Hopefully, the adjustment of her ADHD meds will do the trick. My son has been having lack of motivation problems with school as well. He is 16 and a sophomore in high school. We have him seeing the doctor and a therapist to help us determine what is going on. It is possible that depression is involved as it affects teenagers differently than adults. We are looking into that possibility with my son and you might want to consider an evaluation with a doctor if the medication adjustment doesn't solve the problem.

Is your daughter having any other problems besides school? Mood swings, irritability, anything unusual or different? Make a note of anything out of the ordinary so you will remember to mention it to the doctor if you take her in for an evaluation. We have also talked to a school counselor who is going to make an important change for us. My son's first period class is Geometry which he is failing, mostly because he has trouble getting up in the morning and makes it to school late. If they are even 5 minutes late, they miss the entire class and have to sit in the cafeteria for that period. So much for no child left behind. What does that accomplish? He is getting his Geometry switched to second period and health class will be first period. Funny, because last year he had Algebra first period and when I asked if something could be done for him, I was told that nothing could be done by his 504 coordinator. Sometimes you just have to find the right person.

Elaine

Quote

I sure don't have an answer but my son who is a freshman has no motivation. I do have him in counseling so I'm hopeful that will help. It doesn't help that his Dad walked out on the family in August and my son is extremely angry.

Quote

Quote:

ADDWriter said: My 16 yr old ADD daughter is having problems with school this year. She's fine in the classes she enjoys, however the "important" ones like Adv Algebra and Amer Lit, she struggles with. She's missed several projects as well as many assignments in these classes and just isn't cooperative when I try to help her. It's like she's so overwhelmed she shuts down completely and pretty much expects me to do the work for her. I make suggestions on how to do things, she rejects them, refusing to even consider what I'm saying. It usually ends in an argument.

Her Algebra teacher has cut her a deal in that if she maintains a C grade for second semester as well as takes all the pretests and test re-dos to improve any test she doesn't do well on, she'll raise her first semester grade from a D (or an F depending on how she does on the final). I'm can't see her upholding this but I don't want to sound defeating either. How do I motivate her to keep working at this? I've adjusted her meds and we're going in to see her counselor and make sure her second semester load is as light on homework as it can be. I've explained to her many times that it's human nature to avoid the things we dislike, but there are just times were we have to do it regardless. She's probably heard the lecture so much she's immune. I've taken away car keys, cell phone, computer...it just doesn't matter to her. Any suggestions?

Quote

Quote:

ADDWriter said: My 16 yr old ADD daughter is having problems with school this year. She's fine in the classes she enjoys, however the "important" ones like Adv Algebra and Amer Lit, she struggles with. She's missed several projects as well as many assignments in these classes and just isn't cooperative when I try to help her. It's like she's so overwhelmed she shuts down completely and pretty much expects me to do the work for her. I make suggestions on how to do things, she rejects them, refusing to even consider what I'm saying. It usually ends in an argument.

Her Algebra teacher has cut her a deal in that if she maintains a C grade for second semester as well as takes all the pretests and test re-dos to improve any test she doesn't do well on, she'll raise her first semester grade from a D (or an F depending on how she does on the final). I'm can't see her upholding this but I don't want to sound defeating either. How do I motivate her to keep working at this? I've adjusted her meds and we're going in to see her counselor and make sure her second semester load is as light on homework as it can be. I've explained to her many times that it's human nature to avoid the things we dislike, but there are just times were we have to do it regardless. She's probably heard the lecture so much she's immune. I've taken away car keys, cell phone, computer...it just doesn't matter to her. Any suggestions?

Quote

My son is 15 and I don't believe he's too motivated either. Fortunately, the grades have been okay, but he HATES to do homework and he did not sutdy for his final exams. It seems that school just taxes him and when he gets home, the thought of having to concentrate just does him in.

I'm trying not to overreact to all of this (hard sometimes!), and I've pretty much come to terms with the fact that he probably never will like school -- it's just not an ADHD-friendly place, unfortunately. I ask teachers each semester to understand his challenges (organization is a HUGE one) and I tell them that these are brain issues, not attitude issues. At the same time, I don't want to baby my son, but it is hard to find the balance between helping and being over-involved. I tell him he needs to fulfill his responsibilities and that I am always available to help him if needed.

I do try and remind my son that he's doing what he's doing for HIMSELF, not me or his father. I told him that when he doesn't do well or chooses not to do something, he's not letting me down. Then I ask him who he's letting down and he always knows the answer. "Me," he says. I try to tell him that making the effort is like giving himself a gift. Sometimes he buys this, sometimes not.

So my mindset these days is to try and get through with the least abount of damage possible, at at the same time, try to find and use my son's gifts and talents outside of school so he has things to feel good about. I don't take away sports because he needs it, for example.

Also, if you haven't read Chris Dendy's book on teenagers and ADHD, it is an ABSOLUTE must-read. It helped me a lot. One of her best pieces of advice was, "Give yourself permission to be more involved with your child that you normally would." These kids need someone who loves them no matter what.

Quote

You are describing what happened with my daughter in high school (she just graduated last June). Your description of her "just shutting down" is absolutely accurate because that's literally what's happening. We thought originally that it was a motivational thing, but what it turned out to be was extreme anxiety that eventually led to depression. Starting her on Cymbalta made a big difference, but that didn't take care of everything.

For my daughter, ADD means not only that her mind goes a mile a minute, leading to distractability, but also that once her interest is piqued, she will hyperfocus to the exclusion of all else. Combine that with the high school experience, where kids must take six and seven courses every day. Not only is she dealing with the distractability, not to mention great problems transitioning from one class and subject to another in the space of less than ten minutes, but they're also expecting her to manage several projects and homework assignments in many subjects every day. No wonder she became anxious to the point of paralysis!

If this sounds like what's happening with your daughter, here's one solution for math: find the best tutor you can who can literally be her teacher, i.e., not just someone to help with homework, but someone who will assume she has absorbed nothing in the classroom and so will reteach it anew at every meeting. We learned a long time ago that our daughter learns best in one-on-one situations--fewer distractability problems that way. Doing this, she went from a D in Algebra II to a B, an F in Statistics to a C. The teachers, by the way, would cut her no slack on the amount of homework and papers she had to turn in (despite a 504 plan to the contrary), so these grades reflect the same amount of work everyone else did. In fact, because of her anxiety and depression, we convinced the school that it was detrimental for her to even attend class (it didn't help that the teacher thought it would be "motivational" to remind her she was failing). They vetted the tutor and agreed to accept him as her de facto teacher. Not having to attend the class helped tremendously with the anxiety. What's the best tutor? Someone not intimidating to your daughter, but definitely not another high school student (we found a graduate student in math at our local university). By the way, the tutor turned in her homework for her, so the usual problem of forgetting to turn things in magically disappeared. :)

As for papers and projects, we found that her tendency to perfectionism led to her staring at the computer screen for hours trying to perfect three sentences, but if she dictated what she wanted to say, she could knock out a paper in a day. Dictating to me worked freshman year, but after that she didn't want to have to work with Mom. So we convinced her to hook up with a friend of hers who was attending the local university. My daughter would dictate, her friend would key in, then when my daughter would want to hyperfocus on a sentence or a paragraph, her friend would tell her it was good enough and get her to move on. It made writing a fun social experience, which in turn seemed to dissipate the paralyzing dread that used to accompany such assignments.

As for the usual motivational techniques of taking away car keys and privileges, it's not going to work because this is not a problem of motivation. Believe me, the desire is there, but it's like there's a brick wall preventing her from doing what she really does want to do, and at least for my daughter, that made her feel even more helpless and hopeless. Working with a very sympathetic principal, we learned in her junior year that our daughter didn't need to take a full load every semester in order to graduate. She helped pare down our daughter's schedule from seven courses every day to four. That also helped tremendously.

There's no way to sugar-coat this--high school is going to be a really rough ride for you and your daughter. All I can say is that it really is true that college is a whole lot better (at least so far) because it's not seven courses every day all week long.

Good luck.

Quote

It sounds like your daughter is presenting w/ textbook symptoms manifested by LD high school students. She doesn't have the mental stamina to keep all the balls in the air, especially the ones lacking interest for her. Mental fatigue is a huge issue for students w/ ADHD and related LD's. After a long day at school, the last thing they want to do is face "the monster" at home. They work so hard to keep it together at school. By the end of the day they feel defeated, exhausted and overwhelmed. You might consider hiring an ADD Coach for her. Many times an objective source has the ability to motivate and encourage our students. Most ADD Coaches work via the phone, but others can often meet in person w/ students to help keep them on track. You are right about the lack of impact the negative consequences have on her. Again, she is presenting in textbook fashion. And by this age for her, parents seem nothing more than a nagging voice and reminder of failure. Get yourself out of that loop and find a coach for her. Let the coach monitor her schoolwork, and you focus on having a supportive, compassionate relationship w/ your daughter. She needs emotional support and encouragement (without you becoming a total mush lacking parental responsibility). You are not alone, and neither is your daughter. Good luck!

Quote

I've read the posts regarding this and am relieved to know I'm not alone. It's really tough in areas where we feel we should "hold their hand" but at the same time let go so they can learn to make gains on their own which would develop their confidence. My 15 year old daughter feels if she just tries harder she could just do it. This is stuck in her mind even after over a year of counseling. We're on our 3rd type of med - still in the experimental phase. We have the 504 plan set up, but still no academic improvement after 2 months. With girls I believe the issues can worsen around the menstrual cycle. My daughter becomes an absolute drama case, and repeatedly goes into these downward spirals of doom and gloom. I've explained that the hormones trigger the emotional outbursts and you can't control it. However, it's hard to reason with someone in an emotional quagmire. You always feel hope when you see the outstanding qualities - the wisdom and insightfulness they display beyond their years, the clever wit, the artistic talents, the compassion towards others - you try to give praise and reinforce the fact that they do in fact possess these super qualities. I feel hopeless sometimes because I don't always have all the answers or quick solutions. I think they just need us to stand by them and believe in them during these times. Don't get discouraged. There will come a day when our kids will be successful individuals in their endeavors.

Quote

Wow, I can SO relate! My 15 yr. old daughter is having major issues in Geometry even with tutoring. Unfortunately, she doesn't really seem to care. She has also had several behavioral issues at school this year requiring visits to the principal's office. She has never had conduct problems before. She is on Adderall perscribed by her pediatrician, but I feel I should be doing more. Not sure which direction to go....psychologist, psychiatrist?

Quote

If I didn't know better, I would say that you must be living at my home! I certainly can feel your pain. We have a 17 year old daughter who displays the identical behaviors and lack of academic motivation. She does very well in the "fun and carefree" classes, which she loves (floral design, art, ceramics, PE, etc), but when it comes to the classes that are required and will make a difference in her future, she crumbles. She refuses to even try when it gets tough; doesn't do homework when it's too difficult and time-consuming; and won't study for tests and quizzes. The worst thing is that she lies to us about all of it. When asked if she's done her homework, studied, etc., she always gives us the answer we want to hear, but one that we know is not the truth 95% of the time. We, unfortunately, live in an affluent neighborhood, where the school district mainly caters to the academic achievers. She's never been a behavioral problem at school; as a matter of fact, we constantly hear what a nice cute girl she is. However, there has never been anybody throughout her school years that has really taken an interest in her, academically, and wanted to help. They continue to pass her, with D's, because they don't want to fail her, due to the No Child Left Behind Act! That's a misconception, now isn't it! Our daughter refuses to admit that she has a problem, therefore, she constantly blames anybody and everybody else for her failures. She also rejects any help that we offer, be it academic, professional, personal...anything. We haven't allowed her to take driver's education until she maintains at least a C average in all her classes. Although most of her friends do drive, it doesn't seem to matter to her. She takes medications and they do work for her during the school day, but once out of school, she is a totally different person. The doctor's have told us that it appears to be a genetic disorder on the female side of my husband's family (his sister and mother could be duplicates of our daughter), she is one of the worst cases they've dealt with and that we simply need to let her hit rock bottom so that she comes to some realizations! I feel that we have lost her and she's spinning out of control. I don't know what the answer is; but I do know that as a parent, it is beyond heartbreaking to watch. We are at our wit's end...any suggestions would be great!

Quote