texisuz , you should really talk to their teachers, don't blame everthing on your kids or the ADHD, if other kids do not allow yours to join in when playing games at school that is bullying. Your kids should not be excluded and there is probably one or two gang leaders/bullies who don't want them playing and other kids are very influenced by bullies. You won't sort this on your own, talk to their teachers and tell them what is happening in the school playground. I have been through this with my 9 year old boy and I was blaming his dyspraxia and his lack of social skills but my own doctor pointed out to me alot of it is just bullying by 1 or 2 in his class and others don't want to be seen playing with him in case they will be the next victim. The school was very supportive and still is. Also watch out for any kid in their class who you think don't have alot of friends, ask your son/daughter to invite them to the cinema some time and maybe a friendship might develop. I was desperate at one stage with my son, I thought he had no friends, but I encouraged him to be friends with one very quite kid and I take them to the cinema and McDonalds now and then and at least he has someone to play with. This year a few more kids play with them. He also joined Karate and it has given him a lot of confidence. It has taken time to get to this stage and I had many many sleepless nights. Don't get disheartened, and don't compare your kids maturity to his/her peers - that will just drive you insane, kids mature in their own way in their own time. Also I have now accepted that my child is slightly different to other kids and always will be and he will never quite 'fit in' but I am grateful that he is now a happy child.

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I have a 10 year old daughter with ADHD. Despite all of the reading and working with behavior therapists from when she was 5, I couldn't help but wonder if my husband and I were awful parents. Then, as our younger daughter's (now age 6) temperment became obvious, it is so clear that so much is internal/physical. We can help as parents, we can parent appropriately for each child, but there are inherent challenges that even the most diligent parent can NOT "fix". My younger daughter is the type that other parent call to have come play because it's "easier" when she is around. Very few families invite my older daughter over. She's emotional, challenging, years behind socially, years ahead intellectually, and can be very difficult during "play dates" and she likes to break rules. I am so scared of the teenage years. I don't want to "overprotect", but I think my older daughter needs a lot more supervision than most kids her age.

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Brenda said: I have a daughte with ADHD as well, She has just turned 13. When she gets a friend she latches on. She does not find several friends. When she finds a friend and does not agree will get mad and back off. We are trying to get her to make more friends but she is very stubborn. I feel that it takes a special person to understand ADHD kids. A friend she has not accepts Audrey but does notice her pacing and other odd behavior. She still sticks by her. But when my daughter makes choices with her it is not always good ones. Quote:

mindiemom said: I have an 11 year old girl with ADHD and would love to hear from parents with girls in this age range. I bought a workbook called Socially ADDept which contains lesson plans for each mini-social skill (e.g. how to enter a group, how to ask questions, etc.). We worked on this together last summer but since then she says she has lots of friends and doesn't want my help on this (pre-adolescent pulling away from mom, no doubt); however, she has yet to mention anyone by name more than once or ask to have anyone come over or visit them, so I know it's still a problem. Check out the book, though--it's clearly written and could even be used by the kids without the parents helping if they were so inclined.

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anne said: Does anyone have suggestions for a helping with learning social skills? My son has ADD - Inattentive Type - and he is very impulsive and does not have many close friends. He tends to fly off the handle and likes to be first and best. I would love to see him have a few really good friends. I think the things he says or the noises he sometimes makes hime hard to get along with. Thanks for your help.

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anne said: Does anyone have suggestions for a helping with learning social skills? My son has ADD - Inattentive Type - and he is very impulsive and does not have many close friends. He tends to fly off the handle and likes to be first and best. I would love to see him have a few really good friends. I think the things he says or the noises he sometimes makes hime hard to get along with. Thanks for your help.

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Jillette said: I have a 8 year old girl and am in the same boat. I try role playing with her all the time but because I am mom and she has ODD too she does not listen to me as much. It is always the hard struggle finding friends and I have noticed of her few the ones she played with are on the bratty side and she is easily manipulated, another concern.

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I have a 17 year old daughter with ADHD and anxiety. Over the years there have been many issues but by far the most heartbreaking have been around friends and socializing. In elementary school her impulsivity, immaturity, and agressive tendencies were off putting to the other girls but she got along just fine with the boys and spent most of her time playing iwth them. When we did mangage to get a girl over for a playdate, I was constantly on guard making sure there were no meltdowns or aggressive outbursts (mostly around sharing). However, in middle school, when the boys were no longer a play option ,everything came completely unraveled. She had absolutely no friends and no idea how to get the other girls to think of her as anything but annoying (becasue she was annoying to them). These were difficult years but she absolutely hit the wall in 9th grade when the school work placed more demands on her. She was overwhelmed ,so every school night was a scene with screaming, hitting, throwing things, and crying. Every weekend also was a scene as she went through her school directory calling one girls after another trying to find someone (anyone) to hang out with her. Very few ever said yes and if they did she didn't have the social skills to maintain a connection (rude, interrupting constantly, very immature). It was very difficult to watch as a parent, I cried for her many nights and began taking anti anxiety medication myself occasionally just to help her through it calmly. Every year since has been a miniscule improvement but she never really learns from her mistakes and tends to do the same innappropriate things over and over again, no matter how much I warn or coach her. She is now a senior and it's better than it has ever been but still not great. While she now has 2 friends and sometimes goes to parties, she still gets into arguments (she's really possessive with boyfriends, almost like she was about sharing her toys when she was younger) and annoys other girls with her impulsive language. My big concern now is that she has been accepted to a great college and plans to attend in September. I'm scared for her because if she hasn't been able to learn from her mistakes this could be a nightmare. Anyone know what happens to kids like her in college?

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I have a lot of the same issues with my son as I have been reading about here. The only difference is my son is not aggressive, does not interrupt, etc. My son is just in a fog a lot of the time. Not only does he "tune out" in class, but also with his friends. He makes attempts at conversations, but he only talks about what he's doing and never can come up with a single question to ask about what anyone else is doing. We've talked to him about this numerous times, and he can do it in role playing, but when it comes time for the actual social interaction he just freezes up and tunes out. As a result, friends that he has had since preschool are falling away, and he has made no new friends since the third grade. We've tried him with different groups outside of school--baseball, martial arts, Scouts, theatre, choir, even around his cousins. But he simply has no curiosity or interest in other people, tunes out when other kids talk, and by now, he's never invited anywhere. We do all the inviting, but the boys that come over to play seem to be doing so reluctantly.

He's been this way since infancy. He never cried when he didn't get his way, he could sit quietly through a movie at 18 months, never had meltdowns, never even asked for anything in the candy or toy aisle of a store. At first his therapist thought he might have Asberger's, but despite his detachment from life, he is extremely affectionate with his family, he can look people in the eye, and he did make appropriate friendships at the appropriate ages, so that was ruled out. But now that the kids are becoming more aware and realizing that my son isn't paying any attention to his friends, they fall away. He has come out of his fog somewhat, but it still envelops him about 70% of the time. I really don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to lose him to it completely. He'll be starting middle school soon, and he won't be around all the same friends he's had since he's been three years old. He will have to make new friends. The thing is, the 30% of the time that he's not in the fog, he's a charming, intelligent, witty and fun kid to be around. Can anyone relate? Does anyone have any suggestions?

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My son also makes noises. I think he tries to get the attention of other kids. He also pushes and hits them and calls them names. He talks great with adults and his calm, but as soon as he gets around a bunch of kids he loses his mind. He gets real hyper and says some inappropriate things. The kids all look at him like he's crazy. I've tried to talk to him about it and if I'm there I will come up beside him and whisper in his ear to "be yourself". This seems to work sometimes (for a little while), but I can't always be there. He just started summer camp. The first day he had friends on the bus stop and at camp, now all the kids ignore him or tell him horrible things like "i wish you would die!" I really hate this and wish he could just relax and just be himself (he's fine at home and at my moms). If he gets upset or mad he just shuts down and hides and won't talk or anything. I have gotten a few calls of some very confused adults asking why he is doing that. He recently started seeing a psychologist to help him with anxiety. I seen some improvement with his anxiety, but none with social interactions.

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I am not sure where you live. I live in Iowa and there is a service called Remedial. The qualifications for it are an Axis I diagnosis (which ADHD is) and to be on Medicaid (state insurance). This service provides in home skills training on conflict resoultion skills, problem solving skills, interpersonal relationship skills, social skills, and communication skills. It would be worth looking in to. With my son I try to involve him in activities with other children. We live in a very small town so most of the kids he has went to school with have always just known him the way he is and dont seem to give it much thought. But I can relate that when he has friends over to play or spend the night he wants to be the best/first/win everything. He is fortunate that most of his friends just accept him the way he is. Hang in there:)

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I have two children with ADHD combined type. My son will be 16 in January and daughter turning 12 in December. We recently moved (in Canada) from one province to another and the main thing for my son was that no one identifies him as a weirdo in his high school here. When we first moved he felt strange walking down the hall way with no one teasing him, he actually told me that he missed it, simply because 'at least someone talked to him'. My son was bullied very badly in his other school and has many scars from that. At 13 he didn't even know how to be social with other boys so even in his new school he's having difficulty making friends. Not hyper anymore, but still socially unacceptable at times. The cycle doesn't stop it's just all a part of who they become. Continue to encourage and make it very clear that although school seems like such a huge part of their lives now, it is really such a small portion of their lives in the bigger picture. The ADHD should never be a crutch for bad behavior but if they aren't ashamed of it that's a big piece too. My son and daughter have learned to tell their closer friends that they have ADHD. They explain some of the behaviors and the kids that are open to that tend to stick with them a little bit. Funny enough, it's usually the parents that are unaccepting. The one positive thing I find is that because my son doesn't get invited to much he's not drinking, doing drugs and having sex like a lot of the other kids. It's giving me more time to help him cope when those things are actually put in his face. Hope this helps. :)

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Diane said: My son who just turned 13 has ADHD with severe impulsivity and has never really had even one close friend let alone be accepted in a peer group. Fortuntely, this does not deter him from joining groups, clubs, teams, and it does not deter him from trying to make new friends. He is very active in school with band and choir, and plays multiple sports year 'round. As he matures and grows more independent and social.....I am finding that unfortunately, the damage has already been done in his circle of classmates. He has been labeled, classified and targeted...as the weird kid and he lives a pretty lonely life of no party invitations and no text messages from friends. Even as he improves upon his social and organizational skills and becomes more in control of his impulses, these are not things that 13 and 14 year old children seem to notice or even care about . So that leaves me to wonder how a child in this situation can ever truly make friends without moving to another school. Non ADD kids can be cruel sometimes.

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Your son doesn't make sounds on purpose. It's a form of tick he would have. Many children with ADHD have visual ticks but some also have vocal ones. My son used to make strange sounds in his throat during class time. Sometimes it got so loud that the teacher would send him into the hallway. We finally identified it with the stress of a test or the quite around him. Whenever he took a test the noise seemed to get louder; if everyone needed to have a quite time in the room for reading or assignment writing it was too difficult for my son to maintain that silence. We coordinated with his teacher and the school resource teacher to figure this out and then came up with alternatives for him during test times and quite times. The teacher also created a personal signal with him that helped him identify when he was making a strange noise and together they were able to lesson what was happening without anyone noticing. Other things happened too. Once when my son went to the washroom, out of no where he screamed at the top of his lungs "asshole" very loudly. Obviously I got a call about that one, but it was a simple case of 'I don't know why". If we didn't get his hair cut before it hit his neck he would make a strange movement with his head every few seconds. You might have thought he would dislocate his neck. He would get up in the middle of class and walk over to someones desk and take their pencil in the middle of a writing assignment, or walk up to the teacher and pick up her coffee cup to look at it. They were such spontaneous things that it would be so frustrating to explain why he would do them. You are not alone, so please feel encouraged that your son is only ten. He's still in the middle of the ADHD crazies at that age. As he gets older the impulsiveness will lessen, but it won't go away totally. School is such a cruel place, but he needs to know that some of the things he does today will be the most positive traits that will take him into his adulthood. Give him examples of jobs that would make those characteristics stand out in a positive way. Don't ask him how his day was when you see him after school, ask him what the most positive thing about his day was and then what the most negative thing was. It's amazing how much that will mean to him when it becomes a routine for him. He'll start looking for the most positive thing to tell you, and he'll explain to you why a specific part was negative. The one thing you should never let happen is bullying. It doesn't matter if your child has ADHD or not, NO CHILD SHOULD EVER BE BULLIED. Help your child differentiate behavior of bullies. Telling your child that "they wished he would die!" is inappropriate. That is bullying. It can't be accepted. If things like that happen they need to be addressed with the head of that camp, day care provider, the teacher, or principal. Many times my son was the one that was caught hitting or punching but he was not the instigator. He was so frustrated by the things that kids were saying about him and too him that he lashed out. Boys tend to be physical and if he is hitting others, the likelihood is that those children did something to provoke him. Ask him details and write them down in a journal with dates. See if you can get names or how many kids because ADHD kids tend to say "everyone hates me". The more details you get the more you can advocate for him. Usually one or two kids are always the ones who start the problems. Details about kids that treat him positively are important too. If one child continuously treats him in a positive way maybe approach that parent at some point and let them know that their child has been good to yours. Let them know that your son has ADHD and that it means a lot to him to be treated nicely. Good Luck. Quote:

stamara said: My son also makes noises. I think he tries to get the attention of other kids. He also pushes and hits them and calls them names. He talks great with adults and his calm, but as soon as he gets around a bunch of kids he loses his mind. He gets real hyper and says some inappropriate things. The kids all look at him like he's crazy. I've tried to talk to him about it and if I'm there I will come up beside him and whisper in his ear to "be yourself". This seems to work sometimes (for a little while), but I can't always be there. He just started summer camp. The first day he had friends on the bus stop and at camp, now all the kids ignore him or tell him horrible things like "i wish you would die!" I really hate this and wish he could just relax and just be himself (he's fine at home and at my moms). If he gets upset or mad he just shuts down and hides and won't talk or anything. I have gotten a few calls of some very confused adults asking why he is doing that. He recently started seeing a psychologist to help him with anxiety. I seen some improvement with his anxiety, but none with social interactions.

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Venting and crying is a part of the process. Unfortunately you might be doing a great deal of crying, especially about your daughter. Grade 4, 5,6 and 7 are cruel years for ADHD children. My daughter is very social, but continuously has difficulty keeping her friends. She's the only one who never gets invited to parties and last year (in grade 6) she sent 5 invitations for her party and not a single parent RSVP'ed. Talk about heart broken!! The one great thing is that she is in competitive swimming, and has gained friendships this way. Because I'm able to become friends with some of the parents in her extra curricular activities I'm able to smooth the way with those parents, and it seems to make her friendships more successful in that arena. The one thing you should never let happen is bullying. It doesn't matter if your child has ADHD or not, NO CHILD SHOULD EVER BE BULLIED. Help your child differentiate behavior of bullies. If that lady had been walking behind me I would have turned around (kindly) and suggested that it is impolite to speak badly of people. Make them aware that you could here what was being said and then possibly approached that mother at a different instance to inform her that your daughter has ADHD and sometimes has difficulty making friends. There is never an excuse for rude behavior of other children even when your child has ADHD. Bullying starts with unaware parents who let their children say things like that without a reprimand. Quote:

texisuz said: I'm new here but definetly not the social concerns. I have 2 kids a Daughter 10 and a son 8. Both have ADHD but my daughter has it really severe where the meds are almost useless. My son is lucky in that respect, but of course both of my kiddos have trouble in the social area. They have no trouble making friends but quickly lose them or become someone to avoid because they lack maturity and are not able to pick up on social cues. I'd rather get my teeth drilled than watch my poor kids try to talk to a child who was their friend last year or even 6 months ago and now the kid is trying to distance themselves by ignoring my child or giving them the cold shoulder. What makes it worse is that we live in a rural area in central texas and have no neighbors and my family are all of town. Another thing that doesn't help is that their public school is not that big and most of the kids that go there are either related in some way or know each other because they live in the area. At first I thought I was being paranoid about the other kids not liking my children and thinking that they were "weird". This Thursday confirmed it when we had orientation to meet the teachers. My daughter and myself were walking down the hall when I heard a mother ask her daughter who that cute girl was and it looked like she might be in her grade(meaning my daughter and they were walking right behind us). The little girl just said matter a factly " Oh .....that's So and So, but I don't like her". Her mother then told her that wasn't nice and why did she say that. The little girl said I don't know I just don't like her. I realized then that my child since kinder has been labeled by these kids as "weird", "strange" or just someone not to be liked. School starts this Monday and I have knots in my stomach for my kids. My kids want to have friends so bad to hang out with at school and at home. It breaks my heart because they try so hard. Am I the only one that feels like this. Is there a group in central Texas(Austin, San Marcos area) that kids with ADHD can meet other kids? Just the thought of my kids watching others play together or wanting to join in and can't breaks my heart. Well sorry this is soooo long and I just rattled. I had to vent..................Thanks

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I have been dealing with my 6 year old daughter and have the same issue. I thought that she was trying to make the sounds just to get my attention or something.Im kinda worried about her going to school when she comes of age. Im scared that other kids may bully her as it is very common kids with ADHD I do hope that therapy and everything will work, I'm also in search of supplements that can help make the best out of my daughter's situation.

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My 10 year old grandson has a host of diagnoses on top of ADHD. He is highly intelligent and thinks/speaks beyond his years. He only makes friends with kids he can boss around or older kids who boss him. He gets physical with kids because he misinterprets social cues and needs constant surveillance. He has little impulse control even with ADHD and other meds. No one comes to his birthday parties nor invites him to theirs. It breaks my heart. He's seen psychologists and been in peer group counseling at school. Nothing seems to work. I have signed him up for activities (sports too), only to sit on the sidelines and cringe at his behavior. Short of starting my own "peer group" I do not know where to turn. Not alot of options in my part of the state.

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My son too has issues with social skills. An ADHD Coach was very helpfull (different from counseling). There are also social skill groups for children. Check the internet, phonebook, or a behavioral clinic to see if you have a social skills group near you. We use to drive 45 minutes every Saturday morning for coaching but it was so worth it. Good luck.

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We have the same problem. We will be taking our 11 year old son out of the area to attend a social skills group. It seems like everyone complains that there is nothing available locally to address their children's needs, myself included. I hope that one day there will be more facilities out there so people can attend things like social skills groups close to home!! All it takes are a group of concerned parents who actually have the time to start something like that and I know it will take off!

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My son has ADD inattentive and tourrettes with a sprinkle of sensory processing issues. Reading these comments have been so helpful in realizing I am not alone. Our son is in 4th grade and from reading these posts I can see that some of his toughest years are ahead of him. He has some friends now, but I have this dread feeling that soon they will dump him because of his social challenges. So far, most of his outbursts and tantrums happen at home. He also still wets the bed and often wets his pants and because of his sensory issues rarely clues in that they are wet. So far he hasn't had this happen at school. His public school has a wonderful social worker who does group working on social skills. He is in this group with one of his best friends and I think it has helped him alot. He has so much trouble attening to things and getting motivated to do things. Especially self care like brushing his teeth, combing his hair, things that will begin to be noticed by his peers. He often lays down whenever we ask him to do something like go get dressed, or get ready for school. He is so slow getting going anywhere and often perfers to stay home. He lacks coordination and attention so sports are really hard for him. He has really low muscle tone too, so that makes it hard for him to keep up now that the boys are getting faster and stronger. He has an interest in chess and we find that if something does peak his interest then he falls into a hyper attention mode where he completly tunes out everything even his physical needs and will often wet his pants, even when people are over at the house. He is working with an OT now, but we are considering some medication for the first time to help him stay focused at school. Problem is that much of the medication for ADD make the ticks of his tourrettes worse. Has anyone tried some medication that they might recommend I look into? I also like the food approach and think I need to cut back on dairy for him. We don't do high fructose corn syrup now. Well, if anyone can comment on the medicine side of this I would be grateful.

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@PhoenixMom,

Many physicians will not prescribe a stimulant to a patient with a history of tics themselves or a family history, since stimulants are known to often make them worse. However, there are many non-stimulant medication options to treat ADHD as well. Here's a list of articles on non-stimulant medications: http://www.additudemag.com/search/keyword/Nonstimulant%20ADHD%20Medications.html

There's also a great chart detailing all meds for ADHD and co-morbid conditions in the article, Psychiatric Medications for Children with ADHD (http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/2489.html).

As with any child starting any medication for ADHD, all you can do is try something and then adjust if it is not managing symptoms ideally.

You might try posting this in the medication section of the Forums to receive experience responses from other parents who use medication to treat ADHD in a child with Tourettes/Tics as well.

Penny W., ADDitudeMag.com Community Moderator

mom to Luke, ADHD, age 8

creator of the Website {a mom's view of ADHD} at http://aMomsViewOfADHD.com

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