ADHD Coach Blog

Works for Me

Archives: May 2009

The ADHD Zero-Tolerance Rule

What two self-imposed ADHD rules do I never violate? Putting my keys in 'their spot' and taking my fish oil. Here's why...

I'll confess, I don't always do what I'm supposed to.

As a seasoned ADHD coach, I have an arsenal of solutions for every symptom of attention deficit disorder. I know what I need to do. I even know how to do it. But sometimes, I choose not to.

There's a part of me that takes joy in noncompliance. I set rules for myself, and my inner rebel is not satisfied unless I break at least one of them. Sometimes it rebels against exercise. Sometimes it just will not let me start that timer. Or it whispers that I can ignore those supplements, just this once. The rest of me follows along, and I pay a price.

I do have a few zero-tolerance rules that I never violate. For example, my keys. If I lose my keys, I will be late. And panicked (I hate that feeling). Or worse, I'll cause my family to be late. It took years to get to this point, but now, if I put my keys anywhere other than their two Approved Locations, my inner voice jumps up and down screaming until I put them in the right place.

Until last week, putting the keys away was my only zero-tolerance rule. You can't have too many or they become impossible to follow. Kind of like "everyone's special".

I think my ADHD is getting worse as I get older. Forgetfulness and getting distracted are the two biggies. So it's time for another Zero-Tolerance Rule: taking the supplements.

Spending Mothers Day with my grandmother was a powerful motivator. She's 85 and suffers from severe dementia. She kept wanting to call her husband to tell him she'd be late getting home that day. He's been dead for five years. She didn't even know who I was. The ADHD comes from her side of the family. Although I know that Alzheimers and ADHD are two completely different things, every time I think about this I keep connecting them. And worrying about my own future.

I need to do everything I can to keep my brain healthy. They say learning a foreign language is a great way to stay sharp. So I started learning Russian a few years ago, just before I turned 40. That was fun for a while but I got bored with it. Fortunately, I have plenty of things in my daily life to keep my intellect sharp.

I take fish oil and it really works for me. As of last Sunday, I have elevated it to Zero-Tolerance status. I must take it every day. No exceptions. I have a system for remembering: I keep it next to my coffee filters so I see it every morning. So far, so good. I think about my grandmother and the inner rebel has nothing to say to me.

Have Your Carrots and Pie, Too

Here's one simple and effective strategy that I use for achieving balance in my ADHD life - a little 'should,' and little 'want,' and repeat.

ADHD is a world of extremes. Some days we can’t seem to do anything productive. Other days we only allow ourselves to work on the things we should, at the expense of everything else. Life becomes a drudgery.

There has to be a balance somewhere. But how to achieve it? Try alternating your “shoulds” and “wants”. Whenever you accomplish the not-so-interesting work you set out to do, reward yourself by doing something fun. Then choose another item from your “should” list. And so on.

As long as you limit the duration of the fun stuff, you’ll probably get more done that way. Rewards are a great way to motivate yourself.

A variation on this theme works if you’re trying to eat more healthy foods. For example, I was dying for some apple pie the other day. So I ate some carrots. Then I ate the pie. No, not the whole pie! Just a small piece. I ate less of it because I was full from the carrots. And I ate the carrots because I knew they were the gateway to the pie.

A balanced life is like lasagna. It’s all about layering. If all the noodles were on the bottom, and all the sauce was on the top, it wouldn’t be very tasty.