First, I feel your pain, and you aren't alone!!! My son (6th grade) has to be busy to think, and the SPED teacher at his school just gave him what feels like silly putty. It keeps his hands busy, which allows him to focus on what he is supposed to be doing, and if he wants to put it down, that is a cue to think about what he is supposed to do. It also doesn't infringe on any of the other students. I do think the punishment is out of line with the 'crime' and think you could fight it, but it may not be worth it at this early age. Getting a diagnosis isn't hard, and if you also have testing done to see if there are any co-existing conditions (75% of ADDers have one) then the IDEA or the ADA offer some protection. She's still young and very 'moldable' so hang in there!

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I know exactly how you feel. I 2 had these same problems with my son. Ask you child's school about placing your child in a harness it will be safer for everyone.

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My son is now in 3rd grade and reading your post sounded just like him when he was in Kinder, and it seems like just a few months ago. My sweet boy was also suspended for impulsive behaviors, mostly can't keep his hands to himself. I knew that he might have ADHD (his older brother has it) but I didn't want to jump the gun, so I waited until it got to a point like you described. He was interfering with his learning and the learning of others by his impulsive activities and the school was too quick to suspend him. It wasn't until I almost was pulling my own hair out (figure of speech, only) that the assistant principal finally told me in complete privacy that "nothing was going to happen to get help for our son until we submitted the request for an IEP IN WRITING". It doesn't seem right that there can be help right there but it doesn't come to you until you reach out and grab it. It's all about funding, since the schools are on budget cuts already, they aren't able to tell us parents what we need to know. We sought professional therapy for him for much on Kinder and 1st grade, but his impulses were just too hard for him to control. The very minute I submitted the IEP request, the ball got rolling and the negative consequences (esp. the suspensions) completely stopped. They handle him differently now when he gets into trouble, which is what he really needed in the first place. NOT suspending him and making his parents take time off of work so he can beg all day long to watch TV!! Not a useful penalty!!!! So armed with a diagnosis of ADHD and the schools cooperation, we began to medicate him at the end of second grade and so far, he is doing awesome! But please don't consider pulling her out of school. I know how you feel. I was so embarrassed, I didn't even want to show my own face there. I made my hubby pick him up and unfortunately, I was afraid to volunteer in class anymore. Some parents complained about my kid and I never knew who it was so I always thought it was everyone. But now, my son has lots of friends. Many of them were in all his classes since Kinder so they knew him then and now. Kids minds operate very short term anyway. Like if my son upset someone last week, this week they can be best friends. So keep her in school and I suggest that you put your IEP request in writing right away. Even though my son didn't qualify for special services (since he wasn't two academic years behind, which sounds outrageous to me!), the school still is helpful and is handling him different and it is all better for the child. I also recommend putting all of your conversations in writing with a copy for you and the school to document everything. You may need that some day. Oh, my son had the most problems at recess, too. The school helped out by assigning a "shadow" which was a 6th grader who followed him everywhere to keep him in check during lunch and recess. That helped out tremendously. He usually didn't recognize when he was getting out of hand but the shadow did and could re-direct him when necessary. You can request a shadow, too, and it can also be an adult if needed. The school also helped him by structuring his free time. They gave him some helping duties (esp in the cafeteria at lunch) and he found that he really loved helping and being busy! That kept him out of a lot of trouble. This went on for a few months and then as he got older, the problems were fewer. I think that these kids' minds are going so fast that they get bored easily and that's when most of the impulsive behavior seems to be worse. Good luck to you, Susan

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I am very thankful for your kind words. It is good to know I am not the only one going through these things. Since my last post I have received the diagnosis and we are starting medication. Thanks again

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Good for you recognizing this and networking now! Your daughter's behavior sounds just like my son and Susan's boy. My son is now in 4th grade,10yrs old and just now being placed on an IEP after 3yrs of many pleads to his school to initiate testing... Be weary if her school tries to put her on a 504 as it inhibits routine and structure: most children with ADHD and ADD need this. A 504 plan allows schools to shift them around to another teacher making your child feel less welcome and as if a burden on another classroom. Behavior therapy is must to hlp with social skills and to see how she does in group therapy to hlp expedite positive social interaction. Sensory overload was a problem with my son in both settings(large classroom, and unstructured freetime on a big playground) compounded by admin staff ignoring his needs and my pleads for help. One of the best moves I have made is exploring diet modification starting with an elimination diet (Feingold is a good start) to see what intolerances he could have. Come to find out it was gluten and lactose intolerances. I already had him on a food color/preservative free diet.. The school opposed my homeopathic herbal remedy, and wasnt seeing any improvement prior to the diet change. My son did not respond well to standard ADHD/ADD stimulant meds and progressively got worse to the point he was diagnosed with General anxiety disorder and Depression. This is when I introduced the lactose and gluten free diet resulting less aggression and less impulsivity, It took a while to see any real improvement due to several factors: school didnt comply with my wishes on his diet, even with me sending his lunches(since a Dr had not listed them as allergies) Two problems weighing down the Impulsivity battle: 1. med problems with Paxil(totally wrong medicine for his depression and anxiety only to make his obstinance worse and virtually eliminated internal speach, rationing and basic conscience. resulting in a rapid increase of suspensions(both kinds) and "administrative absences"

1. stimulants made his aggression out of control. and increased his sensory intake. somatization worsened. some stims made the impulsivity spiral along with.

all the meanwhile I pick up the slack from the lack of his academic services he received.. Going over lessons he didnt even remember the teacher covering. (most of the time was true due to communication breakdown with him being shuffled off onto another teacher ) and providing my own version of handwriting tutoring and teaching him while trying to save my job.

Secondly, my other best move was switching his Psychiatrist when they didn't listen to my requests to take him off paxil and stimulants. We had tried him on them all individually and in conjunction with antidepressants, sleepaids or any combination of- none to any avail of my boys kind heart. His enlarged adenoids have shrunk since on a Gluten/lactose free diet so no need for sleepaids. During all the med therapy over the course of 4 different Doctors he served over 11 stints of at home suspensions, 8 admin absences and countless inschool suspension. averaging 60% of his school days just 3rd and 4th grade alone, as of recently 1mo ago the school diagnosed him as 'ER/ emotionally disturbed" and placed him in a class accordingly at the only school providing this facility requiring him to move schools. This actually has turned out to be a huge blessing. He is getting help with his dysgraphia now. (Occupationa Therapy )

I am writing to you so that you can learn from my mistakes. My son and I have proven to this new school that he doesnt need to be in this "ER"class and have met with the school to begin mainstreaming him back in regular classes(at this same new school where he is not pigeon-holed).. Make sure you know your rights for your child and advocate for her. Remember you have the ultimate say so for her even with your physicians! I learned this all too late and was too trusting and kept waiting for my real son to surface from this haze he was under on these meds. These kids with ADD and ADHD can be success stories.. they are all extremely bright, they just need a little more nurturing and redirection to maintain their confidence and find their strengths. Envelop her with teachers that are energized in teaching and not drained by this "No child-left behind act". I am so proud to say that my son is now a success story he has always tested almost or at grade level, and is now testing above with a 6th grade math and reading with 3.5weeks of daily good behavior reports!!!. He is re-engaging socially. And we are just taking it one day at a time thru a homeopathic remedy instead of stimulants and using Abilify to hlp his anxiety and mood swings. Somatization is still a problem though. I am inhopes to eventually ween him off the Abilify once his mainstreaming is done and his confidence is restored . So there is hope for your little girl and hopefully this provides you with wisdom to prevent her from having any kind of depression or anxiety. Stick with your intuition-Mine was to never try him on the stimulants or risky antidepressants. I am thankful still that we are now the wiser thru having gone thru it. I know God had a plan thru it all. In God's Grace, TrevsMom

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My son, a 15-yr-old, is a very touchy/feely person. When he was little, you couldn't hold him for an instant, but hugs and kisses, loving touches were always welcome. He did have issues with unwanted touching from preschool times and still does. That is a maturity issue. I read somewhere over the past couple of years, from one of the articles here, that the average maturity age of an ADHD child is 4 years BEHIND their chronological age. So that would put my son at about 11 yrs of age maturitywise. When I remind myself of that for some of the stuff he pulls, it seems right on the mark.

Don't let the school, other parents, or even the kids push you away from doing stuff at or for the school or your child. They need to know you will be there and stick up for them. That is very important for these kids. If you don't they figure that they've lost all help anyway, so why try. At least that's what I see with my kid. He's been diagnosed since age 5, yet I knew early on he was hyperactive.

And children (ALL children) need redirection at times. The touching thing and the 0 tolerances in school are at times ridiculous. Teachers are afraid to touch a child when they hurt (whether psychologically and need a hug or physically and need a bandaid) because someone's parents could sue them and/or the school district. Too many of these parents today are putting their children on pedestals and act like they will break if a 'different' child comes near them. My kid is smarter and has a better sense of humor than some of these 'wonderful' children that get these 'My Kid Is Student of the Month @ ---' decals. Please, my kid makes me laugh until I cry and then cry until I laugh sometimes! Does yours?

Get an IEP as soon as you can. Look for an advocate group in your city and get someone that knows how to pull a CSE/IEP together for your child. I have tried for 10 yrs to get an IEP for my kid but because of his testing at or just above average levels was told he didn't need one. We are in 9th grade and I had 2 meetings bringing an advocate that is knowledgeable of CSE/IEPs and the school actually backed down and determined that my kid needed an IEP! Ya think?! I have been searching online for suggestions and information and there is laws and stuff, but no actual examples I can find. Seems that when you know the abbreviations and terms, schools seem to back down. At least mine did.

Hang in there. I am not going to say it gets easier, because it usually doesn't. But look for those good days, and those good things your child accomplishes and make sure they know you are watching and seeing those things. Most of the time I know when he is in the presence of other adults, he uses his manners, generally uses his respect taught to him, and is a gentleman. More than I can say for some of these 'perfect' children I meet at school who are supposed to be sooooooo perfect.

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Just an afterthought. One thing I noticed with my son, first, thank goodness he doesn't have any co-morbidities with his ADHD; but, basically that when he is frustrated, or depressed for a period of time, it is not clinical depression, just that he is frustrated and gets into a 'blue mood'. You know, like women when they have PMS just before/after their monthly periods.

Just because a kid gets frustrated does not mean they are depressed, don't let doctors tell you that your kid is clinically depressed if they aren't. I sure wouldn't want to go thru what my son goes thru at school today and everyday due to his challenges. When I went to school (many years ago), I could go to a teacher or guidance counselor and talk to them. Today, teachers, guidance counselors are too overwhelmed and with the laws the way they are, actually are unable to help. And many don't even believe in ADHD and don't want to learn, so are unable to really help.

Seeing therapists is good for anyone at anytime. It's an out-of-the-scene view that can sometimes help your situation for any situation. I think sometimes when parents are saying their child went from bright light to dull moon, that there may be a depression diagnosis that may not even be real, just a way for dr. to move the patient onward and out-of-the-office. Make sure your pediatrician is knowledgeable with ADHD and the co-morbidies that go with them if there are any. There are many that have subspecialties in ADHD and the like if you just ask.

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