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Archives: September 2008

Channel Surfing with ADHD Distractibility

Three hours later, my evening agenda of productive chores has gone totally down the drain, and this blog is all I have to show for a Monday night!

First let me tell you all the things I was going to do tonight. First, I was going to go out shopping for a fall coat right after work. It’s pretty cold in the morning and just short sleeves aren’t cutting it anymore. I was going to do all my laundry tonight so I’d have clothes to wear to work this week. I was going to repaint my nails because they’re really chipped and it drives me crazy. I was going to write a few more blogs that I’ve had sitting in my head waiting to get onto the computer. Ok, ok, and I was going to watch the newest Desperate Housewives that I missed yesterday.

Let me now tell you what I actually did. I watched Desperate Housewives online while I painted my nails. Then, I proceeded to watch Opportunity Knocks and 2 episodes of I Survived a Japanese Gameshow. Are those even shows that I follow? No. They just came up after Desperate Housewives and they looked funny so I clicked on them. And wasted 3 hours.

I didn’t get a coat; but that’s mostly because I stayed an hour late at work and went straight home instead of to the mall. I didn’t even touch the laundry; I just really hate waiting around and having to constantly think about it for hours. This blog is the only one that’s getting done, because now I’m tired from my strenuous night of T.V. watching (ha ha). I guess the ideas will have to stay in my head until tomorrow.

As usual, distraction got the best of me and the impulsive "ooh this looks fun" click ended up costing me three hours; because everyone knows that once you start an episode you have to know how it ends!

I guess I shouldn’t beat myself up too much over my wasted time. After all, two for five isn’t so bad… even though the two things I accomplished were things I wanted to do, not things I needed to do. Actually, I filled my gas tank on my way home from work; and I needed to do that! So now I’m 3 for 6 and I accomplished something important.

Besides, those shows were really funny!

The ADHD Shopaholic Returns

I keep forgetting that $20 here and $50 there adds up. I just can't seem to control my shopping habit.

I was doing so well managing my finances, but lately I’ve been wearing the magnetic strip off my debit card.

It’s the sale season, and it’s so hard for me to resist a bargain. I bought this cute pink purse a few weeks ago, but it’s really too small for me to bring to work, so I gave it to my sister to use at school. Then I bought this black leather bag with a silk scarf on it that I thought looked sophisticated for work. I used it for about a week until I found this great Dooney & Bourke bag on sale for 40% off at Macy’s. 40% off?! How did anyone expect me to resist that? So I gave the black bag to my mom and I’m currently using my precious brown Dooney. Last week this purse I’ve loved for a long time went on sale at my mall job and I just had to buy it to save for the winter after I switch out of the Dooney. Oops, four purses inside of a month… too much spending.

If purses were the only thing I was buying I’d be in pretty good shape. But now that it’s September I’ve been buying all new fall clothes. Last fall and winter I was at school, so I just wore sweats 24/7. Now, I have all nice Abercrombie sweatpants with matching sweatshirts, and the only time I can wear them is on the weekends, so I need more clothes to wear to work. Just tonight I went into my part time job even though I wasn’t working to buy an outfit that I had on hold from the weekend. While I was there I found out that employees were getting a 60% discount on select fall clothes which just happened to include my favorite long sleeve blouses for work. Of course I had to pick up a few while I was there.

The problem is that every time I see something that I want or is on sale for a good price I convince myself that I actually need it anyways. Earlier today I told my mom I was in desperate need of long pants, because I only have two good pairs for work. She laughed and asked what about those khaki ones with the tags still on them? Any the gray ones you wore once? Oh, yeah; but it turned out they weren’t as comfortable as they were cute so I always decide against them in the morning.

I think I need to keep reminding myself that $20 here and $50 there adds up and, in the end, it’s a few hundred dollars a month that ends up sitting in bags on my floor for weeks before I remember that I bought them in the first place. If I don’t absolutely need something for the next day I’m not going to buy it. Unless I come across a chunky sweater with bracelet-length sleeves that I can wear with a fitted long sleeve jersey… I’ve been wanting that for weeks now!

A Finely Tuned Family

For a bunch of ADHDers it’s a miracle that we make it anywhere on time, but we seem to pull it off every time.

This weekend was my cousin’s wedding. With all the confusion and running around with last minute details it’s a miracle we even made it there!

My cousin got married at 5pm on Friday, and the wedding was an hour and a half from my house. We could check into the hotel at 2pm to start getting ready, so counting back we should have left our house at 12:30pm to be right on schedule. The only problem was the strict absent policy at both my brother and sister’s high schools that wouldn’t allow us to leave until 1pm. Oh, also there was the small detail that my outfit wasn’t quite ready yet.

My dad works close to the wedding, so he just left work early and met us at the hotel. I didn’t go to work at all on Friday; my youngest brother got dismissed at 10am, and the high schoolers jumped in the car at the last minute.

In last minute haste I decided the day before the wedding that I really didn’t like the dress I already had, so I went out and bought another new dress that was much better. The only problem was that I needed jewelry to match the new dress. So Friday at 10am I went to the mall as soon as it opened to buy some jewelry to wear that night. My mom couldn’t find her black nylons so I was going to pick those up for her too. In case you couldn’t tell we’re a very organized family.

So I bought the jewelry, bought the nylons, and ran home to shower and get ready to leave. My mom packed our clothes, dropped off and then picked everyone up from school, and still managed to get herself ready to go almost on time. We left our house around 1:30pm, already behind schedule and arrived at the hotel at 3pm. After all the requisite hellos we finally got into our room and started the mad dash to get everyone looking presentable in time for the service.

I swear, the hotel room was like a synchronized swimming pool with everyone running here and there and somehow avoiding collision the entire time. My grandparents attended the wedding, but did not stay overnight, so there were 8 people getting ready in one suite-style hotel room.

Eventually we all made it to the wedding; no one forgot a shoe or a belt or hairspray. The reception was so much fun, and seeing all our cousins was great. It’s a miracle that we made it on time looking put together, calm and collected but we seem to pull it off every time.

Relaxation ADHD Style

Relaxing is nice and all, but when you’re used to being busy all the time it’s a little boring too.

I have to keep reminding myself that it’s normal to be tired once in a while. Lately, I’ve been working a lot and running around getting all kinds of errands done on my nights off from my mall job. Around 9pm I’m just about ready to relax.

Usually I’m sitting there saying I don’t know what’s wrong with me; my feet hurt, my back hurts, and I’m so tired! My mom keeps saying that nothing is wrong with me, I’m working 60+ hours a week and I should be tired early because I get up at 6am to start my day. But still, how can I get everything done? How do people do it?

If I stopped when I was tired I would just go to one job, come home and watch TV or something all night. Instead, two or three week nights I have work until 10:30pm, and then I come home, eat dinner, and go to bed. On my nights off I have to run errands, do laundry, clean up my room etc. No matter what I can’t seem to end my day before midnight. There’s just not enough hours to do everything and relax too.

Thank God I had this Saturday off from work all together. It was one of the few days that I didn’t have anything to do, and I could get caught up on some things I needed to do and still have time for fun. In the morning, I got up at a reasonable time and went out on a hunt for a dress to wear to my cousin’s wedding. That’s not really a chore for me because I love shopping so much. My mom and I went to the mall and I must have tried on 30 dresses; no luck. They all looked bad or were the wrong size. I have some dresses at home that I can wear if I don’t get one so I didn’t need to settle on one if I wasn’t really happy with it. After a few hours we went home empty-handed. The dress would have to wait until another day.

Finally, I got a few hours to do absolutely nothing and I took full advantage of it. I sat on the couch with my sore feet up and watched makeover shows on TV. It was great. I had the peace of mind knowing that I didn’t have to watch the time so I won’t be late for work. I fully enjoyed a whole hour of TV; then I got up and went to a different mall in search of a dress. Relaxing is nice and all, but when you’re used to being busy all the time it’s a little boring too.

My New Car

I absolutely LOVE my car. It’s so cute and small and it’s really clean and shiny and fancy looking on the inside.

Finally, I have my very own brand new (to me) used car! I’ve never been so happy before. I settled for crank-up windows with what I thought was a working ‘beep beeper’ as I call it (I learned that it’s actually called a remote entry system). Turns out that beep-beeper didn’t actually work.

Before we left the car place my dad thought to check the remote entry system to see if it actually worked, since they leave it unlocked when you test drive it. We found out that it made the horn beep and the lights flash, but it didn’t actually lock the car. They said I’d have to take it to someone else to have it fixed if I wanted to use it since it was an aftermarket product. Fine. I can wait a while and if I want to spend money to fix it I can in a few months.

Here’s the funny thing; when we got home I was showing my cute new car to my family and I was pressing the lock button just to make the sound, and show my mom that it didn’t lock the doors. Then, my mom tried to start the car and an alarm started going off and the car refused to start. As it turns out, the alarm system works great, it thinks the alarm is set, even though the doors aren’t locked. When you go to start the car without pressing unlock it assumes someone broke in and is now trying to steal your car. I guess I’ll have to get that fixed sooner rather than later because now I’m terrified that I’ll go to start the car and all kinds of alarms will go off.

I put the beep-beeper with the spare key in our “keys, phones, and other junk” basket in the kitchen and I’m not going to touch it until it’s fixed. Knowing me I’ll absentmindedly press the lock button like I’m accustomed to doing on my mom’s car then I’ll be stuck at work or at the mall with an alarm going off, no way to stop it, and no way to get home.

Beside the whole beep-beeper situation (which really isn’t an issue now that I know not to play around and pretend with it) I absolutely LOVE my car. It’s so cute and small and it’s really clean and shiny and fancy looking on the inside. And it’s really good on gas; I’ve driven it for a week now and it’s still half full!

My family’s making fun of me because I’m so obsessed with my new car. Mostly because every time I get home I say "I’m home; with my NEW CAR!” And I was thinking of good names for it, but my mom said I don’t need to name my car. Ok, and last week I asked my sister if she wanted to sit in my car with me. She asked where I was going; I told her nowhere I just wanted to sit in it. She gave me a strange look and said thanks but no thanks.

I’m determined to take really good care of my new car. I’m not going to leave any crap in it. No paper plates from when I was rushed at breakfast. No gum wrappers. No scraps of paper filling the front seat. It’s going to be spotless and beautiful forever. Well, at least another week!

ADHD Loose Ends

Multitasking is difficult for an ADHDer--I can't start a new task if I haven't tied up all the loose ends from my current project.

Lately I’ve been having trouble transitioning from one thing to the next. Today, I was actually upset that I had to leave work, go home for a few minutes, and go to my fun mall job at night. Usually, I’m itching to get out of my day job, but today I just wasn’t ready to call it quits yet.

At my internship I have so many things to do; and practically no time to do them. Everything is always a day late or a rush to get finished and we’re so swamped with work that my boss sometimes doesn’t have time to check my work right away. I have to get price quotes from other companies before I can compile the cost and submit it to the architect. But for someone with ADHD it’s frustrating to wait around for someone else. I like to start a project, get really involved with it, lose track of time because I’m concentrating, finish it up, and get the proposal sent out right away.

Instead, more than half the time, I’m forced to start the project, call in for some prices, leave that project half finished and start something else while I wait for a fax with a quote. The hyperfocus that helps me work through something quickly also gets in my way when I can’t switch tasks as readily as I’d like.

I spent the whole night at my supposedly fun part-time job worrying over things I didn’t get done before I left the office. I didn’t get any of my follow-up calls made, I didn’t even start looking at the huge project that’s due tomorrow, and I didn’t get any of the small things I’d been working on sent out. Although I worked consistently for 9 hours today I feel like I didn’t accomplish anything--because I didn’t finish anything. The loose ends and papers scattered over my desk made me want to stay at work and just get it done, but I had to leave so I could get to the next job.

Even at night I have a hard time transitioning if I feel like everything’s not done for the day yet. I should have gone to bed a few hours ago, but I’m still awake because I told myself I wasn’t going to put off my blog another day. I know if I had gone to bed I’d just lay awake thinking that I didn’t write my blog; as it is I’ll probably spend half an hour worrying about those purses I was supposed to put away, but didn’t get to finish. (Probably because I was worrying about that project I didn’t work on at my internship).

Every transition takes me longer than it should; and it’s frustrating because there’s nothing I can do to get everything done, yet it makes me less efficient in my next task. It’s a vicious cycle that I wish I knew how to get out of.

Too Much ADHD in the House

Without Mom's superhuman organizational skills we'd never make it out of the house in the morning.

Last Wednesday marked the first day of school in our town. In our house that means four kids fighting for the shower, hairdryer, and scrambling to get out of the house on time.

Since I’m at home this semester and working an internship, there are four kids all trying to get ready and get to different places at different times. My brother leaves for his high school first; ten minutes later my sister leaves for a different high school; twenty minutes after that, I leave for work; and five minutes after that my youngest brother leaves for middle school. Did I mention that we only have one shower? And three of the four of us have ADHD? Needless to say it’s quite an interesting morning routine.

My sister gets the first shower, because she takes the longest to get ready, and she’s the only one who actually gets up on time every day without being woken up six times. After that we’re supposed to have a schedule where everyone gets 15 minutes in the bathroom, but with all the alarm clock issues in the house it’s a challenge to finish on time.

My mom makes sure we all get up on time, and then she makes breakfast and lunch while we scramble around and bicker over mirror space upstairs. Another problem: the wiring in our house is a little strange; if you blow dry your hair while mom’s using the toaster it blows a fuse thus resetting all the clocks. We’ve lived here long enough that we remember to ask before starting the hair dryer… most of the time.

When we get downstairs the table’s set with four places (although we don’t all eat at the same time) and my mom has three lunches packed and in the fridge (my high school brother buys lunch). I’m convinced that the only way we make it out the door every day is mom’s super-organized system. Even if we are late and scrambling her organization makes up for lost time.

After my brother leaves, then my mom leaves to take my sister to school, it’s just me and my youngest brother home for 20 minutes. Sometimes ADHD distractions take over and we look up and realize that mom will be home in 5 minutes and we’re not ready to leave yet. I run upstairs to finish getting ready, and if he’s not too busy he puts my coffee into a travel mug, or gets my lunch out so I won’t leave without it.

We’ve only done this three times so far and we’re still trying to work out a few minor kinks in the system. There’s yelling and banging on the door if someone takes too long in the shower, and my middle school brother was almost late on his first day. I guess we know who he’ll be taking after; running into school one minute before the bell rings. Like ADHD sister, like ADHD brother!

Surviving College with ADHD: Lesson 3

My freshman year I learned that college is a whole different life than the “real world” I was used to.

So far this week I’ve talked about strategies I found helpful during college move-in and during class/homework times. But, what about the rest of the time?! You may be thinking; the rest of the time, but I’ve had ADHD all my life. Even so, my freshman year I learned that college is a whole different life than the “real world” I was used to.

Lesson One: Hyperactivity. One of the worst things I’ve found about college was the inability to just GO. You’re stuck on campus; there’s nowhere to go. Basically, the options are: Stay in your dorm room (no way, too cramped and boring), go to the library (ha ha), walk around campus (and do what, exactly?), or find other ways to entertain yourself. One of my friends and I used to have tons of fun walking to the grocery store on Friday afternoon, and buying snacks for a movie night. But you can’t always rely on friends to occupy your time. Sometimes I’ve just finished a long week of exams and I’m ready to go shopping, out to eat, anything; but my friends all have exams the next week so they’re holing themselves up in the library studying all weekend. This is where I learned to make my own fun. I just jumped on the train by myself and headed to the mall for a day of shopping alone. I was perfectly capable of shopping alone in high school, why can’t I do it now?

Lesson Two: Don’t let your sleep habits get totally out of whack. Seriously, no matter how hard you try to wake up; if you didn’t go to sleep at a reasonable time it’s going to be impossible. Trust me, it still happens to me almost every day and I’m working so hard to correct my sleep pattern. I can sleep 4-5 hours a night and have no problem the next day for a few days until eventually I can barely keep my eyes open past 7pm. It’s hard to fall asleep early in a busy dorm, but I’ve found some things that helped me a lot. The main thing was listening to music. I put a quiet playlist on my iPod which usually helped me nod off quickly. If you have a roommate and don’t want to bother them with your music you can get some regular headphones (not the ear buds), turn it up kind of loud, and hang them over your headboard. That’s what I did, and it worked every night. Also, get one of those memory foam mattress toppers; they’re so comfortable you’ll be motivated to finish your homework quickly so you can crawl into your comfy bed!

Lesson Three: Wash your dishes right away! I know the thoughts; the kitchen’s so far away, I’m going to eat later so I’ll wash everything together. But hours go by, then a few days, and pretty soon you have a huge pile of sticky plates, and mugs with an inch of coffee on the bottom. It’s gross. And week-old Easy Mac is not easy to clean out of the bottom of a bowl.

Lesson 4: Pick up your room. (OK, stop listening to me; I sound like my mom). But in all seriousness it is easier and less stressful when you can actually see the floor, find something to wear to class and grab your notebook as you run out the door. Being a complete slob myself I know that asking someone with ADHD to clean their room daily, just putting things back when you’re done, is next to impossible. Try to set aside some time on the weekends to spend an hour or two putting all your clothes, books, shoes, and everything else away where it belongs. You know as well as I do that the flip side of inattentiveness is hyperfocus; use it to your advantage to move mountains of junk as fast as you can. I always feel so much better after I’ve cleaned my entire room and I can reward myself with a T.V. show, an hour surfing the web, or a quick (or long if you stayed up late doing homework) nap.

My last tip before I completely nag you to death: Don’t stress so much! I’ve seen so many college kids worry themselves sick over an exam and not do well because they were so tired when it came time to take the test. Take a break, get some fresh air, have a 15 minute dance party during a homework break (my favorite) just remember to refocus on your work when the break is over!

OK, my last, last tip (this is it, I swear) bring your keys with you when you take a shower. Every time your hand touches the doorknob you should think: "Where are my keys?" Just going to the bathroom or your friend’s room two doors down it’s easy to forget them. But it’s no fun to be locked out, dripping wet, in nothing but a towel while you wait 35 minutes for the police to unlock your door.

Surviving College with ADHD: Lesson 2-Homework

My most important advice for surviving college with ADHD: Get learning disability accommodations!

The hardest thing for me in college (besides leaving my family) was getting my homework done on time. So now, I offer you my many failed and a few successful strategies to complete your homework before 3am.

Lesson One: If you only follow one piece of my advice please, please, please let it be this: get learning disability accommodations!! Take it from someone who decided they’d be fine without any help and then went running to the disability services office after she was already in danger of failing three classes. Don’t wait, get the accommodations, and if you feel like you’re doing fine without them you don’t have to use them.

Also, a tip if you’re worried you don’t have the proper paperwork to register for accommodations: if you just go and talk to the counselor, you can probably get temporary accommodations until the paperwork is finalized. Formal psychiatric testing doesn’t cost hundreds of dollars. The school psychiatrist meets you for an hour, writes up a few papers and faxes it over to the disability office and (at least at my school) you don’t have to pay anything. At my school, temporary accommodations were time-and-a-half on tests and full accommodations could include things like special tutoring, time management counseling, and even note-takers in class.

Getting time-and-a-half on exams is great but it’s not the be-all end-all when you still have papers and homework that count for 60% of your final grade. One thing that really helped me get my homework done on time was having a time management tutor.

She sat with me and made color-coded charts with class time, homework time, fun time, and sleep time all laid out in 15-minute increments. After a few weeks I made the schedule on my own (she even taught me not to spend more than 20 minutes planning my week so I don’t obsess over every little detail.) The tutoring sessions were held in the academic resource building, which had a conference-room-style library with big tables and a bright sunny view. After a few weeks of scheduling, I would plan to go to the tutoring library to work on homework during the day. At set times the tutor would check in to make sure I was making progress with my work. This forced me to stay at the library, and get work done for the full scheduled time.

Lesson Two: I’ve come up with some interesting ways to keep my focus during class. I always have my gum close at hand. Also, my notebooks are full of doodles in the margins. I like to keep my hands moving even when I’m not writing notes. Often, I don’t even look up at the teacher once he or she starts lecturing. If I look up at the teacher I’m distracted by the weather or the kid two rows over who’s eating that bagel; which reminds me that I’m starving. I once had a psychology class held in a huge lecture hall in which I found it impossible to concentrate for the full 90 minutes. I started bringing my iPod and listening to it very quietly in one ear. I know it sounds weird, but listening to the music and the teacher simultaneously actually helped me focus more attention on the teacher. If I found myself spacing out the change in songs jolted me back to attention, instead of losing the rest of the class completely.

I guess the main thing with classwork and homework is experimenting with different techniques until you find what works best for you. The only important thing is that you get help; no matter how well you think you will do. Not to be a downer, but I know all too well how easy it is to ignore a problem until it’s too big to fix. Having someone to check in on you helps keep you on track. Even if it’s emailing your paper to your parents after you finish each page; they’ll notice if a 15 page paper is due in a week and you’ve only sent them the title.

Surviving College with ADHD: Lesson 1

I'm offering free advice to ADHD college freshmen and their parents, including my ramen noodle secrets. Lucky you!

So you’re at college with ADHD; you’re nervous, excited, and have tons of questions. Luckily, I know someone who was a freshman moving into her first dorm room, with her first roommate, and her first college classes 2 years ago and she’s offering free advice to new college freshmen. (Ok, ok; that girl is me.)

Now, don’t get me wrong; I still have a lot to learn myself, but I’ll attempt to save you from making some of the same mistakes I did. And hopefully, I’ll add in a few things that worked well for me along the way.

There’s so much to say about going to college; I don’t know where to start. I guess I’ll start with the first thing I did when I arrived at college at 7am on move-in day. I started loading all the shiny new things I’d bought into my first ever dorm room.

Lesson One: You don’t need all brand new things when you go to college. Sometimes, an old blanket or your favorite ripped sweatshirt is just what you need when you’re scared or lonely. I still wear my men’s XL high school “senior sweatshirt” to every single exam I take. And I’m not ashamed to admit I brought my blankie to college and sleep with it every night.

Lesson Two: Bring lots of cords and cables and plugs (or a really nice dad who’ll go to the store and buy them). In my dorm room the internet, phone, and t.v. hookups were on the complete other side of the room. I needed a 100ft Ethernet cable just to use my new laptop.

I can’t offer much advice on the roommate situation, because mine didn’t even come to school until second semester, and then she was almost never in the room. So even if you think you have a horrible roommate, having someone else there at night might make you less inclined to sob uncontrollably all night and call your mom saying “I changed my mind – I don’t want to do this – please come get me.” (Yup, that was me too.)

For the Parents: Don’t go pick your kid up if they’re homesick. I realize now how bad it would have been if my mom had picked me up that first night. I don’t know how it would have made the second night easier. Quite honestly, I was unbelievably homesick and upset the first day of college. My parents actually stayed in my dorm room when I had to leave for my first meeting; because I couldn’t bear to see them drive away without me. And yes, I cried through the entire meeting. But after about a week I started getting to know people more, and I ended up loving my freshman year. It’s just those first few nights that really killed me.

Oh, I almost forgot the most important tip of all: The regular brick ramen noodles can’t be cooked in the microwave. Buy the ones in the cup instead, they come out much better!

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s tips on surviving college classes and homework!!