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Why the floor didn't suit me...
As if my previous post wasn't long enough I'll post about some of the more major difficulties on the floor. Some of these are my own difficulties. Others I think go to show actually how inefficient and limiting the floor actually is for someone like me. I know I'm not officially diagnosed so can anyone relate?
I had trouble listening to bedside handover AND checking charts oxygen AND suction at the same time as my ward required. Could only concentrate on one of the tasks at a time. Half of the time I still couldn't hear what the nurses said because they spoke too quickly, and it just didn't sink into my brain. It was like a big blur and couldn't write down what I needed about the patient. I started to wonder whether any of this was physically possible or if it was an incredible standard set because it sounded good on paper and could be there as a backup for the hospital if a mistake was made . Anyhow, invariably I would forget to write something down and someone would pick me up on it.
I would check oxygen and suction later as I had been told off by the manager for not noticing it was not working and she told me it must be done every shift. Then I figured out I was about the ONLY one who knew when the oxygen and suction wasn't operational. After handover on a nightshift I checked O2 and suction while my partner went on a suspiciously unscheduled break. ( I suspect she only was on exclusive nights because she could get away with smoking on premises). When she came back she asked what I had been doing and I told her that I had found 2 suction sets and an oxygen set that were partially missing or unoperational and needed fixing, one which was obscured behind a rather large heavy chair. She actually told me off for not doing it during handover even though we had the same patients and she hadn't done it either!
I am one of the only nurses who actually follows best practice on the little things, as it is drummed into us in college. Checking the respiratory rate, taking a pulse with my fingers instead of just taking a rate from the pressure cuff. Doing a BP before giving blood pressure lowering medication (even though the time we're 'scheduled' to do observations is long after). Is that OCD??? I don't think so. It's what's called best practice, especially when dealing with people who have known heart problems. Paying attention to those things in a ward is important, that's what we are paid to do, not just wipe bums and shower people and stab them with pointy things. How is it fair that many older nurses get by partially because they don't give a damn about these fundamentals. Is it perhaps any wonder my schedule gets all mucked up while they breeze along nonchalantly and don't tell anyone that there is any need for change? Integrity is a word foreign to many RNs.
I take longer partially because I'll forget what I was going to do next and stand in the doorway with a puzzled expresion on my face when another well seeming nurse comes up and asks if I need help with something or other. I think this is very characteristically ADHD. I can't tell them because my brain was going through a complex organisation process of what I had to do and now it's ALL gone and I have to start again. My manager made me write a chart with all the things I had to do on it and cross them off so everyone could see what I had done. I started making careless errors on the chart so I made sure i didn't muck it up. It would take ages to write in the morning, then I would ge hauled over the coals for forgetting to cross them off, and if I didn't get something done in the morning, like a shave or shower, then I wouldn't find time to do it anyway. Even if I did my chart was useless becasue I would have to go through the some kind or reorganisation of my day in my head anyway, so honestly the chart didn't help. However I couldn't tell this to my manager because I'd end up in tears because they are such poor listeners and it is so frustrating (poor emotional regulation characteristic of ADHD?). I found that I was working better with an everchanging list of stuff to do that just was comprehensible to me, but maybe not to others. I even think I tried to explain that this had been useful but I think my manager was just obsessed with me documenting everything I had done for others to see because she wanted to 'keep an eye on me' because she mistook the poor time management for my absolute incompetence.
If I went to get something for doing a task like taking out an IV, doing a dressing change, I'd often forget one of the things I needed to complete the task and I'd have to go back.
I find it difficult to locate things in general.
The bell is my worst enemy. I will answer patients requests to use the bathroom, try to maintain their fluid balance chart by finding a blinking pan to put in the toilet (again as many other nurses fail to do...but as a new nurse all eyes are on me). And then I forget what I was doing before the interruption. So many other distractions too...chasing up medicines that aren't in stock, relaying messages to doctors actually finding where the heck the chart/BP machine/temperature probe has gone. None of these are predictable. None of them work in a perfect little schedule no matter how carefully I set it up.
So basically I was a square peg in a round hole to begin with, but I still maintain that their insistence that I must be incomptetent, their insistence that I scehedule for all to see, and picking on every little thing I did also set me up for failure. Some nurses wouldn't even let me plan my own day they'd just butt in and tell me what to do next which defeated the purpose of all the planning and shit I had to do in the morning. The managers didn't trust my judgement about what was working for me and they set me up with a system that was UNWORKABLE. It didn't help that it was a workplace filled with hypocrisy through and through. Nothing I could do was the right thing. Because of my experience there I am almost convinced that the only reason for 'best practice standards' is to get rid of people they don't want working there. Doing my best and paying closer attention to best practice standards than most other people, I was the one that got hauled over the coals on the odd occasion I didn't follow one. In a similar way a group of people reported on a rather sympathetic nurse they didn't like for her sometimes abrupt manner in an emergency (understandable) and she was disciplined by an anger management course, which I think was a move to force her out. I am sorry for my rather harsh indictment of RNs in this story, I know there are lots of determinedly good ones out there who somehow survived.
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