Try being the oldest in a family where the father is in the military with a top secret security clearance...and try living your life in a fishbowl because of it.

Enter my younger brother (six years my junior), a lively, spunky boy at that time who would go to bed at 2 AM and be up at 4AM for the day. My father was in extreme denial and, finally, when my brother turned the golden age of four (4), my mother went to the doctor (we were living in Turkey at the time) and begged for help. Well, back in the late 1950's early 1960s, dexedrine was the way to go. They gave my brother dexedrine and voila - a totally different boy who slept the for the entire night for the first time in his life. He could actually concentrate and became a "normal" boy who played baseball and listened to directions. Imagine that.

Imagine, also, that my father actually sat up and took notice of the fact that my brother needed help and medication. I'm not certain whether the fact that my brother was now well-behaved and caused no commotion was the reason my father finally agreed with this line of treatment, but the fights and degradation my mother suffered receded.

Alas, my mother is now gone but I learned a lesson from her example. Persistence pays off. I also learned that I have a form of hyperactivity myself and am "The Queen of Busy", a multi-tasking tornado. I now coach adults and teens/college-aged students with ADD/ADHD.

Hang in there - maybe even print this reply and show it to your husband(s).

The best description of ADHD that I can give is one that my youngest stepson gave me (yes, I have two stepsons who both have ADHD). He tells me that his ADHD is like having two televisions on at once, along with an I-Pod. He can be concentrating on his homework and a random thought will come into his head that just won't go away until he either thinks about it, goes off on a tangent, or looks it up on the internet. By the time he's done with that thought he has completely forgotten about the task at hand. Along with this he usually has a song warbling along in his head, which can lead him off on another tangent, to be sure.

I'm happy to say that I coach him (often). He is now a junior in college and doing extremely well (pulling B's, could not be happier). His older brother, whose description of himself is that he has the "attention span of a gnat", finally went on medication the end of his sophomore year of college (his mother was severely in denial and did not want her children "labeled") , went on to carry a 4.0 his last semester of school, and made the dean's list the last three semesters of school. He's now an elementary ed teacher down in Houston, TX. We're very proud of his success.

Can your children succeed? You betcha! They succeed, and very well.

You can reach me here by private message or contact me at cmmatthews2000@hotmail.com if you have any other questions.

Have a Great Day!

Connie Matthews

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I agree with ccmatthews2000. My son was just diagnosed this past Fall. We also struggled with medication but his school counselor said the most profound statement that sent us over to do medication. He said (paraphrasing) we know Connor is smart. Look at his grades, which are average and he's able to achieve that without medication. Just think what he could do without all of the distractions going on in his head? And you know he was right. Is he a straight A student no but does he get a letter grade better than he was YES! And to top it off, he told me mom, I'm not as dumb as I thought I was. It broke my heart to think he had thought he was dumb but now he is going down the right path. Our road is still VERY rocky but I'll take that rather than being in a valley!!!!

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That's an important message. Out of fear parents put off meds. They are basicaly delaying the start of treatment and digging a deeper hole. The only qualified physicain is a psychiatrist with expertise in dx and med management. Problems occur when pediatricians, neurologists, general practicianes or proctologists prescribe. Everybody hears about the problem but don't know the doctor didn't know what he was doing. How old is your child?

Rebounder

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Your spouse is making matters worse. All his responses are inappropriate. If you can control him and tell him to stay out of it while you practice appropriate management strategie. If the child is 7 or under you can turn that stuff around easily if no unusual circumstances exist.. He doesn't understand what he does isn't working and that the child runs the house and actually controls his behavior. This is a major problem and identified but no research occurs or efforts to solve it. Just like behavior, NADA.

Rebounder

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My husband was in denial when I suggested our son might have ADHD. He reluctantly agreed when he saw the difference medication made. But he still wasn't ready to accept the possibility that he might have it as well. A few years later he was finally diagnosed and he reluctantly agreed to try medication at the doctor's insistence it would do so much good. He was amazed at the difference it made in his ability to focus and concentrate.

Unfortunately, the media doesn't help matters. Keep this in mind. The media are not doctors or research scientists. They are in the business to entertain and create controversy, not to help anyone. Even teachers don't always have a good understanding of the disorder. You need to be proactive and educate yourself with reliable sources. I have learned so much in the six years since my son was first diagnosed.

It is true that not every doctor has a good understanding of ADHD or the knowledge and experience to properly treat those with ADHD. Many doctors are uncomfortable with their knowledge of ADHD and make errors in treatment, including undertreating the disorder. Not even all psychiatrists are experts in ADHD. More important than the type of doctor you see, is their experience and understanding of ADHD. The doctor we see for our (yes, all four of us have ADHD) ADHD is a general practitioner and he knows more about ADHD and its treatment than any other doctor I know. He keeps up on all of the latest research and studies and has helped many patients with complicated cases of ADHD, including cases that other psychiatrists couldn't figure out.

So keep learning and don't give up.

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It's been a little while since I read these; but they're great and sometimes win men over. Everybody will want to read these.

Underachievement from the Inside Out http://www.geocities.com/josh_shaine/insideout.html By Josh Shaine

From Overt Behavior to Developing Potential: The Gifted Underachiever by Josh Shaine http://www.geocities.com/josh_shaine/Interests/potential.html

http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Crete/1019/Interests/delisle.html Dealing with the Stereotype of Underachievement

James Delisle, Ph.D.

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I can relate with people not getting it. I get told countless times that i should spank my son cause that will teach him a lesson. I get the " back when i was young my mother smack me when i did this or that " blah blah blah. The newest comment i get now is" there was no such thing as ADHD when i was young" Well there was just it didnt have a name for it yet. My husband was like that. He never heard of ADHD and he had a hard time understanding it. For the most part i think he listened to ppl who would say its just another drummed up condition the drug companies made up to get us to buy more pills. I actually read on some other site that someone said " parents put their children on adhd meds cause we are lazy parents" Spoken like a person who has children with ADHD. I actually laughed cause any parent who has a child with ADHD knows you dont have time to be lazy..lol.. Everyone acts like we would rather medicate our children then be a parent.. I wish it was that easy. I wish everyday that my son wouldnt have to go thru this. My child wishes everyday that he doesnt have to be different then other kids. Finally my husband now gets it. He still isnt as tolerant as i am but it will come. Its hard to deal with it alone. But at atleast your child has you to go to and thats the main thing. I wouldnt tolerate anyone calling my child lazy. That just messes with your childs head. I would give these ppl that dont get it the info on ADHD and tell them read it for your childs sake. If they still arent on the same page i would get some kind of counseling. I made my husband go to every doctors apt. What helped too was finding ppl to talk to in the same situation. It will come just takes time. Hope things work out God bless!

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