ADHD Coach Blog

Works for Me

Archives: April 2009

Cold Case: An ADHD Tip

Why I leave my keys in the refrigerator - on purpose!

I love Jane D's ADHD in the City blog. She reminds me of that other writer in the city, but she's more real.

Last week she made a comment about leaving her keys in the refrigerator. I do that all the time - but on purpose. I used to swing by the grocery store at lunch and put the cold stuff in the refrigerator at work. Invariably, I'd forget to bring it home. So I started putting my car keys on top of it. That made it really hard to leave without stopping by the refrigerator to pick up the food. Now I do this at home whenever I need to remember to bring something cold to where I'm going.

When I first started doing this, I'd always look around frantically for a while before I remembered what I had done with the keys. It takes some getting used to, but it works.

It also takes some coworker training to get them to stop finding the keys and "rescuing" them for you.

ADHD Lessons from the Appalachian Trail

How hiking through the wilderness for four days tested my ADHD-management skills in a million ways, and made me happy to be alive.

I just got back from an amazing four-day backpacking trip. As I reflect on the long weekend and its preparations, it occurs to me that backpacking just might be the perfect fitness activity for ADHDers. There's literally something new to look at around every bend. And it provides all sorts of opportunities to practice our ADHD management skills, such as...

Planning ahead

I worked really hard to manage my ADHD last week. I used my timer and did a pretty good job of staying on task so I could get everything done before I left. It was exhausting, but I accomplished everything on my to-do list by Friday evening. But then I realized that I still had to plan for the trip!

Good thing I have a standard packing list to make the job easier. Don't want to be out there without a crucial piece of gear, like dry socks or the camp stove - those freeze dried meals are pretty awful if you don't add boiling water. The packing list made it easier, but it would have been even better had I started planning on Thursday so I could have had the laundry finished (my favorite synthetic shirt was in the hamper) and done the last-minute grocery shopping (how could we have run out of granola bars already?!) I ended up staying up until 1:30 AM, which made for a late start the next day.

Exercise

You get cardio and strength training (climbing rocky inclines with a third of your body weight on your back is going to build muscle) at the same time. And exercising in nature is way more appealing than the gym.

Bottom lining

When you have to carry everything you need for four days on your back, it's important to pack light. Picking out the bare essentials is a little like choosing your words carefully. Minimize. What's the most impact you can make with the least amount of stuff, or the smallest number of words?

Risk assessment

Think about it. If you jump off a boulder and break your leg, how is the ambulance going to reach you here?

Organization

When you're living out of a pack for four days, it's frustrating to have to unpack everything every time you're looking for something. And your rain gear needs to be easily accessible or ALL your gear will get soaked if you have to pull everything else out to get to it.

Clearing your mind

Walking is a form of meditation and does wonders for those racing thoughts. No point in thinking about the stressors of home - there's absolutely nothing you can do about them out there in the wilderness. Be in the present. Focus on the trees, the crisp air, your own breathing, the sound of your boots hitting the trail. Get out of your head for a while. I get better at it every time I go, which is further evidence that backpacking is great for improving those executive functioning skills.

I'm already looking forward to the next trip. What's the weather supposed to be like this weekend?

Closing the ADHD Confidence Gap

From time to time, those high school insecurities creep back in and I begin doubting my abilities for no good reason. Here's how I combat those occasional ADHD confidence problems.

Someone said to me recently, "I can only imagine how your results will soar when your confidence rises to the level of your expertise."

Confidence? Whatchoo talkin bout, Willis? I haven't thought of myself as lacking confidence for a long time. But he could be right. There are still times when I procrastinate, or avoid doing something entirely, because of self doubt. For example calling a nationally renowned psychiatrist to introduce myself. Or even approaching the folks here at ADDitude magazine about carrying my blog.

I'm an expert in my field, with years of training and experience. I get accolades from nearly everyone I work with. How could I still be struggling with this? Confidence issues are so high school.

Hm, high school. Maybe that's the answer. I had severe undiagnosed ADHD (early '80s, rural Pennsylvania, we'd never heard of it). My nickname was "Dizzy" even though I had an IQ of... well I won't reveal that. My Mom was constantly asking me, "How can someone so smart be so STUPID?!?"

Naturally I grew up believing I was inept.

Let's trace the confidence lifecycle of the typical ADHDer:

Infant: Doesn't do much besides eat, sleep, and poop. She's pretty confident she can handle those responsibilities.

Elementary school: Begins to take risks, begins to notice failures, begins to wonder why she's different than other kids.

Middle/high school: Hits the wall. "Other kids don't struggle like this, what's wrong with me?" If an ADHD diagnosis is made, now she has a label, probably an IEP, and maybe a behavior chart. If the disorder is not explained thoroughly and compassionately to her and everyone she interacts with, self esteem issues are compounded. But happily, when she starts getting the help she needs, her confidence improves.

College and early adulthood: Finds her niche, discovers something she excels at. Confidence soars. But early wounds may still lurk beneath the surface.

How to improve confidence? I'm not a fan of avoiding the "f-word" (failure) to boost self esteem. There's huge pride in failing at something, trying again (perhaps repeatedly), and eventually succeeding. If you only do the easy stuff, you aren't going to feel very good about yourself in the long run.

Here are some ways to boost your confidence as an ADHD adult:

• Set up situations where you can fail safely. A martial arts class, for example.

• Stretch. Do something that's just a little outside your comfort zone every day.

• Visualize your successes, past and future.

• Solicit and re-read testimonials and fan mail, even if they're from your mom.

• Fake it til you make it. Act like you're confident, and soon you will be.

• Dress the part. Wear clothes that make you feel powerful.

• Prepare. If it's information you need, get it. Practice.

Try some of these tips before going into situations that require confidence, such as public speaking. Also call on them to help you take the chances in life that will move you towards your goals.

When 'Perfect' Is No Good At All

Perfectionism is a type of ADHD-inspired obsessive behavior that can cause procrastination, indecision, dissatisfaction, worry... But it doesn't have to.

Like a lot of people with ADHD, I struggled with writing. The thought of having to write an endless series of brilliant, well articulated posts kept me from starting a blog for a long time. Perfectionism was my biggest obstacle. So I decided to do something about it.

The book Too Perfect: When Being in Control Gets Out of Control helped me tremendously. From it, I learned that perfectionism is actually a form of obsession. That got me thinking about ADHD and co-existing conditions. Most people with ADHD also have something else, like depression or anxiety. Or obsessive compulsive disorder. Even if the symptoms aren’t severe enough to warrant a clinical diagnosis, the tendencies must be dealt with.

Obsessive traits can also be a reaction to ADHD. I’m certain that I was not obsessive as a child. I suffered a lot of humiliation from my ADHD symptoms and worked hard to overcome them. I might have gone a little overboard with my desire to get things right.

In “Too Perfect”, authors Jeannette Dewyze and Allan Mallinger assert that perfectionism results from a need for control. They write:

“A disproportionate need for control - and an overwhelming fear of the uncertainty that can exist in uncontrolled situations - can lead [one] to adopt paralyzingly rigid roles almost like armor against life’s uncertainties.”

Can you see how perfectionism can become a defense against the chaos of impulsivity and weak executive functioning (memory, organization, planning skills, etc.) inherent with ADHD?

Here are some strategies that may help:

• Become aware of the negative ways perfectionism affects you. A few of the problems the authors address in “Too Perfect” are procrastination, missed deadlines, pickiness, difficulty making decisions, avoiding commitments, lost opportunities, general dissatisfaction with life, guardedness in relationships, and constant worry and ruminations.

• Accept that life has time constraints, and that it’s reasonable to be “good enough” given the deadline and your other commitments (like family, and sleep).

• Look for role models. Notice how people you admire get things done – and what they leave undone.

• Recognize when you’re being nitpicky. And stop. Tell yourself, “I don’t want to be a perfectionist. I am choosing to let this one go.” Set up some practice situations for yourself. For example, resolve to write one email every day without revising it (this worked especially well for me). Notice how much more efficient you are.

• See the positives. You’re probably an expert at seeing the flaws in your own work and everything around you. For everything you see that you don’t like, find something you appreciate.

• Put things into perspective. Are those details really important? Is anyone even going to remember ten minutes later?

Regardless of whether it’s part of a coexisting condition, a reaction to being bitten too many times, or caused by the disorder itself, perfectionism is often part of having ADHD.

It’s been three months since I started blogging. I’m actually finding it enjoyable to write now. Thank you, “Too Perfect”!