Hi I too have a very wild 6 yr old boy and have lots of trouble with disipline. I have a suggestion for you too try worked fairly well for me. I read a book written by a doctor who uses the time out chair now I know for most people they have tried this method and it does not work but his way does. When the child does something wrong they are sent too a chair and are not let off this chair for 10 minutes they are put back in the chair every time they get out you are not too say a word too them except too tell them to go to the chair if they do not sit quietly for 10 minutes they do not get out. They could end up in the chair for 2 hrs. if they don't stay in there quietly you are not to say why they are in there and you are not to speak to them at all no matter what they say or do. When the 10 minutes is up you ask them why they were put in the chair if they can not tell you why then they stay another 10 minutes sounds harsh but it works they get to hate going to the chair so it makes them think before they do. At first if they even look at you the wrong way they get sent to the chair no exceptions any little thing they say or do wrong they go to the chair but you have to be willing to do this no matter where you are I have had to sit my son down in the middle of the grocery store before with lots of people staring at me but I did not care because I could see it was working. You have to stick with it and you will see in about 1awfull week of fighting it is working. My son was wild everywhere we took him but after about a week of hell he started to get it that I was not giving in and he would sit no matter where we were and no matter what he did or said was not going to get him out of the chair. Anyway just thought I would share this with you and maybe it would work for you any questions feel free to ask.

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hi there im soo glad you posted thins i feel like we have tried everything in the book and not in the book but this sounds fresh and new and with being holidays here i can get right ontop of it with no distractions like school etc thanks heaps will let you know how it went!!!!

natty:)

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well its day one of this new punishment that you told us about and well i think its going to be at least 2wks before i see any results atm !!!!!!!!! its going to be a very long long week.

natty:)

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I just posted and it disappeared. Oh well. There is a good book out, "Attention Deficit Disorder" by Thomas Phelan. He had specific techniques for disciplining children with ADHD. I can't remember specific things because my son is a teenager and I remembered what he said for teens, since that is what applied to me at the time. But he had some very good ideas. He also has a general discipline book out called, "1, 2, 3 Magic".

Elaine

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My 5 yr old son was recently diagnosed with ADHD. Since July we (me, husband, son and twin daughters) have been participating in the Regional Intervention Program (http://ripnetwork.org/). This is a wonderful program that teaches parents strategies and techniques in positive behavior managment. I'm not sure where you live as RIP is not in every state, but your state may have other similar programs. We have seen a difference using the techniques alone, but due to continued issues in school, we have also began medication. I feel very good that results we desire with the medication will only be enhanced by the positive discipline strategies we have learned.

Good luck!

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Caution: If your child has severe behavior problems related to ADHD or ADHD/ODD time out can lead to your child becoming physically aggressive. What do you do when the child refuses to go to the chair or other time out area, or refuses to stay. Dr Phelan said to gently escort him to time out and ended the sentence and discussion there. Once you get physical with the child the resistance from them becomes physical. Once this becomes routine the next level of resistance is a struggle to get free of your grasp and control. This eventually becomes a wrestling match as someone will advise you that you can't let the child win . Next step in the progression of how to create a violent child is your attempts or successful effort to restrain him. Time out is usually not effective with kids whose behavioral symptoms are severe. They can go in and out of time out all day. The process is just another source of stimulation and their control over your behavior.They cause you to start the process knowing exactly what will occur. It seems not to be something that they want to avoid which is the purpose of it. It just might be the most excitement that they have had all day.Timeouts go on for years when you start around age four. If your child is not cooperating with you then you have not provided him with a reason to be when arguing and defiance are more fun. There is not an effective behavioral treatment that many know of for severe behavior problems. A good therapist should be able to teach you the practice of extinction and contingency management, the only two tools that you need to structure the home environment. It is not rocket science. You can create an environment that will manage the child's behavior for you and enable you to teach your child to behave in a civilized manner without gadgets like tokens, stars, charts, etc, and any type of physical intervention.such as time outs and physical rstraints. The process begins with your child rearing practices. Those that are typically practiced don't get the job done. Your ADHD child doesn't respond the way children typically do who don't have the disorder. Once you learn a method for making the inappropriate behavior useless for them as a means of obtaining things that they wanr they are receptive to trying it your away as a means of avoiding further causing themselves deprivation of the things that they want, and believe that they are entitled to. The practice of non-traditional parenting will free you from the cultural captivity that determines how you should raise your child, and employing the principles of Applied Behavioral Analysis (a branch of behavioral psychology ) will provide you the behavioral technology that will enable you to design a plan that teaches your child socially appropriate behavior. The child doesn't care. He goes with the flow. He wants to avoid deprivation. He wants access to all those good things that he is used to having. He behaves the way he does because he has , most likely inadvertently, been responding symptomatically to events in his environment, such as impulsively and drtiven to seek sources of stimulation that occur at higher levels than kids without the disorder, among other things. Typically as a parent you have tried reason and rational explanations for what you want from him. You have wasted your breath. Your child is learning experientially. When something occurs he judges the consequences for him to be good, bad or somewhere in between and thus may or may not want to engage in the behavior responsible for those consequences again. Parenting a child with ADHD requires that you provide consequences that steer his decision making in the direction that you want it to go. Lectures wont get the job done nor will positive parenting in terms of saying, "good job junior. " He wants to see the money. It may come as a shock to your 5, 6 or 7 year-old when he is told that he owns nothing. That everything in the house is yours and he can have access to it when you want to provide it. Yes, that includes Playstation, computers, tv and everything else other than the best care that you can give him and all the unconditional love from you that he can tolerate. There's plenty of time to tell him how proud of him that you are and how much that you love him when the home is not in a constant state of chaos. That's your responsibility as an adult parent and decision maker. The home is not a center for teaching democracy to children. It's a place where they are taught what it takes to be successful and experience the enjoyment of all that self esteem they acquire. But they have to show you the money. Nothing is free. You want things from him just as he wants things from you and you emphasize the fairness of any agreement that you might make. Once the child agrees to a rule as being fair there is nothing to argue about if it is violated. Nothing to discuss. Here is a rule that a parent of an ADHD child should establish at second grade, "Nothing occurs in this house until homework is completed to my satisfaction." The first day home from school in second grade straight to the diningroom table and start homework. It becomes a way of life that many parents who endured about 10 torturous years of homework problems wish they might have had going for them. Now there are those who will say, "A child needs a break from school work after doing it all day" Well that individual isn't aware of ADHD children and transition problems. Especilly transitions from something that they enjoy to something that they don't. All the electronic toys can be plugged into one outlet if defiantly turning them on when told not to occurs. Unbeknown to the child the power can be controlled at the fuse or breaker box. What kind of behavior is a child usually timed out for? If you are a non-traditional parenting parent you might just want to ignore it, or you might have agreed that when it occurs junior will have deprived himself of something that he would really like to have had because when it occurs you don't provide access to that item. You may not feel like taking him to soccer practice. Oh my God! Some helpful person will tell you, "ADHD kids need exercise or they go wild, and don't give them any sugar it makes them crazier than they already are. Rebounder

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Hi, I have a 9 year old daughter who is ADHD and, like most kids with ADD/ADHD, has a very high IQ. The major problem I have with my daughter is that she arques with me about everything. If I tell her she has to be in bed by 8:30, she will argue with me that I didn't tell her to brush her teeth, change clothes,etc. so there fore she doesn't have to do those things. She takes EVERYTHING very literal except when I tell her to do something. She argues and then plays the "Nobody understands me, you don't love me" guilt card. I can handle the guilt card, I just don't buy into it, but I hate to constantly be fighting and arguing with her about rules and guidelines. If I tell her to do something, it's open to debate for her, it seems. Help.... Willing to listen to any and all suggestions.

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My 10 yo son with ADHD was the king of arguing - and rudeness. He was very good at wearing me down with his well-thought out airtight arguments about why I shouldn't set a certain limit, etc. And my guilt was huge, which exacerbated (or caused?!) the problem. It's all changed in the past month. With help from his relatively new step-dad (fresh eyes on the scene!) and my therapist, we put together new air-tight rules and consequences. The change in him is breathtaking and I never would have thought it would have worked so well. Of course, I've had to deal with a lot of my own feelings when taking a cold, hard look at why I felt so protective of him, why I felt so much guilt, etc. The new behavior plan wouldn't have worked without my own emotional work.

I post our new house rules in hopes that someone else may benefit! Happy New Year!

House Rules Rudeness – immediately sent to room for 20 minutes (no think sheet anymore)

Arguing about consequences – immediate loss of 1+ day of electricity (no warning)

Electricity Use – (all gaming) Monday - Friday: up to ½ hour Saturday & Sunday: up to 2 hours ? No electricity if no adult is home. ? Start time must be noted on clipboard and initialed by adult. ? End time must be noted on clipboard and initialed by adult. ? If play begins before adult has initialed, that day’s electricity plus the next day’s is immediately lost. ? Playing is done in ½ hour increments. If you end early, are interrupted, etc. there is no credit given. ? If the time limit is exceeded by even 1 minute, then loss of 1+ day of electricity and TV (if a weekend). ? No electricity Sunday night if it was a dad weekend.

Homework – ? All homework must be completed before electricity use. ? The full amount of required reading must be completed at home regardless of what was done at the after school program.

TV Time – Mon – Thurs: none Friday night, Saturday and Sunday: If time limits are exceeded, then there is loss of TV and electricity for 1+ day. Mornings: TV must be turned off by 9:30am, or earlier if adult determines. Other times: Permission from an adult is required before the TV can be turned on. Program and length of time must be discussed with adult prior to watching (consult printed TV schedule, not schedule on TV)

Allowance – If all chores are completed in entirety without reminders and complaints, there is an allowance bonus of $2 for that week. Child and adult must initial the chore sheet each day to qualify. Adult may inspect.

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The consequence given for arguing is swift and immediate. I started out thinking that I'd do the 1-2-3 thing in response so he'd have a chance to 'ramp down' since I thought he wouldn't be able to control his impulse. I'm so glad I listened to a wise friend who said be tough - at the first sign of arguing, send him to his room. I'm so glad I listened to her. I had been thinking all along that my son couldn't help himself since his hyperactivity and impulsivity is so pronounced. But then my therapist (who speaks from her own ADD experience) asked, "Would he act properly if the principal walked into the room? His pediatrician? The president? If yes, then he can summon the energy to do it with you!" Since instituting these rules 3 weeks ago, I've sent him to his room 3 times for VERY minor infractions and he hasn't once broken the gaming rules - or argued about them!

Don't be quick to dismiss my claims saying my child must not be as troubled as yours. I have the scars on my forearm to prove his past aggression - and an appointment with his psychopharm to cancel since the only reason for my emergency appointment was to increase his meds! I NEVER thought it would work for him!

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I have 12 year old son is is ADHD and on medication and is a great kid. I also have a 4 1/2 year old daughter who is unbelievably defiant and determined it is her way or no way. I ahve tried everything! If I give her time outs she gets more angry and wrecks things, kicks the doors, etc; I don't let her out until she calms down but it is so ahrd on my patience. It has been like this for at least a year and she is getting worse. It is nice to know I am not alone but it is very difficult. I love her very much and she was a blessing to us but sometimes I sit back and think I will be dead in 2 years if things don't change. She wears me out and I never have any energy (this is from both my kids) I am at my witts end with my daughter and am ready to give up and let her do her thing just to keep my sanity (I know this is wrong) but I cry almost every night wondering where I went wrong. I have tried natural but here in Canada they will not medicate children until they are in grade one (I have 3 more years to go). I really feel that my daughter hates me for some reason. We are going to start behaviour counselling in a week I hope that they can give us some insight. If anyone has any advice please let me know, I am willing to try anything!!!

skarie in canada

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I strongly believe in positive behavior interventions. By “punishing” the child you are teaching them what they should not do. You are not teaching them an appropriate replacement behavior. BEHAVIOR IS COMMUNICATION! As a behaviorist (which I will soon be) it is unethical to eliminate a behavior without teaching a new behavior that serves the same function. Then you slowly shape the behavior or amount of time before the child is rewarded. Research/Google “Applied Behavior Analysis.”

There are many positive behavior interventions available. I wish I had time to write about them. If I were working with a child I would: I would take data on all phases! That will show you if what you are doing is working. 1. Define the problem behavior- in observable and objective terms 2. Figure out what is maintaining the child’s problem behavior. If you child is in school and his behaviors are affecting his educational performance, the school can do a functional analysis. There are clinics around the country, which also do them. On the website on the bottom of the page there is a check list for a FA. It is NOT the best way, but it is better than guessing and punishing. By the way, the definition of punishment that I use the consiquence must decrease the future probabiliy of the response. a. Is the behavior maintained by attention, access to objects (tangible), escaping a demand, or is the behavior automatic (no social function- e.g. chewing on your pencil or tapping your foot). 3. Find items the child is willing to work for through a preference assessment and a reinforcement assessment or other motivation assessment scales. 4. Implement a treatment based on the functional analysis. Provide rewards/attention for appropriate behavior and none for inappropriate behavior. And most important- BE CONSISTANT! a. Positive Reinforcement: a stimulus presented contingent upon a response which increases the furture probability of the response. b. Negative Reinforcement: stimulus removed, contingent upon a response, which increases the future probility of the behavior (e.g. break or reducing the amount of work) c. Differential Reinforcement of Alternative Behavior (DRA) d. Differential Reinforcement of Other Behaviors (DRO) e. Differential Reinforcement of Incompatible Behaviors (DRI) f. Differential Reinforcement of High Rate Behavior (DRH) g. Differential Reinforcement of Low Rate Behaviors (DRL) h. Functional Communication Training 5. Look at the data and decide if it is working.

Remember attention is attention. Most kids can tell me exactly what to do to get their parents to reprimand them but cannot tell me something the KNOW their parent will give them immediate positive attention for. Negative attention is much more consistent. By the way- I spent time in time out, then grounded, and by 16 I was in a boarding school. That did not help. My response was- what are you going to do now? Send me to Africa. My parents focused on punishment.

The books I read are textbooks and I get a ton of info from Journals like: Journal of Applied Behavior Analysis A book with lots of copyable behavior strategies is: The Tough Kid Tool Box by William R. Jenson, Ginger Rhode, and H. Kenton Reavis A GREAT Book which I do not recommend to parents becuase it is expensive and dry is: Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder A Handcook for Diagnosis and Treatment. By Russell A. Barkley Third Ed. It is used in the ADHD class at Gonzaga University. It has tons of information, and is very very research based.

Here is a site with different forms for behavior interventions. http://www.1edweb.com/fba%20forms.htm

PLEASE focus on the positives and reinforce don’t punish. If you have any questions ask. Be patient. But the longer you wait, the harder it will be to eleminate the behavior.

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Thank you Judy for those suggestions- I am going to begin today THanks again Michele

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Thank you Judi for your advice and sharing your success! I am a "softie" and keep giving my son chances to obey so that I don't have to argue with him. My husband insists we have to stop giving him chances but it always seemed so harsh to me. When I do react immediately it just escalates into a huge argument/standoff that results with me in tears and furious and my son yelling that he hates me and I'm a bully. I will give your method a try though and be consistent every time until I see improvement. My issue however is that when I send my son to his room he refuses to go - he physically runs away from me and just plain says "no". When I physically grab him and take him to his room he slams doors, wrecks stuff in his room, comes out of his room, yells, screams, etc. I have told him his "timeout" in his room will begin once he is quiet, but the "episode" sometimes goes on for hours. I take away his video games, TV, etc. but he doesn't seem to care. Any adivce on how to get him to his room and get him to stay there. Judi - did you have this issue when you first implemented your new program? and how did you deal with it? How do you handle it when it is a school morning and you need to get to work and they need to get to school? There isn't time for a 20 minute timeout. Any further advice or ideas would be so appreciated!

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I have a son who will be turning 18 in may. He has gone from someone I loved to someone I don't really like very much. He has become disrespectful in an obnoxious way. In April of last year we finally found a great ADD-ADHD doctor. After time spent with this doctor he made our son give up all red food dye. In June he had a bad episode with drinking and this doctor also made him give up all alcohol. He now thinks we are out to rune his life and is not afraid to let us know. His grades in grade 12 had been slipping and we made him give up his full time job. Again bad us for wrecking his life. We pay his truck payments, cell phone, and fuel and expect help around the farm in return. Can someone please help???

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My daughter is six and is becoming increasingly defiant and rude. Time out worked for awhile. Then she began to fight it and we would pick her up and put her in her room since she would not stay on a step or chair, then we tried counting 1-2-3 which still works pretty well in many situations but not always. Reward charts are hard because they require a lot of work and consistency on my part and I am ADHD myself so they are stressful. She also seems to focus on getting things rather then learning the behaviors we are trying to work on a simple point system is not attractive enough to keep her interested anymore. However we are working on a new system in which she earns points towards webkinz -- She has five target behavior/schedule things listed on her chart for a colored square each, each square represents a point which goes towards a daily total. At the end of the week if she has 24 points she may go to the toy store and pick out a webkinz. She looses points for rude behavior, and gains for doing extra things like feeding the cat, so far it is working but it is only the second week so we'll see ( haven't had to go buy a webkinz yet!)

She has no sense that she must do what we say when asked nicely, everything is open to debate, and often she will refuse to do as she is asked and just walk away which means I have to physically stop her from leaving the house to play before she does her home work. She cannot read yet so a rule list will not work and a chart with pictures lasted a day until she got mad at it and ripped it up.

I have to keep things very simple and boring schedule wise: home from school, eat a snack and do home work (It takes up to two hours to accomplish what the school claims should take 15 to 20, ) Then play with friends or go to the park . When I allow her to do other things first, she is up too late trying to get the home work done. All chores must be done on the way home from school or when she is at school or else there is a arguing, whining chorus with lots of fussing to get her out the door and then often to leave where ever we do go once we are out because transitions are the problem no matter how many warnings I give or timers I use. I would love her to have time for scouts or sports or dance class but I have no idea how to do it since her go to answer seems to be no or the one choice not on the list.

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I have tried all these things and nothing has seemed to work. He is more Bipolar and minimal. The agressiveness is more by choice and we have tried medications, therapist and disciplines. He appears to be more defiant in the grades "losing" or just getting poor grades. He is above/ high intelligence and so realize that he has the ability, but where do you go from there? If I remove the priviledges he becomes more morose and aggressive when caught at fault. His lie is that he thinks he is not all that smart, but we (teachers and parents) know he is. I have tried rewards with behavior and it doesn't stick long..... Help!

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I want to say to mom's of younger children...HANG in THERE!!! It is worth it! I am the parent of son-15 and daughter-13 both ADHD, so is most of my siblings and their children. First thing that you have to do as a parent is be willing to recognize your reluctance to stand firm. ADHD or not any kid knows how to work the parent who allows unacceptable behavior because the child is unhappy. My daughter was more problematic than my son because of the emotional component that comes with having a girl, I know that's a generalization. My life saver was a group who published books and CD's that taught me how to stay firm and consistant. I highly I recommend www.loveandlogic.com. When my kids where young and out of control I would listen to the CD with pen and paper writing down the neutral phrases that made sense to me. Their program helped me stay more consitent with my expectations of their behaviors. When my daughter was in pre-school she would not wear the clothes I had picked out she would not get dressed which she was capapble of doing and let me assure you she was a very well dressed child, it was more her wanting control. Initially I had to tell my 4 year old that if she was not dressed by a certain time so she could be at school on time I would take her dressed as she was in pj's. The school clothes went into the "Red" bag and she was to dress in the administrators office.The key here was that I was at my wits end and willing to try what appeared to non ADHD parents as an extreme measure. She went to pre-school in her pj's two times and kindergarten once with the "Red" bag in tow. A four year old gets very uncomfortable in that situation but it was her choice to get dressed in a timely basis or go to school improperly dressed...the kicker was I was perfectly OK with either way which took away the battle. For several years up to 2nd grade the red bag stayed in my closet where she could see it. Along with that she and I discussed some ways to make it better and we decided that if she chose her clothes the night before and laid them on the floor (minimizes distractions) she could pick her own clothes but if she did not select clothes then I would lay out the next day outfit and she would have to wear it.

Do your kids bicker in the car? My Love and Logic technique for that was to pull over turn the radio up high so that I did not have to listen to them. I would not react to their actions and eventually they would quiet down and ask what was going on. "I can't drive with the noise so I stopped the car", I would tell them. They would then calm down, I would turn the radio down and off we would continue on our errands.

Several other useful techniques Love and Logic CD's taught me was that the natural consequences are the best and it is fine to tell your child that "I have to think about your consequenses, I will discuss this with you later." Boy did my kids hate that, there was not a quick emotional response on my part which meant they truly had to change their behavior. All in all most of my kids behaviors would change faster than I thought they would.

The previous person who responded with clear and concise rules offers very good advise. Many of her rules are similar to what has been used in my home...IT WORKS if you are willing to follow thru.

Hang it there!!!

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We use a chore chart that I got on www.childzilla.com to help stop the arguing and increase the positive reinforcement. My son loves it because he gets his own "page" where he can track his points, check off his chores (one is simply, "Be Respectful."), and also look at the prizes. They have many things to buy as rewards, but I added my own custom ones, such as 1/2 hour more of gaming, sleepover with 1 friend, and special time with mom or dad. I didn't want to be forced to buy things all the time. :) We've done this for a few months and have really seen a positive change.

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HI! I know that you are feeling overwhelmed and tired. Keep with it, you can train your children! It is hard, but worth it!!! You might also try investigating how diet affects our kids behaviour. check out www.adddiet.com. My 11 year old ADHD son has been on it for 6 years now and when I get lax I definately see a change in how he handles stress and how compliant he can be. My 7 year old daughter is ADD and benefits too, it makes her much less moody and destructive. Your description of your daughter reminds me of my daughter when we aren't careful with what goes in her mouth. The ideas listed above are great for limiting their ability to complain or react poorly, they do have control if it means enough to them!!! That is one of the dicotomies about ADD/ADHD. We can do anything we put our mind to, and if we are not interested enough, you can't get anything out of us. I am ADD also, so I speak from experience. Know that medication isn't always necessary! God Bless!

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I too, have found a chart a very useful tool. My son is 101/2 and I have been using a chart for him since he was about 3 (when he started preschool). I have basically been using a chart most of my life for myself, not knowing I was ADD until just recently. Making charts and check off lists were the only way I could make it. My husband though I was a bit odd, but since my diagnosis he can see how it all makes sence.

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BTW- My ADHD son is 8, but we use the charts for our 4 and 5 year olds, also.

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As a mother of a now 18yr old male with adhd/bipolar discipline was very difficult. A few years ago I took another parenting class and i'm not sure who wrote the theory or book but it actually is a reward for good behavior having a chart with things to do if so many poker chips are earned (maybe rent a movie if so many are earned and make them a part of these rewards could be as simple as can watch fav tv program). and i'd keep poker chips in my pocket /purse etc. everytime he was good for say 15 min i'd say you are doing a great job and give a chip as a reward doing the right thing instead of always yelling at him for doing something wrong.

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wanda46 said: Hi, I have a 9 year old daughter who is ADHD and, like most kids with ADD/ADHD, has a very high IQ. The major problem I have with my daughter is that she arques with me about everything. If I tell her she has to be in bed by 8:30, she will argue with me that I didn't tell her to brush her teeth, change clothes,etc. so there fore she doesn't have to do those things. She takes EVERYTHING very literal except when I tell her to do something. She argues and then plays the "Nobody understands me, you don't love me" guilt card. I can handle the guilt card, I just don't buy into it, but I hate to constantly be fighting and arguing with her about rules and guidelines. If I tell her to do something, it's open to debate for her, it seems. Help.... Willing to listen to any and all suggestions.

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hi mom of three, I've been there, and for us that was true, it got harder, not easier. I just posted some info on wanda's thread about love and logic, that might help. Quote:

momof3kids said:

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wanda46 said: Hi, I have a 9 year old daughter who is ADHD and, like most kids with ADD/ADHD, has a very high IQ. The major problem I have with my daughter is that she arques with me about everything. If I tell her she has to be in bed by 8:30, she will argue with me that I didn't tell her to brush her teeth, change clothes,etc. so there fore she doesn't have to do those things. She takes EVERYTHING very literal except when I tell her to do something. She argues and then plays the "Nobody understands me, you don't love me" guilt card. I can handle the guilt card, I just don't buy into it, but I hate to constantly be fighting and arguing with her about rules and guidelines. If I tell her to do something, it's open to debate for her, it seems. Help.... Willing to listen to any and all suggestions.

We too have the same problem. Our daughter in a twin and they both are adhd. They are now 10 and the doctor said that preteens are often harder to discipline than what we had been faced with thus far. I would like help in getting some peace in our house because it is literally tearing our marriage up.

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I love it! thank you for posting! we are going to add some of these to our "love and logic" methods

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Judi said: My 10 yo son with ADHD was the king of arguing - and rudeness. He was very good at wearing me down with his well-thought out airtight arguments about why I shouldn't set a certain limit, etc. And my guilt was huge, which exacerbated (or caused?!) the problem. It's all changed in the past month. With help from his relatively new step-dad (fresh eyes on the scene!) and my therapist, we put together new air-tight rules and consequences. The change in him is breathtaking and I never would have thought it would have worked so well. Of course, I've had to deal with a lot of my own feelings when taking a cold, hard look at why I felt so protective of him, why I felt so much guilt, etc. The new behavior plan wouldn't have worked without my own emotional work.

I post our new house rules in hopes that someone else may benefit! Happy New Year!

House Rules Rudeness – immediately sent to room for 20 minutes (no think sheet anymore)

Arguing about consequences – immediate loss of 1+ day of electricity (no warning)

Electricity Use – (all gaming) Monday - Friday: up to ½ hour Saturday & Sunday: up to 2 hours ? No electricity if no adult is home. ? Start time must be noted on clipboard and initialed by adult. ? End time must be noted on clipboard and initialed by adult. ? If play begins before adult has initialed, that day’s electricity plus the next day’s is immediately lost. ? Playing is done in ½ hour increments. If you end early, are interrupted, etc. there is no credit given. ? If the time limit is exceeded by even 1 minute, then loss of 1+ day of electricity and TV (if a weekend). ? No electricity Sunday night if it was a dad weekend.

Homework – ? All homework must be completed before electricity use. ? The full amount of required reading must be completed at home regardless of what was done at the after school program.

TV Time – Mon – Thurs: none Friday night, Saturday and Sunday: If time limits are exceeded, then there is loss of TV and electricity for 1+ day. Mornings: TV must be turned off by 9:30am, or earlier if adult determines. Other times: Permission from an adult is required before the TV can be turned on. Program and length of time must be discussed with adult prior to watching (consult printed TV schedule, not schedule on TV)

Allowance – If all chores are completed in entirety without reminders and complaints, there is an allowance bonus of $2 for that week. Child and adult must initial the chore sheet each day to qualify. Adult may inspect.

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