I have a 10 yr. old son too. In fact, tomorrow I am going to a meeting with the teacher, principal, and social worker to discuss his behavior. I did not call for the meeting. He is disruptive, etc. Sounds like your son.

I have been online printing info to be prepared. Educators know the symptoms of adhd. They need to implement a plan to deal with kids' behaviors, just as we must at home. BUT I spent a few years as a substitute teacher at the elementary level and understand how frustrating it can be. There are a lot of personalities and kids with problems that a teacher must deal with each day. To be honest, they are with them for the bulk of the day and 25 more kids. That is extra stimuli for our adhd kids. I feel for the teacher. Keep this in mind.

As for medication, we did not medicate our son for several years, even though doctors and social workers recommended it. Finally we did and OH WOW what a difference. Why did we change our minds? We saw that other kids were either staying away from him or teasing him. His school work was good. But socially he was beginning to hurt and if that continued he may have had few friends and lower self esteem. And what happens to a kid like that when he is a preteen/teen? Possibly drugs, truancy, etc. That is why.

It was not for the teachers (though I bet they thanked the Lord) or us (though we got some relief), but mainly for our son. They already probably have low self esteem. Who wouldn't when you are getting yelled at, sent to the office, etc.? Other kids see you as different. Our son is on Concerta, once a day. It is effective during the school hours. We usually do not give it to him on weekends or vacation time. You may want to reconsider. This is a difficult situation for all touched by adhd.

Good luck. Deb

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My wonderful 10 year old son is also taking Concerta. It has made all the difference. We are also taking Strattera at night (it helps with sleep and keeps his mood swings at bay). We discovered that caffeine has a profound effect on our son. If medication is not an option for you, perhaps you could re-evaluate your son's diet. It may provide you with a little relief. Our son is fantastic in school (grades), yet, sadly his teacher hasn't one kind thing to say about him. We are trying hard to educate our school system. It is a daily battle. Hang in there.

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Lorena, me too. While my teenage son is not diagnosed with ADD or anything at this point, I am dealing with seemingly the same type of characters in the school system. Let's say my son is totally turned off to studying. He has some of the symptoms, but at this point he can't focus on certain subjects. So a solution is to put him into classes on line with a university.

The biofeedback discussed by Jason Alter, and a local ED.D psychologist seem to be the most long term as it teaches self control and skills. At this point the teachers seemed so vexed by funding and other issues, any kid who isn't learning is a problem. Their funding is more geared towards severely disabled students they can see and empathize with. The kid with a focus problem is just considered to be a bad attitude, a pain. Yes I am totally turned off to their approach.

Have you seen the movie Napolean?, the ADD kid is like that character-not very likable. My main problem is my son's dad, who is an adult add, who chose to drink it into submission, and denial. The experts say that is what adult add people do, the drinking or drugs mask the problem. It is a tough one. Very tough.

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i just got my son to see an occupational therapist (Dr.'s request and funded by school).

they help with issues like attention to see if they can help supply the child with other feedback.

like some suggestions i know are playing with plasticine while listening to teachers so they can have a part distracted and be physical but leaving the main part of the brain able to listen and focus on teacher.

so i know this doesn't solve the negative behaviours but you have to make the environment suitable for the child so they can build self esteem so they want to change.

i found that when rules where put down, i broke them and rebelled more. it took a lot for me to see how destructive i was. in retrospect the dr. i saw said it was a form of self medicating because my needs weren't being met the way i needed them to be. so despite having great parents who loved me to death they just didn't know what i needed and gave me what they thought i needed. hope it makes sense

so instead of saying how smart i was (despite my horrible grades) they should have focused on we know you are smart, how can we help so you can get at the info and let everyone else know you are as smart as we say you are.

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Maryanne,

I see that you too are from a pretty rural area. My husband and I are thinking about starting a support group in our community. Do you have one in your area? We are unable to find a coach anywhere near us. Our school system is very ignorant when it comes to AD/HD. We figure there is strength in numbers and I know there are more families like us out there. I dream of spending an evening with other adults who know what our life is like and not worrying about how my son is acting. Would it do him harm or good to be around his peers that are having the same symptoms he is? Of course Matt's teacher has singled him out as a problem, so he doesn't get many play invites. This make me so very sad. He wants to have a birthday party, but I honestly don't know if anyone will come. I'm broken hearted.

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Lorena-

I have a son with ADHD who is ten years old. I am also a special education teacher who spent seven years exclusively working in a classroom for children with behavior disorders. That said, here is my advise;

1. Ask for a meeting with the teachers involved with your child. Reasoning? When you make the appointment, you are in charge. And when you ask for it at a time that is NOT a regularly scheduled meeting time, like conferences or an IEP meeting, you are saying, "This is my child and this is important. I take this seriously and I want something done."

2. Come prepared. Reasoning? Teachers will sit there (myself included) with their notes and records. There is a reason for this. The information is readily available if needed. Bring the file you keep on your son. Bring notes on his behavior at home and any recent information from school.

3. Set a goal. Reasoning? Keep the meeting from becoming just another, 'your son is doing X,Y and Z and we're sick of it' session. Be specific. Whether your agenda is to find out specifics about what the real complaint is or whatever, state your goal at the beginning.

4. Take notes. Again, teachers do this for a reason. Don't be out-noted. There is power in being able to go back to it later for reference.

5. Come up with a plan. Reasoning? Everyone likes to talk, but not everyone is good at coming up with solutions. What will be different when you leave the meeting? What will you do differently with your son? What will the teachers do differently? This may be as simple as you will both work on the goal of getting him to look the teacher in the eye when she says his name, within 5 seconds (and of course you'd work on this at home too). Whatever it is, when everyone hits the door, they should know what their role is.

6. Follow through. Reasoning? Try the new plan for three weeks or so. Meet again in three weeks. Teachers need this as much as your son does. They are busy people and a little nudge of knowing they will meet again to report success or modifications will help them keep on track.

7. Hug your son and tell him that you know he's struggling at school and that you are working with his teachers to help. Then go take a long walk or a bubble bath and know that you are doing the best you can!

Parenting kids with ADHD is hard...I know

Lavinia

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My son is 8 and was diagnosed with ADD in the fall by a neuropsychologist. Even though his grades were fine, I was concerned about the social setbacks and low self esteem. His Dr. put him on Medadate CD and that seems to be working wonders for him.

I have to say, we are blessed with the teacher he was placed with this year. She is a wonderful person who has 20 kids in the class and about 4 of them had attention issues. She works so hard with these children, puts expectations low and she does research on ways to help my son and the others.

I've also found help with the school adjustment counselor. She's been a wonderful help. Maybe your son's school has an adjustment counselor who can help.

The report we received from the neuropsychologist suggested that my son has a non-verbal learning disability. So the OT at the school is preparing to evaluate him and hopefully come up with strategies to assist him further.

I've done lots of reading and research, and I've found that working with teachers it helps to "have done your homework." A good teacher will want to work with you and your son, not fight you. It'll only make them better teachers to their whole class if they can embrace the learning styles of all students, and not just those who fit into the perfect student mold.

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hey i am a high school student with ADD and i was diagnosed with ADD in 2nd grade. i have always had difficulties with teachers that do not understand ADD or do not "Believe in it." but now in my school most of my teachers admit to being ADD and understand when i have difficulties or try to help me stay focused if they notice i haven't taken my medicine. maybe your child isn't being challenged enough. a lot of ADD kids are gifted but it doesn't show because they aren't focused. try to find a teacher that understands ADD. maybe one has an ADD child themselves or maybe they are ADD. they can be a great resource for help and tips for your kid. i am not saying you should move your child out of the class, because sooner or later, but probably sooner, your child will have other teachers who feel the same way. but just don't give up hope because there are a lot of very understanding teachers out there. your best chance is probably to talk to a "gifted" or "kaleidoscope" teacher. they tend to have more understanding about ADD. good luck with the rest of the school year

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me again. i forgot to mention about the medication part. you may be against medication, but i would strongly suggest putting your child on them. just a small dosage to help him concentrate better in school and another half when he gets home to help him get his homework done. this is how i had my medication when i was about ten. of course now as i have gotten older and school and homework have started to get harder and more time consuming i have raised the dosage several times. but my advice is just to talk to his doctor about your options and if you don't think one kind is working talk to the doctor and try other brands. it may take a few tries to find something you and your child both think is right.

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After several comments of my son being inattentive in class, I called for a meeting. (That's YOUR right). I asked for him to be re-evaluated and then invited my son's teacher, aide, therapists, resource teacher, the school counselor, and the school district came too. We also asked the principal to come. It seemed rather obvious that he wasn't used to sitting in on IEP (Individual Educational Plan) meetings. Thank goodness, my husband was there to help me present a united front.

I had my son's diagnosis and some notes froms his Doctors, articles regarding Autism, Asperger's, and ADD with the parts that applied to him highlighted, and some of his school papers to ask about how we could help at home. (we didn't want to teach him in a different way from the school, and if we found a way that "broke through" to him, we wanted to share). I had made copies of everything for everyone.

For a change, my OCD and ADD came in handy, and with my big mouth I opened the meeting with "First of all, we just want to thank all of you for showing such an interest in helping our son be the best he can be. He just loves it here, and never says he doesn't want to come to school." That made the principal look good to the school district, and the rest of the team look good to the principal. It really seemed to set off the meeting on a positive note.

Since getting one-on-one aide time is like pulling teeth, I commented that it wasn't fair to the rest of the class if the teacher was constantly having to bring our son's mind back from outer space.

The principal and some of the others acted like they didn't even know a lot of the information I presented. Like my son has awful social skills. His vocabulary is way above his age, but he constantly interrupts (and can't remember to wait), and will just walk up to strangers giving dinosaur statistics, etc. I asked the speech therapist about group sessions, where two or three children have therapy together and play out a sort of script. Like "Hi I'm Jake. What's your name?" She acted like she had never heard of it! She later told me that the kids were having a lot of fun with it.

It's just so important to remember that a comment by a teacher is not necessarily a personal attack on your child, and if you work together, some solutions can be worked out. Remember, try to step into their shoes and picture a whole classroom of kids (with likely a few other ADHD kids) and the teacher trying to keep their attention and help them learn the ton of criteria that is heaped upon teachers to teach now.

It's just crazy to me how much stress they put on children these days. My son loves science, but with math, he just freezes up. He's so afraid of giving the wrong answer and being a disappointment. It just breaks my heart for him. He told his aide the other day "Mrs. S, I asked God to forgive you and Mrs. W and my Mama and Daddy for pushing me too hard!" Too precious!

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