My 8 year old son has ADHD, Sensory Processing Disorder and Aspergers. He saw an Occupational Therapist for a year for his SPD / motor skills issues. He is currently seeing a Psychiatrist for his meds and a Behavioral Psychologist for social skills training. His ED teacher added social skills training to his IEP at school this year and she is also working with him on these. What helped me the most was a tip provided by the Behavioral Psychologist - don't just correct the behavior, demonstrate / model it. For example, my son used to greet me by putting his hands on my chest - pretty embarrassing in public. Time and time again I would tell him not to do that but never showed him what WAS OK. The next time he did that, I gently took his arms and placed them around my waist in a hug while explaining that this was a better way to greet me. It made a big difference. Hang in there!! Collapse and sob in private but never give up and never stop advocating for your child!!

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I have an 11 year old girl with ADHD and would love to hear from parents with girls in this age range. I bought a workbook called Socially ADDept which contains lesson plans for each mini-social skill (e.g. how to enter a group, how to ask questions, etc.). We worked on this together last summer but since then she says she has lots of friends and doesn't want my help on this (pre-adolescent pulling away from mom, no doubt); however, she has yet to mention anyone by name more than once or ask to have anyone come over or visit them, so I know it's still a problem. Check out the book, though--it's clearly written and could even be used by the kids without the parents helping if they were so inclined.

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Check with your school special ed director. My son attended a once-per-week workshop during school for various things. Last Fall it was Making and Keeping Friends. This semester it's about Study Skills.

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MY SON GOES THROUGH THE SAME STUFF HERE , HE HAS SEVER ADHD OCD ODD ANGER MOOD DISORDERS.AND IT IS HARD FOR HIM TO MAKE FRIENDS HE HAS VERY FEW OF THEM , AND HE SAIDS NO ONE LIKES HIM AT SCHOOL , NOW KNOW THAT YOU CAN'T MAKE SOME ONE LIKE BUT OTHER CHILDREN SHOULD NOT BE SO CRUEL .......

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The best book that I have read on the subject is by Richard Lavoie - The forward alone for the book from Mel Levine is excellent. The focus of the book is helping your child find social success. I think its a must read for every parent of an ADHD child. While its not a end all cure, some of the things did help. I have to say as a parent with (2) ADHD kids and having it myself, social problems are by far the worst. My 9 nine year old son is very social and loves to be around other children but as you all know, those ADHD quirks can really put off other kids. I would suggest picking 1-3 behavior traits you/your child wants to work on and see if the books ideas help. Its a slow, hard and constant process to teach adhd kids social compentency. Most schools DON'T want to put social goals in an IEP and please, push hard to get them in. It helps if the school knows you think/want this to be an equal priority to improving academic success...good luck!

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"It's so Much Work to be Your Friend" by Richard Lavoie

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I also am raising my ADHD grandson. Not only does he have ADHD he also has emotional issues his mom (my daughter ) passed away and no dad in sight. My husband and I are struggling. He has no friends and lives a very isolated life with just the 3 of us. School is a nightmare for him on the social level. Academic he is good. We are starting with a new counsler this week ( 2nd one in a year) Quote:

Sharon said:

Good luck. I have been trying for years to find some help. The child physcologist says she doesn"t have enough patients around his age to form a group. His counselor was suspose to be working with him but nothing has come from it. Things at school have not improved. He has no friends. One boy will be his so called friend if none of the other kids know it.

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I have a 8 year old girl and am in the same boat. I try role playing with her all the time but because I am mom and she has ODD too she does not listen to me as much. It is always the hard struggle finding friends and I have noticed of her few the ones she played with are on the bratty side and she is easily manipulated, another concern.

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My 7 yo. ds has ADHD/anxiety. He does have friends, but I worry about him "annoying" other kids at times. His school is small so we try and get him involved in other activities that introduce him to several groups of kids in town. He does boy scouts at a catholic school where we attend church. He does baseball/soccer in our local part of town league, judo somewhere else, etc. This way he doesn't have to just be friends with a small pool of kids from school.

How about a pen pal? I know there are ways to get one. That would be a fun way to communicate with someone via mail and wouldn't have to worry about issues that would arise during a playdate.

I try to have one friend over at a time. One-on-one with some supervision usually works best for us. Get your kid to really have success with one friend at a time. I always have a talk with ds before he goes to play with a friend or to an after-school activity. I let him know what to expect and how he should act, etc. There is only so much I can control and he has to experience failure/success by himself, but I give him a "pep talk" so to speak.

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Ann,

You might see if your school has a "Friendship Club". My 10 year old son went through the same thing. His 3rd grade teacher recommended he try this club. What a difference! Yes, he is still immature compared to the other boys in school, but now he realizes when he has gone to far with it and tries to stop before it is too annoying to the other boys. His 4th grade teacher has been the first to make a comment on the report card that my son gets along and is well liked by his peers. The club is not just for ADD/ADHD students, it may have shy children, bi-lingual children or students that are just not socially ready for their grade. I highly recommend this. If your school doesn't have one, you might suggest to the school psycologist that they get this program started.

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