I understand! I am a mom with ADD and so I have a hard time raising my daughter because I lack patience and the organizational skills to teach my daughter. Recently my therapist has suggested that my daughter might also have ADD since it is hereditary. We fight constantly and no matter what I ask her to do, it seems like she ignores me, doesn't hear me, or doesn't care. I don't know if it's because I don't have the patience to let her do things on her own (like get dressed) because if I leave her to do this, I'll come back 10 minutes later to a naked child coloring a beautiful picture in the middle of her room with a bunch of clothes scattered about her. Because of my lack of organization, I'm usually late, scatter brained and my stress levels are already at their breaking point. So I get frustrated and angry very easily, so I yell at her and then I feel guilty for yelling. So I just bypass all that and dress her myself. Only I feel that I am not teaching her the essential skills that she needs. How did you find out that your child had ADD? And how are you treating it? Also, from my experience as a child growing up with undiagnosed ADD, the worst thing you can do is invalidate his/her feelings. I didn't understand what was going on with me, and I truly did try my hardest. I didn't purposfully not do the dishes to make my mother mad, I either forgot or got distracted or overwhelmed with task at hand. People told me I wasn't applying myself, that I just needed to try harder, snap out of it, stop making excuses. That was detrimental for me. Do you have a support system at home for you and your child. Is there someone there that can give you a break sometimes or help with the responsibilities of raising a child of AD/HD? I have no idea if any of that helped. I have yet to figure out how not to yell at my daughter either, I guess I'm saying, that if you're going to yell, choose your words wisely. ADDers are usually emotionally sensitive. I was as a child and still am as an adult.

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I know what else I forgot to say. Consistency is the key. It takes much longer for something to click for someone with ADD. We tend to make the same mistakes numerous times. It's not your fault or lack of parenting. It's the ADD. Be patient (as much you can) and give yourself credit for everything you are doing!

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Thank you so much for responding,it certainly does help to hear from another Mom and also someone with ADHD. My husband has ADHD and so he tells me alot of the same things you said you feel. I was able to enroll my daughter in a study at age 4 that was looking into the attention span of children prior to starting school and then one year later after they were in school so I lucked out because the psychologist who was conducting the study was also the leading ADHD specialist around here. It wasn't long after he watched my child that he was confident she had it,he did alot of tests on her and asked us alot of questions. We put her on Ritalin at age 5 and it instantly started to have a positive affect on her ability to focus and calm down. It was a hard decision but we know now it was the right one. We have tried some behavior mod and the only thing that works occasionally is time out. We have to be consisitant with her or we get no results.That is difficult but we see how not being consistant makes no difference in her behavior.She is a creative mind which can be very positive but at this point it causes her to be very destructive;she likes to make potions so we have found many concoctions of all different types in the bathroom and in the kitchen.Lately we have found her to be more destructive with the house for example she kicked 4 railings on our deck and broke them in half and yesterday she emptied 2 cans of shaving cream all over her bedroom carpet to make snow for her Barbies.We grounded her from her bike and we grounded her from having playmates over and we took some of her piggybank money to replace the railings. She is a constant challenge to me and I feel God gave me this challenge to improve or learn something about myself ,I haven't quite figured out what it is yet but hopefully someday I will!Ha!She is very sweet and lovable and funny and I love her with all my heart but she stresses me out! If you have any other words of wisdom I am all ears and if I can offer you any let me know.thanks again for responding.

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I try and do the opposite... I focus on the positive by saying if you can do this you can have a reward. My son will do almost anything to play his gamecube!!!! So mornings he has to get dressed, have breakfast and take his meds, then he can have the gamecube for a bit before school. I also keep adding things to the list of what he needs to do. I found when my son wasn't on meds and aggressive, alot of it was because he didn't understand the feelings he was having and acting out or if he was bored/hyper and couldn't find anything that strikes his fancy. I've also come to the realizaion I can not leave him alone... (except the gamecube). I do not use it as a babysitter, but if I need time to have a shower or phone call, he can play it. It is our compromise. I have things I need to do, and he needs something he enjoys so he isn't seeking my attenion. Do you know the root cause of the aggression?? Does she fully understand why she can't use shaving cream as snow (but wow that was really creative!!!!) I am also really big on mom time outs. By the evening, I can not handle anything else. I used to shout alot but now I say, I need a time out to calm down (which is true and setting a good example for him) and after i have my five minutes, I can come back and we can talk about it. Natural consequences work well well he can't understand. Like if you spill juice, you have to clean it up yourself. If you waste paper towels, you have to buy them (we go to store, I give him money, and he has to find them and pay for them). Focus on the positive, so she doesn't always get down and feel insecure

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You know I kind of feel a little surprised because I thought I did focus on the positves most of the time but I have never really thought of using it the way you suggest,I started to think about what I say to her after I read your reply.I usually take things away for cosequences but maybe if I approach her with if you do this you receive a reward that might make a difference for all of us. Thanks for that I really appreciate any advice because most days I feel I am hanging on by a thread so I feel grateful for finding this website. I have never use message boards before so I am really excited to hear from other parents Thanks!

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I have a 7 year old son who was also diagnoised at 4 that he was adhd with oppositional diffiance disorder. ODD It hasn't been a picnic. His father and I aren't together and haven't been since he was 2. But he is very active in his life. But there was nothing wrong with his son and up until 3 months ago did he finally agree with putting him on medication. My son is very thin so he doesn't qualify for any time released meds. He is now on ritlin and I am loving it. He went from getting 20 & 40's on spelling test to 100 every week. We found that he is truely smart as long as he is on the meds. It has settled him down but hasn't taken away all his bad behaviors. I was told by our family phy. nurse that he has to learn the good behavior. All he knows is the bad. It is taking a lot of time and being consistant to make some differences in our house. I also make list just what to do in the mornings and he gets an award at the end of the week. It doesn't have to be money just something to make him feel special like picking out a movie rented or on tv for the family to watch together, picking out whats for dinner, and a day off from 1 chore. I started this 1 week ago and it has drastically changed my mornings. I went from fighting him to get dressed, eat ect... to him doing it without being told. Just like the simple things like eatting and brushing his hair, it's all on the list. He also likes his gamecube and ps2 x box but he has to earn those also. We have a certain time to do our homework and he knows that and is consistant with that. I was also told that he has to learn to focus because he never learned that so on the weekends at the same time he does his homework daily make sure u set him down and focus on doing something from reading a bbok to maybe coloring in a book. Something to make him focus. Sametime everyday. My life has been made a little simplier with a few changes and routines.

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My 6yr old has recently been diagnosed with ADHD. He is so sweet and loving some of the time and a terror the next next. It makes me feel better knowing he is not just a "bad Kid" and We're not horrrible parents! After his diagnoses I realized I have that it my entire life, no wonder my childhood was awful!! Now, I can become his biggest supporter, I don't want him to the rejection like I did. Thanks to all of you. Your kids sound like him...love the shaving cream snow!! Did you take a picture?? What a story to tell her kids!!! JT has made a river in out back yard...he sneaks out turns the waterhose on that has literally made a river. Killed the grass, made a trench in the dirt and pretends he is a pirate. It may only last for 10 mins and then he's off doing something else, but it is pretty cute to watch. And no he doesn't remember to turn the water off.

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thanks for your thoughts. Your message had a very positive feeling to it and it made me smile. Somedays all I can do is laugh and other days I find it so difficult to find a positive side to the chaos. I am sure your son is a delight on his good days and is probably very similar to my daughter,she is the sweetest thing most of the time but when she is off I struggle with how to get through. Maybe I have to accept that I can't get through at those times and find ways for her to use her hyper moments constructively.When I am thinking right and I find something to point her energy to it does help. She has a teachers aid in her classroom and she has helped me to use some new strategies and she has made my daughter aware of some strategies she can use herself.

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I know how you all feel. My son is almost 8 with adhd. I created a marble system. It has gotten MUCH better. I am able to keep consistancy, finally. Marble System: I have two "PLASTIC" containers. I have "in" on one and "out" on the other. I have a List of all the good things that he is supposed to to, like chores and reading books and working on left over worksheets his teacher gave us, and I add to it when I think about it. Each one has a value. The most value is 10 marbles for reading a book. Cleaning his room is 3 marbles and keeping it clean is 5. I have every thing from brushing his teeth, to picking up any trash that might be in the yard, to picking up sticks, to helping me pull weeds. After he gets 100 marbles he gets $30.00 and he has to put $10 of it in his savings. Now, if he does something wrong he has to take out marbles. If he gets sassy or talks back, he takes out 3. If he argues he takes out 5. To keep track of what goes in and out, he has to write it on the paper. That way he cannot put more marbles in there than he should. I have not had to argue, raise my voice, spank, or even tell him more than 2 times to do something. I will remind him ONE time for a warning and then he has to take marbles out. We are doing this instead of an allowance. If her reads 10 books in a row he will get his money and we start all over. But, I don't think he has figured that out yet. lol At the end of each day, if he doesn't have to take any out all day, I let him put 3 in to reward him for good behavior. This has been the best system yet. I don't have to raise my voice and It's much easer to keep consistency when I don't have to raise my voice or put him in time out all the time. This way he can see his progress, and he takes great pride in counting all the marbles he collects.

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I have been trying to come up with a system like that and I have not been successful. I was using stickers and if she had a good day she got a marble at the end of the day. The problem I had is she never seemed to be able to keep any because I either couldn't give her any or I took them all away. There was not a money value on them so that could work.I tried needing to have some to go to the playground or have a friend over or something like that. School has only been out for a few days and I am losing it already. I am really frustrated and I hate the way I feel when we are having a bad day.I know my reaction and behavior is not helping at all and I need to find a way to control my temper. I spoke to her teachers and her teachers aid at school and they tell me how much they love her and how sweet she is and I think what am I doing wrong,don't get me wrong I do know she is a sweet kid and I tell her that all the time and we are very affectionate and I praise her for good behavior all the time but I really lose it when she has an off day. One of the most frustrating things for me is when she uses the bathroom in her pants. She will go weeks without an accident and then she will go a week doing it three times a day. Bedtime can also be frustrating cause by 8 pm I need her to be in bed and some nights I spend 2 hrs going up and down stairs argueing with her to go to bed. Thank you for your message I am going to sit down and come up with a plan like that and see how it goes.

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I have an 8 year old with ADD and other undiagnosed problems. I have struggled with his emotional outbursts and his mood swings and I can only say to keep a notebook of what she eats, if she naps, how bad the outbrusts were and so on. This way when you talk to your childs' Dr. you will have a record of what behaviors upset you the most and the Dr. can properly address your childs' illness. It has helped me to understand my sons moods and when to anticipate when another one may arrise. Hope this helps.

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That is really good advice and I have just recently started doing that because I found I couldn't remember details when it came time to talk to professionals. It helps alot. I also just recently came in contact with a in home behavior management team who are working with us to develope better strategies to keep our family in a positive rhythm. I am excited and hopeful that this is going to help. Wish me luck!

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I have adhd.Diagnosed 1 year ago. Married, two kids one 14 with adhd

I have done a lot of reading in adhd, now reading driven to distraction. Medication is not an option, cannot afford it. My son is on concerta, and is doing well. Any natural medications that help, reasonably prices that anyone had tried. Keeping friends is difficult, I have went from job to job making errors with clerical office work. I now know it was my doing and stopped blaming my supervisors for my mistakes. I know have a day planner, I still miss appointments. Any tricks to managing everyday life without conflicts with peaple. I am open minded to change. thanks

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I am a single mother of two boys. My oldest son who turns 20 in November was diagnosed with ADD at about 10. He was on Ritilan for years then I stopped giving it to him. Many family members made me feel as though I was hurting him with the Ritilan. Just a few months ago I had him start taking Adderall because I just couldn't take it any longer. He started working and did good at first but slowed way down and couldn't ever keep up so they let him go. Next job, the same. Driving, I've been trying to teach him how to drive. He does good then he totally spaces. In the last 2 months we've almost been in 2 car accidents. Today was the second time actually. It just makes me cry because I don't know what to do. He's taking 30mg which is as high as they will go. I just want my son to live like others his age, drive, have a girlfriend, friends. He's yet to begin his life. I have no one to talk to about this. No one understands. Does he need different medication, different dosages? It seems that I am the one who is suppose to decide all this and I can't do it. Please help if you can.

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Have you considered an ADHD personal coach? Someone to help you set up systems to keep you on track in your daily life, someone to help you realize you natural brillent (yes, brillent) creativity, someone to hold you accountable to your goals and to cheerlead you on your way? ADHD coaching can be very helpful in all areas of your life, especially in hopping over the ADHD obstacle course. Yes...I happen to be one, but this really isn't a marketing ploy, just information only. There are MANY great ADHD coaches available. Good luck. Gayla

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Thank God!! I thought I was the only parent who felt hopeless with a difficult child. My son battles me daily and we ride that infamous roller coaster of love and hate. My 15 year old son rarely listens to me the first, second, or even third time when asked to do chores or share his feelings. I notice he responds differently to my husband and I am not sure if it is because I possibly could be ADHD or more emotional than my husband. I find it also difficult to allow my son to become his own man and not fix all his troubles with school and friends. Help from any parent of a teenage boy with the ADHD diagnosis.

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Research shows that ADHD tends to run in families, so there are likely to be genetic influences. Children who have ADHD usually have at least one close relative who also has ADHD. And at least one-third of all fathers who had ADHD in their youth have one or more children with ADHD. It is often seen that parents are diagnosed as having ADHD at the same time their child is diagnosed. And an even more convincing indication of a genetic role in ADHD is the fact that non-twin siblings of an ADHD patient have a 30% chance of having ADHD, and identical twins are at even higher risk!

medicinet

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I feel your pain - my 10 year old son has ADHD and I struggle with outbursts, anger issues, and freshness/disrespect. A while ago, an ADHD therapist told me about a book called Magic 1-2-3 and how well it works with disciplining kids with ADHD. It is an easy book to read and you can implement the tips pretty easily and quickly. Of course, consistency is key and that is the hard part. Since he is too old for time outs, when he has an outburst, I take away a privilege. And since it is always better to praise a child with ADHD, than to yell, I try (notice I said try) to praise him when he's having good behavior or does what I ask the first time. It's a daily struggle - no doubt. I yell more than I'd like to, and I feel guilty/regret what I say. I also have walked away from the situation when I feel I get too upset. It does neither of us any good for both to be yelling at each other. Nothing gets accomplished. This has actually worked well for us.

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Remain calm, build on her natural gifts, and talents and find a way to give her the choices for behavior. If she wants to be a dancer, which would work better for her, eating junk or practicing? Give her choices. Focus more on the positives then the negative. Give clear brief directions with not chit chat and follow through with immediate concequence. Not out on time, not tv time...up to you, your choice no tv or game boy tonight if you choose to be late.

Just a thought. hope it helps. Learn more about sensory integration and you might have more insight to why you are having behavioral issues...sometimes there is a reason for the maddness. My daughter does no meds and Neurofeedback that and calm parenting with lots of rewards and true praise seems to help.

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What works for other kids does not work for ADD kids. For every negative a child needs 5 positives. You need to always confront the negative with a response that doesn't reinforce the negative behavior. For example your child threw something and broke it. A normal response would be to yell why did you break your toy? Your new way to respond would be to say, " I can see that your upset. What did you think or feel when you threw the toy." Nothing you just said to your child is negative. Now comes the hard part, finding 5 positives to undo that negative. ADD kids do not has positive self talk. This will be hard a first, some days you have to tell them you like the way they brushed their teeth. It gets easier. You just have to live in the moment like they do. When they are done with something, they are done. So you can't keep going back to a problem even if they keep repeating it. You have to treat it like it's new each time. This is where the reward system comes in.

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