what if your son got a debit card instead of credit cards. i, myself, love to buy things (even things i'll never use.. it's just retail therapy) and probably have hundreds of dollars of clothes that i've never worn.. but i only have a debit card (it's a credit card logo, so it can be used anywhere the credit card is accepted).. it's so easy, just like credit.. swipe the card and go. the only difference is i set my card's limit, so i didn't spend too much in one day, and i didn't sign up for the overdraft, so if i'm over the limit, i'm done for the day..it might be one helpful step, although i know you have other concerns, i thought i'd offer something.. anything.. as a sugguestion.

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I really feel for you. If you suspect there is something more going on, there probably is. The hard part is that you son is at the age that he will need to reach out for help and, unfortunately, that often takes hitting rock bottom (which is different for different people).

My son was rebellious about his ADD diagnosis the whole time. We took him to the doctor, but it was a psychologist, not a psychiatrist. He did okay in elementary school and middle school, but started to go down hill in high school. He refused mental health help and would only agree to see our family doctor. It was no fun for anyone, let me tell you, but we hung in there and, finally, after barely graduating, turning to smoking/drinking/wreck-less behavior that was out of character, he had a breakdown that was so bad he was psychotic.

He is getting treatment, has an excellent doctor and is doing so much better now, but it is kind of like he is years behind in maturity and, like your son, money and keeping a job or staying in school are huge problems. Not being able to manage money at all is a sign of psychiatric problems. The doctor said our son may have a mild form of schizophrenia or schizophrenia with bipolar. I know that sounds scary, but we feel like we have already been through the hard part and at least we know what has been going on with him and can help him. Also, these conditions are not as detrimental as they have been in the past. There is help out there and hope.

I am kind of glad that we did not know then what we know now because it really did take him wanting help to get it and, since we thought he was just being a wild teen, we expected good behavior and did not let him get away with it. He still had to suffer the consequences at school and there were a couple times we told him that he would have to move out if he chose that destructive path (plus we have other children to think about too)...yet we tempered that so that he knew we really love him and would not give up on him....he just needed to know that he had to make that choice. Does that make sense?

Anyway, a strong sense of right and wrong has at least kept our son from making too many grave mistakes (and those consequences helped him learn the hard way) and now he has not touched alcohol or smoked in a long time or gotten in trouble. We have never smoked or drank anything in our house either. We had to repeatedly tell him that he could not do those things at all ever (and they interfere with medications) no matter what the rest of the world is doing...that they would ruin his life (he had to be kind of scared of those things to finally stop). Right now, he is concentrating on basic living and has started his own lawn business. He was not good a picking friends, but now he said his family is his friends and he goes to church even when we miss. Lately, he has made a few good friends, so that is progress!

You know your son better than anyone and, he probably knows himself better than you think. Sometimes you have to take one day at a time and celebrate little successes....you can do it! Only you can know in your heart if your son is "playing" you for a free ride or is just having a hard time functioning like the average person. I would recommend sitting down with your spouse and talk about what you will not tolerate and how to deal with him, talk to your son about what is really going on with him and suggest getting evaluated. This takes a team effort. Also, you may be able to find some good resources in your area...like we have job counseling for people with disabilities. Good luck. I hope this helps.

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