Hi Mack,

Just want you to know, I know that "ugly duckling" feeling, I've had it all my life. Even at 50, I still don't like to see photos of myself, or look in the mirror other than shaving, etc. Probably the most we can do about that is to always have a nice haircut, and generally look well-groomed. Taking care of grooming helps you feel more in control of "appearances", no matter how we view our own appearance.

I think you're right about that spiritual connection -- particularly for us ADD folks, we seem to need "more" to engage our minds, and since the brain is what determines our feelings, seems like the need for "more" would follow into the emotional/relationship realm.

An idea for you -- have you considering using a dating website like match.com, chemistry.com, etc? The nice thing about a dating website is, you can get a sense for how a person expresses themself, whether they have a lot of interests or not, etc before you decide to say hello. That saves a lot of time, while in "real life" we can be attracted (probably physically initially) to someone, and end up going through the ego challenges of asking for a date, etc and only later finding out that you do/don't have much in common.

Hang in there, Mack, good times are ahead!

Quote

Hi Mack--My advice is to do a few things to yourself that will make you feel good about yourself, such as get a new hair style, exercise and tone your muscles...Have you considered attending an ADD support group in your area? Perhaps you will meet a fellow ADDer out there who can help you overcome your feelings; some of us female ADDers are very beautiful people, inside and out, you will come to learn.

Don't know where you live, but there is a conference in July in Minneapolis, MN put on by the ADDA (Attention Deficit Disorder Association) and a lot of fellow ADDers will be there. Might be something to think about if you could make it out that way.

Quote

Many people when especially in their teens don't feel cool enough and hate everything about themselves. It is evident that you were able to overcome this and date. I find being a ADD female it is very hard to connect sometimes unless you have a really interesting personality . It always help to have a great sense of humour. The bottom line is unless you can connect on an intellect , emotional level with another person no matter how physically attractive they are you will be totally uninterested. If you find things that you love and are interested you will find like mind people. Go to a park and exercise , join a team of some sort, or a class that you find interesting of something that you are interested in. Make sure of course you are clean, neat and don't smell terrible, don't eat too much garlic, and just go up to someone and say Hello. My husband can get people talking any where all he does start a conversation in a line. My daughter is amazed how easily he talks to them. I work in a emergency room so I hate to talk to people in line because I talk so much to patients and their families. Find a topic and do it

Quote

...I've also been making a point of starting conversations w/random people I meet in the subway, park, etc in order to build on my small talk skills. Not just men I find attractive, but people who look friendly in general. I find it helps with my confidence and is a good way to practice controlling my social quirks (since odds are I will never see the person again).

Quote

I think we feel like "ugly ducklings" because we have NO self esteem............

Quote

I read your topic & i agree with our suggestion.Visit this site: http://www.adultoysuk.co.uk/

Quote

Meeting people is all over the place. It really not hard if you have the confidence in going up yo someone and sasy hi .Shyness is not a leftover from being ADD/ADHD so I would talk to anyone into something when I was younger to get them to do things or now just making notice of something that is going on in the neigborhood. I love going with my husband bruce and my friend Jeff they can talk and engage everyone in a conversation anywhere. Clubs are so easy because your there to see a similiar taste of band or music. As long the goal is not to have sex or so sloppy that the person is turned off to engage you should be easy . Don't worry about the number no brecause look at it like I practicing my talk and move on. Learn body language to see who is interested. Also as long your hair is clean , teeth brushed , breathe smells good , clothes are neat ; and don't come off arrogant then meeting people should notbe so hard,

Quote