I would have him read reports on the issues from actual doctors. If that don't work if you or your daughter go to therapy have him come along.

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My husband has finally realized after four years that our son can't cope on his own. He did have to go to counseling with us to understand that it's not just an act. Its just getting the others in our family to learn that there is a problem.

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let me know if you succeed with your family. my family( except for hand full) definitely don't understand. i have given them brochures on this and for get it and they have seen the difference when he is on meds and off. it is so hard, but i don't give up.

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for 8 years my family life has been in a lot of turmoil. my son was diagnosed at the age of 2 and placed on meds. (Either him or me!)My husband has been in denial since I tried telling him something was wrong with my newborn. For years, he"ll say that our son would "come around". I'm still waiting & praying so I try every day to take it slow.

My way of handling it- I returned to school to learn child development and whenever I have time, (not much) I read & talk to anyone who will hear me. My husband still believes he'll come around but he finally admits something is different (and doesn't like to talk about it) but he encourages me to continue my quest for the sake of our family.

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I am in the same boat. This is a repeat marriage for me and my hubby doesn't "get it". I am an ADD mom trying to raise an ADHD 8yo son, an ADHD 11 yo Daughter, and an ADD 15 yo Son. He thinks we're just lazy or using him or whatever. Doesn't understand the chaos that can occur in an ADD household; doesn't understand why the kids have trouble getting up in the morning, trouble concentrating on homework, doesn't understand why they play when he simply tells them "go clean your room". Doesn't understand that they have to have more specific direction than that and that they can't focus their attention for a long time. This degenerates into him yelling and screaming at them, accusations about being "used", how we're destroying his house (he owned the house before we married), etc, etc.. I could go on and on. It's gotten to the point that I'm considering divorce. I don't know what to do anymore either.

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I also have a husband who tells me constantly that this is a diagnosis made up by frustrated teachers and we should all just be a little more patient of my child

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Here is a site that may help. My husband was in denial and I printed this out and gave it to him. Hope this helps!

http://www.adhdinfo.com/info/faqs/myths.jsp?usertrack.filter_applied=true&NovaId=1178761742666421359

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Ned Halloway, an ADHD'er himself, has written a book that is changing my life. If you have been skeptical about 'another book', put skepticism aside and pick up "Delivered from Distraction" This is the one you've been waiting for!

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I'm a college student who was diagnosed with ADD about two years or so ago. I was successful in high school because my mom provided structure for me, NOT authoritarian discipline, I think that would have made my behavior worse but she would keep track of my projects and check online to see if I was missing work every morning. For papers she would help me organize my thoughts. My mom is a school nurse and deals with a lot of parents who are in denial about their child having ADHD or ADD. She always compares addressing a child's needs with ADD to giving them glasses. If your child had vision problems you wouldn't just ignore that would you? I think describing how you feel when you are overwhelmed can help too. I ask the person I am talking to to imagine a time when they felt extremely overwhelmed and nervous like they couldn't sit down or even think because they were so distracted, that is what I feel like all the time. Ask him if he could learn or function to his potential if he felt like that all the time. Also, I have been reading a book on Women with Attention Deficit Disorder by Sari Solden. It is amazing, I definitely suggest you read it! Hope this helps:)

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Ask him to try something All in the same room: Turn on the television. Then turn on the radio. Start vacuming. Let any and/or all children play in the same room as all else, then ask your husband to sit down and read, ohhhhh, let's say a verse out of a bible, without saying or looking or doing anything to change the atmosphere. That includes not talking and telling you to turn off the electronics, and telling the children to be quiet. Then......ask him what he read and if he was able to read it. If you have a video camera, video what happens and show it to him. Then he might, just might, understand how ADD/ADHD feels to an ADDer.

Basically, unless you actually show them or if they are in a situation for a good deal of time, people without ADD/ADHD are not aware of how children feel and why they behave the way they do. My own step-mom (who has been around for 30 yrs now) actually did not understand how hyper my 15-year-old son was until he stayed with her for the summer 2 years ago. She is a teacher and had pretty tough kids in her classes, many ADD/ADHD w/comorid issues as well. She gets it now after 2 summers and almost every weekend visiting them for the past 2 yrs. Unless you live it, you don't get it.

And for meds, if you can find someone that benefitted from medication, ask them to talk to your spouse. If given properly, it will help focus your child to the task at hand. And, yes, there are many symptoms, just as there are symptoms to taking acetomenophine/asperin or wearing glasses, or having diabetes. You treat those things, why not this.

As I told my school this year, if I took the contents of a 4 drawer full file cabinet and just threw them in the air and then asked them to find a specific paper (not labeled folder) out of the pile before they reorgainzed the 'mess' within a couple of minutes, they might understand how it is with ADD/ADHD kids. And if you handle it as if it is a regular thing with your child, they do not need to be stigmatized, or feel bad about themselves. I was adopted, my son has ADHD. I talk about both things as if it were a normal thing. He knows what he has, what the symptoms are if he is changing meds, and that he is a challenged human person and not 'retarded', sick, a problem or any of the other things that people are always saying. It's just the way he is and that he is goes a different route of life. Isn't that what parents always try to teach their kids, not to be a mold necessarily but to find their own way and be the best they can at whatever they do? Good luck and prayers are with you too. Keep up with grins and giggles.

Sorry for length, I just get so frustrated with people that think they know better and DON'T.

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Try being the oldest in a family where the father is in the military with a top secret security clearance...and try living your life in a fishbowl because of it.

Enter my younger brother (six years my junior), a lively, spunky boy at that time who would go to bed at 2 AM and be up at 4AM for the day. My father was in extreme denial and, finally, when my brother turned the golden age of four (4), my mother went to the doctor (we were living in Turkey at the time) and begged for help. Well, back in the late 1950's early 1960s, dexedrine was the way to go. They gave my brother dexedrine and voila - a totally different boy who slept the for the entire night for the first time in his life. He could actually concentrate and became a "normal" boy who played baseball and listened to directions. Imagine that.

Imagine, also, that my father actually sat up and took notice of the fact that my brother needed help and medication. I'm not certain whether the fact that my brother was now well-behaved and caused no commotion was the reason my father finally agreed with this line of treatment, but the fights and degradation my mother suffered receded.

Alas, my mother is now gone but I learned a lesson from her example. Persistence pays off. I also learned that I have a form of hyperactivity myself and am "The Queen of Busy", a multi-tasking tornado. I now coach adults and teens/college-aged students with ADD/ADHD.

Hang in there - maybe even print this reply and show it to your husband(s).

The best description of ADHD that I can give is one that my youngest stepson gave me (yes, I have two stepsons who both have ADHD). He tells me that his ADHD is like having two televisions on at once, along with an I-Pod. He can be concentrating on his homework and a random thought will come into his head that just won't go away until he either thinks about it, goes off on a tangent, or looks it up on the internet. By the time he's done with that thought he has completely forgotten about the task at hand. Along with this he usually has a song warbling along in his head, which can lead him off on another tangent, to be sure.

I'm happy to say that I coach him (often). He is now a junior in college and doing extremely well (pulling B's, could not be happier). His older brother, whose description of himself is that he has the "attention span of a gnat", finally went on medication the end of his sophomore year of college (his mother was severely in denial and did not want her children "labeled") , went on to carry a 4.0 his last semester of school, and made the dean's list the last three semesters of school. He's now an elementary ed teacher down in Houston, TX. We're very proud of his success.

Can your children succeed? You betcha! They succeed, and very well.

You can reach me here by private message or contact me at cmmatthews2000@hotmail.com if you have any other questions.

Have a Great Day!

Connie Matthews

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I agree with ccmatthews2000. My son was just diagnosed this past Fall. We also struggled with medication but his school counselor said the most profound statement that sent us over to do medication. He said (paraphrasing) we know Connor is smart. Look at his grades, which are average and he's able to achieve that without medication. Just think what he could do without all of the distractions going on in his head? And you know he was right. Is he a straight A student no but does he get a letter grade better than he was YES! And to top it off, he told me mom, I'm not as dumb as I thought I was. It broke my heart to think he had thought he was dumb but now he is going down the right path. Our road is still VERY rocky but I'll take that rather than being in a valley!!!!

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That's an important message. Out of fear parents put off meds. They are basicaly delaying the start of treatment and digging a deeper hole. The only qualified physicain is a psychiatrist with expertise in dx and med management. Problems occur when pediatricians, neurologists, general practicianes or proctologists prescribe. Everybody hears about the problem but don't know the doctor didn't know what he was doing. How old is your child?

Rebounder

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Your spouse is making matters worse. All his responses are inappropriate. If you can control him and tell him to stay out of it while you practice appropriate management strategie. If the child is 7 or under you can turn that stuff around easily if no unusual circumstances exist.. He doesn't understand what he does isn't working and that the child runs the house and actually controls his behavior. This is a major problem and identified but no research occurs or efforts to solve it. Just like behavior, NADA.

Rebounder

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My husband was in denial when I suggested our son might have ADHD. He reluctantly agreed when he saw the difference medication made. But he still wasn't ready to accept the possibility that he might have it as well. A few years later he was finally diagnosed and he reluctantly agreed to try medication at the doctor's insistence it would do so much good. He was amazed at the difference it made in his ability to focus and concentrate.

Unfortunately, the media doesn't help matters. Keep this in mind. The media are not doctors or research scientists. They are in the business to entertain and create controversy, not to help anyone. Even teachers don't always have a good understanding of the disorder. You need to be proactive and educate yourself with reliable sources. I have learned so much in the six years since my son was first diagnosed.

It is true that not every doctor has a good understanding of ADHD or the knowledge and experience to properly treat those with ADHD. Many doctors are uncomfortable with their knowledge of ADHD and make errors in treatment, including undertreating the disorder. Not even all psychiatrists are experts in ADHD. More important than the type of doctor you see, is their experience and understanding of ADHD. The doctor we see for our (yes, all four of us have ADHD) ADHD is a general practitioner and he knows more about ADHD and its treatment than any other doctor I know. He keeps up on all of the latest research and studies and has helped many patients with complicated cases of ADHD, including cases that other psychiatrists couldn't figure out.

So keep learning and don't give up.

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It's been a little while since I read these; but they're great and sometimes win men over. Everybody will want to read these.

Underachievement from the Inside Out http://www.geocities.com/josh_shaine/insideout.html By Josh Shaine

From Overt Behavior to Developing Potential: The Gifted Underachiever by Josh Shaine http://www.geocities.com/josh_shaine/Interests/potential.html

http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Crete/1019/Interests/delisle.html Dealing with the Stereotype of Underachievement

James Delisle, Ph.D.

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I can relate with people not getting it. I get told countless times that i should spank my son cause that will teach him a lesson. I get the " back when i was young my mother smack me when i did this or that " blah blah blah. The newest comment i get now is" there was no such thing as ADHD when i was young" Well there was just it didnt have a name for it yet. My husband was like that. He never heard of ADHD and he had a hard time understanding it. For the most part i think he listened to ppl who would say its just another drummed up condition the drug companies made up to get us to buy more pills. I actually read on some other site that someone said " parents put their children on adhd meds cause we are lazy parents" Spoken like a person who has children with ADHD. I actually laughed cause any parent who has a child with ADHD knows you dont have time to be lazy..lol.. Everyone acts like we would rather medicate our children then be a parent.. I wish it was that easy. I wish everyday that my son wouldnt have to go thru this. My child wishes everyday that he doesnt have to be different then other kids. Finally my husband now gets it. He still isnt as tolerant as i am but it will come. Its hard to deal with it alone. But at atleast your child has you to go to and thats the main thing. I wouldnt tolerate anyone calling my child lazy. That just messes with your childs head. I would give these ppl that dont get it the info on ADHD and tell them read it for your childs sake. If they still arent on the same page i would get some kind of counseling. I made my husband go to every doctors apt. What helped too was finding ppl to talk to in the same situation. It will come just takes time. Hope things work out God bless!

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