I have an ADD son who is married to an ADD girl. Although neither one will admit to being ADD, I know they are. While they have had some issues, mostly financial, they do pretty well, and they are happy together. They have 3 children, two of which (boys) have behavior issues. From what I can see, neither of them keeps good financial records. They depend on their online banking to keep them straight, and from what I have seen, that's not a good idea, because credits and debits don't show up online instantly. I have begged and pleaded with them to keep their check register up to date, but to no avail. I have also pleaded for them to get at least the oldest boy some psychological/psychiatric help, but they won't do that. My daughter-in-law has big aversion to putting him on any drugs. I raised her husband and another son with Tourettes, ADD, OCD, and both of them have been raised with medications that helped them. Even so, both of my boys hate taking meds, especially as adults now. I just don't understand resisting something that can help you function and focus better. I do understand your need for your creativity, and not wanting to squelch that. But there must be something you can take that should help you, even if you take it when not working. My boys took imiprimine or ritalin & concerta. My youngest is still on ritalin and concerta as well as celexa for mood and abilify to help with his impulsivity. There is another medication that is not a controlled substance that you might try, it's Straterra. Anyway, since you admit you have ADD and your boyfriend does as well, I think you will both be more mindful of your issues and remember to use whatever resources you can to help you. You sound like a very mature ADDer to me and that will go a long way in helping you keep on track. Sheesta

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When my husband I and married 20 years ago I felt like I has met my needle in a haystack. We did not know then that we both had ADD, we just understood eachother's frustrations and feelings better than anyone else in the world ever had. How is it that two bright, creative, hard working people never finished college? Flash forward to today, we have three beautiful, delightful and really funny kids. It was only after our children were diagnosed with inattentive ADD because they were unable to organize and complete tasks that we were tested. Our scores were IDENTICAL!

We have certainly do have challenges, but we are able to work with them. We have goofy systems in place to get everyone out the door in the morning (I keep toothbrushes in my silverware drawer and put them through the dishwasher when my kids go to school). Not everything we do is the way other people would do it, but I do manage 2 jobs and 3 ADD kids. My house is usually messy, but my family is happy, loving and unpredictable.

I don't know if someone without ADD could live with me. We're not a cookie cutter family, but our children are sweet, well behaved and academically gifted. Most importantly, low standards and a good sense of humor get us through the surprises each day holds. Good luck to you :o)

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I can't beleive it, because the very reason I was browing this sight was becase I too am in my late 20's and have just entered into a relationship with another ADD'er . In fact, I've known him for several year and always was leary about hooking with someone like myself. I always thought I needed to be with someone who had their 'act' together, because I have enough trying to deal with myself. Well, needless to say nothing was ever successful in that range. With this recent relationship, I have highly underestimated how supportive and understanding someone in your same shoes can be. Instead of the tearing down I thought would happen, we have actually built each other up. It still is a little scary though, as we also have many of the same struggles, but I find that some areas were one is more ADD the other isn't and can help to cope. . .like the other day when I nearly had a panik attack from over committing myself and had to cancel and engagement. He had been there many- a-time himself and was able to walk me through some logical solutions. . .in the end to enter such a relationship will most certainly require efforts on both to keep things going, but may prove more compatable as there is that special understanding/ toleration you both share for each other.

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Yes, two with ADD can have a great relationship! It takes a sense of humor, an understanding of your own and your partners' foibles, and a willingness to make some of the yucky stuff (like paying bills) get done, even if you don't like it. (You'll have a much easier time of it if you can keep your finances under control!) Dr. Ned Hallowell and I have been doing an in-depth online survey of couples where one or both partners has ADD as research for a some books that we are writing on the topic (and for our blog). One of the things that is striking about these relationships is how much FUN these couples have when they are not mired in problems. So, a sense of humor really matters, and an ability to let the small stuff go.

Some ideas for making it easier if you have the financial wherewithall - hire someone to keep track of your finances for you if this is a difficult area (which it is for many with ADD). Also, hire someone to organize you on a regular basis. (This is great for anyone! I don't have ADD, but do suffer from being busy. I hired a person from our town who is very organized to come in and create a better filing system for my home office and to file over a year's worth of stuff for me. Its WONDERFUL to be able to find things again!!)

Some easy things that make life for two-ADD couples easier...Keep your car keys on a hook by the door. Get a basket for your mail. When you first bring it in the door, throw out the junk and immediately put it in that basket. Tell your spouse you love him/her every day. Schedule special time for fun so that you don't lose quality time together simply because you both got distracted...post a note on your refridgerator reminding you when that time is (Friday night date night or whatever). Similarly, make regular time for sex. Finally, learn all you can about ADD so that you both can say "that's the ADD!" when you have an ADD moment, rather than something critical.

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I am a 31 year old woman who was just diagnosed with adhd and discovered it after dating someone who has had severe adhd his whole life. I got tested for it becasue of him and things I learned based on reading about our relationship problems. I am totally adhd and on a higer doese medication than the person i am dating. I am dying to talk to people who deal with adhd and what they do when both people have it! I would love to spend all day writing and reading right now discussing it and sharing what I have learned (good and bad) BUT my procrastination and lack or organization... I need to get back to work.. it is the afternoon and I am still struggleing with dealing getting my life together. not doing well with the whole adhd thing... just started my own business a company of one and am going to lose it, if i don't get my act together and fast!

I have been searching for people on the internet who deal with both partners having adhd. i have been feeling SO ALONE!!!!!

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I was ADD my whole life and I could have written every book I read because my symptons are exactly the same as the book describes. But, I got through my whole life without medsby running 6 miles a day for 20 years and then I had to stop because of back problems. That is when my ADD came into action quick. My exhusband definitely has it, but he would never admit it. So obviously as you see he is now my ex husband after 25 years and two children in their early 20s and my diabetic son was diagnosed with ADD, but my ex does not believe there is an ADD. My new boyfriend totally different than the X went out and bought books to understand how an ADD person lives and how to help me. My X remarried to a non ADD person who of course can do finances better than me and keep a perfect house, you know I can't do that. Since I have been on meds, I am beginning to feel so normal, I am so happy that my new boyfriend understand that I have a real diagnosis and I am not a hypochondriac. Of course, I was a hypochondriac, too. So if your ADD boyfriend understands what the both of you have and who is going to do the finances, clean the house or maybe do everything together you may have a successful marriage. Good Luck to you and you are lucky you were diagnosed at an earlier age than me. I was diagnosed when I was 48 years old and I am glad I can spend the rest of my life with support, but I can't get back the 25 years with my x that was a totaly confusing time. Good Luck Deb

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Entirely possible! My husband and I are both ADD. Only in the past year did I get diagnosed and my husband thinks he definately had it as a child and probably does now too. We basically have 3 ways that everything in our lives depend on 1) paying someone to do the things we hate: taxes, housecleaning, yard work, painting, etc. 2) splitting the rest of the things equally and that is your job FOREVER, like I am washing, drying and folding clothes. He is cooking and dishes. 3) technology- we text, email, synch calendars, send photos CONSTANTLY throughout the day. If we didn't one of us would forget to pick our daughter up from school. Yes, our child probably has ADD too, maybe some sensory issues also, but we have a great time together. We act like a bunch of kids when we are all together. We have learned to manage our family and work lives and still make time for each other. That's why we sacrifice some things and pay a lot to have other people do them-- It keeps us happy, allows us to spend time together and makes work leave itself on the front doorstop.

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Hi all, I may be beginning a romantic relationship with a long-time dear friend who has ADD too. As friends, we have been a great combination, very supportive and understanding of each other. In just doing normal things as friends, the things we ADD folks do, logistically, socially, etc. would probably frustrate and annoy non-Addrs. But since we both fundamentally understand one another, those same issues become a point of shared understanding, rather than a source of conflict. I love my friend more deeply than I can imagine loving anyone, and I trust him with the "all of me" (including my ADD issues) more than I could imagine trusting anyone else. So, "bottom line", I think that an ADD couple could be a uniquely ideal combination of shared understanding and deepest love.

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Hi. I'm mid 20s and was diagnosed ADD as a child. Nothing was done and my mom didn't believe the diagnoses b/c I was extremely bright and a girl. Years later, I've noticed symptoms here and there. After having a son a year ago, I realized I needed help. I don't think I needed it before, but with the increased pressure and definite need for organization, etc I decided to go in for help. I've been medicated for a year. Meanwhile, the more together I became, the more not together my husband seemed to be. He was annoyed by my new drive to get things done and organization. I was becoming like a mother to him...not a good idea. Finally, I "asked" him to go make an appointment to be screened. Sure enough, he's ADD too. He's been medicated for a few months now although I have to remind him to take his meds and get a new prescription before he runs out.

Anyway, can it work. Yes. It can be wonderful or terrible. You can certain level of understanding b/c you both have it. But, you can also push each others buttons a lot better than non-ADDers, I believe. I think if you're both COMMITTED to each other and the relationship, and willing to manage, obtain info about and support each other as persons with ADD, your relationship can be fantastic. My hubby and I have had to work hard to get where we are with each other. It's taken a lot of soul searching, research, communication, counseling, tears, meds, love, commitment, prayers, and time. If you're both willing, it can work! If you want to private message, my email is jenni_aja@hotmail.com.

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Hi, I'm new to this forum and found this thread because I was wondering this myself. I haven't been diagnosed yet, but my therapist had me screened a few months ago, and it appears I have inattentive-type ADD. I'm in my mid-30s, so this has been a bit of a shock. It took a while for me to come around to the idea (I had - and sometimes still do have - a fair bit of denial.)

On the other hand, my boyfriend, of about 2 1/2 years, is full blown ADHD. It was strange because he never suspected it in me himself until I told him. We have actually been living together - even bought a house this year -before any of this came up.

So in a lot of ways, things have worked well. As previously mentioned, fun is the biggest payoff. We spend a lot of time together and always have a lot of laughs. I think we both intuitively knew we were right for each other because we could both keep up with each other's intellects (and levels of energy!).

And we also have the usual challenges that were mentioned here - primarily not being able to save money, keeping up with some social obligations, planning anything, unpacking... :)

I think the biggest problem for me right now is that he has had a lot of time to deal with his ADD and I still don't know how to deal with mine. I also have dysthymia and anxiety issues as well. And I worry that he is losing patience with me. Or worse - that maybe he will get bored of me (now that I fully understand that might be a risk..) And sometimes I wonder if doubts he could settle with another ADD person and has second thoughts. I'm afraid to ask him because it always seems like I'm the one worrying and he must be getting sick of it by now. I always feel like I am making up for my shortcomings. It's exhausting..

Anyway, just wondering if anyone can relate. Any insight would be really appreciated, thanks.

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Well I completely identifly with all of this - I'm 27 diagnosed with ADD when ever I was 6 , for many yrs I took medication , how ever when I turned 17 I decided to go off all medications , because I wanted to deal with my ADD on my own terms - to say the least I continue to feel that same way today - As for my soul mate Jeremy whom is 29 & ADHD we've been together for 8yrs - Yeah there are days where our ADD/ ADHD challanges us with every day simple tasks , I am the one who keeps up organized , I'm always a one step further than Jeremy when it comes to getting things done, making sure Jeremy is on time to appointments - I'll be honest if it wern't for me Jeremy would be late to his own funeral ( so to speak) Now Jeremy is not on medication for his ADHD , most of the time that doesn't really bother me but then there are other times when he's as hyper as kitten jumping from what curiosity to another that i get quite frustrated , how ever I really can't get too mad at him because it's not his fault he's ADHD and it's not his fault that where we live here in the state of NC that there are no mental health services , let alone no services that specalizes in ADHD/ ADD couples counseling / medication . Even with that Jeremy and I still love each other & we know if god didn't mean for us to be together we wouldn't be together today .

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My husband is diagnosed, and through him going through all the dx stuff, books/research etc. he and I have been convince I have ADD too, it's been joked about at work as a given that I do, and my strengths are creativity and of course multi-tasking.

We definitely have struggles, especially since I am now 5 months pregnant, I can not try the meds that seem to be working so well on him, which is interesting. Also interesting is him being on meds, makes it kind of hard for him to 'get' me, he gets all linear on me and says "context..? context...?" It's really interesting...then the meds wear off and he is so hyper I just want to go to bed, my 3yo loves his energy, as I'm typing she's chanting 'spin me around again' so it is a good balance.

I don't know if my daughter or daughter to be will be ADD (made a poem!) but I'm sure we can handle it, we totally get each other in a way that other people don't and like you mentioned with your friends we were probably drawn to each other because of the ADD, and possibly because most people don't 'get' us, but 'we' do...so it's very comforting even if it does get frustrating sometimes.

Dunno if that helps at all but that is my experience.

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Hi Farmgirl, in response to your question from 2007 which may or may not be a question for you anymore I wanted to tell you that you most definitely should marry your add boyfriend and I hope you did. My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years now. He was previously married before me to someone who was born organized and maybe little OCD in her cleaning efforts. I am the exact opposite, happy, carefree and not very organized at all! But in the last 2 years I discovered what I had guessed all along. That I had ADD. It caused a lot of heartaches for us before and after my discovery. But what was most funny and intriguing for me was reading old posts from my diary. Things about my husband that I couldn't stand or little problems we'd had and as I read all those things and put the pieces together. I was arguing with someone who is... me! I can't fault him for my own faults!

He admits to having "issues" but won't claim it's ADD. He says its depression and I say it's not! But my point is if your significant other makes you happy go for it. Pray always for God to be a part of your relationship and if their are some type of meds you both believe in that can assist you, take them. As for us we are not on any meds at this time although I’m looking into provigil. He was on Wellbutrin at one time and I was on Zoloft for a very short time. It actually worked really well. I was amazed at the focus I had but I couldn't sleep. We have 6 boys and one girl and every single one of my kids has undiagnosed ADD except for one, he is autistic and is diagnosed with adhd as well. We are not a perfect family but we are a family and I’m so happy that my husband and I did stick it out this long. It's quite amazing. I got married when I was 19 and took on a ready made family, him and his 4 boys and then we had our 3 little ones together but I’m a much better, more mature person for my experience... ADD and all. I don't think I would trade it for anything. He will complete you if you both try to stay on the same page and work out your differences always. One thing I've found is that of the two of us I am more apt to remember appointments, although I have my days where I forget just about everything! And that's what you have to do. Find each others strengths. I'm not crazy about dishes and neither is my husband, so who does them? Our kids! Delegate responsibility! Of course we help, but 18 hands are always better than 2. Then again we have 18 times the mess as well but hey it all balances out. We have weeks where I am totally in tune and I stay on top of the kids and I keep the house clean. Then we have weeks like last week after thanksgiving my energy was just gone! Even now I'm still struggling to get back on the cleaning bandwagon, but I have a desire to get structure in my home and so it will be. Where there is desire there is a will and where theres a will theres a way. You just have to do it! and never give up! No negative talk! Don't use his add as an excuse not to marry him! Take Care. Hope this helps you or someone! Quote:

farmgirl said: Are there any couples out there who are both ADD?

I have only been diagnosed for the last few years (late 20's) and I took Adderall XR for the first year after my diagnosis. My job requires my ADD-induced creativity and the medication stifled that quite a bit so I no longer take it. I do a fairly decent job of realizing what I can and can't do and use a lot of behavior modification to help me. I have also managed to surround myself with so many other people in my life who are also ADD. (Not intentionally, I think we just attract each other ;-) But, they at least understand what I'm not capable of handling and some of my unfortunate limitations (by the time I remember to return a friend's phone call, their ADD mind has usually forgotten they called me in the first place.)

Here lies the problem--I have never dated anyone who is ADD and my previous relationships usually fell apart because of the ADD (I'm slightly impulsive and restless, they wanted to sit around the house and read or watch movies) In the beginning I found the military preciseness of their personalities comforting, in the end it becomes a power struggle because I don't fit into their neat and precise life.

Now I have met man of my dreams, but he is recently diagnosed with ADHD (which he would prefer to completely treat) He's the one I want to marry, but the thought of two ADDers and the future ADD kids is very overwhelming.

So here is my concern--can two ADDers actually have a productive life and marriage together? My dad is ADD but my mom isn't--she makes him lists, sends him email reminders, and verifies every day that he didn't write a check he forgot to stub. She pays all the bills and remembers birthdays and doctors appointments. Can a marriage work if there isn't one person to keep everyone straight?

I'm not dependent on other people to keep me straight now--I remember business meetings and doctors appointments (although I am occasionally late) But I have my ADD tendencies (I lived in my apartment for 6 months without ever unpacking. A non-ADD friend got tired of it and just came over one day and started unpacking boxes) It just never bothered me that it wasn't unpacked.

I'd love to hear from other ADD couples about struggles you face and ways you overcome them.

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