I totally sympathize with your concern. I am a tutor in CT and work exclusively with young men similiar to your son. I also have 30 years experience teaching this "at - risk" youth. My advice is the same I give the parents of my clients - What is the school doing? If a student is cutting classes or an entire school day, the school needs to address the situation. I believe very strongly that home life is extremely important and that the issues of school should not interfere. It seems to me that home is becoming a struggle because your son is not "doing school" the way you believe he should. But, what about the school? What interventions have they put in place? What data have they collected that shows what works and what doesn't with your son. Is he bored? Most of my clients say they could finish all school work in 20 minutes if it was given to them when they arrive in the morning. But, because they have to attend classes for 6+ hours, they find ways to keep themselves busy (often thought of as "behavior" problems) like cutting class. Try setting up a meeting with the school to address your son's academic behavior. Your objective is to enable the educators to take responsility for your son's learning and to help him become responsible for his own education. If you wanted to be so involved in his school achievement, you would be home schooling him. Home needs to be a safe place!

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Barb said: I totally sympathize with your concern. I am a tutor in CT and work exclusively with young men similiar to your son. I also have 30 years experience teaching this "at - risk" youth. My advice is the same I give the parents of my clients - What is the school doing? If a student is cutting classes or an entire school day, the school needs to address the situation. I believe very strongly that home life is extremely important and that the issues of school should not interfere. It seems to me that home is becoming a struggle because your son is not "doing school" the way you believe he should. But, what about the school? What interventions have they put in place? What data have they collected that shows what works and what doesn't with your son. Is he bored? Most of my clients say they could finish all school work in 20 minutes if it was given to them when they arrive in the morning. But, because they have to attend classes for 6+ hours, they find ways to keep themselves busy (often thought of as "behavior" problems) like cutting class. Try setting up a meeting with the school to address your son's academic behavior. Your objective is to enable the educators to take responsility for your son's learning and to help him become responsible for his own education. If you wanted to be so involved in his school achievement, you would be home schooling him. Home needs to be a safe place!

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Thanks Barb, our home life is average, he get plenty of support, encouragment, he is respectful, he has both parents and a sister. He has go-karts that he rebuilds at home, we have 5 acres that he enjoys, he plays the guitar in his youth group at church, he plays the drums at times in the adult worship service at church. The school and I communicate very closely. All the teachers encourage him and have gone above and beyond their duties to help him, whether it is sitting him next to a student who can help with questions, he has a IEP and a case manager who is guiding him in his direction to achieve in high scholl. He attends a Skills trade school the first 3 hours of his day and is taking welding at that school, which is part of his credits, he loves that place, he is learning a trade and earning credits, then he returns to the high school for his math class, and and life skills class. He can get his work completed in class when he sets his mind to do it. He is on Medication for the ADD and has had an ADD coach for a year. But, one of the days he skipped, which was just last Monday, was on a short schedule, three 20 min classes, he felt that because it was a short day, he didn't need to go. He has been suspended from school for 3 days. At home, my husband and I have talked to him about the importance of going to his classes, we have grounded him, we have taken away his video games, he has not been allowed to go with his friends, we have stressed that it will hurt him in the long run if he continues, and we have stated firmly our expectations of him going to class. Plus, I am sorry, but not everyone is capable of being a homeschool teacher, otherwise, if I felt I was capable, I sure would be in there doing it. My question was asking if anyone had an idea on how to hold an ADD teen accountable without crushing his spirit.

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Juanita: Your story is exactly what I am dealing with!

{by the way: I think the first response regarding homeschooling meant that "you" are not schooling him; the school should be schooling him}

My (almost 17) year old has the same attitude! Whenever there is a half-day (all classes compressed into half the time) or assembly she feels like there is no point in attending. For a long time I would tell her to go anyway: I still go to work for half the day even though I have an afternoon dentist appointment! School is her primary job!

Last week she slept in and missed the bus (I leave before her in the morning) so she decided to sleep all day. She doesn't even hide it! I never called in the absence, but I also never heard back from the school questioning it nor has she mentioned negative consequences.

On the one hand, I don't want to rock the boat because she is doing fabulous in school and we are in the process of choosing colleges and campus visits: why intentionally get her suspended and hurt her grades?? But on the other hand... I don't want to give her the impression that she can make decisions as to when to go to school or stay home- just because she doesn't feel like it!

I would love to hear of a system. She is an "almost" adult and understand the process of treating her with more responsibilities vs younger child, however I don't feel that school attendance is negotiable.

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Thank you, Elizabeth, for clarifying my e-mail. I did mean that the school's responsibility is to educate your teen, not that you should home school him. Why is it that some schools put the onus on attending school and completing work on the parents? I firmly believe that time spent at home should be quality time without the arguments surrounding school. The school administration needs to develop a positive intervention for students who are, at times, disengaged from school. One comment to you, Elizabeth. As you and your daughter search colleges, remember that you will not be there to get her off to class when she's away. Because she is, overall, a good student, I think she will be motivated to get up and attend classes then. For the most part, half days are not very productive; just a way to include the day into the number of days necessary for the school year. I speak from experience - 30 years of teaching included many half days! Again, thanks for clarofying my confusing words!

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