While I can't say that my pre-teen has gone that far (does not have a sibling), at 11 she is definately reverting back to thoughtless behaviour. For example, at a sleep over she pantsed another girl and slapped her bottom totally impulsively. She is also much younger socially than the girls in her class for example, the other girls can hold a conversation while my daughter makes remarks that do not fit or seem to follow.She is also becoming more sneaky and defiant. On the up slant she is able to listen to my advise after a mistake is made. We should keep in touch and share ideas since our girls are close in age.

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I feel that you need to report this behavior to her doctor. He might be able to help you with some ideas with behavioral therapy or how to react to these behaviors. I sounds like her impulsivity is getting worse. She might need a medication adjustment. Hope that I was helpful.

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My grandson has regular outbursts when he doesn't get what ever it is he wants. He is 13 years old in actual age but several years younger emotionally. He raises his voice and blurts out how he has the right to have or the right to do what ever he thinks is appropiate. He will openly tell me that he doesn't have to listen to me but eventually will after we go through this big outburst, which usually last 5 to 15 minutes. I stand firm on what I tell him, but is there any other way to handel this with out the outburst?

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My neice is going through the same thing as did my best friends daughters at around 12. They are going through a hormone developement and get teary, angry and just plain definant. As do most of us women who are pre menstral. I am 41 with adhd and on medication by when I am pre menstral my medication does not have the same effect. usually my meds works really well...I am orgainized...controlled and can concentrate. But when I am pre menstral well I am back to unorgainized...distracted and cranky..... My doctors says it shouldn't make a difference........but it does to me.

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I got this advice from an older lady....She said when her son started going though the hormonal change and getting withdrawn and irritable she put him on B Vitamins. I tried this with my adhd teenage son ( I gave him a womens b complex multi vitamin.) and it did help with his behaviour.....

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My son, who will turn 13 in March, acts the exact same way as Sharon describes. He too is behind emotionally and it really shows. I'm intrigued by the Vitamin B theory. I think it's worth a try. The middle school years are quite challenging. As I'm sure others would agree, social skills are also a struggle. I'd be interested in hearing what others have done to help their child in this area.

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my daughter is almost 11 and has been screaming at me and seems to be very angry in general...all of a sudden. i can't tell if this is due to hormone changes or her ADD or if she needs a medication change (on adderall). the dr's don't seem to be able to help much. her mood swings are also starting to affect her friendships. i want to help her control herself but if i do, she turns on me. i'm feeling really lost. maybe i'll give the B vitamins a try.

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It is good to know I'am not alone in this.My 11 yr.old daughter is starting to back talk alot more,defies me and not willing to take personel care of herself like she should.When I ask her about brushing her teeth it falls on deaf ears.Also getting her out of bed in the mornings is awful.We barely make it school on time.I have tried to talk to her about all this anger she feels towards me,but I could not get much out of her.Her replies were flat and not much emotion.It is so troubling.I think I may try to the vitamins,maybe we need to have her re-evaluated,maybe it is the meds.I don't know......but I do beleive their is strength in numbers and it is comforting to know I"am not the only one dealing with situations like this.

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My son has been hitting and bit his sister too and he is 11. Once his meds kick in - he is a totally different kid. Before his meds kick in he talks sort of babyish, uses potty talk (poo poo, pee pee) and is totally not in control of his body. Is this normal for ADHD? It is frustrating at times. But his meds turn him completely around and you would never know he is ADHD.

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First, I have to say reward don’t punish. It is obviously more positive but more importantly you are teaching them what to do instead of what not to do. By rewarding, which becomes reinforcement once you have data that shows the reward is actually increasing the future probability of the targeted behavior, you are providing many opportunities to practice to appropriate behaviors.

I had serious behavior problems growing up. I was the 6th of 7 children and the only one my parents were not able to handle. In private grade school, I was not kicked out because my parents were a huge part of the school. I was suspended a couple times. I was “stupid” and couldn’t read, so I acted out. I was not allowed to run for school president. I was told I already had too much power and if they had the choice they would take it all away. Once I hit private high school, I was already smoking and drinking. So my parents grounded me and grounded me for 30, 60, 90 days at a times. I tell you there is no difference between being grounded for 60 days and getting 30 more days added. I had the 30 to 60 minute lecture about how I am ruining the XXX family reputation by heart. Yeah…whatever. I do what I want! I will be smoking a cigarette the second you go to bed. I got 1 month of for my 16th birthday. They even grounded me until I raked the whole yard (2 archers with maple trees) for smoking. At 16 they sent me to a “college prep boarding school.” Which was a bunch of rich kids that had way to much time on their hands to experiment. Pretty much, grounding didn’t work, I kept doing what I was doing. My senior year I stopped going to school. My parents were super crazy strict and I was fighting their rules. I could not get into a car with anyone until I was 16/date. Call parents etc. My siblings kept telling me to “play the game.” But I refused! It was not until I turned 18 (March) my senior year that I started making choices for my best interest. I began to straighten out, or at least think about what happened last time before I did it. It was like an iron cage that I was banging against was lifted off of me. I had control. I graduated from high school because the high school wanted my little brother to go there. The principal also told me I could not pass a high school equivalency test and I read at a 5th grade level. I had dropped out; he told me I should come back, IF I want my high school diploma. My dad told me, I was already working full time (I had to support my extracurricular activities) and I had to be move the weekend out after graduation. That was a wake up call. I was lucky and got into a summer program that would allow me to go to a real 4 year program. I took it seriously because I liked working at Red Robin but I didn’t want to be a lifer. Pretty much I started hanging out with “normal” people and I started to straighten out. People in this private college thought my stories were nuts. Now I have my masers and I got straight As in grad school. Ok, I have been looking at the thesis I wrote a year ago; all I have to do is edit the 27 pages. I got the Leadership Award last year, which made me laugh. Hey I am using my leadership skills for good. ha ha ha

What I am saying is- if it is not working do something else. Honestly I don’t know what would have worked for me, even thought I am acquiring my hours to be a Board Certified Behavior Analysis. But change the behaviors and change them fast. Also don’t believe your kids. You think you know what they are doing, but do you? And nowadays being a kid is scary, my 10 year old niece talks about emo. I asked her about the cutting and she laughed and said that was pretty much mandatory to be part of their group. She does not want to be emo, but kids are exposed to a lot these days. And don’t trust your kids on the Internet!!!! Even though I was raised when parents didn’t know the dangers of AOL chartrooms and instant messenger, I just knew it was a bad idea to meet strangers on the internet. It just seemed like a really bad idea, but nowadays my boss got a roommate of creighslist. Again, times have changed, but the creepy guys out there have not.

Don’t give up and try different strategies. Figure out what the function of their behavior, are they trying to gain access something, escape something, gain attention, or self stimulatory (self serving purpose). Why are they doing it and are you doing after they display the behavior.

About the meds. I am not saying not to medicate, but I do find it interesting that all my friends that were medicated as a kid stopped taking it, and I (prescribed 6 years ago) love mine. Love it! I only take ¼ to ½ my prescription a day. But then again if I been prescribed it earlier then I would have been fully literate before 21.

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