Sunset,

I really wish I could talk with you in person because I have so much I'd like to say after reading your post. You just described my husband and although my husband has ADHD he has another disorder as well (only took 23 years to find out what it was) that better fits some of the symptoms you mentioned.

I'll start with some of the easier comments, questions first. You do not have to have all of the ADHD symptoms just like a person with an illness doesn't have every single symptom exactly like another person with the same illness. My husband hates to be late and is always early for everything. I have a friend with ADHD who you can pretty much count on her being late.

There are variations of severity, combinations of symptoms and how it is expressed in different personalitites. The level of intelligence can also affect how it is displayed. Some individuals with ADHD are clumsy and hate sports; others are excellent athletes. some have a hard time making friends and others are the life of the party.

My husband has ADHD with the hyperactivity (although it is more restlessness in adolescence and adulthood) and my son and daughter both have the inattentive type of ADHD--no hyperactivity. My daughter does not care to play sports or do anything physicall exerting but my son loves to be outside, skateboarding, surfing, swimming, biking, playing baseball, etc. My daughter would prefer to sunbathe. I work for two brothers who both have ADHD and one is the hyperactive type and the other is more of the inattentive type. I have seen a lot of variations in the people with ADHD that I know.

I'm not going to have enough time to delve into the rest tonight as I have places I need to go. But briefly, the symptoms you mentioned such as: he sees things in an "off" way when you try to communicate, he doesn't respond well to criticism, he "blows up", his family thinks he's crazy, he has a temper problem in stessful situations (if I knew how I would highlight the word stressful), not able to control himself emotionally to the point that it appears to be beyond his ability to do so and the impulsiveness (although that symptom can be either) are indicative of another disorder. I know all of those symptoms all too well. And you just described my weekend with my husband.

They represent something known as borderline personality disorder. You might want to go to the bookstore and check out the book, "Stop Walking on Eggshells" by Randi Kreger. Do not show this particular book to your husband however. It does not go over well. I will explain what you can do though. That particular book will give you a good feeling for whether or not your husband has this particular disorder. The inability to control emotions is the hall mark of this disorder. If you start researching this you may find some things that don't sound right. You may read that this disorder only affects women. That is so not true. With this disorder, there are 9 criteria and you only need to meet 5 in order to have the disorder, so again, it may show up somewhat differently in different individuals depending on how many symptoms one has and how severe each symptom is.

You may also read that there is little hope for those with this disorder. Again, not true. I hope to have time to write more but it may be a few days before I can get back to it. in the meantime, check out the book to see if it sounds familiar and go to www.bpdfamily.com You can also send me a private message and if you want to delve into this further I can even give you my phone number if you message me.

By the way, there is a big correlation between the two disorders. But the majority of people are unaware of its existence, unless they work in the mental health field or know someone who has been diagnosed with it. It gets misdiagnosed a lot and totally missed a lot of the time. And there is even more misinformation and confusion about BPD than there is ADHD.

Hope to talk to you soon.

Elaine

Quote

who has ADD tends to blow up when critized. Many of us have been critized all our life and told by others that we are different , "crazy" or "off" The hyperfocus ADDer is usually on time and doesn't really have disorganizing problems but will need to be perfect ; and has a difficult time adjusting gears so when confronted will blow their top. We just like explained by the earlier post don't demonstrate all the symptoms and some people are more severe than other. The ring of fire type can really be violent ; and for lack of a better word at times homicidial so it does take all kind that make up our world of ADD. I don't have a bad temper in that I fly off the handle quickly; but when I do get that angry watch out because I have a really hard time realing it in. I tend to get very violent when I am pushed to far; however learned to walk away before it get too bad. True story ' My daughter was 3 and was jumping off the couch a number of times . I had told to stop but she didn't hit me in the face and broke my glasses . It was at least 10 degrees outside; and before I hit her I was on the porch no coat counting to 20 . My neigbor saw me and asked what I was doing? I answered cooling down . I knew myself better than hitting her and really loosing it I was better in freezing weather in no coat and shoes to cool down.So temper can get a bit out of hand in most ADDer's

Quote