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ADHD Coach BlogWorks for MeA blog about learning to manage, appreciate, and laugh at your adult ADHD.
by Beth Prosser, ADHD Coach
Beth Prosser has made a career out of ADHD. Literally. She’s an ADHD Coach, helping people develop the systems, strategies, and skills they need to overcome their ADHD challenges and reach their goals. Beth's son was diagnosed with ADHD in second grade. Like many parents, she embarked on a mission to learn everything she could about the disorder. She recognized herself in everything she read, and was diagnosed with ADHD shortly thereafter. Her dog, a miniature Australian Shepherd, does not suffer from ADHD, but seems to have OCD instead. "Gotta herd those bunnies. Gotta herd those bunnies. Can't stop herding those bunnies..." Before becoming a coach in 2006, Beth was an information technology project manager. She was fortunate to have a supportive boss in her early years at the company who helped her learn how to prioritize, plan, and organize her work. She gradually developed her own systems and strategies to manage her ADHD. Over time, she became a mentor to others. Many of the tools she uses as a coach draw from her project management experience. "I used to try to hide my ADHD from people," shares Beth. "But it’s actually one of my greatest assets. My clients see me as an inspiration." Indeed, she is a successful businesswoman who followed her passion and is living her dream. Learn more about Beth and ADHD coaching at ADHDSolutions.net. Recent Blog Posts
This goal-setting strategy can help ADHD adults stay motivated -- and have fun -- while working to reach their target.
The return to standard time has me thinking about SMART goals. As in:
S = Specific (What EXACTLY do you want to accomplish?) Yes, Thrilling. Some people use Timely instead, but I like Thrilling better. It provides the extra oomph you need to stay motivated. I first learned this acronym in the late fall, a few years ago. At the time, I wanted to keep exercising but it was getting too cold to continue biking. This was before Wii Fit, and I never did like the gym. Running seemed like a good choice, but it can be so dull -- at least, it seemed that way to me. I dreaded it. What would make exercise thrilling for me? Running at night, with a through-the-woods finale. So that’s what I did. And I loved it! I looked forward to going out just about every night. I reached my goal of losing ten pounds that winter. If I had not done something to make my goal Thrilling, I may not have been successful. Exercising after about 7:00 impairs my sleep, so I can’t run at night in the summer. I’m back to my old routine now that daylight savings time is over. I had forgotten how much I enjoy the dark, quiet streets and the silhouettes of the trees against the night sky. What can you ADHDers do to put some Thrill into your goals?
If we ADHDers focus on the things we can’t do, we’ll never do them. Better to believe we can. Hulda Crooks was 101 years old when she passed away in 1997. She was famous for being the oldest woman to climb Mt. Whitney (the highest mountain in the continental United States) and Mt. Fuji (the highest mountain in Japan). She climbed Mt. Whitney 24 times between the ages of 66 and 91. Yes, you read that right: A 91 year old woman climbed the highest mountain in the continental United States! She started jogging when she was 72 because, she said, “it made climbing so much easier.” At age 82, she set a Senior Olympics world record for the 1,500 meter race. At age 95, she was still walking two miles every day. Why did Hulda do all these amazing things? Because she believed she could. She wanted to do them, and didn’t see any reason not to. I want to be that woman! Hulda’s story resonated with me because I’ve been feeling down lately, worried that by the time I’m able to live my dream, I’ll probably be too old. My dream is to buy a few hundred acres and, together with my boyfriend, be totally self sufficient. We’ll grow and can our own vegetables. Cut our own firewood. Raise farm animals. We’ll have chickens again! But because of the other things I have planned for this life, it may be almost a decade before we make the move. Will I be physically able to live that kind of lifestyle by then? Will I still be able to run a chainsaw when I’m in my sixties and beyond? Should I give up the dream? Reading Hulda’s story was a huge motivator for me. All it took for me to know it’s possible was one example of someone who did it. Someone who said “phooey!” to conventional wisdom. My mood has brightened considerably, and I can’t wait to get outside today. Yes, it’s raining, but I need to stay fit to live my dream. Every day is an opportunity to make progress towards that goal. Have you ever said anything like:
I can’t start a business, even though I have this great idea... ...because I have ADHD? 91 year old women can’t climb mountains either. Oh yes they can! And so can you. Hulda wasn’t into fitness all her life. In fact, she was obese as a child. She didn’t exercise regularly until middle age. It took her two years to get into a regular routine. She started slowly and worked her way up -- literally. Her first jogging excursion was a trip across her back yard. But she kept at it. She believed in the value of exercise, and she believed in herself. It’s the same thing with ADHD. If we focus on the things we can’t do, we’ll never do them. Better to believe we can. Start slowly. Learn the strategies. Develop the skills. Climb that mountain. Believe you can, and you will.
Identifying potential obstacles ahead of time, and putting things into place to prevent them, will increase the likelihood that ADHDers will complete tasks on time. I’m an optimist. My boyfriend said to me the other day, “Your problem is that you expect the best, and when reality doesn’t meet your expectations, you’re disappointed.” I figured he was making a commentary on our varying styles since he tends to be more of a pessimist. (“No, I’m a realist!” he’ll probably correct me when he reads this.) But what he was actually saying was, I was only seeing a positive outcome for the situation we were discussing. I was not considering any of the risks. Therefore, it was likely that I would be blindsided by something unexpected, and disappointed in the end. Being able to account for potential obstacles is an important ADHD success strategy. If something gets in your way, what will you do? Considering it ahead of time will make it much easier to deal with if it actually happens. For example, say you have a big project due for work or a term paper due for school in three days. You break the project down into manageable pieces and schedule them out, planning to do a third of the work each day. Excellent strategy for avoiding procrastination! You’re all set, assuming all goes according to plan. But what if it doesn’t? Let’s identify some things that could possibly go wrong with that project: Maybe the person you’re relying on to complete part of it doesn’t deliver. Maybe you forgot about an event you scheduled six months ago. Maybe you won’t be able to resist the temptation to watch the Steelers game on Monday night. Maybe your best friend will call and interrupt you. Now that you’ve identified the risks, how will you mitigate them? Follow up with the person helping with the project and ask if she’ll have her part done on time. Double check your calendar to make sure you really have the time available. Set up the DVR to record the big game. Spread the word that you’re not available to chat this week, and plan to turn off your phone while you work. Identifying potential obstacles ahead of time, effectively managing time, and putting things into place to prevent them, will increase the likelihood that your good intentions come to fruition.
Learning to appreciate the beauty of a clutter-free environment will make it easier to maintain. A lot of people say they actually prefer to work in a cluttered environment. I used to be one of them. "I wouldn’t be able to find anything if I cleaned off my desk!" I think what happens is, it’s so hard for us to stay organized that we surrender. We make friends with the piles. Then one day we get a lucky break and the thing we need is right on top. "See? I would have never found this if it was put away." Our belief that clutter is good has just been reinforced. Here are a few reasons why this is a false belief:
Convinced? Okay, good. Here are some pointers for reducing your clutter:
Learning to appreciate the beauty of a clutter-free environment will make it easier to maintain.
My mistakes added up to a very unpleasant evening as my ADHD symptoms collided into one big emotional mess. I learned a valuable lesson on vacation the other week. Even though it happened on vacation, it’s a lesson that applies to any journey away from home. Here’s the story... Rhode Island was our destination. None of us had ever been there before and we were excited about going to a new place. Wanting to be spontaneous, we didn’t do much planning. On the first full day of our trip, we had donuts for breakfast. What a treat! We then spent the day exploring the area. The roads were poorly marked and didn’t match the directions we pulled up on the mobile phone’s tiny browser screen. We were chronically lost and incredibly frustrated. I ordered what I wanted when we stopped for lunch: a cup of chowda and homemade white bread. Yummy! By dinner time, after getting lost a few more times, my brain was so overloaded that I had a great deal of difficulty coping with the unfamiliar grocery store. I hadn’t made a shopping list, so I didn’t pick up anything with nutritional value. Can you spot my mistakes? I did, but only after recovering from a complete meltdown. Here they are:
All of this added up to a very unpleasant evening as my ADHD symptoms collided into one big emotional mess. Thankfully, my son and my boyfriend were extremely patient and supportive. Thanks guys! I was able to regroup the next day and enjoy the rest of the trip. Don’t make the same mistake I did. When you go away somewhere -- whether it’s vacation, a weekend getaway, a business trip, or off to college -- remember to take your ADHD coping strategies with you.
It is important for those of us with ADHD to deal with overwhelming tasks one step at a time. “Take it one step at a time” is sound advice for anyone when things get overwhelming. It’s especially helpful for those of us with ADHD. If the whole project is too much to deal with, just identify the first step and focus on that.?? I take this advice literally as a transitioning strategy. When I’m lying on the couch watching TV or reading a book, and it’s time to go to bed, it’s almost impossible to get up. Turning off the TV and making the arduous climb up all 14 stairs seems like way more than I can handle. So I procrastinate. ?? I know how important it is to get a good night’s sleep and I really want to be able to focus tomorrow. I won’t be able to do that without enough sleep. So I do what any responsible person would do: focus on my left foot. All I have to do is put that one foot flat on the ground, next to the couch. It takes every ounce of energy, but I can do that much. Then I wait about 30 seconds to get used to this somewhat uncomfortable position. Then I focus on my right foot. I put it flat on the ground, next to my left foot. Do you realize how hard it is to lay on the couch with both of your feet flat on the floor? It’s very hard. It’s much easier to just sit up. Once you’re sitting, with just a little more effort, you can be standing. Does this sound crazy? Slightly ridiculous? Maybe. But it works for me every time. ??Late night TV watching not your demon? How about the internet? I have one for that too: Just click the “X”.?? Like the TV, it takes Herculean effort to resist the internet’s late-night charm. If I think about stopping my research and making that arduous climb up all 14 stairs, it’s just too much. So I focus on the little “X” in the upper right corner of my browser window. I just have to click it, and like magic, the internet is gone. And I can get some sleep.?? Transitioning is hard for people with ADHD, especially when we’re hyperfocused and tired. This strategy just might make it a little easier.
I have realized that the more I turn my creativity away in the name of ADHD-sensitive scheduling, the less it will come to see me. Sorry it's been a while since I've written in my ADHD Coach blog. I'm using a new productivity tool to help me stay focused and get more work done. It's working phenomenally well, except for one thing: I can't schedule my creativity for Tuesday at 2:00. Not that something else is happening on Tuesday at 2:00. It's just that creativity won't adhere to a schedule. It comes and goes whenever it darn well pleases. Week after week, Tuesday at 2:00 would roll around and it would be time to update my blog. I'd feel the pressure to produce. But nothing came to me. Surprise surprise. It got steadily worse as the clock ticked closer to my 3:00 deadline. And week after week, I came up with nothing. It's one thing to be disciplined. It's quite another to be so regimented that you don't allow the seeds of random thought to germinate. I know we're only talking about a blog. But it takes creativity, among other things, to connect words into a cohesive, entertaining, informative piece. I never thought it was possible, but it seems that I have actually become too structured for my own good! It used to be that an idea would knock on my door and keep pounding until I let it in. Excited to hear what it had to say, I would stop whatever I was doing and start writing. The idea would speak its mind and then leave as abruptly as it had arrived. Sometimes it took ten minutes, and sometimes it took three hours to get it all out. Didn't matter. I always let it speak on its own terms. With my new schedule, I'd jot the idea down and come back to it at - you guessed it - Tuesday at 2:00. But by then the magic was gone. I have a whole pile of incoherent, abandoned drafts. I have realized that the more I turn my creativity away, the less it will come to see me. It's no different than a person. Nobody likes rejection. I'm hoping that by showing it some respect, by making time for it, it will visit me more often. This is not to say that I am abandoning my new productivity system. No way! It works too well. I'll tell you about it another time. But, I do want to find a way for my productivity and my creativity to live in harmony. I think what I need to do is write a new rule into my productivity system: When a good idea comes, I'm allowed to make room for it if at all possible. I'm certainly not going to skip a client session because of an unexpected visit from my muse. But fortunately, I do have some flexibility in my schedule. If I build time for writing into my week (as opposed to a specific hour), I can rearrange things and still get everything done. Fingers crossed!
I asked my son what it's like to live with an ADHD mom who's always running late. Seeing things from his perspective was not flattering, but it was necessary. I asked my son to write a blog post for me. "What should I write about?" he asked. After kicking around a few ideas, I asked him to write about what it's like to live with an ADHD mom. "What would you say?" I asked him. He laughed and described how we're always late. "You tell me you're ready and it's time to go, so you tell me to hurry up and get ready, and then I do, and then you're not ready. Then I get into something else and suddenly you're yelling at me because you're ready again and I'm not." "I yell at you?" "Well, no." Kids can be so dramatic. But his story made me think. He's right. I struggle with the definition of "ready." And apparently it's pretty frustrating to him.
So let me think. What do I need to walk out the door?
Hm. These are always afterthoughts. I say I'm ready, and then I start on this list. Five minutes, two more "ready" announcements, and three trips upstairs later, I'm truly ready to walk out the door. I never gave it much thought. It's just What I Do. I know it irritates him, and every time it happens, I feel bad. For a few seconds anyway, until I forget about it again. But something about hearing it like this has put it into a different light for me. This is how he characterizes me as a mother? Not very flattering. The good news is that this should be easy to remedy. I've never been late for an appointment with a client, and I don't think any of them think I'm scattered. So I know I can do it. I just need to use more of a business mindset with my family. It's my job to be ready when I say I'm ready. Looks like it's checklist time for Mom.
10 little ways to recharge your batteries at work without opening the door to ADHD-fueled distraction and procrastination. In my last post, I wrote about Instant Boss, a free computer application that helps ADHD adults stay on task by running a timer to manage your work and break periods. You tell it how long you want to work before taking a break (say 25 minutes), how long your breaks will be (say 5 minutes), and how many times to repeat the cycle (say 4, for a total work period of 2 hours). One of the pitfalls of using this system is the easy temptation to ignore the 'boss' and never get back to work. So this time, I’ll share some ideas for what to do on your breaks to make it easier to resume work when your time is up.
1. Drink a glass of water It’s helpful to think about your break activities in advance so you don’t spend half your time wondering what to do. Or worse yet, get sucked into something that draws you away from your work for the rest of the day. Remember that the purpose of your breaks is to recharge yourself for the next work period. Use them wisely.
Use Instant Boss, an ADHD-friendly download, to help you stay on task and on time at work - without overloading your brain. Did you ever notice that sometimes you can get more done with two hours of sustained effort than you can in an entire day? The illusion of having lots of time tends to make us more prone to distractions. "I have all day. I’ll just do this one little thing before I get started..." Next thing you know, the day is almost over and you haven’t done anything you planned. I’ve found it helpful to designate finite work periods and set goals for what I will accomplish during that time. Having ADHD, I can’t focus on one thing for very long. Sometimes I can go an hour, sometimes I can only focus for five minutes. What I do is set an ADD-friendly timer for the amount of time I think I can be successful, and then take a short break. I repeat the cycle for the duration of my work period. There’s a great little free computer application called Instant Boss that helps with this. Like a real boss, it tells you when to work and when to take breaks. Here’s how it works:
This is a beautiful thing for those of us who do well with timers, but aren't so good about setting them for breaks - or setting them again afterward. There is a bit of flexibility in case your good intentions are unrealistic. You can tell it you want to extend your break, or skip your break, or stop the clock to answer the phone. I use Instant Boss whether it’s crunch time or I just want to be proactive. It keeps me focused and has done wonders for my productivity. « All Blogs |
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