I am trying to teach myself a new word as the parent of one 30-year-old undiagnosed ADD and a 15+ yr-old diagnosed AD(VERY)HD child.

'Hypervigilant parent'.

That's what parents of these children need to be. I have read in articles that most ADHD children are about 4 years maturity level below their chronological age. Mine sure is. He doesn't think, just does. That's the, as I call it, 'no fear' issue with ADHD kids. I am a single parent, so there was and still isn't anyone else for me at home. I deal with it all pretty much alone, so even though not military, I know your pain.

As a single parent, and not knowing a lot originally, or having the financial availability to go to high-priced doctors/behaviorists, etc., I found that when and where I could I would read different books about different ways to 'help' my child and myself. We spent many weekends just going to parks so he could play and I actually could sit down and relax for a bit. I'd make lunch, snacks a book for me and off we would go for a day. I try different things everytime something starts to wear off with my kid. We actually sat and 'talked' together last nite for almost 4 hours. I found out about kids at school, new 'nonparent' terms (things you wouldn't know unless your kid told you what they meant type of terms. ie: Smurfing: It is not the cute little blue people of cartoon times before, but is meant as a sexual term and getting smurfed, well, I think you might get the idea). That is in my little area of the world, not sure if it is everywhere. Things change sooooo quickly. Course tonite he will probably want to smash my face in because I look at him wrong. Not that he would, he just says it.

I didn't get to sit down for more than 10 minutes when my son was 11 months to about 10 years old because he was always moving, getting onto, into and above stuff in my home. That said, he would find boxes, cushions, crates, anything to pile up to climb on to reach what he wanted at 11 months. I only say this because I have been reading anything/everything good and bad from professionals for the past 30 years.

The best way is to read, read, read, read, and read some more; and get your husband to read too if you can. His actions are important too. Bob Barclay's is one of my favorites, as my child is still a 'hunter' and if this was 1800's, he would be out hunting for the food to put on the table.

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I could related to Patti J, and Sue. My son is also undiagnosed but I was diagnosed with ADD at the age of 49 although we seem to be complete different in somewhat some similarities I was always taking day off from work here and there where he would not show up always late and fire from several jobs me I am still working at the same job now for 33 years don't ask how I made this far I couldn't tell you but I had my ups and downs where my son have anger management problems and he it now 28 years old I finally put him out at the age of 20 because he and I were not seeing eye to eye on issues he was lazy and sometimes disrespectful although my son never hit me which is good I just decided enough is enough I have a life also he also refused to see a doctor and take medicine he belives nothing is wrong with him . I try to encourge him while he is in florida don't get me wrong he is not doing any better out there either can't hold a job and lies and brags along basically the same thing he was doing while living at home so whats a mother to do I pray and talk alot with him hoping and wishing some sense and a dose of reality will come to him although he is cheerful and in a better mood right now I count that as a blessing ,but when he is not I can tell when I talk to him on the phone he is not in good mood and he is probably taking his bad attiude out on somebody out there. I look at it this way I am not going to let myself be depressed an yause we all have choices to make and some choose not to listen and take medication where others don't want to live in a zombies mode either so what a mother to do first. 1. Mothers stop blaming yourselves and don't let your kids make you feel like you were a lousy parent either. 2. Let your kids know that you love them anyway but you did the best you could with raising them. 3. Let your kids know that there are wrong choices and right choice, when it comes to medication they are deciding to deal with the consequences. 4. Never ever let you children hit you when that happen leave and call the police that is a sign that they are out of control and there is nothing you can do for them. 5. If you are ADD as I am live your life and feel good about yourself you only have but so many years left.

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