I have a very good friend with A.D.D.--she never calls people usually. She just doesn't use the phone that much. Also, she hardly ever finishes things. Her follow thru is really bad. So, don't feel bad. She is a very difficult person to get along with--but, i love her tremendously---she is so precious. She has lots of energy oftentimes and can be bubbly and joyous. She cares about rejected people, loves God, and is very visual, very observant, and quick-witted. She gets caught up in a lot of detail, which slows her down, and she has poor concentration at times. She doesn't like to write--never has written me a letter in 7 plus years, and she isn't that great a reader at all, and is terrible at math--but, she loves listening to the radio--especially Christian programs. I hope this helps.

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I can only speak for myself in that with me it is a social skill problem. I absolutely hate calling people because it gives me more of a chance to make a mistake.I would rather talk to someone face to face.Make sure you spend enough time AWAY from work doing something that you love because burnout can sneak up on you and you won't see it coming, thats what happened to me. Al

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I am new here...again desperate for a 'cure'. "Moses" you are talking about me! I am really uncomfortable socializing. It is a lot of work and takes a lot of time to have friends and be a friend. I even distance myself from family too. I never write notes or send thank-you's, rarely send b'day cards. Some of this is forgetfulness, some is procrastination, plus my writing skills aren't great to be penning a letter to someone else.

An mom from our church/school died last week from cancer. She and I were on a few committees together, and I used to see her frequently while she was in remission. I heard a few months ago that her cancer was back, and I thought about sending her a card or making her some food, however it is now too late. Once I heard this news I felt horrible. However do you think that I would learn from this situation? The answer is no. Similar situations have happend in the past and I never learn my lesson. I never learn to get off my butt and do it. I am 42 years old, when will I grow up?

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I'm a secretary and I have a hard time following through on things. I don't know how I made it as long as I have on this job. I do my work in a satisfactory manner, but when complex issues come up (which comes up often in this company of confusion that work for) it's hard for me to deal with them. Most of the time I don't until someone comes and ask me for an update. My new boss is a little more helpful than the previous one (although he was a very nice guy that let me get away with a lot). He's a little more organized and when he asks me to handle an issue he gives me step by step instructions on what he wants me to do. But still I get stressed and depressed. I'm looking to change my job to one that is more "ADD friendly". I'm looking to do something that I'm passionate about and that won't give me a chance to procrastinate.

If you do an internet search on the topic "careers for ADHD" or something similar, you can find some tips on what jobs are better suited for you.

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I could have written almost the same post. I'm currently in college and over half way done. Like you I take good notes but have a hard time bringing myself to study. I procrastinate until the last minute. With my job I have a hard time wanting to do extra. Maybe its burn out since I have been in the same field for 13 years. So I do understand where you are coming from. Can you maybe email your contacts? Maybe that would be easier than over the phone.

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I am currently in school, and I have two paper of 1500-2500 word essay to be done by Monday. How much did I do nothing. And this is my extension so if not done I will fail. I somehow will mange; but I hate to write ;for a subject that is not interesting to me My two week course class had 5 papers and I finished it because I loved the subject matter I think we have to think about what we want to achieve ; and the go for it. ADD extension in school helps. And write on calender when to call a friend or have them call you. I have my best friends calling me at different off hours so pick a good time

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I also have a problem with using the phone. I have informed my friends of this. Now they call me most of the times and I am learning that I can pick up the phone and call them with a question or anything else. Even just to check on them. As for consequences I am having trouble being impulsive because for some reason I just don't think about the consequences. Procrastination is a biggie for me. I do a little of this and a little of that and I hope it will eventually get done, but I can't stay on one thing at a time. Thanks

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I, too, have terrible follow-thru. I'm 46 and still have trouble getting things done --you should see my laundry pile!! I'm a stay-at-home mom of 2 very active, distractible kids (I have a diagnosis, they don't). I can't keep up because I get into one project, get this pit in my stomach, and move on to something else. I sometimes wonder if it's a fear of getting things done because I'd be bored without having a million things to do....

I also have trouble staying in touch with people, making phone calls, writing letters, etc. I've lost touch with many treasured friends because of this. When I worked, I used to put things off until I was backed up against a wall and had no choice but to pick up the phone....

I find that I have my better days since being diagnosed a year ago. I didn't do well on meds, so I've been working on cognitive behavioral therapy. I talk to myself ALOT -- sometimes I worry that I'm going to end end like some of those crazy old ladies you see on the street talking to themselves! Anyway, when I talk to myself, and really use my lists, I find I get much more done. Although, i'm still not great at staying in touch -- it has to do with not be able to figure out what I'm going to say most of the time.

I hope this helps!

Now, can anybody tell me how to schedule, and actually get to, the gym???!

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Follow through and procrastination are such common challenges for people with ADD -- even for many without ADD! There are many strategies and techniques that you can learn by working with an excperienced ADD coach. It also helps to have the accountability provided by a coach. At the most recent CHADD Conference in Chicago, I presented a workshop on How to Stop Procrastination Before it Stops You! It's actually a favorite topic of mine because I always used to consider myself the Queen of Procrastination!

Anyway...my point is that you "can" learn strategies to procrastinate less and follow through more. The key here is to be motivated enough to want to make some positive changes.

Rhonda Pawlan, M.S. AD/HD Coach

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Oh my, you have all made me feel so much better - and I'll be 50!!! I still have the unfinished alphabet hook rug that was supposed to be finished before my first was born - he will be sixteen in July! It wasn't done for the second, or the third. Maybe in time for grandchildren?

Mommysue - I know that feeling in the pit of the stomach, I get it all the time; especially when I get close to finishing something. It may not be out of fear of being bored so much as having a million other things encroaching on your mind. That's what happens to me, and that's why I end up stopping one project for the next. My filing is just like your laundry (I have that, too.). I haven't filed papers in four years!

Thank you all for letting me know I am not alone.

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I am so glad I FINALLY stopped procrastinating enough to get on this message board; it has made me feel so much better to hear of other people going through the same things that I am. I am a second year high school teacher, and I find I am always surrounded by heaps paperwork, trying to fit meetings in with grading, lesson planning, and researching subject matter. Unfortunately, what ends up happening is this....I get overwhelmed and just quit, turning to, and tuning into, something completely different. Today it's the internet, my usual cop out. I start out each grading quarter swearing that this time I will pace myself, this time I will spend extra time planning lessons that are fun, this time I will read that 111th book on "how to be a better instructor". But, despite the well-meaning intentions, the piles begin to grow, and what's out of sight under those piles becomes easily out of mind. I was only diagnosed this past year, though according to both my feelings and the thoughts of everyone who has known me, I've always been this way, so I'm just now researching therapies to help me cope better with ADHD. I am about to begin my 2nd Master's degree, and I'm so afraid that with working full-time, trying to get to the gym again, and courses, I'm going to just seep into the abyss of panic and drop all of the balls I am attempting to juggle. Anyhow, I didn't intend to go into such a long story, but I guess that feeling like I finally had people around me on here who understand has caused me to open up. Here's to all of us finding ways to achieve what we want and need to do (not always the same thing, unfortunately), and may we celebrate each little victory, no matter how small it seems to those non-ADHD people out there. Only we can know how much of a triumph it is to have the Christmas tree down by March, and to not have to convince your friends that there really is such a thing as a St. Patrick's Day tree!

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this is my first time posting. i believe my husband has ADD. he's definitely not hyperactive,yet he has the memory of a gnat(to put it kindly). he's incredibly intelligent yet never finishes anything he starts. anything he 'puts his hand to' he does well, but he never masters anything.he wants to talk to people and have friends,but he disconnects within seconds. people think he's shallow-but he's NOT. i love him dearly but to be honest, his refusal to seek help is putting a real strain on our marriage (i did talk him into going to an ADD support group once but the only outcome was buying himself an expensive pda/pdd??? which he got bored with and stopped using before it was paid for). how can i help him???if i write notes he gets mad,if i remind him of things he yeses me to death and then never does it. i've become a nag for his own well being. our 15 year daughter has been diagnosed with ADD and is doing great b/c she's willing to work on strategies that help her organize and remember. how can i be supportive without being 'mommy/nag'? thanks

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It was the very phenomenon that you're describing that confirmed that I too was an ADDer (even after the diagnosis I wasn't so sure about)..I'm smart, have been reasonably successful at certain things, and was always a good student......BUT, I was always going from one thing to the next without finishing, coming up with a "grand plan" to do things in my own way...but never finished the grand plan. Finishing HS was no problem, and I was able to get good grades. College took me 13 years, with a long break in the middle, riddled with several different ventures. Though I don't have any issues or phobias with the phone, I have found in my professional life that I have a REALLY hard time initiating a phone call or contact where I'm going to ask someone for something, or be in a position where I might need to present things in such a way as to motivate them to action. THIS is very scary. However, I have no problem giving enthusiastic presentations to larger groups of people. SO, perhaps there is a way you could consider what it is about the calling that it making it something you really want to avoid, and addressing that issue with yourself separately from your work. If your job is the type where you could make presentations, instead of individual meetings, you could try that....or find what makes you want to do your job, and capitalize on it for motivation. Best of luck.

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About 4 years ago, I was in therapy for the second time for suicidal thoughts. The first time had been 9 years before, so I was able to recognize the symptoms before I needed hospitalization this time. I began therapy in November and the next spring, probably when the therapist felt that I was "okay" as far as the depression depth was concerned, he told me he felt I had inattentive ADD. I read several articles and then looked back through my job evaluations: Poor follow through. Quality is better than quantity, needs to spend more time on some issues. The office is an eyesore! Time management leaves much to be desired.

I looked back over my life and remembered my husband's remark when I said I wanted to go to college. "Why? You've never finished anything in your life. Why waste the time and money?" Put all these things together and I believe it sounds like the classic ADD checklist!!

For me, if I don't like what I'm assigned or I feel something else is more interesting, I have a hard time doing "have-tos" instead of "want-tos." Sometimes I can promise myself a reward if I finish a "have-to", especially ahead of a deadline. Good luck!

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I'm 62 now, diagnosed at 55, it's embarrassing how childish I can be sometimes. Some friends who love me think I'm delightful, they say I wake them up and make them laugh, make them get off their duff and do something fun, great ideas, etc. Other friends (from whom I realize I've been retreating) are very rigid and judgemental, and they seem to think I'm going to change.

What's wierd is, I used to be VERY social. I would chose calling and emailing friends and keeping in touch, entertaining, making plans for get togethers, etc. over almost any important task that I HAD to do. Since starting meds 7 years ago, I find that I stay home a lot because I think I'm going to get something done (sort clutter, pay bills, organize something) and sometimes diligently putter all day (in my jammies much of the time) and find that mid to late afternoon I have NOTHING to show for it, even though I haven't stopped to nap or read sometimes. Another friend with focus issues like mine uses the expression "I felt like I had one foot nailed to the floor all day!" which always makes me laugh... moving constantly, getting nowhere.

I even had a thorough med-psych review a couple of years ago because I feared I was entering the tunnel of Alzheiemers, about which I know quite a lot. My dad had it, perhaps his mother before him, too. And after that, for five years I worked at the local Alzheiemers chapter, which was a very meaningful experience. So I was worried... aging, in and out of depression, not caring about much, forgetting, that vague, drained feeling -- feels like Alzheimers, also is ADHD-related. Also not unusual with divorce and retirement. But I'm so difference from myself before diagnosis and meds -- which one is me, which one do I go with? Since starting on the ADHD medication journey, I'm also taking Cymbalta for anxiety/depression, Focalin XR 5 mg for ADHD, two meds for high BP, one for thyroid, potassium supplement (because of the BP diuretic). Sometimes I'd like to wean myself off the ADHD drugs and see if the BP goes down!

Somebody in this thread mentioned swollen lips as a dangerous side effect of ADHD meds -- I've had swollen lips ever since starting Cymbalta last summer. My doc and the pharmacist poo poo'd it, but it makes me wonder, because 15 years ago I had the same symptoms due to an allergy to an antiobiotic. Should I continue to pursue that question -- whether it's harmful? Should I wean myself (with doc's supervision) from ADHD and depression drugs to see if some of the problems go away? Any comments? I'm newly returning to this forum, really appreciate the "support group" aspects of it. thank you. Willow from Portland OR

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Well this thread is for me. 46 years old. Four kids, one diagnosed. I had always known that something was wrong but I had always assumed that I was lazy. Hard to finish anything. Laundry, don't even get me started. I have purchased about $300.00 worth of paper, ribbon, punches and a ton of other scrap booking stuff over the past year and a half. I have only made one page and that was just last month. Paper is the enemy in my house. Papers on the table, on the counter, on my dresser. Once I get myself together and do a good cleaning I feel wonderful. But most of the time I just can't get out of my own way. I am also a stay at home mom. Sometimes I take a look around the house when the kids are at school and it is a mess and I have been the only one there all day, explain that.

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