I would have him read reports on the issues from actual doctors. If that dont work if you or your daughter go to therpy have him come along.

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My husband has finally realized after four years that our son can't cope on his own. He did have to go to counseling with us to understand that it's not just an act. Its just getting the others in our family to learn that there is a problem.

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let me know if you succeed with your family. my family(except for hand full)defently dont understand. i have given them brochues on this and for get it and they have seen the difference when he is on meds and off. it is so hard, but i dont give up.

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for 8 years my family life has been in alot of turmoil. my son was diagnosed at the age of 2& placed on meds. (Either him or me!)My husband has been in denial since I tried telling him something was wrong with my newborn.For years, he"ll say that our son would "come around". I'm still waiting & praying so I try every day to take it slow. My way of handling it- I returned to school to learn child development and whenever I have time,( not much)I read & talk to anyone who will hear me. My husband still believes he'll come around but he finally admits something is different (and doesn't like to talk about it)but he encourages me to continue my quest for the sake of our family.

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I am in the same boat. This is a repeat marriage for me and my hubby doesn't "get it". I am an ADD mom trying to raise an ADHD 8yo son, an ADHD 11 yo Daughter, and an ADD 15 yo Son. He thinks we're just lazy ro using him or whatever. Doesn't understand the chaos that can occur in an ADD household; doesn't understand why the kids have trouble getting up in the morning, trouble concentrating on homework, doesn't understand why they play when he simply tells them "go clean your room". Doesn't understand that they have to have more specific direction than that and that they can't focus their attention for a long time. This degenerates into him yelling and screaming at them, accusations about being "used", about being treated like a "n*er (I won't use the word), how we're destroying his house (he owned the house before we married), etc, etc.. I could go on and on. It's gotten to the point that I'm considering divorce. I don't know what to do anymore either.

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I am so very sorry that you are all having troubles with your families and especially spouses not understanding about AD/HD. I have spent many years trying to educate my family about the symptoms etc. of AD/HD. I have a son (will be 10 next month) who has been on Ritalin since kindergarten. Even though my family accepted the fact that he needed the medication, they would still get very frustrated by his actions (esp. off meds). They are finally (after 4+ years)coming around to see that we are doing everything possible to help my son, and are not "bad parents" who don't "discipline" their child. It doesn't help that my husband's brother has a son 2 years younger than my son who is not AD/HD or ADD, and obviously acts like a "normal" boy. They are always comparing the two - it drives me crazy GRRRRRRRRRR! What does help, though, is that my husband himself is AD/HD and was on meds. growing up - thanks mostly in part to his mother (who has been a lot of support to us all along). Even though my husband is AD/HD himself, he no longer needs to take meds, he still gets very frustrated with our son. I, too, get so frustrated sometimes, I just want to SCREAM!!! I am a teacher, and have learned a lot from all my research, plus first hand experience how to tolerate these children. They are so creative, and so very much need us. I am constantly researching, reading, and educating myself on the trials and tribulations of bringing up a child with AD/HD. I have to continually tell myself that I have been blessed with a child that is not a "cookie-cutter" child. He is different, and we must capitalize on this, and let them know how very special they are, and how much of a contribution to society they can make, even though they don't quite see it that way, they have us to constantly remind them. I believe there was a reason I bore this child with these special traits. What I am trying to say, is that you all must keep up advocating for your child no matter what obstacles lay ahead.

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that is so true. i am so glad that i read that today. thank you so much for that advice.

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I understand that completely about people thinking i am using my ADD as a crutch, and yet he doesn't understand anything and doesn't want to. I lost my job monday because of it, ADD combined with a learning disablity is a disaster in the making. it is so damm frustrating.

Anna Alvarado

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My daughter & I were both diagnosed W/ ADHD 10 years ago. She was 9 Yrs. and I was 35 yrs old. I still haven't gotten my husband to understand! I have tried everything under the sun. Now, 6Mo. ago he filed for divorce after 22 years of marriage. I had not given up on him, but my daughter (now 18) says; "he gave up on us!" "and we are better off for it". I have found alot of good articles out there that should get most spouses to understand, so don't give up! but don't let him ridicule you or berate you because of it. I did, and now I'm just trying to find that self-esteem ladder so I can start my climb back up it again. Take Care! Dawn

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I agree that you must do what is best for you and your children. As the spouse of and adult ADHDer and the mom of a 9yr old ADHD daughter I can offer the other side. I do get frustrated and sad and we do have marital issues realated to their ADHD but never have I thought they were making it up. If they needed glasses and lost them I wouldn't get mad if they couldn't read. The missing chemicals in the brain are like lost glasses and I do have to remind myself of that when I get frustrated. My husbands family does not beleive in ADHD either and they also compare his brother's non-ADHD children to ours. To which I reply you can't compare children they are individuals just like you and I. I can't compare you (mother-in-law) to (insert a female she admires) we would all fall flat if I made that comparison. So since I don't try and compare you please don't compare our children. It usually shuts her up but doesn't get me any points. The bottom line is you are your own and your child's best advocate. Do what is best for you even if that choice might be counciling without your spouse. Best of luck and I'm sorry they can't open their minds to the joys ADHDer bring and midigate the frustration.

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