that he was not left alone,but how did he get a pocket knife off her desk, into his pocket, and into the classroom and showed it to another student who told the teacher that he had it. He was sent back to the office where the ass. principal and principal decided that he needed 3 more days for stealing. I wanted to use a few choice words for each of them because the assistant principal did not apologize for leaving the knife out(didn't tell us that it was a knife only an object was taken off her desk). She told me that he should not have been on her desk and he was not left unsupervised. She never apologized and neither did the principal. What if my child had fallen on the knife or another child would have been injured? Then my son would have been expelled because of the carelessness of an educator. My son is a good kid, but a little over active.
|3 Apr 2009 @ 4:01 PM Reply # 6|
Fri 3rd Apr 2009
about to loose my mind
I am so thankful I found this website. Everyone of these stories remind me of my son.. Sometimes I don't think it's our children with the real problems at all. If a child is continually picked it's common sense they are finally going to get tired of it and when they do.....It's all our kids fault. These other kids never get punished because it's their word against our kids. Who just so happen don't make friends very easily and the other boys or girls stick together. So our kids are punished. I have a teacher who every other week tells me my son has some other type of disorder. I want to ask her when she got her medical degree. I think the real problem is people think meds are the answer for everything. My son in 3 1/2 years has tried about 8 or 9 different meds and after a couple of months they nolonger work. Then the Dr. wants to increase his meds until he is a zombie or he has some really bad side effects and I cant' except that.....I cant' except that God put these kids on this earth to take all these really bad meds. I think parents need to stick together and say enough is enough.. Maybe the system is the problem not these kids.. and I don't care what people say I hardly believe that all these issues are hereditary. Neither my husband or I have issues like this.. Sorry to just go off but it really sickens me that they just want to sock my son on another anti psychotic pill that mask the problem and makes other problems bigger.. I will pray for all of you and I ask for you to do the same for me.. Thanks.and God Bless you and your children..
|11 Apr 2009 @ 2:39 AM Reply # 7|
Sat 11th Apr 2009
Dear Sad Mommy...
I am really sorry to hear about the situation with your son. I am a special education teacher in a Los Angeles school and I see this kind of thing happen all the time. You are definitely getting the shaft here. Your son's principle is afraid for her job and is acting to save her own rear end. Your child is not her first priority here. For her building a case against your son and dealing only with you is easier than dealing with you and the other boy's parents.
You need to get a lawyer. And you need to tell the principle when you have one. You also need to find out who is torturing your obviously good child and tell their parents that you have a lawyer. They do not respect you but you should show them that you cannot be messed with, or you will take legal action against them, the school or whoever.
Many times the mere mention of a lawyer will get things moving. Your son may have an IEP which gives you all kinds of power in the school system. You could check out your local child advocate. They will tell you very similar things that I am saying.
Many lawyers who work with school age children are nice people. They really care about the welfare of the kids. If it were one of my own children I would get a real shark of a lawyer and scare the hell out of everyone, but that's just me. The more these type of people respect you the more they will go out of their way to help your son.
Maybe after all this is done you can get some real help with your son's schooling, which is also low on his priority list right now. He is just focused on his basic needs (like Maslow's hierarchy).
Be strong and full of bravado for your child. And don't worry, school staff are easily intimidated anyway... :)
|12 Apr 2009 @ 3:58 PM Reply # 8|
Mon 25th Aug 2008
Thanks so much for a reply from the other side. I too have worked in the school system and am presently trying to get my degree to teach full-time. I think part of the problem is that teachers need more help in the classroom statewise to meet the needs of the special student. They don't always mean to do so, but they sometimes seem to make it a war between them and the student, who needs them the most. Thanks again for your words.
|6 May 2009 @ 3:24 PM Reply # 9|
Wed 6th May 2009
I am at work in tears reading these true stories. My Son is 10 and I can relate and have lived in everyone of your shoes. I can honestly say I am tired of fighting with the school system. At 10 years old my son has said some crazy things to other students (like my pet squirel is going to kill you later for picking on me when you go outside). I feel my son is constantly made the blame person and every other child is the golden child. I am all over my sons school, I have brought his counselor to IEP planning meetings, I brought them books on how to handle ADHD children with LD and Non verbal Disabilities. My love for my son hurts so much I want to shelter him from the world and other adults and children.
Each day I remind him of how special he is and he needs to believe in himself. For over 2 years the same kids have picked on my son and the school does nothing except keep talking to the other chidlren. Yesterday as I watched my 10 year old walk in his 5 year old sister one of the boys pushed and punched my son. I told the school and I guess the "zero tolerance" rule only applies to my kid when he has had enough and decided to fight back.
Fighting is not the answer however after years of this how much do they think one child can take. I finally told my son to stick up for himself. If someone hits you hit back son. I have tried everything and exhausted myself, my family and friends.
When is the school going to wake up and see theses kids are smart, brilliant people and need to be treated as such and not labeled as "Trouble Makers".
Love your kids and guide them. I have not found a good way to get the school to learn. My next step is to home school him as well.
Thanks for paying tax dollars to help pay for an education that my son is not getting. OH yeah and special school like private and charter do not know what to do with them either.
UGH keep you heads up moms and dads it is for a good reason we have these brilliant children. They will shine one day.
|15 Oct 2009 @ 9:54 PM Reply # 10|
Thu 15th Oct 2009
A Message to Moms
You are your sons advocate, this are the hardest of times, when you are dealing with school matters. I won a few and lost a few school battles, and yet I will never which ones were actual wins. When you confront and accuse, your child might pay for it, the teacher will treat them worse. I want moms to know and tell their kids, "YOU! have rights" I would go online to this site, and others and learn the appropriate interventions, I once hired and Education Attorney, it only cost a $200 down, and they knew exactly what needed to be done, the school needed to get the schools Education Attorney, and that would be the best IEP Meeting, I also requested a IST support specialist be brought in to do a evaluation, and she was at the meeting. The school needed to pay for their attorney and IST support specialist, and also the director of Special Education was at the meeting and stopped to make sure I understood or had any questions. You have rights to say no, and this does not meet my childs needs, and bring someone into the school who will advocate for you. Show how resourceful mom is, when she is advocating, and don't get upset get excited. Your Childs education depends on you, and if he needs to go to the school, and you think they are not doing what needs to be done. Dr. Phil says to spent 10% on the problem and 90% on the solution. I laugh at things now, because we know that not every teacher is going to know how to deal with every situation, I try not to get mad at the school in front of my son, kinda laugh it off, and make sure he knows your happy to do it for them.
Local Time : 23 May 2013 1:36 AM
(Thu, 23 May 2013 05:36:24 GMT)