I strongly believe in positive behavior interventions. By “punishing” the child you are teaching them what they should not do. You are not teaching them an appropriate replacement behavior. BEHAVIOR IS COMMUNICATION! As a behaviorist (which I will soon be) it is unethical to eliminate a behavior without teaching a new behavior that serves the same function. Then you slowly shape the behavior or amount of time before the child is rewarded. Research/Google “Applied Behavior Analysis.”

There are many positive behavior interventions available. I wish I had time to write about them. If I were working with a child I would: I would take data on all phases! That will show you if what you are doing is working. 1. Define the problem behavior- in observable and objective terms 2. Figure out what is maintaining the child’s problem behavior. If you child is in school and his behaviors are affecting his educational performance, the school can do a functional analysis. There are clinics around the country, which also do them. On the website on the bottom of the page there is a check list for a FA. It is NOT the best way, but it is better than guessing and punishing. By the way, the definition of punishment that I use the consiquence must decrease the future probabiliy of the response. a. Is the behavior maintained by attention, access to objects (tangible), escaping a demand, or is the behavior automatic (no social function- e.g. chewing on your pencil or tapping your foot). 3. Find items the child is willing to work for through a preference assessment and a reinforcement assessment or other motivation assessment scales. 4. Implement a treatment based on the functional analysis. Provide rewards/attention for appropriate behavior and none for inappropriate behavior. And most important- BE CONSISTANT! a. Positive Reinforcement: a stimulus presented contingent upon a response which increases the furture probability of the response. b. Negative Reinforcement: stimulus removed, contingent upon a response, which increases the future probility of the behavior (e.g. break or reducing the amount of work) c. Differential Reinforcement of Alternative Behavior (DRA) d. Differential Reinforcement of Other Behaviors (DRO) e. Differential Reinforcement of Incompatible Behaviors (DRI) f. Differential Reinforcement of High Rate Behavior (DRH) g. Differential Reinforcement of Low Rate Behaviors (DRL) h. Functional Communication Training 5. Look at the data and decide if it is working.

Remember attention is attention. Most kids can tell me exactly what to do to get their parents to reprimand them but cannot tell me something the KNOW their parent will give them immediate positive attention for. Negative attention is much more consistent. By the way- I spent time in time out, then grounded, and by 16 I was in a boarding school. That did not help. My response was- what are you going to do now? Send me to Africa. My parents focused on punishment.

The books I read are textbooks and I get a ton of info from Journals like: Journal of Applied Behavior Analysis A book with lots of copyable behavior strategies is: The Tough Kid Tool Box by William R. Jenson, Ginger Rhode, and H. Kenton Reavis A GREAT Book which I do not recommend to parents becuase it is expensive and dry is: Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder A Handcook for Diagnosis and Treatment. By Russell A. Barkley Third Ed. It is used in the ADHD class at Gonzaga University. It has tons of information, and is very very research based.

Here is a site with different forms for behavior interventions. http://www.1edweb.com/fba%20forms.htm

PLEASE focus on the positives and reinforce don’t punish. If you have any questions ask. Be patient. But the longer you wait, the harder it will be to eleminate the behavior.

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Thank you Judy for those suggestions- I am going to begin today THanks again Michele

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Thank you Judi for your advice and sharing your success! I am a "softie" and keep giving my son chances to obey so that I don't have to argue with him. My husband insists we have to stop giving him chances but it always seemed so harsh to me. When I do react immediately it just escalates into a huge argument/standoff that results with me in tears and furious and my son yelling that he hates me and I'm a bully. I will give your method a try though and be consistent every time until I see improvement. My issue however is that when I send my son to his room he refuses to go - he physically runs away from me and just plain says "no". When I physically grab him and take him to his room he slams doors, wrecks stuff in his room, comes out of his room, yells, screams, etc. I have told him his "timeout" in his room will begin once he is quiet, but the "episode" sometimes goes on for hours. I take away his video games, TV, etc. but he doesn't seem to care. Any adivce on how to get him to his room and get him to stay there. Judi - did you have this issue when you first implemented your new program? and how did you deal with it? How do you handle it when it is a school morning and you need to get to work and they need to get to school? There isn't time for a 20 minute timeout. Any further advice or ideas would be so appreciated!

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I have a son who will be turning 18 in may. He has gone from someone I loved to someone I don't really like very much. He has become disrespectful in an obnoxious way. In April of last year we finally found a great ADD-ADHD doctor. After time spent with this doctor he made our son give up all red food dye. In June he had a bad episode with drinking and this doctor also made him give up all alcohol. He now thinks we are out to rune his life and is not afraid to let us know. His grades in grade 12 had been slipping and we made him give up his full time job. Again bad us for wrecking his life. We pay his truck payments, cell phone, and fuel and expect help around the farm in return. Can someone please help???

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My daughter is six and is becoming increasingly defiant and rude. Time out worked for awhile. Then she began to fight it and we would pick her up and put her in her room since she would not stay on a step or chair, then we tried counting 1-2-3 which still works pretty well in many situations but not always. Reward charts are hard because they require a lot of work and consistency on my part and I am ADHD myself so they are stressful. She also seems to focus on getting things rather then learning the behaviors we are trying to work on a simple point system is not attractive enough to keep her interested anymore. However we are working on a new system in which she earns points towards webkinz -- She has five target behavior/schedule things listed on her chart for a colored square each, each square represents a point which goes towards a daily total. At the end of the week if she has 24 points she may go to the toy store and pick out a webkinz. She looses points for rude behavior, and gains for doing extra things like feeding the cat, so far it is working but it is only the second week so we'll see ( haven't had to go buy a webkinz yet!)

She has no sense that she must do what we say when asked nicely, everything is open to debate, and often she will refuse to do as she is asked and just walk away which means I have to physically stop her from leaving the house to play before she does her home work. She cannot read yet so a rule list will not work and a chart with pictures lasted a day until she got mad at it and ripped it up.

I have to keep things very simple and boring schedule wise: home from school, eat a snack and do home work (It takes up to two hours to accomplish what the school claims should take 15 to 20, ) Then play with friends or go to the park . When I allow her to do other things first, she is up too late trying to get the home work done. All chores must be done on the way home from school or when she is at school or else there is a arguing, whining chorus with lots of fussing to get her out the door and then often to leave where ever we do go once we are out because transitions are the problem no matter how many warnings I give or timers I use. I would love her to have time for scouts or sports or dance class but I have no idea how to do it since her go to answer seems to be no or the one choice not on the list.

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I have tried all these things and nothing has seemed to work. He is more Bipolar and minimal. The agressiveness is more by choice and we have tried medications, therapist and disciplines. He appears to be more defiant in the grades "losing" or just getting poor grades. He is above/ high intelligence and so realize that he has the ability, but where do you go from there? If I remove the priviledges he becomes more morose and aggressive when caught at fault. His lie is that he thinks he is not all that smart, but we (teachers and parents) know he is. I have tried rewards with behavior and it doesn't stick long..... Help!

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I want to say to mom's of younger children...HANG in THERE!!! It is worth it! I am the parent of son-15 and daughter-13 both ADHD, so is most of my siblings and their children. First thing that you have to do as a parent is be willing to recognize your reluctance to stand firm. ADHD or not any kid knows how to work the parent who allows unacceptable behavior because the child is unhappy. My daughter was more problematic than my son because of the emotional component that comes with having a girl, I know that's a generalization. My life saver was a group who published books and CD's that taught me how to stay firm and consistant. I highly I recommend www.loveandlogic.com. When my kids where young and out of control I would listen to the CD with pen and paper writing down the neutral phrases that made sense to me. Their program helped me stay more consitent with my expectations of their behaviors. When my daughter was in pre-school she would not wear the clothes I had picked out she would not get dressed which she was capapble of doing and let me assure you she was a very well dressed child, it was more her wanting control. Initially I had to tell my 4 year old that if she was not dressed by a certain time so she could be at school on time I would take her dressed as she was in pj's. The school clothes went into the "Red" bag and she was to dress in the administrators office.The key here was that I was at my wits end and willing to try what appeared to non ADHD parents as an extreme measure. She went to pre-school in her pj's two times and kindergarten once with the "Red" bag in tow. A four year old gets very uncomfortable in that situation but it was her choice to get dressed in a timely basis or go to school improperly dressed...the kicker was I was perfectly OK with either way which took away the battle. For several years up to 2nd grade the red bag stayed in my closet where she could see it. Along with that she and I discussed some ways to make it better and we decided that if she chose her clothes the night before and laid them on the floor (minimizes distractions) she could pick her own clothes but if she did not select clothes then I would lay out the next day outfit and she would have to wear it.

Do your kids bicker in the car? My Love and Logic technique for that was to pull over turn the radio up high so that I did not have to listen to them. I would not react to their actions and eventually they would quiet down and ask what was going on. "I can't drive with the noise so I stopped the car", I would tell them. They would then calm down, I would turn the radio down and off we would continue on our errands.

Several other useful techniques Love and Logic CD's taught me was that the natural consequences are the best and it is fine to tell your child that "I have to think about your consequenses, I will discuss this with you later." Boy did my kids hate that, there was not a quick emotional response on my part which meant they truly had to change their behavior. All in all most of my kids behaviors would change faster than I thought they would.

The previous person who responded with clear and concise rules offers very good advise. Many of her rules are similar to what has been used in my home...IT WORKS if you are willing to follow thru.

Hang it there!!!

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We use a chore chart that I got on www.childzilla.com to help stop the arguing and increase the positive reinforcement. My son loves it because he gets his own "page" where he can track his points, check off his chores (one is simply, "Be Respectful."), and also look at the prizes. They have many things to buy as rewards, but I added my own custom ones, such as 1/2 hour more of gaming, sleepover with 1 friend, and special time with mom or dad. I didn't want to be forced to buy things all the time. :) We've done this for a few months and have really seen a positive change.

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HI! I know that you are feeling overwhelmed and tired. Keep with it, you can train your children! It is hard, but worth it!!! You might also try investigating how diet affects our kids behaviour. check out www.adddiet.com. My 11 year old ADHD son has been on it for 6 years now and when I get lax I definately see a change in how he handles stress and how compliant he can be. My 7 year old daughter is ADD and benefits too, it makes her much less moody and destructive. Your description of your daughter reminds me of my daughter when we aren't careful with what goes in her mouth. The ideas listed above are great for limiting their ability to complain or react poorly, they do have control if it means enough to them!!! That is one of the dicotomies about ADD/ADHD. We can do anything we put our mind to, and if we are not interested enough, you can't get anything out of us. I am ADD also, so I speak from experience. Know that medication isn't always necessary! God Bless!

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I too, have found a chart a very useful tool. My son is 101/2 and I have been using a chart for him since he was about 3 (when he started preschool). I have basically been using a chart most of my life for myself, not knowing I was ADD until just recently. Making charts and check off lists were the only way I could make it. My husband though I was a bit odd, but since my diagnosis he can see how it all makes sence.

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