I too have that feeling. I have a bright 11 year old that has been diagnosed with ADD two different times, once before entering K and then I had him re-evaluated at the end of 4th grade, because I wanted to be sure.

Up until this year, Ben has been a wonderful student. He cared about his teacher, his peers and most of his work. He still needed help organizing his work and socially he struggled but friendships were strong, sports held him together and academics were fine to him... 6th Grade for my son has proven to be challenging for lack of a better word.

He has 4 different teachers and with that four different teaching methods. He can't keep them all happy ever. He is never allowed free time because he always owes something. He hates school, his teachers, has lost friends and now is beginning to hate sports.

I am beside myself with worry.

I try to get the teachers involoved but they don't seem to care. I too teach 6th grade and have tried to offer suggestions and solutions to help Ben but they either don't try, or don't answer my pleas. I don't know what to do.

I work in another district and hate to bring that forward to my district but I dont' know what else to do.

We've recently reduced his medication and at first I thought this was it but he has less side effects with this dosage and therefore I am not willing to jump him back up the scale at this time.

I am so frustrated with the lack of empathy, support or care that schools show towards kids with disabilities that aren't always apparent (IE ADD) and I worry that unless I keep harping on it, that my son will no longer have the will to go to school and when he can make that choice, he'll stop going altogether.

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I have a teen in ninth grade who started off the year so strongly, and is now declining. It is so sad and frsutrating for me! He was dxed over the summer, but we saw the signs since he was about 5. Everyone always thought he was so bright and personable, but now he is sullen, depressed, and making lackluster grades. He has no interests outside of school, with the exception of an on and off love for piano/music in general.

We avoided some problems by homeschooling him in elementary, but he wanted more friends, which he thought public school would provide. Well....we are not always too thrilled with his friend choices, and I don't think he is really pleased with them, either. He is in all low classes and is not tracked for college due to his middle school grades and cognitive skills test in 8th grade (he doesn't know the bad score he made).

A lot of people would probably think I just consider him smart because he is my ds, but of course I kow the "Real" person my ds is. Others have seen it as well. He can be so interested in subjects such as literature, science, and history, but he finds the school treatment of such subjects as "dry" and "boring"--which I can't blame him for. His grades are up and down and are poor mostly because he forgets what to do, doesn't understand the directions, never heard the directions, etc. In middle school he would be punished and made to sit in the hall (thus missing instruction) if he talked out of turn or forgot a pencil.

He is liked by his teachers in high school, and he seems smarter than the majority of his classmates...but the 504 meeting emphasis was on "he's passing! that's great!" and "you need to write in your planner; there is nothing we can do about late assignments--you just have to take the bad grade if you forget something."

I spend a lot of time worrying. He does not have any goals anymore and thinks now he might forget college and just work in a restaurant when he grows up. But...knowing him...he's probably being sarcastic to hide his pain.

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I too am going through something similiar, although my son is only 11. His teachers mark him with red marks for forgetting things, not bringing things that he is told to and for other completely idiotic reasons, making my son a wreck and leaving him not caring.

I am going in for a meeting tomorrow and have been preparing all day with reasons why he is unable to remember things, is disorganized and asks questions. I found this on another web site and cried when I read it. It is so true and I hope that you are able to perhaps pass it along or at least do what I did.... send it to his teachers (and I am a 6th grade teacher) and ask them to please try and understand......

Take care, Jeni

12 Things School Students with ADD/ADHD Want Their Teachers to Know

12 Things Teens with ADHD Would Like Their Teachers to Know

1) I forget things, even important things. There is a myth that states, "If it is important enough, you will remember it." Please understand that this is a myth, my memory may not work the same as yours. Just because I forget does not mean that it doesn't matter. I am not trying to be a smart alec or arrogant when I say "I forgot." I really do forget.

2) I am not stupid. I may sometimes lose my place during your class or take a few minutes to get my thoughts together before speaking, but I am not stupid. ADHD does not have anything to do with intellect.

3) Please be patient if I ask the same question many times or ask too many questions. I am not trying to be arrogant, I am trying to understand. I am trying to comprehend and I am trying to remember what you have said.

4) I really do want to do good. For many years, I have struggled with schoolwork. It is frustrating for me. I want to pass your class, I want to do my best, I want to feel good about the work I have done.

5) I do complete my homework. I often lose papers, leave my homework at home or in my locker. I often don't know where my homework is when it is time to hand it in. But I do complete it. Loose papers are the most difficult to keep track of, if it is possible to complete my homework in a notebook, I will be able to keep track of it better.

6) ADD is not an excuse, I should not use it as one, and neither should you. ADHD is a real disorder. It causes me to forget things, to be impulsive, to act without thinking, to lose track of my belongings, to be inattentive and sometimes it causes me to process information a little more slowly. I do not like being different and would very much like to be "normal." I do not like to be made fun of for being different.

7) I need help to succeed. This is sometimes very hard for me to accept. I do not like having to ask for help. Sometimes, asking for help makes me feel stupid. Please understand this and be patient. Please sometimes offer your help without my having to ask. Please understand that needing help makes me feel inadequate and that I may resent you asking. That doesn't mean that I do not want or need your help.

8) If you notice me acting in inappropriate ways, please talk with me in private. Please do not talk to me in front of the class. This is humiliating. Please do not insult me or call attention to my differences or weaknesses in front of other students.

9) I don't like having "special accommodations" in the classroom. Sometimes they are needed to help me succeed and do well. But that doesn't mean that I like it. Please don't call attention to any special treatment in front of other students. Please do not draw attention to my ADHD.

10) Detailed explanations of your expectations will help me. I work best when I know exactly what you expect from me. I will do best if your expectations are in writing so that I can refer back to them if needed. The more detailed your classroom and class work plan is, the better I will do. Knowing what to study and how to study will help me when taking tests. Knowing how you expect projects to be completed will help me to do a good job.

11) Learning about ADHD is one of the best ways to help me. Read about ADHD, how to teach children with ADHD and talk with parents and other teachers to learn as much as you can. Understanding and learning about ADHD will help me to do better in your class.

12) Although I have ADHD, I am not ADHD. I am a person; I have feelings, hopes and expectations. I have needs. I want to be liked and accepted. I want to feel good about myself. All of this is important to me. Sometimes I act out to hide my embarrassment or shame. This does not mean that something is not important; on the contrary, it means that it is very important and I am hiding my disappointment that I failed

http://www.healthcentral.com/adhd/c/1443/12022/12-things-high-school/

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I have ADD and I was a teacher for five years.

I could always relate to my "spacey" students but many teachers could not. Many don't understand how a kid could forget so much or maybe they aren't really trying. Which is really sad because that isn't the view our ADD students need.

I was diagnoised at 28 after teaching and struggling for years. I saw first hand what kids went through. I felt "their pain". And I am going to tell you this with all the honesty in the world. YOUR SON'S ADD IS YOUR PROBLEM not the schools. (and I don't think that is the way it should be!!!!)

It would be great if you were in a partnership and you count on these educational experts for help but it is on your lap. Is that right? no. Is that fair? no. Is that the true? unforunately yes.

No one is going to know more about your son then you. And you need to be his hero. You need read everything you can on the subject. You need to send him to therapy. You need to get him in a group of other ADD kids. You need to find out how to organize your son. You need to get him on meds if you feel that is right. (I know meds are a touchy subject but they have personally changed my life. And I used to be so anti-meds until I was diagnoised and tried them... But that is such a personal choice.)

You need to be his hero. Because no one is coming "to save him" but you. He will fall through the cracks.

Does your school have special education services at the high school level?

Does your school have a psyc. that could talk to the teachers?

You need to get the teachers to accomdate him. Which is hard because of all the biases there are out there on ADD. (I once had a dr. tell me that some people think adults can't really have it. And he went to med school!!!)

Does your son have the proper structure to get his homework done?

Does he have a tutor?

Does he sit in the front of the room where distractions are minimized)

Does he have his hardest classes when his attention is most "full"?

Does he have a peer support group that values education?

And one I think is the most important.... Does he have an area of his life he can feel good about himself in?

People without ADD rarely know how hard it is to feel like a failure all the time. But it really hurts. No matter how hard you work you can't do what everyone else can do. I had a dr. tell me that I had to work smarter not hard once. I know try to work smart but there still is a lot of shame that goes with all my failures.

I was lucky because my Mom was my hero. Even though I was not ADD material in the 80s. (a girl not a boy, spacey instead of bad behavior) She did everything she could tutors, talking to teachers, expecting me to go to college, and we were not rich by any means. She was a divorced single Mom and she was my hero.

Your son needs you to be his hero. And I bet if you are taking the time to write on a board you are a pretty good hero already.

Talk to someone at the school who knows ADD. Guidence or Psyc. department. Talk to therapist and drs. And be sure to use all the tips you can find reading this posting and other books, articles, ect.

If I ended up alright because of a caring Mom I am sure your son will too.

(sorry bad speller) Liz

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I'm so sorry for the trouble you've had with your sons' schools. I too have had trouble since my son was in 1st grade. He is now in 6th. I have been a major squeaky wheel, and if I continue to squeak, I get oiled. I feel that I have to re-teach the teachers every year about what my son needs. Each year I understand his ADHD more, so I am able to be "sqeakier". I'm amazed that the teachers act like they've never experienced a student like mine when I know he is not the only one. I do think they probably haven't had to deal with a parent like me who doesn't let up. My son is attending a private school, so I feel I have more pull to get what I want. They want my money. I came out and asked them "can you give my child what he needs so he can handle 6th grade because if you can't I will pull him out and do it myself." My son has trouble reading and writing, but he seems very intelligent because he does well verbally. He is a good listener and a good communicator. He is intelligent, but school is all about reading and writing. It's hard for him to communicate what he knows if he has to write answers and it's hard for him to learn if he had to read the information. I get the "he isn't trying" and "he's so capable" phrases all the time. I've told the teachers that he is smart, but he is not capable of the organization, efficiency, and reading level he is expected to handle in 6th grade. He needs more help. I e-mail the teachers quite often. I go in to talk to the teachers when needed. I've really learned to be bold and hold the teachers accountable. I feel that I'm pulling for all the kids who struggle with ADHD or anything like it. End of the 2nd quarter is coming soon. We'll see how it goes. It tends to be when the most problems arise. Don't be afraid to ask for specific help, and feel free to hold the teachers accountable. I hold my child accountable too, as we should. Someone stated that our children need to see that we are their hero's. We balance holding them accountable with holding the teachers accountable even though it means we have to work hard. We get so tired, but it really benefits everyone, including the students with no one to fight for them.

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I know my child has been a problem because no one will try to understand him that's why i had the 504 done through the school look it up on line it's there 504.com

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I have a daughter going into ninth grade next year who has ADHD and I am an ADHD single mom. I think one of the best things I did for my daughter in regards to the school was to just give her permission to do it on HER terms. That means if she needs to take French 1 two years in a row we do it. If she has to take Basic Algebra two years in a row we do that too - even if she passes. I have read so many books and articles about ADHD success stories that don't start with " I finished high school and then went on to college". As a matter of fact, many of them don't start with finishing school or college conventionally at all. I am very very lucky to be in a school system that works hard for the benefit of all the students - it's the main reason I moved to the town we live in. But I've had to sit down with them each year so far and explain to them that my daughter's scholastic education is not as important to me as her LEARNING is. I tell them that the grades that she makes, or the amount of activities she's involved in, or the number of times she has to retake something simply isn't that important to us. What is important is that she is learning how to learn, that she is beginning to understand advocacy, that she grows as a responsible and mature person - those are the things I want for her right now. Does that mean she's allowed to not do her schoolwork, or that she's allowed to goof off? No, it means that I am giving her permission to succeed - at her level. For instance, if she doesn't get her homework done I ask her 1) did you try it? 2) Did you talk to your teacher about the problem you're having? 3.) Did you suggest an alternative to what you are having difficulty with? 4) What did you and your teacher decide? If my daughter did the first three and still makes a zero then I consider her a success! I know how smart most ADHD kids are and I truly believe that the ones that succeed are the ones that know that failure is something you have to define for yourself - and it isn't an option! Failing a grade isn't failure, dropping out of high school isn't failure, not going to college isn't failure - Not believing that you CAN succeed, however you need to make that happen, is failure. Believe in your child - stand up for them to teachers and a school system that isn't set up to create success in non linear thinkers. You know your child and what they can accomplish, make sure they know it too. Once they know it there's no way it won't happen.

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