My 13 year-old deaf/ADHD son has been experiencing similar motivational issues in middle school. He excels in subjects he enjoys: social studies, art, drama, D&T, and foreign languages. However in science and math he is just marginally passing. We'd hired a tutor and he had no problems recalling information while with her, but during tests and exams he does badly. He was evaluated last year as being gifted/learning disabled, so I can truly sympathize with your frustration. It's almost as if he has resigned himself to failure in those subject areas and makes no efforts to study or do homework. I had read in several ADHD books that our children are inclined to struggle with math and, after much research and documentation was successful in having a calculator added to his IEP. However, the problems lies partially in the fact that despite being part of his IEP his math and science teachers have not allowed him to use it (or if so, sparingly). Depending on the topic, homework can take several hours to complete and we are both left exhausted and deflated. So, I have decided that if he is struggling with homework ie it takes longer than an hour, I send e-mails to his counselor, subject teacher, deaf educator, and learning support teacher to keep them abreast of the situation and ask them to give him extra support; whether it is during his lunch time or after school. There is no miracle answer-as parents we need to keep abreast of what they are being taught, recruit the support of their teachers, and be as supportive and positive as possible. Do what you can...and try not to have anxiety attacks!

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Our daughter was a handful between the ages of 13 and 15. She had to fail out of a presitigious school before she decided to motivate herself and complete more of her assignments. We also had her put into a specialized school for emotionally disturbed teens with only 6 students per class, a teacher and an assistant. She made up for 2 years of truancy and no work and graduated valedictorian. She is now in college graduating as an honors student and goal oriented. I had hoped that she would not use anger to motivate herself, but she has recently admitted that anger is what continues to motivate her to achieve -- anger at herself for failing before, at teachers who let her pass without truly trying, and us who were not effective in discipline. She confessed this in order to help my 14 year old son who is repeating the same lack of motivation, but at least not the truancy part. She was not diagnosed with ADHD during all of this, but as bi-polar. She has rejected this diagnosis and considers that she has had learning disabilities and ADHD all along. What has been starting to work with my son who has been on ADHD medication since 6 years old is therapy for depression and treating him with a more lighthearted attitude. As he makes small improvements we have been letting him know that we trust him more and let him have more privileges with "play/study dates" and computer games. He has recently realized (after trying to tell him for years) that he works best in quiet without the TV, computer games, or radio in the background -- he can have music lightly playing in order to get him started. It took his big sister to just say in passing that that she had discovered that she works best that way....Then we ask a friend of his (same age and types of classes) to come over 2-3 days a week and practice 1/2 hour work alternating with 1/2 hour of study especially around mid-terms and major tests. It seems that they have more fun and are more relaxed about fitting in some study time. He still suffers a lot of anxiety for which we will work on in family therapy and perhaps with a psychiatrist. We will get him re-evaluated for learning problems that the grammar school wouldn't even consider since he seemed so smart and able to stay on task then.

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I am new to this board and had to read about motivation. Your stories sound just like mine! It does help considerably to know you are not alone and for your child to know he is not the only one in this challenging situation. My son is 13 1/2 and we have suffered through school with him since pre-school. We all finally accepted that school will always make him unhappy and we just try to get him through the school year. We happen to be lucky and have a great support system in the school and a resource teacher who has saved him through his middle school years. His organizational skills stink! His memory is strange - he has always has incredible long term memory - and awful short term memory - so just getting something from school to home is a joke. We have a second set of workbooks at home and that has worked nicely but we have yet to master getting him to write down homework, assignments and tests. I make it a rule to meet and get to know every one of his teachers and it's funny he has excelled this year in Social Studies because this teacher teaches outside the lines and he "gets" my son - as he said "I was once him - so I know how to teach to that" - he has been getting 90's in this class. We also have a tutor for math as it's his worst subject - sound familiar? And someone mentioned you need tutor that also goes outside the lines and "teaches" your child how to "do" the math - we have that someone! A math major in college and she has figured out how to "teach" him that has helped considerably - now we just have to pull up the science grades. Another thing I just started doing was the "list" - I write down everything he has to do at home that is school related and he can choose the order of how it's done and marks if off - that has helped a bit - but I still own putting it together. Sometimes, he will do it as well. Good thing he is a funny, bright, and lovable kid cause that is what is going to get him through life - people want to help him.

I find all of your advice and information so helpful as your kids are older and I was hoping things would get a bit better next year in high school - but now I am not too sure so I know what to start looking for. I am looking into collaborative team teaching in HS. 2 teachers to a class - one special ed and one regular ed. He has an IEP which I spent years fine tuning to meet his needs. I am going up to the school to audit a class just to see how it's run. I will share in case what I observed in case any of you have that option in your school. Oh and BTW - my son is a twin - and my daughter is in a gifted and talent school -so only adds to the mess! :)

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I definitely understand where you all are coming from. My dd 13 excells in subjects she loves and don't do as well in subjects she has no interest in. Right now its social studies. Ugh Unfortunately with adhders the things they love they excell in others they just don't see the need. Although I see my dd trying her best its frustrating so I give her props for the good things and just encourage her to try a little harder. This too shall pass.

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It is good to hear that so many people have problems similar to ours. I have a 14 year old son who also is very hard to motivate in school. He did great his first semester as it was a total rehash of his 8th grade year and he had to do no homework. Second quarter was OK and now this quarter he had decided not to do much of anything. He has had a big problem with turning his things in on time. He seems to have gotten into the wrong crowd. We haven’t restricted him from them as we have no solid proof and he has always had an awful time making friends. He still has no male friends’ just girls, which worries me at this age. It seems like I am always on him for something. It is very hard to find positive things to say as he doesn’t want to do anything he needs too. He will not do anything with me. All he wants to do is sit in his room and IM his girl friends. We had him in counseling over the years and he now refuses to go. He basically refuses any kind of help from anyone. I do worry about depression as had been suicidal a few years back. He won’t admit to any depression and tells me he has it under control. At times when I give him consequences for not doing what he needs to he goes ballistic, yelling, screaming, threatening to run away etc. totally out of control. I have been trying to remain in control and still stick to my guns but I can hardly sleep at night worrying that he is going to run away or hurt himself. If anyone has any suggestions about how the got their teenager to accept counseling help please let me know. I know he is just trying to find his way and doesn’t feel like he fits in any where. He’s a smart kid but lacking in the emotional IQ part.

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Yes, my 4th grade daughter has similar problems and I'm also a SPED teacher. To qualify for a 504 your child must be doing below "average" compared with other students at his/her school (which doesn't necessarily mean failing). Our weekly schedules evolves around my daughter and her school work/homework to keep her grades up and I email her teachers on a regular basis. My daughter usually fails her 6 weeks tests but her daily grades pull her grades up and she makes the A/B honor roll. It's homework time that is the most problem and we are still trying to find the right amount of meds to help with that and allow her to fall asleep when it's bedtime. None of this is easy and it gets very frustrating!

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You could have been describing my daughter before we finally figured out what was going on. My daughter is 17 and had been diagnosed with ADHD when she was 7 years old. She has been on a 504 plan through out her schooling. We tried every thing possible from nutrition to herbs to Ritalin, Adderall, Focalin, Methylphenidate, Wellbutrin, etc. By the time she got into Middle School she couldn't stay focused and her grades were so so. She kept on telling us that the meds weren't working, but we saw a difference so we just kept trying other meds. Even with the meds, I kept on saying to the school physcologist that there was something else going on because she was starting to shut down and couldn't keep up with her work. We found out that her IQ was very high and that she should be in the Gifted Program. She could do 2 sided 3 dimensional puzzles but couldn't write an essay. She just froze at the thought of writing or doing long term projects. Unfortunately, the pace was too fast for her so she went back to regular classes. In between all this we tried other meds and nothing really worked out great.. But it was better than nothing. .I was getting very concerned that she was depressed....she really shut down .... During her Freshman Year of high school , I still was convinced that something (some kind of learning disability or something ) was wrong. She was really depressed and something was still tormenting her that prevented her from getting her work done. She was so overwhelmed because she had homework and projects due and over due and just couldn't get herself to do them. I pleaded with the school physcologist to retest her and I brought her to her phychiatrist for an intervention. I pleaded for a tutor, too! ( Having a 504 plan really helps you advocate and get things that your child needs. ) Well, to make a long story short, we finally figured out what was wrong during her Junior year. Better late than never! The meds she was taking weren't the right ones all along. It turned out that after seeing a new pyscologist, who really listened to us, the ADHD symptoms were covering up an anxiety disorder and OCD. She was depressed because of the whole situation. The ADHD meds were actually making things worse. Her meds were changed and withing a week we could see a huge difference. She is on a small dose of Abilify (being used in low dose for ADHD and anxiety) and Lexapro for OCD/Depression. What a miracle!! I write these details to remind you to go with your GUT...You know your kid better than anyone else...and keep on top of the situation until you are happy that the proper diagnosis has been given. ADHD is very tricky....it shares so many other disorders which makes it really hard to diagnose. Go to a different doctor if necessary...sometimes a different point of view and a second opinion is in order. I am happy to say that she has gotten very good grades, has been able to complete projects and is on the dance team. She will graduate in June and we are so proud of her through all the ups and downs. I wish you and your family good luck. Remember to go one day at a time.

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I can't tell you how much I needed to come across this discussion today. My 11 (almost 12) year old ADHD son has always struggled with school (no IEP etc. because he has usually done well), and clearly the struggle increases every year. This year, the first at middle school, started out well (as they usually do) and went downhill before Thanksgiving when the first discussions started with his teachers. They (3) have been great with their communications and efforts to help, even setting out and evaluating daily, by class, his personal goals. Everything I have read above seems to apply, nothing works, and pressure results in shutting down. But, knowing what other responders have been through gives me hope that I am doing the right thing by exploring some other avenues like meeting with the pediatrician to evaluate for potential depression and to see about getting him hooked up with a counselor/therapist. He's got a good heart and I don't want him to lose it by letting this pressure wear him down. The suggestion of a tutor is a good one too because I don't want to be the bad guy anymore. So, while not being able to offer much, especially for "teens" (we'll be there soon enough), thanks for sharing your experiences, offering suggestions, and reminding me that I'm not a bad parent!

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I am a senior, going to be a 5th year, woman with ADD. I was diagnosed about 2or3 years ago. I always did well in school but had a hard time focusing. After I left the structure I had at home I saw that I definitely couldn't concentrate when overwhelmed. I would just shut down completely because I couldn't deal with all of the demands, there was too much going on in my head. I would just sleep. In high school I was successful for a few reasons 1. my mom and dad helped me to organize and outline papers and projects. They would edit them for me and showed me how to plan a paper or project. You need to be very explicit when explaining how you go about this. First, decide on a topic, intro w/ thesis, body(supporting evidence), and conclusion. Writing outlines has been a life saver for me. 2. My parents checked my school website daily to see if I had any missing work and would just print out the paper and highlight the missing work. This nagging needs to be coupled with A LOT of loving words, my mom would hug me and say I love you about a million times a day. "Have I told you lately that I love you and you are beautiful and so intelligent!" I would sometimes respond with a "Mooom, geeze, (roll eyes here)" but the message still got across and I felt good inside even if I didn't show it. 3. I was in sports. EXERCISE is so important when you are ADD, it helped me focus tremendously. When I get home from a workout I can concentrate 100 times better than before. 4. I also had a group of friends who were in the same classes as I was so, we would all do homework together. We were very competitive, which motivated me, but I could also ask them questions and study with them. It was extremely helpful. I was also well liked by most of my teachers and that made a huge difference. If you talk to her teachers and explain that she needs extra support and guidance I'm sure that they would be willing to help.

I would also recommend taking fish oil daily, 1000mg, it helps me a lot. Take this along with a multivitamin. Also, making sure she is getting enough protein in her diet is important as well, it helps because you don't get those highs and lows in blood sugar, which affect concentration like when you eat high sugar products.

I am reading a great book by Sari Solden called Women with Attention Deficit Disorder which has been immensely helpful, I definitely suggest you read this book. Hope this helps!

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Wow! I am so glad I found you guys. I soooo identify with what all of you are saying. I have pulled and pushed my son through school since he was 4. I tried public school for awhile but it didn't work. He is smart, but wouldn't do his work. He was seriously unmotivated and forgetful. I got so frustrated with the school's lack of sensitivity, that I removed him and homeschooled him for 5 years. He learned alot and tested solid on his private school entrance exams. Now that he's in a private high school, all of the problems seem to have returned exponentially. Multiply this by hormones and girls and awkwardness in fitting in, and we have a huge mess. We have done counseling, ADD medication---all of which he vehemently rejects. He swears there is no problem. He has an excuse for everything. It seems to all boil down to he just doesn't want to do the work. He won't take notes and he won't really get down and actually read the chapters. He just tries to find answers. He is on probation at his private school and everyone is killing themselves to help him, but he does not seem to be in the real world about his grades and the fact that he doesn't do the work affects his grades. The psychologists seem to think he has some emotional problems; they think he may be depressed. They don't see him in action when he is doing something fun, though. He is only depressed about having to do school work that doesn't interest him. Baseball, art, movies, etc. make him really happy. People don't understand that all of this is so very trying for parents. It makes me feel inadequate, especially when I look around and other people's children seem so well adjusted and perfect. It's good to have someone to talk to. Thanks, all of you for being so open and honest. There is something to be said for not feeling so alone in this.

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