I don't have time to respond well at the moment but a few quick questions will help me. Does your son have an IEP or a 504 plan? That can make a difference as to how the school will respond and what they can and can't do. Does your son take any medication? Does he see a counselor or therapist for ADHD related issues?

More later, Elaine P.S. I'll be praying for you and your situation.

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Elaine20 said:

I don't have time to respond well at the moment but a few quick questions will help me. Does your son have an IEP or a 504 plan? That can make a difference as to how the school will respond and what they can and can't do. Does your son take any medication? Does he see a counselor or therapist for ADHD related issues?

More later, Elaine P.S. I'll be praying for you and your situation.

I can not beleive when I read your comment on your son's incident at school. I had almost the SAME situation with my son a few months ago. As I said before, he is on 6th grade,11 years old and I almost died when that occured at school. It is very curious that the incidents accored at school, within a group of friends.... The dinamics are a replics of each other. I know NOW that day dreaming and fantastic thinking sometimes flies around ADD children, they explore the world in ways adults tend to " panic' in a secnd and reports to principals are never on a waiting list. My son was having a conversation with two more boys at school; one day I was driving to work in the morning, when I received a phone call from his teacher. She told me " she over heard a conversation between my son and other boys , where he said, he was going to kill his parents ( my husband and I....), because that will be the only way, he will be able to go to live with his God parents". I was shocked...........confused and speachless.............Did he really said that? She mentioned , she spoke with the other child, whom confirmed the story. She mentioned words as : " disturbing", " scarry", " DANGEROUS", " heart breaking" ( hers? or mine???).... She asked me about talking with him and to called her back. After talking with my son, he told me a different story, crying and promesing that was NOT how things happened. He said, the other child asked him if " there is anything you regret thinking or doing to your parents"? My son said he told the boy: ( and that is the part the teacher said " she over heard") : " That I said I will like to go to live with my God parents", out of the country , but they have to be death before they will ever let me go there". OBVIOUSLY, the teacher paniced thinking that was a plan for him, to kill his parents. She told me my son is the sweetiest child in classs, it is a pleassure having him around.............But now she probably created a picture in her mind about the next serial killer !!!! I know my son perfectly, I know the nature of his heart and even if, sometimes he can be talkitative, he is not agressive or destructive, he is not angry or confused....... I was furious after I spoke wirh my son, especially, when he told me, when the boys were talking, the teacher was NOT around. Seems like his friend told the teacher my son was going to kill his parents because he wanted to live aout of the country ans that scared him...... So the teacher ,in order to protect the identity of the boy who talked to her, created the story about over hearing the conversation. We knew about the " real" conversation, after we called that boy's parents, our closest friends and we confronted the boys, personally in front of each other. I was so furious with the teacher, I did not go to school to talk to the principal. I sent her an e-mail of maybe 2 pages and since then, I will never trust her again. She did not have enough apologies for me. but I told her , how much I lost my respect for her as a teacher and as a person. I do not think schools are really prepared to face the fact of a child who's continious use of figurate speach is a condition they do not have TOTAL control over. But sooner o leter, school will try to make them pay for that.

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You are SOOOO not alone!!!

Please, if you do one thing through all this please just make sure your son knows how loved he is and that his is NOT his fault. If he's taking ADHD meds you might want to try another. Several of the ones we tried left my son with serious anger management problems and I have heard stories from others (especially those on Adderall) who have had similar issues.

I honestly think this problem is with the school systems and not so much the kids. There are just too many kids dealing with this for the schools to keep saying this isn't their problem. This many parents can't be all doing the same things wrong. If we don't start finding a way to fix this problem we're all going to end up stay-at-home parents..which is honestly looking better and better every day. Hang in there!!

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I feel for you, we are going through the same thing! My son is 14, recently diagnosed with ADHD, inattenion type. He started High School this year and we were so hopeful that things would change. We were still trying to adjust his medication when our "incident" happened. My son was in English class and was very upset and said that it wasn't worth it to live anymore. His teacher was vigilant as her daughter has problems with depression. She asked him if he wanted to go to the counselor's office. He said yes and she took him to the office. In the counselor's office, the counselor asked him to be really honest about why he was depressed and angry. He said that the dean and the principal had talked to him once again about being tardy. They have instituted a new no tolerance policy on tardies. If you are even 5 sec late, you report to a "tardy station" manned by the principals and deans. You are given an immediate detention and end up missing about 20 minutes of the class. Well, I guess he was angry about that and told the counselor "if one more person confronts me about being tardy or slow, I am going to go off". The counselor asked him, "What do you mean by that? Would you harm them?" He said yes, I feel like killing them." The counselor, said "Do you have a weapon?' My son said, "No, I wouldn't use a weapon." Well, they then called the sheriff's office and had him sent for a mandatory mental health hold for three days. They called us at home AFTER calling the sheriff. He was lead out by two law inforcement officers, 2 paramedics with kids looking out the windows of the school. He was realeased with a good prognosis and diagnosis once again with depression, anxiety and ADHD. He was assessed as a low risk by the hospital and the school counselors. The powers that be above the counseling office said he was going to be suspended until we can determine if he is going to "kill anyone". Now it is a month later and we are going to a meeting today to re-evaluate his IEP. His IEP is for phonemic awareness deficit and the manifestation hearing said that could not have caused the incident. I told them that I tried to get the special ed coordinator to change his IEP to include ADD and she said, no, only one disability was allowed on the IEP. She would make a "note" of it. We trusted her, so it was never changed or even forwarded to his new school, because she was let go from her job. We showed them articles on the co-morbidity or phonemic awareness deficit, ADHD, depression and anxiety. They wouldn't even read it. We called a lawyer and that changed the whole picture. They are one the "best school districts in the nation", they claim and haven't a clue about ADHD. We have been advocates for our child since the day it happened on a daily basis and they wouldn't listen to us. It made us realize that the "professionals" are so ignorant of anything about ADHD and believe it's just bratty kids with excuses. Our doctor called and told them that blurting out things before they think is a very common problem and that he would vouch for his diagnosis. They won't let him back to school, because of the dangerous threats and their fear. He has been suspended during this time and they wanted to expel him. I am telling you, this is not legal and they cannot do this. They have an obligation under the laws surrounding the IEP that they must provide a proper learning environment. They have offered a home tutor, or a class for severely emotional and social problem kids for him, due to the heightened security of the case. I understand the fear in the post Columbine world, but my son is being treated like he brought an automatic weapon to school and waved it around. So, hang in there and fight for your rights! Our kids are worth it! My husband and I would wake up everyone morning and pray we were just dreaming, it has been absolutely draining.

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Thanks so much for your stories because I have one too. What should I do? Should I have him tested, since the teachers are saying that his behavior is so bad? My son is 7 years old(has not been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD) and he has been labeled from day one since he went to public school(4-K). All of the past and present teachers have labeled him as a bad kid, but not one of them has offered any help. Where has the patience gone with the teachers? This year has been so frustrating that I have not been sleeping at all and have had to change my hours at work because of the constant suspending from school and off the bus. The very last incident occurred when he was sent to the office for inappropiate contact with a girl student. (received one day out of school) When he was sent to the assistant principal's office, she left him unsupervised. As all children do, they are curious when left alone and she said that he was not left alone,but how did he get a pocket knife off her desk, into his pocket, and into the classroom and showed it to another student who told the teacher that he had it. He was sent back to the office where the ass. principal and principal decided that he needed 3 more days for stealing. I wanted to use a few choice words for each of them because the assistant principal did not apologize for leaving the knife out(didn't tell us that it was a knife only an object was taken off her desk). She told me that he should not have been on her desk and he was not left unsupervised. She never apologized and neither did the principal. What if my child had fallen on the knife or another child would have been injured? Then my son would have been expelled because of the carelessness of an educator. My son is a good kid, but a little over active.

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I am so thankful I found this website. Everyone of these stories remind me of my son.. Sometimes I don't think it's our children with the real problems at all. If a child is continually picked it's common sense they are finally going to get tired of it and when they do.....It's all our kids fault. These other kids never get punished because it's their word against our kids. Who just so happen don't make friends very easily and the other boys or girls stick together. So our kids are punished. I have a teacher who every other week tells me my son has some other type of disorder. I want to ask her when she got her medical degree. I think the real problem is people think meds are the answer for everything. My son in 3 1/2 years has tried about 8 or 9 different meds and after a couple of months they nolonger work. Then the Dr. wants to increase his meds until he is a zombie or he has some really bad side effects and I cant' except that.....I cant' except that God put these kids on this earth to take all these really bad meds. I think parents need to stick together and say enough is enough.. Maybe the system is the problem not these kids.. and I don't care what people say I hardly believe that all these issues are hereditary. Neither my husband or I have issues like this.. Sorry to just go off but it really sickens me that they just want to sock my son on another anti psychotic pill that mask the problem and makes other problems bigger.. I will pray for all of you and I ask for you to do the same for me.. Thanks.and God Bless you and your children..

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I am really sorry to hear about the situation with your son. I am a special education teacher in a Los Angeles school and I see this kind of thing happen all the time. You are definitely getting the shaft here. Your son's principle is afraid for her job and is acting to save her own rear end. Your child is not her first priority here. For her building a case against your son and dealing only with you is easier than dealing with you and the other boy's parents.

You need to get a lawyer. And you need to tell the principle when you have one. You also need to find out who is torturing your obviously good child and tell their parents that you have a lawyer. They do not respect you but you should show them that you cannot be messed with, or you will take legal action against them, the school or whoever.

Many times the mere mention of a lawyer will get things moving. Your son may have an IEP which gives you all kinds of power in the school system. You could check out your local child advocate. They will tell you very similar things that I am saying.

Many lawyers who work with school age children are nice people. They really care about the welfare of the kids. If it were one of my own children I would get a real shark of a lawyer and scare the hell out of everyone, but that's just me. The more these type of people respect you the more they will go out of their way to help your son.

Maybe after all this is done you can get some real help with your son's schooling, which is also low on his priority list right now. He is just focused on his basic needs (like Maslow's hierarchy).

Good luck.

Be strong and full of bravado for your child. And don't worry, school staff are easily intimidated anyway... :)

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Thanks so much for a reply from the other side. I too have worked in the school system and am presently trying to get my degree to teach full-time. I think part of the problem is that teachers need more help in the classroom statewise to meet the needs of the special student. They don't always mean to do so, but they sometimes seem to make it a war between them and the student, who needs them the most. Thanks again for your words.

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I am at work in tears reading these true stories. My Son is 10 and I can relate and have lived in everyone of your shoes. I can honestly say I am tired of fighting with the school system. At 10 years old my son has said some crazy things to other students (like my pet squirel is going to kill you later for picking on me when you go outside). I feel my son is constantly made the blame person and every other child is the golden child. I am all over my sons school, I have brought his counselor to IEP planning meetings, I brought them books on how to handle ADHD children with LD and Non verbal Disabilities. My love for my son hurts so much I want to shelter him from the world and other adults and children.

Each day I remind him of how special he is and he needs to believe in himself. For over 2 years the same kids have picked on my son and the school does nothing except keep talking to the other chidlren. Yesterday as I watched my 10 year old walk in his 5 year old sister one of the boys pushed and punched my son. I told the school and I guess the "zero tolerance" rule only applies to my kid when he has had enough and decided to fight back.

Fighting is not the answer however after years of this how much do they think one child can take. I finally told my son to stick up for himself. If someone hits you hit back son. I have tried everything and exhausted myself, my family and friends.

When is the school going to wake up and see theses kids are smart, brilliant people and need to be treated as such and not labeled as "Trouble Makers".

Love your kids and guide them. I have not found a good way to get the school to learn. My next step is to home school him as well.

Thanks for paying tax dollars to help pay for an education that my son is not getting. OH yeah and special school like private and charter do not know what to do with them either.

UGH keep you heads up moms and dads it is for a good reason we have these brilliant children. They will shine one day.

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You are your sons advocate, this are the hardest of times, when you are dealing with school matters. I won a few and lost a few school battles, and yet I will never which ones were actual wins. When you confront and accuse, your child might pay for it, the teacher will treat them worse. I want moms to know and tell their kids, "YOU! have rights" I would go online to this site, and others and learn the appropriate interventions, I once hired and Education Attorney, it only cost a $200 down, and they knew exactly what needed to be done, the school needed to get the schools Education Attorney, and that would be the best IEP Meeting, I also requested a IST support specialist be brought in to do a evaluation, and she was at the meeting. The school needed to pay for their attorney and IST support specialist, and also the director of Special Education was at the meeting and stopped to make sure I understood or had any questions. You have rights to say no, and this does not meet my childs needs, and bring someone into the school who will advocate for you. Show how resourceful mom is, when she is advocating, and don't get upset get excited. Your Childs education depends on you, and if he needs to go to the school, and you think they are not doing what needs to be done. Dr. Phil says to spent 10% on the problem and 90% on the solution. I laugh at things now, because we know that not every teacher is going to know how to deal with every situation, I try not to get mad at the school in front of my son, kinda laugh it off, and make sure he knows your happy to do it for them.

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