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Will This Be on the Test?

Archives: October 2008

Shifting Into Work Mode

I don’t know if it’s the ADHD, but I’m having a hard time transitioning back into work mode after only two days off.

I’ve been back at work two days so far – but I wish I was still on vacation!

I don’t know if it’s the ADHD, if it’s just me, or if it happens to everyone, but I’m having such a hard time transitioning back into work mode after only two days off. Since I had Friday and Monday off, the vacation felt like four days to me. When I went back to work on Tuesday it felt like I hadn’t been there in weeks (it didn’t help that people were saying welcome back like I’d gone on a trip around the world).

I sat at my desk, drinking my coffee, staring at my computer – and wishing I was still sitting on the couch in my sweats. I didn’t even sleep that late on vacation, but I’m so groggy in the morning I couldn’t function for the first half hour of work.

Even today (my second day back) I didn’t feel like diving into any big projects; I only wanted to dive under my covers and hit the snooze button one more time. Usually I like to take on projects that will keep me busy for days so it doesn’t feel like I’m wasting time. Today I just felt lazy and bored, so I did all the mundane busy-work type things that usually I avoid because it feels like it takes hours to get nothing done – updating schedules, downloading files, spending hours printing floor plans for buildings one page at a time . . .

Where is my motivation? My drive for accomplishment? Why do I want to do boring busy-work that eats away at the short time I have to finish other more important things?

I’m still in vacation mode – but I sure hope I can get myself back into work mode pretty soon!

Surprise Family Vacation

Nothing refreshes and regroups all the ADHDers in our family better than a surprise family vacation.

I just got back from the best weekend ever! I went on a four-day surprise vacation with my family to a gorgeous resort cabin in Maine. The location was a surprise until we arrived; I was told to ask for Friday and Monday off and that it was about four hours away by car.

I’ve been anticipating this weekend for a few weeks now, asking questions and trying to get people to tell me where we were going but no one would spill the beans. I’m not so great with secrets so I guess it’s a good thing that no one gave me any hints.

When we finally arrived the house was unbelievable; huge open spaces, state of the art appliances, sound system, high definition TVs, and enough room to comfortably sleep all nine of us. We unpacked our stuff, ran around the house ooh-ing and aah-ing at everything, then sat down to get our itinerary for the weekend.

My mom had planned activities for everyone to participate in like baking pies, watching home movies, and having family game night. I got to spend time with my family just relaxing, instead of running around to work, dance class, basketball practice and the hundred other things we do on a daily basis. It was so nice to enjoy everyone without worrying if we were late for something or other.

After this weekend I feel refreshed; ready to tackle the weeks ahead; ready to sign up for some classes for next semester; and not the least bit stressed or overtired like I was last week at this time.

ADHD Knitting

Staying committed to one project for months is just too much to ask for a person with ADHD.

Along with relaxation, this weekend also brought back a hobby I had neglected since last winter. Knitting. I used to love knitting; especially when I lived at college and needed a break from studying. I would sit in my favorite chair, put on a movie, and not look up from my knitting until the end credits.

Knitting is so soothing; the click of the needles, the relaxing repetitive motions, the feeling of accomplishment when your project is finally done.

There is one thing I’ve learned about ADHD knitting. Don’t start a project that’s complicated or long unless you really love it enough to work on it day in and day out for months or unless you intend to finish it a few years after you started. I started this beautiful cable scarf the winter of my freshman year in college. I finally picked it back up and finished it in time to wear it in February of last year (my sophomore year of college). After the cable scarf my aunt started teaching me how to knit in the round and I started a simple mitten pattern. I have one mitten done – but it came out kind of too tight and it still doesn’t have a thumb. I’ve pretty much dropped that project.

Staying committed to one project for months is just too much to ask for a person with ADHD. We get bored, we get frustrated, and once the project turns into a chore it’s not even worth it. Remember – it’s a soothing, stress-relieving hobby.

I’m probably never going to be an expert knitter like my aunt. I’m probably never going to knit an entire sweater or an insanely complicated check-off-each-stitch as you go pattern that requires intense focus. As it is I’ll be in the middle of an entire knit row in stockinet stitch and I’ll stop and wonder if I am knitting or purling. As long as we don’t get in over our heads knitting can be really enjoyable for us high-strung can’t-sit-still ADHDers.

For now, I’m perfectly happy making 12-inch square washcloths and millions of scarves – and maybe a single mitten without a thumb every once in a while. Just think; if you never make the second mitten you can’t lose it.

The ADHD Voter

Can somebody please just tell me the truth? I find it impossible to sort through all this political jibberjabber.

Today I am officially a responsible citizen. I registered to vote! OK, so the last day to register was today, and true to my ADHD-self I screamed in there at the last minute license in hand, ready to become a voting citizen. As I contemplated which party I should register as I was reminded that this is a serious decision and I shouldn’t just check off whichever box sounds the nicest.

I almost registered as the green-rainbow party even though I have entirely no idea what it even means; the name just sounded fun. In the end I checked off the “No Party Designation” box, undecided as usual. After registering I came home and decided I should watch the last presidential debate so I could actually decide who to vote for. I was upset that they canceled Grey’s Anatomy for a political debate. Even though I missed the first two debates, I figured one for three ought to help me sift through all the information people throw at me; persuading me to vote one way or the other.

I thought that debate would help. It only confused me further. They argued over things I had no idea even existed, they didn’t give a direct answer to any of the questions, and they went back and forth with “you said this” and “no I didn’t”. Can somebody please just tell me the truth? How can one person say health care costs $12,000 a year and another say it only costs $5,800? The debate left me even more confused than ever. I suppose if I knew more about world politics and the economy I might be better able to understand the issues; the debate left me feeling like I don’t know much of anything about anything.

I guess I’m back to my original plan of voting for whatever sounds nicer on the ballots; or maybe I can take one of those online quizzes that tell you who to vote for.

If only it was that simple.

Incomplete Projects

Typical of ADHD, I had so much energy and motivation until the job got boring and I quickly lost interest.

This weekend I was planning to take all my winter clothes out of the basement and put all my summer clothes away until spring. I know this is not a quick project, but it was a long weekend; I thought that was plenty of time to get organized.

I was supposed to work at the mall for four hours on Saturday, and four hours Sunday. Then, they called and asked me to work 8 hours Saturday, and another 8 hours Sunday. Then, I made plans to sleep over my friend’s new apartment Sunday night and go shopping together Monday. Before I knew it it was Monday at 7pm and I hadn’t started my clothes yet. For some reason I had this urge to just start right then and get it done. Not wanting to waste organizational inspiration, I started lugging the huge buckets up from the basement.

I was inspired enough to take everything out of two buckets and put it in piles all over my bed. Then I folded all my summer stuff and put that into the buckets. Easy enough. But then it was time to organize all the winter clothes and find a way for six huge piles to fit into three small drawers. That was the exact second I lost my motivation.

I swear; it’s like a complex mathematical equation trying to fit all my clothes into the drawers. Folding and refolding and trying these shirts in that spot and those sweaters in this pile… ahhhh! It would probably be easier for me to just throw away some clothes; but I love them all and I really think I’ll actually wear them all.

Needless to say I was just too tired and frustrated to finish what I’d started. I’d started to get a migraine, and I was ready to just shove everything in the drawers and close them quickly before there was an explosion of sweaters and tee shirts and pajamas and sweatpants all over my room. I just piled all the piles into one big pile on a chair and called it quits for the night.

Typical of ADHD, I had so much energy and motivation until the job got boring and I quickly lost interest. I guess it wasn’t a bad start; at least the easier half of the job is done. Now, if I could just find time to finish the difficult half of the chore.

An ADHD Apology

Lately, it feels like all the things I should be doing are on a moving sidewalk and I can't keep up.

I’m sorry – ok – I’m sorry. I’m sorry I watched TV instead of doing the dishes. I’m sorry I didn’t get around to doing laundry until I was wearing my very last pair of socks. I’m sorry we made plans three weeks ago and then I canceled the day before. I’m sorry I said I would clean my room and never did. I’m sorry I went shopping when I should have been applying to transfer to another college. I’m sorry that I snapped at you and I’m tired and stressed and grumpy and short tempered.

Lately, it feels like all the things I should be doing are on that moving sidewalk thingy at the airport, but somehow I forgot to get on. I’m running behind, frantic to catch up but no matter how hard I try I can’t seem to get everything done. Fatigue takes over, and I give up on my lost luggage or I see a gift shop that distracts me from my original goal.

This is my first blog of the week and it’s already Thursday. I’m sorry. Every single night before I go to bed I remember that I didn’t write my blog yet, and this week I’ve just been too tired to get my thoughts into coherent, organized sentences.

Laundry takes almost no effort, yet I can’t get myself to go upstairs and sort the lights from the darks then carry it all downstairs and throw it into the dryer. I did finally wash my laundry tonight, but only because I don’t have any socks for work tomorrow. Cleaning my room to my mom’s satisfaction would probably take only 20 minutes – yet it still looks like a disaster area.

I feel snappy and grumpy because I’m overtired. I can’t sleep well because I’m stressed and nervous. I know the deadlines to transfer to a new school are quickly approaching (if not already passed) but honestly; my fear of going back to school (or being rejected everywhere I apply due to my not-so-stellar GPA) keeps me from even looking into other schools. I know I need to finish to get a good job, but I don’t want to go back.

Last but not least – I’m sorry that I feel like I’m failing lately. I’m sorry that I have so many reasons to apologize. I know it may seem like I’m not trying very hard – but it’s hard to make myself try; if that makes any sense.

There is one thing I’m not sorry about though. I’m not sorry that I stayed up late watching the Red Sox win the division series. And no matter how tired and grumpy and unproductive it makes me, I’m going to stay up and watch the American League Championship Series – and the World Series after that. I’ll just have to catch up with my speeding life on nights when there isn’t a game.

ADHD Diet Woes: My McDonald's Downfall

This live-in-the-moment, right-here right-now ADHDer doesn’t stand a chance against the bright lights, flashy signs, and mouth-watering deals at fast-food joints.

McDonald's is the arch-enemy of my ADHD diet.

Picture this scenario: I got up at 6am to get ready for work. I worked all day, stopping for lunch around noon. By the time I leave work and sit in traffic all the way home I have about 10 minutes to change into comfier shoes and go to my next job until 10pm.

At 10pm, when I finally get out of work, I’m starving because the only thing I’ve had since lunch was a soda at work. As I drive out of the mall there’s a big yellow sign with an arrow pointing toward a window where I can get delicious food in less than a minute. I know I shouldn’t, I know it’s not healthy, I know it’s a waste of money… but it looks sooo good and I’m sooo hungry! By the time I get home half the food’s already gone and I’m in a much better mood. But by the time all the food’s gone I’m starting to feel guilty.

Fast food and ADHD really don’t mix. The bright lights, the huge arrow, the pictures of mouth-wateringly good hamburgers and chicken fingers and crispy french fries; it’s enough to draw anyone in, but an impulsive, live-in-the-moment, right-here right-now, ADHDer – we don’t stand a chance!

I’ve read that greasy, salty, sugary foods only magnify the symptoms of ADHD and that fresh foods can actually help with focus. Lately, I’ve been trying different techniques to avoid the magnetic pull of the drive-thru window.

First, I tried going a different route on my way home to avoid driving by any fast food places at all. It works sometimes, but only if I can convince myself there’s something else to eat that I love waiting at home.

Second, I tried not bringing any cash smaller than a $10 bill with me. If I happen to have a few $5s in my purse I don’t think twice about throwing one away for some instant gratification fries. But if I have to break a $10 or $20 bill I’m more likely to say forget it, I can get something for free at home.

The only problem with this technique is that sometimes it’s hard to remember to take all my small bills out of my wallet before I go to work at night.

The only trick that really works to avoid my distraction is calling ahead to make a reservation at the best restaurant in town – my kitchen table. If I’m getting out of work at 10pm I sometimes call home around 9:30 to tell my mom that I’m starving, and ask very nicely if she wouldn’t mind heating up a plate for me. If I know there’s a meal set aside for me (even if I have to microwave it for a minute or two) I don’t even think about all those unhealthy choices that I drive past on my way home.

My hyperfocus blinders go on – eyes on the prize; that delicious, healthy, home cooked meal waiting on the table.