she has a hard time following the changes. A little background:

I have ADD (diagnosed by family doctor, not expert, but everybody who knows me, including me, agrees) as well as a variety of other issues. I saw a psychologist for about three years off and on. He refused to separate the ADD issues from the alcoholism, codependency, rough childhood, etc., etc. I understand that this is difficult, but it made the attempt at therapy less valuable and I finally gave up. I have been in 12-step recovery for a little under 19 years, and it is the best thing in my life. I have come to believe that the ADD, at least nowadays, plays an enormous role in my life, even though it's not what it once was. This belief comes largely from observing my wife's sister, who has ADD and has been treated for it for 16 years. She introduced me to my wife.

My wife and I met about six years ago and have been married for a little over three years. She loves all those loveable traits ADDers are often known for (intuition, creativity, wonderful rambling conversations) and shares some of my traits, especially disorganization She may have ADD, but she would not address the issue at all back when we had health insurance.

Here's where it gets interesting. After trying Welbutrin, Straterra and Ritalin with little to no improvement, I decided to go back to caffeine, which I used in large amounts until 1999 without knowing why. Turns out, this is the effective treatment for my ADD. Not perfect, but quite a bit improved. Together with electronic assistance (PDA, "smart" watch, cell-phone organizer), the caffeine has helped me organize appointments and tasks a lot better. My wife, however, still tells me everything I need to do, while at the same time expecting me to know where thing are even though someone has moved them. The whole thing frustrates me.

I am 50 years old and this is my first marriage. I knew there would be some adjustment, but this one requires that I (a) vent and (b) ask for help. I need to find a reasonable and respectful way to (1) tell her that I don't need the same level of reminder, but I still can't find things and (2) if such a possibility exists, encourage her to address her own issues. I'm aware that (2) is probably impossible, but I will consider suggestions.

Thank you for reading this long posting.

Calvin

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