You psoted a comment about my daughter and her stealing. I have the same problem with my daughter and the lying. I have told her I cannot trust anything that she says to me as I cannot tell when she is telling the truth anymore. She gets so mad at me when we dont believe her and have told her on many occasions why we dont believe her. I am at a total loss at what to do. The counselor that she is going to said that lying is very hard to stop as you have to be able to actually see that she is lying before you can punish her. I am so amazed that many people are going through what i am. I am totally mentally exhausted and everyday is a fight to be positve. I am only hoping that with counseling and time things will get better. Right now I see no light at the end of the tunnel but hope that some day I will. I love my daughter dearly but do not enjoy her. there are just so many things going on with her its not funny. Hope that you get some answers and if you do let me know if they work or not. I did take your advise on the stealing and she is paying me back every scent. Thanks Lisa

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Sometimes kids with ADHD say the first thing that comes to mind whether its true or not. It's impulse related. But once they say it, they feel stuck and so they play along with the lie. Perhaps if you explain that sometimes he does things impulsively and if he does do something like that, then he should stop and say, "Wait a minute. That's not true. I don't know why I said that but the truth is....." And let him know he will not be punished or reprimanded if he does that (obviously there is a time limit--it should be shortly after making the incorrect statement not two days later.)

If he is lying on purpose to hide something, that is a different situation. But sometimes they forget and say what comes to mind. If you ask him if he has homework and he automatically says no, ask him to think about it first or check his notebook or backpack to make sure. Sometimes no becomes an automatic answer when they haven't really thought about it. Give him an out so he can say, Oh, yeah I forgot I have a worksheet to do in Math.

Try to help him understand why he is lying. Perhaps he is confused himself as to why he does it.

Elaine

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We've had to deal with lying and anger outbursts ever since our son was in elementary school and he's now almost 24. He is definitely a compulsive liar- why he does is still a mysstery to us and he is certainly old enough to realize that he can get himself "unstuck" from the lie (at least I hope he's old enough to realize this). And it is always the stupidest things he lies about- we have also told him over and over again that we cannot trust what he says and that trust is important and cannot be lost or damaged in relationships. That hasn't helped. He still lies. "Did you clean your room" "Yes"- NOT- anyone can see in the room and see he didn't. And then if we call him on the lie, the anger outbrusts happen. I have no suggestions to help anyone. I don't understand why he continues to do this at his age. I should also say that our son refuses to get any help for his ADD, so at least if your children are gettting the help they need, that's a step fartehr forward than we are. I'm just glad to hear other parents are having the same problem and we're not alone.

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My 15 yr son does lie a lot.

The thing is if you're a parent with ADD/ADHD yourself it is an additional problem because you have to check everything and comfront him and never let it pass (and not forget).

Second thing I wonder sometimes if lying is a certain way of getting power. These children don't have much power nor success in early life so lying gives them attention and power.

Third thing I try to stick with is never "label" a kid as being a compulsive lier. Why should he try to improve if everybody is convinced anyway he's lying.

It seems the overall anger/lying situation has improved since my soon took up the drums (st least it gets some steam out)

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