Wow, I don't know where to start. You seem pretty upset but maybe you have a right to be. I would say you need to talk to someone about that. I would find your local CHADD chapter and find a help.

I was diagnoised at 28. I have been at home for 3 years now with my kids. But I know what you are talking about. when we got relocated across the country I got a professional job coach for free and took advantage of it. I still don't have any answers but I would stay working for my parents if that helps until you get a better job.

Read Sari Solden's Women and ADD. Find a support group. NOW. and reach out to those who have walked a mile in your shoes. I have to go parent now. Keep reaching out. and find help.

Quote

Amy,

I sent you a private message, but for some reason I'm unable to access mine. So if you responded, I have not received it, yet.

I'd put my private response up here, but I can't open it and don't have time to re-type it all. In general, I agree with the previous post: 1) don't leave your current position because you need that cushion while you work through some self-esteem issues; and 2) you need someone to talk to, maybe a support group, maybe a therapist, maybe both, because your current self-esteem is not healthy. No one is "good for nuthin." Heck, I used to represent felons, and even they were good for somethin'! So don't be so down on yourself! Get help. Get help soon.

Oh, and BTW, don't think you're alone in feeling like this. I've been in your shoes. I suspect that many of us who were diagnosed as adults have been, because you spend a lot of time wondering why you don't seem to be able to do what other people are able to do.

HFQ

Quote

Quote:

Amy2838 said: I am in the process of taking steps in my life and moving forward after an ugly divorce. A little background... I started out in college in architecture because I was interested in house plans, but quickly got burnt out after 2 years of all the "politics" and B.S. that was going around in the school. I just wanted to "learn how" but they were constantly asking us to draw the sound of light beams or build a working car out of concrete or some such nonsense that had very little to do with architecture. Of course the kids who had architect parents (who contributed $ to the school) excelled while new-comers were left struggling with the concept of noisy light beams and what they might look like on newsprint! ;P

So I said "screw this!" and moved on to Interior Design where I thought I could perhaps slip in the backdoor doing floor plans. Nope. A waste of money time and effort. Apparently the only jobs you can get with a degree in Interior Design are in "decorating." I'm not interested in that field. Why me?

But soon after I graduated, I got married, got pregnant and had the opportunity to stay home with my baby, which I enjoyed. After my son entered preschool, I tried to free-lance by designing some up-scale houses in a couple of new developements going on in a growing college community. I got SCREWED on all three deals, one after the other. I am so disgusted with the whole real estate market right now because they all seem like a bunch of scammers who will screw their own mother for a buck.

So I gave up, ..."

Here's where I come in......... First change your name to Good for Sumthin......"Good for Nuthin" puts a pang thru my heart for you, for my sons, and for all of us trying to figure out how to function in "their" world. My oldest son is now at the place where you were once. I have searched and searched for another ADDer who tried architecture, and would like to find someone who suceeded and get them to tell me how they did it so I can help my son. My son is currently still attempting to wade thru the waist deep BS at his school. Some days it is neck deep. Next semester he will attempt to complete second year design studio for the third time. He has endured some horrible criticism and ridicule in the process, and he sees the political BS that you saw, but to his credit and to many ADDer's credit is the fact that he is stronger mentally than they are, although they almost brought him to a nervous breakdown last semester. He lost over 30 lbs, never slept, never ate, had seemingly permanent dark circles under his eyes, all because he was in studio at least 20 hours a day. Two days before his mid-term review his computer, with at least 90% of his work on it, locked up, and no one would help him fix it. He had focused on the CAD drawings because his studio professor emphasized them so much and therefore he had very few hand renderings and his model had been neglected so it was not finished either. So he goes into his mid-term review with very little work, and knowing what happened with all his CAD drawings, etc. they had the nerve to tell him he did not work hard enough. Told him he had no project. Those were the nicer comments. And this after repeatedly telling him to "work smarter, not harder" everyday before that. So which is it, does he need to work smarter, or work harder? Who knows. After all of this, I asked him why he wanted to continue with this? He said because he loves architecture. Now I tell you all of our sob story to tell you that I sense that, like him, architecture is all that interests you. Therefore, I encourage you to pursue it spite of every perceived obstacle, because most likely, as most ADDers are, you are smarter than they are. You can find a way a get through whatever comes if you believe in yourself. Even if you just go take classes in CAD, which you can do, you could then work in an architecture firm doing drafting. Architecture firms have a lot of staff who are not architects. Most of all change your thinking about yourself, quit trying to be "normal" like the seemingly rest of the world with all those self-help books, and quit thinking you are disabled or disadvantaged because of ADD. All it really means is that you think and learn in a different way and it is only a disadvantage because the educational and the working world seems to be governed by a bunch of boring minded "normal" thinkers who can't figure out more than one way to do something. They walk around in their sleep. In the process of getting where you want to be, expect to fail and fail and be willing to do so, knowing that if you keep trying you will succeed. As Albert Einstein said (who many believe was an ADDer), and as I'm trying to convince my son, "You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else." I gave up a teaching career because I did not do this; I further did not know a thing about ADHD, which completely made "the rules" seem incomprehensible, and I walked out disgusted with all the political BS involved, just as you walked out of Arch school. I will always look back at that with some sadness because if I had known that I had ADHD, I could have understood that my way of thinking was different than theirs and I would have known that I had to figure out how they thought and functioned in order to understand what results they wanted from me. I worked very hard for that teaching degree, but the degree itself has always been valuable. Now, because I do know how tunnel- visioned the education system is, I have no desire to go back to it. Even with accomodations and IEP's for those like us, the current thinking is still that students with ADD are learning disabled and treated like they are defective, and that is the true BS. I just can't abide by that and function in that climate. What needs to be done, is to put all of the ADHD students in classes together, and let them use their infinite imaginations. That scares the hell out of most educators, because it involves more work. To quote Einstein again, "It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education" and, "The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education" and finally, "The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination." When our education system adopts that theory, I will go back to teaching, but I believe pigs will fly first. Currently, I am a supervisor over a 9-1-1 center and I am satisfied with that. I help at least one person everyday and that works for me. Plus, no two days are alike, which plays well with my ADD. I am valued there for my ability and willingness to do many different things, sometimes all at once, even though many ( I can see it in their faces) think I am a little weird. It often amazes me how they seem so much like zombies. They go about their days with their nose to the grind and never seem to appreciate their life. Never pause and look out the window at the sky for a minute. Anyway, that is another subject. The point is, for you, be yourself. Do what you want. Don't let anyone, and mostly yourself, tell you that you can't. And, start with changing your forum name, please. I know you don't believe that you are good for nothing because you would not be seeking help on here if you really did. So, Good for Sumthin, my thoughts and prayers are with you and with all of us in this particular boat. But I say, what the hell, let's just keep on rowing!

Quote

Last edited by ADDingOn : 16 Feb 2008 @ 11:26 AM. Reason:

To I understand… I trust you already know this, but your reply is valuable and insightful. As a diagnosed ADHDer and to “Good for…, I can only add the following : 1. First change your name to Good for Sumthin......"Good for Nuthin" Change from a helpless perception to a positive perception which raise the question, what can I do to change this situation? 2. Most of all change your thinking about yourself, quit trying to be "normal" like the seemingly rest of the world. Use what distinguishes you from everyone else to your advantage in bringing about change. 3. Quit thinking you are disabled or disadvantaged because of ADD. Research (read about) the characteristics of ADD and seek out ADDer success stories 4. It really means is that you think and learn in a different way. Thinking outside of the box is a concept which means thinking creatively and develops critical thinking skills. 5. You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else." The rules of the game commonly apply to how things work (the organizational expectations and its operations). Understanding the ‘rules of the game’ provides an insight on how the organization/authority thinks. 6. Be yourself. Do what you want. Don't let anyone, and mostly yourself, tell you that you can't. Isn’t it much easier and natural to be whom and whatever you are than to attempt to be whatever you aren’t? Being someone else is usually involves extra work. A more realistic objective is to engage in activities which makes lifer a little easier for you. 7. “I gave up a teaching career because I did not do this [to learn the rules of the game]; I further did not know a thing about ADHD, which completely made "the rules" seem incomprehensible…” I grew up watching my parents struggle to use they creativity in the educational system. I heard and observe enough horror stories to steer me from the classroom teaching profession. In spite of it all, my parents retired successfully and earned the respect of many of their students whom return to visit them. I am willing to engage in audio-visual presentations, facilitate workshops and small-group training sessions. I encourage readers to use this thread as reference material because we can certainly use the encouragement. This is what I can refer to when I experience very low self-esteem.

Quote

Quote:

Itaset said: 5. You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else." The rules of the game commonly apply to how things work (the organizational expectations and its operations). Understanding the ‘rules of the game’ provides an insight on how the organization/authority thinks. I encourage readers to use this thread as reference material because we can certainly use the encouragement. This is what I can refer to when I experience very low self-esteem.

Quote

Hello!

First, I want to apologize for the possible English errors I could make because I come from Quebec province, in Canada.

At 28 years old, I discovered I could have ADHD. It completely changed ma life, in one sense. I dont see myself the same way, anymore. I can hope to improve my life, for the first time.

This last times, I read a lot about ADHD in English, to learn more about this trouble, because there is few documents in French. After all my readings, I believe that we are made to work and think, "outside the boxe", as told so well Dr Edward Hallowell, because of our characteristics. in other words, even if we want to fit in the common workplace, we can't, because we have a singular way to learn and live and think.

Maybe we should start to think working for ourselves, as artists, for example, above all we dont have social habilities. If you read about ADHD, maybe you discovered that many ADHDDers are artists.

I think that I always was an artist and that I tried to fit in the society, wich isn't made for artists, in general.

Think about that.

With regards,

French Canadian Quote:

Amy2838 said: I am in the process of taking steps in my life and moving forward after an ugly divorce. A little background... I started out in college in architecture because I was interested in house plans, but quickly got burnt out after 2 years of all the "politics" and B.S. that was going around in the school. I just wanted to "learn how" but they were constantly asking us to draw the sound of light beams or build a working car out of concrete or some such nonsense that had very little to do with architecture. Of course the kids who had architect parents (who contributed $ to the school) excelled while new-comers were left struggling with the concept of noisy light beams and what they might look like on newsprint! ;P

So I said "screw this!" and moved on to Interior Design where I thought I could perhaps slip in the backdoor doing floor plans. Nope. A waste of money time and effort. Apparently the only jobs you can get with a degree in Interior Design are in "decorating." I'm not interested in that field. Why me?

But soon after I graduated, I got married, got pregnant and had the opportunity to stay home with my baby, which I enjoyed. After my son entered preschool, I tried to free-lance by designing some up-scale houses in a couple of new developements going on in a growing college community. I got SCREWED on all three deals, one after the other. I am so disgusted with the whole real estate market right now because they all seem like a bunch of scammers who will screw their own mother for a buck.

So I gave up, but a few years later I got a divorce and was no longer able to stay at home as a "housewife." I got a "secretery" job at my dad's business, which I hate. I am not cut out to be a secretery. I am not organized, I have a terrible memory, and I make a lot of careless mistakes. If I was working for anybody else, I probably would have been fired by now. So where do I go from here? I want a career that is fullfilling and interesting. One that I can do well and be proud of myself.

I am NOT a people person, I do NOT work well under pressure, I am easily overwhelmed, and I have basically NO skills in any profession. My drafting skills are less than half of what is required for a "real" job in that field and I'm not even sure I want to continue in that direction. I don't have any hobbies except for watching TV and reading self-help books. I tried taking one of those dumb questionairres that asks if you would rather manage a project group or shovel manure, and since I don't want to shovel manure, they assumed I would be a great project manager! Not! I've looked on Career Builder and Monster for online listings, but they are either way over my head or managerial or sales positions which I wouldn't be able to handle.

It seems like you can't work your way up through a company anymore...You have to already have the know-how right off the bat. You have to know at age 18 (or younger) what you want to do with the rest of your life, and if you guessed wrong, well tough titties. So what am I supposed to do with no people skills, no organizational skills, no hands on experience in any field, no hobbies, and no direction??? I really feel like I'm good for nothing.

Quote

Amy2838 Thread #6 is so right. Playing the organization game is key to survival in corporations/entities/universities. I failed at it miserably. Never had mentor, so goofed a lot. I like reading the blogs here at ADDitude mag. Made me feel I was not alone. That was a relief. Imagine, You are not alone. You deserve some support as you unravel what type of work might best suit your personality and ADD issues.

You are not alone. You are not crazy. You do need another job. Right now you need some support. There are career coaches who can help. Or get some sound info just about you. I found the Strong Assessment reaffirming in defining other areas of interests to look for work for myself. It helped me, maybe it would help you. A career coach, Pyschologist or university might be able to administer it..

Find comfort first and foremost that as a secretary you are in a highly stressful job for an ADHDer. I was one adn I know. The more people you serve, the harder the work, the worse I did. The more phone lines, the harder the job. Two many bosses mean too many changing priorities. I would forget and not do things. I actually did temp work for 5 years as a secretary/ administrative assistant.This was before I was DX. Now, I would die before taking such a job. I did great serving one or two. But, Increase the numbers served, decrease my performance and their satisfaction. It is my belief many companies push much work down on secretaries that nobody else wants to do. So it can really stink.

I am with everyone who recommends finding support. Being in a mis-matched job is what beats up our self-esteem. You doubt yourself because you are not feeling accomplished at work, every day. I was in a IT Help Desk call center where even on medication, my executive function did not improve. But, I then knew it the very worst place Icould possibly work with my ADHD issues.

Find help to rebuild your vision of yourself and believe in yourself. I read positive books before bedtime to fill my head with good thoughts. Failing Forward by John Maxwell, or The Magic of Thinking Big by David Sxhwartz or any of the Chicken Soup for the Soul books. Found myself grateful the life I have. Able to begin to htink of doing other things.

I am not so sure all of us belong in companies and their associated job/boxes. I agree with the French Canadian, I am not so sure we all belong in neat boxes.

I think we are minsunderstood geniuses, like one article on ADDitudes mentioned. When I think of myself as a Misunderstood Genius I actually smile and feel inspired to do many things with my life.

You are a little different from others, maybe even from siblings, I am. Celebrate the differences in yourself. Get some help. Learn to be okay with who you are. Then explore your interests around finding fulfilling work.

You have a long life ahead of you. You can make it a wonderful life. Amy Amy Amy, This is not a dress reahearsal. You are a misunderstood genius. First you must understand you, then find work that suits you. Amy, You can do it. Meffie

Quote

Hello !

I begin to believe that I'm not made to do a common job, as secretary, car driver, dentist, etc. But even if I think I found my place in the market place, and that this place is a creative one, what can I do to earn money ?

For example, I think that I could be great in cinema, but this is not a safe field. I mean, this is not with this kind of job that I will pay my bills... at least, in the beginning. So, what I could do... above all, I have a child of nine months??

Quote

Wow. I revisited this old post by chance, and it made me very sad. Since I wrote the original post, I have actually tried several things to improve my circumstances, but I am sorry to report that not much has changed.

I went to see my psychiatrist, but the medicine she prescribed did not help at all... it made things 10 times worse. In my opinion, this is because I was not chemically "depressed" in the first place... just frustrated and disappointed with my life. The medicine really screwed with my brain, and I was really afraid to continue taking the pills (wellbutrin...horrible!)

Second: I went to see a life coach. After my first meeting, she promised to help me, then went on a six month vacation. Aparantly she had created a great life for herself. Good for her. (insert sarcastic tone of voice here) Anyway, she wanted me to make a poster showing all the things I want in my life. (This has a name, but I can't remember it..."vision board?" I read about it in a spiritual/self help book once, and I think it was mentioned briefly in "The Secret") Well, the problem with that is, I'm not really sure exactly WHAT I want in my life. I haven't done the poster, but maybe I will try it out one of these days.

Third: I compiled a list of my personal pro's and con's and tried to determine my ideal career. I thought I might be good at radiologic imaging...not too much social interaction, not too hectic as long as you don't work in the ER, and somewhat "technical" in nature. So I took an online class to try to get my required courses behind me so I could sign up for the program. The universe was seriously against me on this. I don't know if you believe in god, or some higher power, but I was getting MAJOR roadblocks and detours throughout the entire process. It was horrible! I felt like I was being punished for trying to make a change in my life! I won't go into details, but it was bad. Anyway, my application to the RT program was denied. Very deflating.

I'm thinking about trying to go back to school to beef up my AutoCAD skills. Maybe if I get some better training I could at least work as a drafter or something? I'm a little gun shy now, about going back to school though. It's a lot of money and a lot of effort if I'm just going to get my a* handed to me YET again.

I just wanted to say "thank you" to everyone who posted advice and encouragement. I'm still working on it, but I'm still feeling like I might always be in a state of constant struggle and discontent. Hopefully things will turn around soon. It's not like I'm not trying, right? I'd like to succeed not only for myself, but for other ADDers out there so I can come back and say "Hey, here's how I did it! Don't give up!" Well, I've gotta keep on breathing in and out, I guess. Something's bound to happen in the mean-time, right? All I can do is keep trying.

Quote