It’s not as satisfying to get an ADHD respite if my husband is off the hook too. I feel guilty and, at the same, time want him to suffer!
by Kay Marner
I’m telling you, Victoria: this has to stop!
You know I’m all for moms of kids with ADHD or other special needs taking breaks to take care for themselves, and I do so, often, myself. Even though I know it’s important, I still feel guilty. Human nature, I guess. Or, more accurately, mama nature.
I went out for a drink after work with my friend Sarah last night. She hadn’t been to The Café lately, and was craving their sausage and mushroom pizza. And, she and I hadn’t talked—beyond saying hello as we pass in the hall at work—for months. It was time to catch up.
Since I work one evening each week, I shy away from scheduling anything else on week nights. Don commutes to work out of town, and doesn’t leave work until 6:00 at the earliest most nights, so expecting him to get home in time to pick Natalie up from daycare is a stretch. Plus, if I’m away two nights running, it’s hard for Natalie, and that shows in her behavior.
But, this time, I put my needs, and Sarah’s, first. Don agreed to pick Nat up. We were on!
I enjoyed catching up with Sarah over two glasses of delicious red wine sangria. Oooh! And it was tapa night at The Café! Perfect! But still, that old guilt was there in the background. I returned home, apology at the ready: “Sorry I stayed so long. Thanks for coming home from work early to take care of the kids.”
Just as Don was pulling up to Nat’s daycare, he gets a call on his cell phone. It’s Victoria, Harry’s mom, asking if Nat can come home with them and spend the evening.
SHE DOES THIS EVERY TIME!
Somehow, without even knowing Don’s on daddy duty for the night, she rescues him! Every single time! She even had Nat overnight once when I was taking a break. She has some kind of crazy rescue-Don-radar!
Ironically, it’s not as satisfying to have a break if Don’s off the hook. Hmmm, I feel guilty and, at the same time, want him to suffer! I can’t make sense of that. But I know this—Victoria: This has to stop!
And I know just how to make it stop—next time I take a break, I’ll take Victoria with me! She’s the mom of a kid with special needs too. She deserves a getaway. November-Kansas City—women only-spa weekend. Put it on your calendar, Victoria! You’re coming with me.