Good riddance if he didn't take out the garbage for you . . . At least that part of your life won't change, yet!

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Well sister I hate to hear that your husband was an ensensitive jerk and divorced you all because your brain is wired differently . You should look at it this way, he didnt deserve you, to walk out on you and never even having a clue how your add and bipolar affect you, everything you went through . I myself am ADD , I took medication as a child first starting on the Ritlian and after about a month it, my mom took me off, because it just killed my appitite , then from there as I got older and into my teens I took the nurotten, tenex, Depitcoat, and then there was the patch Catopress, Oh i hate it, I gained so much weigfht from it and I was only 16 and at the time I was a long distance runner so packing on the weight and the running didn't work, so I quit it. Finally at the age of 17 I went off all my medications , even tho both of my parents were against it especially my mom. But after a while my mom just let it go because that's the kind of mom that she is. My dad didn't really even have a say so , because 7 months later I moved back in with my mom full time. IN OCt 2000 at the age of 19 the best thing happened to me, that would allow me to see the gifts that I poesess along with being ADD, I was pregnant, now I'll be honest the person whom i was with at the time wasn't the one for me , simple because he wasn't ADD, so there for he didn't really get me, to say the least our relationship was crazy and I felt very misuderstood. Then 3 months into my pregnancy I decided enough was enough and left him in the middle of the night, yeah i'll be honest it hurt like hell, this is not how it's suposed to happen, but the fact was he had played on my ADD , thinking I was just this retarted girl who would never figure out that he was just a con artest. In Dec 2000 I moved back in with my mom, yeah I was so inlove with this man who didn't appreciate me at all , so I moved out of my moms to be with him , well 3 months later I moved back into my moms and mentally trying to prepare for my baby. In May 2001 I gave birth to my son William , to say the least at first I struggled , simply because I was angry that his father was not being the man that he had been claiming he was . But every time I would look at William he would make me stronger , being a mother helped retrain my brain in many ways, I became more patient , focused better, not to menton the fact that I have not had a problem with finishing a task. So in a way my son saved my life. In sept 2001 I met the love of my life Jr who also suffers from ADHD , Bipolar and OCD , we've been together for 7 1/2 yrs now , but I won't lie to ya, we both came into the relationship with baggage of our own , Jr was dealing with a horible addiction to crack / cocaine, not to menton a disfunctional family life in general , That was 7 1/2 yrs ago . To say the least things are a little more different now, my husband has been clean and sober for going on 5 yrs now, his family is still disfunctional but all of them are clean and sober as well , thank god . None of it was easy tho . Jr and I have to work ten times harder in our relationship compared to non- ADD/ ADHD couples. The fact of the matter is you deserve a man who is going to understand you, and even if he's not ADHD, or bipolar himself, if he really loves you , then he needs to educate himself so he can better understand who your brain works, there for he understands you better emotionally and mentally , there he can connect with you on a much deeper level. . It's odvious that his man didn't really and truely love you or else he would have taken enishuative and educated himself woman with ADHD, and Bipolar so to better understand his wife , because honey it wasn't your fault he left you , it was his. He expected way too much from you and you can't have a marriage like that or any relationship for that matter. Just know that god has a plann for you , so go with it and trust him , because he'll never let you down. God bless you sister, I'll be praying for ya

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I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. I will be praying for you. Do you go to church? Have you thought about looking for one in your new area? We moved a year ago and it took me a long time to adapt to the drastic changes between city & country, leaving a longtime job and all my friends. Daily prayer and church has really helped tremendously. I don't think I'd be doing as well as I am without it. Imagine this as a l-o-n-g distance hug! :-) I'd like to ask you a few questions, maybe you'll be comfortable responding to me. My husband is the one who just got diagnosed with adult ADD, but there is something more, something very emotionally wrong. From all the research I've done, I believe he's either bipolar or borderline personality disorder. How did you get your diagnosis? My husband is threatening to divorce me; he's been saying and doing the most irrational things. I love him and I want to help him, so I feel time is of the essence. If you feel comfortable enough to reply, that would be great. Take care!

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Wife of ADD Hubby,

I saw your post and I am going to send you a private message. My husband was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and ADHD. I've learned a lot about both disorders. I'll go into more detail in the pm, so look for it.

Elaine20

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It not easy being in a marriage even when we don't have ADD/Bipolar etc. It take that more energy when we have this added response to the mix. I have been married for 22 years ; and it wasn't always easy but it wasn't always difficult either. The interpersonal issues that come with our diagnosis can make it harder for us to relate; but with the right treatment we can do it. I don't know your husband and I can't speak to him; but I am sure he has his own issues. I recommend to everyone to ask the 101 questions before saying "I do." I am really sorry to hear that your husband is leaving you due to ADD and BIpolar issues didn't he know about them before marrying you? Don't beat your self up and Please DONOT take the blame or on his issues. I know we all have our part in our marriages; but we don't have any responsibility in how they respond to things. If he is verballly abusive he choose to be this way. If you are verbally abusive you choose to be that way. The diagnosis doesn't make you. Yes we are more impulsive, we are large risk takers , yes we are irritable at times; however he needed to know this before he walked down the isle. Make sure you have support; and this is not the time to close yourself away even though you are hurting. Ask from friends, church , loved ones for compassion and talk to them about how you are feeling. Take your medications, and if you see a counselor make a appointment and keep it. It is time to take care of yourself.

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I am so sorry to hear about all the pain each of you has experienced (those who have indicated you have), please though don't categorize all spouses as unfeeling and unsupportive. I am a spouse of a bi-polar, adhd person who cheated on me, mentally abused me (through major manipulation) and became verbally abusive to me and my children. I tried, really I did to see them through the darkness, but at some point as a spouse we need to determine just how much we can take. I made that decision and now I am being demonized for my decision, my spouse has a very selective memory and accepts no responsibility in the failing of our marriage. I am not saying all of you dx with these same ailments have done this to a spouse. . . but I am asking that you all think about what a spouse goes through. . . life is hard, friends get alienated, the bi-polar spouse's needs always come above your own and in my case. . . the family walked on eggshells so as to not "upset". This isn't a life for any party involved. Now my spouse will have time to focus on making the necessary changes, get the help they need for themselves and it is my sincere hope they get well. . . for our children's sake. See we aren't all bad people, just humans with limits and sometimes those limits are pushed and decisions need to be made for the sake of all involved.

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As I was reading your post it brought tears to my eyes. Over the past 2 years I have been dealing with depression and have been on several medications before my doctor diagnosed me with bipolar and add. Finally, I had an answer to why the meds I had been on previously would only work for so long and I would go back into that dark tunnel with no end. During this time my husband and I have had ups and downs. He always has a way of making me feel like I am the one causing our problems and that there is something wrong with me and he is perfect. Like your ex husband he took care of the trash, mail, cars and so on. I always feel like I am needy of him and that he doesn't need me. Reading your story has opened my eyes and I am realizing that I am not the only one going through this and I can make it in this world without him.

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