I have an ADD son who is married to an ADD girl. Although neither one will admit to being ADD, I know they are. While they have had some issues, mostly financial, they do pretty well, and they are happy together. They have 3 children, two of which (boys) have behavior issues. From what I can see, neither of them keeps good financial records. They depend on their online banking to keep them straight, and from what I have seen, that's not a good idea, because credits and debits don't show up online instantly. I have begged and pleaded with them to keep their check register up to date, but to no avail. I have also pleaded for them to get at least the oldest boy some psychological/psychiatric help, but they won't do that. My daughter-in-law has big aversion to putting him on any drugs. I raised her husband and another son with Tourettes, ADD, OCD, and both of them have been raised with medications that helped them. Even so, both of my boys hate taking meds, especially as adults now. I just don't understand resisting something that can help you function and focus better. I do understand your need for your creativity, and not wanting to squelch that. But there must be something you can take that should help you, even if you take it when not working. My boys took imiprimine or ritalin & concerta. My youngest is still on ritalin and concerta as well as celexa for mood and abilify to help with his impulsivity. There is another medication that is not a controlled substance that you might try, it's Straterra. Anyway, since you admit you have ADD and your boyfriend does as well, I think you will both be more mindful of your issues and remember to use whatever resources you can to help you. You sound like a very mature ADDer to me and that will go a long way in helping you keep on track. Sheesta

Quote

When my husband I and married 20 years ago I felt like I has met my needle in a haystack. We did not know then that we both had ADD, we just understood eachother's frustrations and feelings better than anyone else in the world ever had. How is it that two bright, creative, hard working people never finished college? Flash forward to today, we have three beautiful, delightful and really funny kids. It was only after our children were diagnosed with inattentive ADD because they were unable to organize and complete tasks that we were tested. Our scores were IDENTICAL!

We have certainly do have challenges, but we are able to work with them. We have goofy systems in place to get everyone out the door in the morning (I keep toothbrushes in my silverware drawer and put them through the dishwasher when my kids go to school). Not everything we do is the way other people would do it, but I do manage 2 jobs and 3 ADD kids. My house is usually messy, but my family is happy, loving and unpredictable.

I don't know if someone without ADD could live with me. We're not a cookie cutter family, but our children are sweet, well behaved and academically gifted. Most importantly, low standards and a good sense of humor get us through the surprises each day holds. Good luck to you :o)

Quote

I can't beleive it, because the very reason I was browing this sight was becase I too am in my late 20's and have just entered into a relationship with another ADD'er . In fact, I've known him for several year and always was leary about hooking with someone like myself. I always thought I needed to be with someone who had their 'act' together, because I have enough trying to deal with myself. Well, needless to say nothing was ever successful in that range. With this recent relationship, I have highly underestimated how supportive and understanding someone in your same shoes can be. Instead of the tearing down I thought would happen, we have actually built each other up. It still is a little scary though, as we also have many of the same struggles, but I find that some areas were one is more ADD the other isn't and can help to cope. . .like the other day when I nearly had a panik attack from over committing myself and had to cancel and engagement. He had been there many- a-time himself and was able to walk me through some logical solutions. . .in the end to enter such a relationship will most certainly require efforts on both to keep things going, but may prove more compatable as there is that special understanding/ toleration you both share for each other.

Quote

Yes, two with ADD can have a great relationship! It takes a sense of humor, an understanding of your own and your partners' foibles, and a willingness to make some of the yucky stuff (like paying bills) get done, even if you don't like it. (You'll have a much easier time of it if you can keep your finances under control!) Dr. Ned Hallowell and I have been doing an in-depth online survey of couples where one or both partners has ADD as research for a some books that we are writing on the topic (and for our blog). One of the things that is striking about these relationships is how much FUN these couples have when they are not mired in problems. So, a sense of humor really matters, and an ability to let the small stuff go.

Some ideas for making it easier if you have the financial wherewithall - hire someone to keep track of your finances for you if this is a difficult area (which it is for many with ADD). Also, hire someone to organize you on a regular basis. (This is great for anyone! I don't have ADD, but do suffer from being busy. I hired a person from our town who is very organized to come in and create a better filing system for my home office and to file over a year's worth of stuff for me. Its WONDERFUL to be able to find things again!!)

Some easy things that make life for two-ADD couples easier...Keep your car keys on a hook by the door. Get a basket for your mail. When you first bring it in the door, throw out the junk and immediately put it in that basket. Tell your spouse you love him/her every day. Schedule special time for fun so that you don't lose quality time together simply because you both got distracted...post a note on your refridgerator reminding you when that time is (Friday night date night or whatever). Similarly, make regular time for sex. Finally, learn all you can about ADD so that you both can say "that's the ADD!" when you have an ADD moment, rather than something critical.

Quote

I am a 31 year old woman who was just diagnosed with adhd and discovered it after dating someone who has had severe adhd his whole life. I got tested for it becasue of him and things I learned based on reading about our relationship problems. I am totally adhd and on a higer doese medication than the person i am dating. I am dying to talk to people who deal with adhd and what they do when both people have it! I would love to spend all day writing and reading right now discussing it and sharing what I have learned (good and bad) BUT my procrastination and lack or organization... I need to get back to work.. it is the afternoon and I am still struggleing with dealing getting my life together. not doing well with the whole adhd thing... just started my own business a company of one and am going to lose it, if i don't get my act together and fast!

I have been searching for people on the internet who deal with both partners having adhd. i have been feeling SO ALONE!!!!!

Quote

I was ADD my whole life and I could have written every book I read because my symptons are exactly the same as the book describes. But, I got through my whole life without medsby running 6 miles a day for 20 years and then I had to stop because of back problems. That is when my ADD came into action quick. My exhusband definitely has it, but he would never admit it. So obviously as you see he is now my ex husband after 25 years and two children in their early 20s and my diabetic son was diagnosed with ADD, but my ex does not believe there is an ADD. My new boyfriend totally different than the X went out and bought books to understand how an ADD person lives and how to help me. My X remarried to a non ADD person who of course can do finances better than me and keep a perfect house, you know I can't do that. Since I have been on meds, I am beginning to feel so normal, I am so happy that my new boyfriend understand that I have a real diagnosis and I am not a hypochondriac. Of course, I was a hypochondriac, too. So if your ADD boyfriend understands what the both of you have and who is going to do the finances, clean the house or maybe do everything together you may have a successful marriage. Good Luck to you and you are lucky you were diagnosed at an earlier age than me. I was diagnosed when I was 48 years old and I am glad I can spend the rest of my life with support, but I can't get back the 25 years with my x that was a totaly confusing time. Good Luck Deb

Quote

Entirely possible! My husband and I are both ADD. Only in the past year did I get diagnosed and my husband thinks he definately had it as a child and probably does now too. We basically have 3 ways that everything in our lives depend on 1) paying someone to do the things we hate: taxes, housecleaning, yard work, painting, etc. 2) splitting the rest of the things equally and that is your job FOREVER, like I am washing, drying and folding clothes. He is cooking and dishes. 3) technology- we text, email, synch calendars, send photos CONSTANTLY throughout the day. If we didn't one of us would forget to pick our daughter up from school. Yes, our child probably has ADD too, maybe some sensory issues also, but we have a great time together. We act like a bunch of kids when we are all together. We have learned to manage our family and work lives and still make time for each other. That's why we sacrifice some things and pay a lot to have other people do them-- It keeps us happy, allows us to spend time together and makes work leave itself on the front doorstop.

Quote

Hi all, I may be beginning a romantic relationship with a long-time dear friend who has ADD too. As friends, we have been a great combination, very supportive and understanding of each other. In just doing normal things as friends, the things we ADD folks do, logistically, socially, etc. would probably frustrate and annoy non-Addrs. But since we both fundamentally understand one another, those same issues become a point of shared understanding, rather than a source of conflict. I love my friend more deeply than I can imagine loving anyone, and I trust him with the "all of me" (including my ADD issues) more than I could imagine trusting anyone else. So, "bottom line", I think that an ADD couple could be a uniquely ideal combination of shared understanding and deepest love.

Quote

Hi. I'm mid 20s and was diagnosed ADD as a child. Nothing was done and my mom didn't believe the diagnoses b/c I was extremely bright and a girl. Years later, I've noticed symptoms here and there. After having a son a year ago, I realized I needed help. I don't think I needed it before, but with the increased pressure and definite need for organization, etc I decided to go in for help. I've been medicated for a year. Meanwhile, the more together I became, the more not together my husband seemed to be. He was annoyed by my new drive to get things done and organization. I was becoming like a mother to him...not a good idea. Finally, I "asked" him to go make an appointment to be screened. Sure enough, he's ADD too. He's been medicated for a few months now although I have to remind him to take his meds and get a new prescription before he runs out.

Anyway, can it work. Yes. It can be wonderful or terrible. You can certain level of understanding b/c you both have it. But, you can also push each others buttons a lot better than non-ADDers, I believe. I think if you're both COMMITTED to each other and the relationship, and willing to manage, obtain info about and support each other as persons with ADD, your relationship can be fantastic. My hubby and I have had to work hard to get where we are with each other. It's taken a lot of soul searching, research, communication, counseling, tears, meds, love, commitment, prayers, and time. If you're both willing, it can work! If you want to private message, my email is jenni_aja@hotmail.com.

Quote