Iceburn, Talk about jumping into the fire. Wow! You're be hit from all sides! My heart goes out to you. 1. Do something nice for yourself. Buy yourself a cup of coffee or a bouquet of flowers. Always try to do something for you. (It's easy to get caught up in the obession of making it all work and trying to fix everything.)

2. Your baby is your priority. You matter. You are important. Your baby needs YOU. That is #1. You must ensure a safe and healthy environment for your baby (and yourself, as well.)

3. Something living within an ADD relationship is hell. I always say, "the consistency of the inconsistency" The following comments are solely based on my experience with my family's and my husband's ADD. I believe, depending on the level of ADD, one can have a little ADD, medium ADD or a lot of ADD, that it's extremely difficult for the ADD to understand themselves and/or their decisions, impulsive behavior and why they hurt everyone. Now that you have a baby, you should realize that for the most part you can't count on your husband whether it's for the small stuff, do the dishes, or for something big. Go two ways. 1 Make decisions based on the safety and security of you and your baby. 2. Look for an ADD support group. You must do this! Then you might not feel so alone. Also, get books and try to find an ADD specialist for your understanding and for your husband. You may not have to do anything drastic, yet. Just take small steps so that you can see changes for you and the baby. I have found that setting BOUNDARIES is really important on anything from what should be the daily routine to how the two of you argue. I have established boundaries with my children and with my husband. While daily life can still be hard, it's at least manageable and boundaries and structure give me a sense of security from all of the changes and spurts of behavior.

4. ADD is genetic. Your baby has a good chance of having ADD. While it can be diagnosed at a young age,4, 5, 6, etc., it may not be apparent before a child is 9 or 10 years old. The earlier in life that you and your baby has help, ADD therapist, etc. the better life your baby will have. Find a therapist and a support group that works for you. The decisions you make for your baby early on can have an incredibly profound affect later in life. My two sons have been on meds for 4 years and we go to therapy once a month. For them this has been the BEST thing that I could have done. Their school grades are better than they would have been, they KNOW that they can make through college, I think that they understand their situation better, their strengths and limitiations. If I had not made decisions on their behalf, I can only guess where they would be now. I am sure my one son would be flunking school. (I observe some of my sons' friends, a few I am willing to bet have ADD. They have no one helping them. Their grades aren't great, they're missing a lot of school, aren't getting enough sleep, and just go from one impulsive thought to the next. It's sad sometimes to think that with some meds and therapy how different their lives could be.) Think about it, what if someone had helped your husband when he was a boy, he would be a different person today. Unfortunately so many generations just didn't know.

Read, learn, think, pray, decide and act. God bless you. Rosemary

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I read through a lot of the responses and the advicce people offered you. There isn't really anything that I can add that hasn't been said already.

So the above being said, I'll just say this. I have been diagnosed with severe AD/HD, my affliction is so extreme that I am disabled. Right now I am in the begining stages of my rehabilitation process and am recovering from the devestation left in the wake of AD/HD. I have never, ever, treated my wife like that, NEVER! Judging from the descriptions of abusive treatment you're receiving from your husband, I can say with all honesty he has a lot more problems than just neurological ones. It sounds like to me your husband is suffering from an acute case called _ _ _ HOLE disorder. I do not know of anything that can treat _ _ _ HOLE disorder.

AD/HD is no execuse to treat people like that. If I am feeling depressed, or if I am feeling irritable, my wife is the 1st person I look to for love and support. I've never, ever, talked down to her, or verablly abused her. I've always treated my wife with dignity, respect, and love that she deserves. I constantly inform her that I think she is beautiful, sexy, and how much I love her. She is my pillar of support.

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Hi Iceburn,

I am really sorry to hear about what you are going through. I agree with the others. There is NO excuse for the abuse! However, there might be an explanation.

I have known I was ADHD since I was in my early 20s. I am now 37. I went on meds when I was 29/30, and I thought that would be the end of it. But, as I got older, my symptoms progressed. By the time I was 35 I knew my life wasn't working, and I couldn't figure out why. I was in therapy and seeing a psychiatrist, but they were all focused on treating my depression and overlooked the increasingly present symptoms of my ADHD. Soon, I was being medicated for severe depression and ADHD, but things continued to get worse.

To make a long story short, the more I got depressed the more I tried to self medicate with alcohol, and became chemically dependent (an alcoholic). I knew something was wrong, but no one could tell me what it was. I became so desperate that I considered suicide. I was at my wits end when a friend convinced me to get into rehab a little over two months ago, and by a strange twist of circumstances, I wound up on a website that discussed the symptoms of adult ADHD. I was FLOORED!!! All of a sudden, I had answers and explanations. I met with my Drs and the Drs at the clinic and was retested. Sit down for this. At the time I was taking 300mg of Wellbutrin and 54mg of Concerta everyday. Even on the meds, I tested off the charts. My Drs bumped me up to 72mg of Concerta for a while, but I eventually switched. Now, I am the Wellbutrin, 30mg of Adderall XL, and I am getting some coaching. Although I initially went on the Wellbutrin for depression, I now have to stay on it because it works in combination with Adderall to address the majority of my symptoms.

But I wanted to share my story with you because even though I was aware of my diagnosis, was being medicated, and was in therapy, I still had untreated symptoms that wreaked havoc on my life. I am a ferociously independent person, and I refused to think that I was incapable of fixing whatever was wrong with me. As an earlier poster said, it's all about character right? If I didn't have enough character and determination to fix this, especially with the help of my Drs, then maybe I didn't deserve to live. And still, no matter how hard I tried, regardless the myriad new techniques I adopted, I failed over and over again. Then, the people who saw my failings as a "character" issue started to judge me. And I drank. The more they didn’t see the good person inside me trying to get out, the more I hated myself for failing. The more I hated myself the more I drank.

The bottom line is that you DO NOT DESERVE TO BE ABUSED!!!!! No one does! Nothing I have said or am about to say changes that. If your husband is in fact in a situation similar to mine, you need to take care of yourself until he gets the help he needs.

When my untreated symptoms were at their worst, I turned my back on all my values. I treated people horribly. I lied and constantly abandoned all of my responsibilities. I lost jobs and destroyed relationships, and other posters are correct. It was not all caused by my ADHD. I take full responsibility for all of my actions ... to the extent that I was aware of them. But now I have confirmation that something was in fact wrong with me. I wasn't failing because I lacked character or was a horrible or immature person. I was failing because I had no idea how bad my ADHD symptoms had become. As the failures piled up, I became more angry and despondent. I tried to hide my "character flaws" by becoming increasingly manipulative, but I wasn't fooling anyone. The anger and manipulative behavior weren’t caused by my ADHD. They were caused by me hating myself because I could not figure out why I kept screwing things up.

I did my absolute, God's honest best and fell short every time. If your husband is going through something similar, I know first hand how it can destroy a person's soul. I know I am a good person, but my inability to access that part of myself almost killed me. IT IS NOT AN EXCUSE TO ABUSE YOU!!!! YOU HAVE TO MAKE SURE YOU AND YOUR SON ARE SAFE!!! I cannot emphasize that enough. YOUR HUSBAND'S PROBLEMS ARE HIS TO FIX!!! But know that there might be a way out of your situation. I am NOT saying that your husband is severely ADHD. He could be bipolar. I don't know. But what I do know is that my life has done a total 180 degree turn. I am properly medicated. I have been sober for nearly 3 months and have no desire to drink. I do not get depressed as often, and when I do, I am able to pull myself out of it more quickly. I have repaired relationships with my friends and family. And the most important thing is that I can now access the good person I always knew I was capable of being.

So, I will pray for you and your family. I want you to find in your life, the same level of peace I have found in mine. And maybe your husband will read my story and something will resonate with him. Maybe it will speak to him in a way that resonates and motivates him to get his life back on track before he loses you and his son--if it's not too late already. Whatever happens, you deserve to be loved and treated with dignity and respect.

Be safe and God bless! EOJ

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