I have a 10 yr. old son too. In fact, tomorrow I am going to a meeting with the teacher, principal, and social worker to discuss his behavior. I did not call for the meeting. He is disruptive, etc. Sounds like your son.

I have been online printing info to be prepared. Educators know the symptoms of adhd. They need to implement a plan to deal with kids' behaviors, just as we must at home. BUT I spent a few years as a substitute teacher at the elementary level and understand how frustrating it can be. There are a lot of personalities and kids with problems that a teacher must deal with each day. To be honest, they are with them for the bulk of the day and 25 more kids. That is extra stimuli for our adhd kids. I feel for the teacher. Keep this in mind.

As for medication, we did not medicate our son for several years, even though doctors and social workers recommended it. Finally we did and OH WOW what a difference. Why did we change our minds? We saw that other kids were either staying away from him or teasing him. His school work was good. But socially he was beginning to hurt and if that continued he may have had few friends and lower self esteem. And what happens to a kid like that when he is a preteen/teen? Possibly drugs, truancy, etc. That is why.

It was not for the teachers (though I bet they thanked the Lord) or us (though we got some relief), but mainly for our son. They already probably have low self esteem. Who wouldn't when you are getting yelled at, sent to the office, etc.? Other kids see you as different. Our son is on Concerta, once a day. It is effective during the school hours. We usually do not give it to him on weekends or vacation time. You may want to reconsider. This is a difficult situation for all touched by adhd.

Good luck. Deb

Quote

My wonderful 10 year old son is also taking Concerta. It has made all the difference. We are also taking Strattera at night (it helps with sleep and keeps his mood swings at bay). We discovered that caffeine has a profound effect on our son. If medication is not an option for you, perhaps you could re-evaluate your son's diet. It may provide you with a little relief. Our son is fantastic in school (grades), yet, sadly his teacher hasn't one kind thing to say about him. We are trying hard to educate our school system. It is a daily battle. Hang in there.

Quote

Lorena, me too. While my teenage son is not diagnosed with ADD or anything at this point, I am dealing with seemingly the same type of characters in the school system. Let's say my son is totally turned off to studying. He has some of the symptoms, but at this point he can't focus on certain subjects. So a solution is to put him into classes on line with a university.

The biofeedback discussed by Jason Alter, and a local ED.D psychologist seem to be the most long term as it teaches self control and skills. At this point the teachers seemed so vexed by funding and other issues, any kid who isn't learning is a problem. Their funding is more geared towards severely disabled students they can see and empathize with. The kid with a focus problem is just considered to be a bad attitude, a pain. Yes I am totally turned off to their approach.

Have you seen the movie Napolean?, the ADD kid is like that character-not very likable. My main problem is my son's dad, who is an adult add, who chose to drink it into submission, and denial. The experts say that is what adult add people do, the drinking or drugs mask the problem. It is a tough one. Very tough.

Quote

i just got my son to see an occupational therapist (Dr.'s request and funded by school).

they help with issues like attention to see if they can help supply the child with other feedback.

like some suggestions i know are playing with plasticine while listening to teachers so they can have a part distracted and be physical but leaving the main part of the brain able to listen and focus on teacher.

so i know this doesn't solve the negative behaviours but you have to make the environment suitable for the child so they can build self esteem so they want to change.

i found that when rules where put down, i broke them and rebelled more. it took a lot for me to see how destructive i was. in retrospect the dr. i saw said it was a form of self medicating because my needs weren't being met the way i needed them to be. so despite having great parents who loved me to death they just didn't know what i needed and gave me what they thought i needed. hope it makes sense

so instead of saying how smart i was (despite my horrible grades) they should have focused on we know you are smart, how can we help so you can get at the info and let everyone else know you are as smart as we say you are.

Quote

Maryanne,

I see that you too are from a pretty rural area. My husband and I are thinking about starting a support group in our community. Do you have one in your area? We are unable to find a coach anywhere near us. Our school system is very ignorant when it comes to AD/HD. We figure there is strength in numbers and I know there are more families like us out there. I dream of spending an evening with other adults who know what our life is like and not worrying about how my son is acting. Would it do him harm or good to be around his peers that are having the same symptoms he is? Of course Matt's teacher has singled him out as a problem, so he doesn't get many play invites. This make me so very sad. He wants to have a birthday party, but I honestly don't know if anyone will come. I'm broken hearted.

Quote

Lorena-

I have a son with ADHD who is ten years old. I am also a special education teacher who spent seven years exclusively working in a classroom for children with behavior disorders. That said, here is my advise;

1. Ask for a meeting with the teachers involved with your child. Reasoning? When you make the appointment, you are in charge. And when you ask for it at a time that is NOT a regularly scheduled meeting time, like conferences or an IEP meeting, you are saying, "This is my child and this is important. I take this seriously and I want something done."

2. Come prepared. Reasoning? Teachers will sit there (myself included) with their notes and records. There is a reason for this. The information is readily available if needed. Bring the file you keep on your son. Bring notes on his behavior at home and any recent information from school.

3. Set a goal. Reasoning? Keep the meeting from becoming just another, 'your son is doing X,Y and Z and we're sick of it' session. Be specific. Whether your agenda is to find out specifics about what the real complaint is or whatever, state your goal at the beginning.

4. Take notes. Again, teachers do this for a reason. Don't be out-noted. There is power in being able to go back to it later for reference.

5. Come up with a plan. Reasoning? Everyone likes to talk, but not everyone is good at coming up with solutions. What will be different when you leave the meeting? What will you do differently with your son? What will the teachers do differently? This may be as simple as you will both work on the goal of getting him to look the teacher in the eye when she says his name, within 5 seconds (and of course you'd work on this at home too). Whatever it is, when everyone hits the door, they should know what their role is.

6. Follow through. Reasoning? Try the new plan for three weeks or so. Meet again in three weeks. Teachers need this as much as your son does. They are busy people and a little nudge of knowing they will meet again to report success or modifications will help them keep on track.

7. Hug your son and tell him that you know he's struggling at school and that you are working with his teachers to help. Then go take a long walk or a bubble bath and know that you are doing the best you can!

Parenting kids with ADHD is hard...I know

Lavinia

Quote

My son is 8 and was diagnosed with ADD in the fall by a neuropsychologist. Even though his grades were fine, I was concerned about the social setbacks and low self esteem. His Dr. put him on Medadate CD and that seems to be working wonders for him.

I have to say, we are blessed with the teacher he was placed with this year. She is a wonderful person who has 20 kids in the class and about 4 of them had attention issues. She works so hard with these children, puts expectations low and she does research on ways to help my son and the others.

I've also found help with the school adjustment counselor. She's been a wonderful help. Maybe your son's school has an adjustment counselor who can help.

The report we received from the neuropsychologist suggested that my son has a non-verbal learning disability. So the OT at the school is preparing to evaluate him and hopefully come up with strategies to assist him further.

I've done lots of reading and research, and I've found that working with teachers it helps to "have done your homework." A good teacher will want to work with you and your son, not fight you. It'll only make them better teachers to their whole class if they can embrace the learning styles of all students, and not just those who fit into the perfect student mold.

Quote

hey i am a high school student with ADD and i was diagnosed with ADD in 2nd grade. i have always had difficulties with teachers that do not understand ADD or do not "Believe in it." but now in my school most of my teachers admit to being ADD and understand when i have difficulties or try to help me stay focused if they notice i haven't taken my medicine. maybe your child isn't being challenged enough. a lot of ADD kids are gifted but it doesn't show because they aren't focused. try to find a teacher that understands ADD. maybe one has an ADD child themselves or maybe they are ADD. they can be a great resource for help and tips for your kid. i am not saying you should move your child out of the class, because sooner or later, but probably sooner, your child will have other teachers who feel the same way. but just don't give up hope because there are a lot of very understanding teachers out there. your best chance is probably to talk to a "gifted" or "kaleidoscope" teacher. they tend to have more understanding about ADD. good luck with the rest of the school year

Quote

me again. i forgot to mention about the medication part. you may be against medication, but i would strongly suggest putting your child on them. just a small dosage to help him concentrate better in school and another half when he gets home to help him get his homework done. this is how i had my medication when i was about ten. of course now as i have gotten older and school and homework have started to get harder and more time consuming i have raised the dosage several times. but my advice is just to talk to his doctor about your options and if you don't think one kind is working talk to the doctor and try other brands. it may take a few tries to find something you and your child both think is right.

Quote

After several comments of my son being inattentive in class, I called for a meeting. (That's YOUR right). I asked for him to be re-evaluated and then invited my son's teacher, aide, therapists, resource teacher, the school counselor, and the school district came too. We also asked the principal to come. It seemed rather obvious that he wasn't used to sitting in on IEP (Individual Educational Plan) meetings. Thank goodness, my husband was there to help me present a united front.

I had my son's diagnosis and some notes froms his Doctors, articles regarding Autism, Asperger's, and ADD with the parts that applied to him highlighted, and some of his school papers to ask about how we could help at home. (we didn't want to teach him in a different way from the school, and if we found a way that "broke through" to him, we wanted to share). I had made copies of everything for everyone.

For a change, my OCD and ADD came in handy, and with my big mouth I opened the meeting with "First of all, we just want to thank all of you for showing such an interest in helping our son be the best he can be. He just loves it here, and never says he doesn't want to come to school." That made the principal look good to the school district, and the rest of the team look good to the principal. It really seemed to set off the meeting on a positive note.

Since getting one-on-one aide time is like pulling teeth, I commented that it wasn't fair to the rest of the class if the teacher was constantly having to bring our son's mind back from outer space.

The principal and some of the others acted like they didn't even know a lot of the information I presented. Like my son has awful social skills. His vocabulary is way above his age, but he constantly interrupts (and can't remember to wait), and will just walk up to strangers giving dinosaur statistics, etc. I asked the speech therapist about group sessions, where two or three children have therapy together and play out a sort of script. Like "Hi I'm Jake. What's your name?" She acted like she had never heard of it! She later told me that the kids were having a lot of fun with it.

It's just so important to remember that a comment by a teacher is not necessarily a personal attack on your child, and if you work together, some solutions can be worked out. Remember, try to step into their shoes and picture a whole classroom of kids (with likely a few other ADHD kids) and the teacher trying to keep their attention and help them learn the ton of criteria that is heaped upon teachers to teach now.

It's just crazy to me how much stress they put on children these days. My son loves science, but with math, he just freezes up. He's so afraid of giving the wrong answer and being a disappointment. It just breaks my heart for him. He told his aide the other day "Mrs. S, I asked God to forgive you and Mrs. W and my Mama and Daddy for pushing me too hard!" Too precious!

Quote

Hi there: just a note of encouragement for you. And some food for thought...

When my son's neurologist diagnosed him with ADD he said that there were good meds and with proper management and attention to his social development, my son would be just fine. When I replied that I did not believe in giving meds to a child, he jumped around his desk, got right in my face and said, "Listen. if I had just told you that your son had diabetes, would you sit there and tell me that you were choosing not to give him medication ? Properly treating your son's condition from day one is as important to his mental health and development as insulin is to a diabetic." I thought he was off his rocker, and ignored his advice.

But after a few years of watching my son sinking into a depression after being bullied and teased by his fellow classmates because he couldn't control his behavior, and ridiculed by his teachers for being disorganized, I came to the conclusion that the doctor was right. My son is still struggling to recover his self esteem from years of being treated as the bad kid, the disruptive child who couldn't complete assignments or find his pencil. He was never picked to play on the baseball team and through elementary school and Jr. high, he was not invited to a single birthday party. These seem like small things, but add them up and they create a very sad life for a child. I would urge you to do some reading about this issue. You, as a parent, have the choice. My question to you is "In 10 years will he thank you for the choices you made for him?" I wish the best for you and your son!!

Quote

I am the opposite. my son was diagnosed at age 4 with adhd with O.D.D. oppositional defiance disorder. I wanted him on medication, his father wouldn't agree. His father didn't have to live with him, but I did. ( we separated at age 2) It was a struggle and I remember telling people I love my son but don't like him. He is now 7 today. It was very difficult living with him and felt at times I was going to go crazy. He was always my troubled child since birth.

The school started contacting me about his behavior and I told them to put it in writing so that I could give it to his father. We had a few meetings and was told that because he couldn't focus he was failing. We had 3 appts. with his doctor before finally his father agreed to try the medicine. He has been on it for 3 months now and boy what a difference.

He cries now because he gets frustrated if he can't get a 100 on his spelling test. (not in school at home the 1st day he gets his spelling list.) He now gets 100's every week and now loves school where before he hated school and got 20's and 40's on his test. The school now raves on my sons behavior and loves him to death because now he can concentrate and not only that he can hold a conversation now that he couldn't do before. And he is so much more loveable.

I am not going to tell u that meds. have changed him completely; they haven't. He still has his bad moments. He now has to Learn the positive behavior and we also reward positive behavior. His father is happy now that we have him on meds. He still doesn't want to see him on them for a long period of time but he likes the New Boy we have!!!!! Never hurts to try it. If u don't like it u can always take him off it. Like his father agreed with a Trial Test. The trail proved to be wonderful in all areas!!!!

Quote

I hear myself giving the same advice to struggling teachers and parents with a child or children with adhd problems. Just so that ya'll won't think I'm just making stuff up, here's a little background on me. I am a 21 year old college student who has been diagnosed with adhd (the predominantly inattentive type) since I was in the 2nd grade. I also am a double major in education and psychology. I am taking a class on child exceptionalities as of the moment and am considering specializing in education of adhd students. With that being said, here is my advice to all parents and teachers with children with adhd. First of all, and I can't state this enough: ORGANIZATION IS KEY TO SUCCESS! Consider a private tutor or recommending one. It helped me considerably. Try to get one that is known for working with children with adhd. I found this to be extremely beneficial to my educational experience, and its was also a great self esteem booster. The next is GET AN IEP (Individualized Education Plan). These are definitely beneficial and will help a lot. Third piece of advice I can give is HAVE YOUR CHILD AND THEIR TEACHER FILL OUT A DAILY PROGRESS REPORT. It is simple and easy for everyone. If your child gets any sort of a bad report you can and should do something about it. For me it was taking the telephone away for the night. Don't be scared to do this!

ADHD children are completely capable of doing the same work as other kids, it just takes us a little extra work. This should be expected of the child. By doing this you are teaching your child to gain control over their adhd. ADHD IS NOT AN EXCUSE! If your child can get it under control they can function just like everyone else and if they are on meds could be taken off like I was. I have made the daily progress report on my computer so if anyone would like me to send it to them I can and I think it can be changed to fit the needs of your child. I have found that the daily progress report was the biggest help out of anything in me beginning to control my adhd. I recommend it to anyone! If you want me to email the daily progress report to you just email me at brenda_k101@yahoo.com. I hope this helps!

Quote

If your vision is bad, your mom can point out all the good things you CAN see and make all kinds of accomodations at home and deal with it. At school it becomes a problem when you're standing inches from the board and no one else can see. The teacher has to deal with 25 other students and their learning, their paperwork, they academic, emotional and safety needs. When your mom comes in and says, "All you talk about is the fact my kid can't see and you don't even point out his good points and you don't respect my decision not to get him glasses," you start to wonder if you should just get the glasses.

Get the meds. It may take some fiddling. I had a miserable school experience. It wasn't until I was an adult that I got the meds. I started on one that didn't really work, then one that worked, but I had to take two and it was an up and down thing, then I found one all day pill that was like putting on glasses and everything was clear. It was more than I wanted to pay, but my wife said she would pay anything for the look on my face 30 minutes after that first pill kicked in. I still needed to read some things on getting organized and I definitely need to write everything down (in one place so I don't lose them), but now I can "see" and it's amazing.

Don't deny you or your child the years of productive learning and happiness he can get from this completely safe--tested for something like 40 years--medicine. You won't regret it.

Quote

Hi! I have come across this forum as a great source of help for me. In Norway, they feel that all kids are equal, so there is NO "Special" classes. Instead, Assistants are hired to watch these kids. This goes for Add/adhd. I myself am an assistant to one of these children. I give him looks to help him to remember to sit calmly, to listen to the teacher and help him with his work. With subjects that are taught above his comprehension, I take him to am office to teach him privately and in a quieter setting. I try to keep him with the class as often as possible though. I am shocked to hear how some of you parents are feeling from the teachers.

As for medication, I use to have mixed feelings. But, I have seen how well they have worked for a child in the older years. With medication, he has gained confidence. He has been able to concentrate and work so well.

I will admit though, it is hard at times to not look at these kids as Problem children at times. (Although, we should never say that to parents) ;) But when you as parents have the stress at home, we have about 6 kids out of 50 to deal with. It is amazing how much more work these kids add. (AND stress)

We tackle this mainly with the American system "Webster Stratton". We feel that good communication between home and school is important. (Of course, we do have parents that slack in helping their kids actually do their homework. This is another issue) There should be an agreed set of rules and consequences that are followed through at home and school. Of course, we have parents that feel what happens at school should stay at school. I think this works sometimes, but when a child BITES another kid or adult, then I feel it should be disciplined at home as well. (My opinion) But, we love to praise when opportunity knocks.

I feel I am rambling, but I felt I would share some details from over the ocean. Long story short, kids are kids. No one, especially someone in the education system should give up on one.

Quote

Oh, Lorena. I feel the exact same that you do. My daughter is 5 and has not been diagnosed w/ADD but I am certain she is. She is in Kindergarten and I have been to the Principles office 4 times already. Next week she is facing 3 days Inschool suspension. You would think that since these people have degrees and have most likely been teaching for years that by now they would understand. Its a shame that we should have to go through this. I was very much against medication but I am considering it, my daughter doesnt have any friends because the other children dont understand her. Please keep in touch.

Quote

I am an adult who was diagnoised as a 27 yr old so I did not have the behavior problems as a child that so many parents talk about with children I was more of a day dreamer.

I used to teach 7th grade before becoming a stay at home Mom. One of my students (we will call him Tom) sounds like your son. I had a great time with Tom. I ran a classroom based upon respect and what some would call a really tight ship. I never had the problems that other teachers had with Tom. He listened (or at least was quiet) and tried to do his best.

The problem was he was falling. And falling hard. Every year he missed some. And it was catching up with him quick. He couldn't do the work because his skills were so behind the other kids. He is 20 now. I wonder what he is doing. Did he ever get the help he needs?

I worked with the Special Ed teacher, Guidence, and the Principal. But he was so far behind. When I think of him I want to cry.

I now take medicine. Personally, it has made a world of difference in my life. But I understand why parents are resist medicating kids.

What doesn't your son know that he should know? Check what he can do against your state standards.

I hope all works out well for you. Please find a way to have your son behave. If he can't do it himself. He really needs help. Or he won't have much of a future.

Don't focus on the trouble maker image so much. Work on getting him on the right path. Read every book you can get your hands on. Take him to therapy. Where a dr. can help you come up with a behavior modification plan.

If Tom was in jail right now I wouldn't be surprised. A really sweet kid who if all things stayed the same wouldn't have been able to go to college or trade school.

What can you do if reading and writing is so difficult?

So again I will repeat the message. What is your son suppose to be learning that he isn't....????

Good Luck (I think Moms can change anything if they take the right steps. This forum is a great first step)

Quote

I have a son that was diagnosed at age 2 with ADHD, but he has been on meds and he is very well behaved in school. My other son sounds just like what you described. Ever sine Pre-K he has has issues at school. He won't sit still, refuses to follow directions and so on and so forth. It didn't occur to me that he would have ADHD. I always figured it was just ODD. I am waiting for him to be tested by the doctor.

Quote

Reading all those messages I believe more and more that it's necessary that the teachers should be more trained in learning disabilities. So many stories here show that most of the teachers have no idea, or maybe no will to help our kids. Those kind of disabilities have to be treated first with understanding. It is so frustrating! Our kids have problems and the teachers are going the easy way instead of trying to give our kids special attention. I dare to claim that almost in every single classroom there is at least one child who suffers from a learning disability so the appropriate training in order to treat those shildren right should be mandatory in a teachers education.

Quote

Quote:

izmebe said: I hear myself giving the same advice to struggling teachers and parents with a child or children with adhd problems. Just so that ya'll won't think I'm just making stuff up, here's a little background on me. I am a 21 year old college student who has been diagnosed with adhd (the predominantly inattentive type) since I was in the 2nd grade. I also am a double major in education and psychology. I am taking a class on child exceptionalities as of the moment and am considering specializing in education of adhd students. With that being said, here is my advice to all parents and teachers with children with adhd. First of all, and I can't state this enough: ORGANIZATION IS KEY TO SUCCESS! Consider a private tutor or recommending one. It helped me considerably. Try to get one that is known for working with children with adhd. I found this to be extremely beneficial to my educational experience, and its was also a great self esteem booster. The next is GET AN IEP (Individualized Education Plan). These are definitely beneficial and will help a lot. Third piece of advice I can give is HAVE YOUR CHILD AND THEIR TEACHER FILL OUT A DAILY PROGRESS REPORT. It is simple and easy for everyone. If your child gets any sort of a bad report you can and should do something about it. For me it was taking the telephone away for the night. Don't be scared to do this!

ADHD children are completely capable of doing the same work as other kids, it just takes us a little extra work. This should be expected of the child. By doing this you are teaching your child to gain control over their adhd. ADHD IS NOT AN EXCUSE! If your child can get it under control they can function just like everyone else and if they are on meds could be taken off like I was. I have made the daily progress report on my computer so if anyone would like me to send it to them I can and I think it can be changed to fit the needs of your child. I have found that the daily progress report was the biggest help out of anything in me beginning to control my adhd. I recommend it to anyone! If you want me to email the daily progress report to you just email me at brenda_k101@yahoo.com. I hope this helps!

Quote

I know how you feel and it can drive you mad. You have to look at this from your child's point of view. He has to go out there every day to a place where he feels unwanted or even hated. He feels there is nothing he can do to please anyone and he has no friends. Everyone there is aganist him. ADHD is a sickness and we have to face it. If your son had any other illness you would give him the meds he needed to stay well. Why is this any different. Give your son the meds. so he can start enjoying life. I know it's hard but you have to do what's best for him. I also have ADHD and I can tell you the meds. changed my life. I now have friends that I've kept for a long time. It's not hard for me to learn new things so I don't feel like I'm just "dumb" and can't do anything so why try. I'll have you and your son in my prayers.

Quote

I'm having a really hard time with his teachers last year and it's continued this year. They don't listen to me or any advice I have to offer. They follow the IEP in a minimal way that they see fit. He's in 4th grade, after already been held back a year, and they have him doing reading that's meant for first graders yet at home he's reading books that are more age appropriate. I asked for them to go to the next level but they said that he's not doing his work at school as is so they won't up it. I do what I can at home to help him be on par with his class, but if he brings home a project from class to work on at home the teacher won't accept it as he did majority of it at home, eventhough she said to finish it at home.

That's just part of the frustration. Their leaning on medication as a fix all is really upsetting as well. He's already on meds and has been since he was 5 but they keep hinting that I should up they prescription cause he's still having issues at school, in fact last year I had one teacher blatantly tell me I need to talk to the doctor and up the dose. I've talked to my son's doctor and we both agree that the dose he's on is the right one for him and I've explained that to all the teachers that work with my son.

Today I discover that the teacher has asked my son if he took his meds this morning cause he was a little more disruptive in class today. It makes my son feel bad to be asked that and it's not just his homeroom teacher, it's any teacher that works with him. It's hurting his self esteem and his self esteem is already taking a hit as it is from being dubbed a trouble maker at school and all the other students know him to constantly get in trouble and they purposely blame him for things he hasn't done and watch him get in trouble even more, while those kids get away with it. We do what we can at home to help him bolster his self esteem but it seems like the school is working against us.

Are teachers even allowed to ask a child about their medication? It seems inappropriate to ask them and not the parents.

Sorry for the ranting but I'm really frustrated by this school.

Quote