The ADHD Drug-Free Side of Me

I often wonder if my ADHD medication is really helping me, or if I could do things just as efficiently without it. Now I know, it helps! Unfortunately, I had to suffer through an entire day without it before coming to this conclusion.

An hour at work without my meds would have convinced me I had attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) if there’s ever been a doubt in my mind. It was pure torture! For the first hour or so, I didn’t know what was wrong, just that I felt giggly, and really really tired at the same time. I felt like everything I said was embarrassing, even if I would have said it normally.

Without my meds, I get really self-conscious that I’m saying dumb things, and people are rolling their eyes, or snickering behind my back. I ended up not making the usual morning small talk, because I just didn’t know what to say, without bursting into some random story.

Finally, I realized what was going on, and I went to the bathroom to hide out and dig through my purse for some pills to save me. Nothing. I must have run out the last time I took them in the car on the way to work, and now, I forgot to refill them. Great.

It’s hard for me to explain what I felt like today. It took all the effort I could muster to stop myself from getting up and leaving work. At 11 am I thought I’d never make it through the entire day. I wanted to cry. I couldn’t possibly sit there all day, I felt like I’d go crazy. Even though I’d done it many times before, today it felt like they were asking me to willingly submit to Chinese water-torture. Oddly enough, I was also afraid I might scream, or blurt out whatever was on my mind at that second. I felt like I didn’t have control over what my body would say or do.

Another thing I found was that I had a terrible time focusing on my work. I was supposed to be working on a challenging project that my boss thought I was ready for. Boy, did he pick the wrong day for that! It was hard for me to really get interested in the work, and it was hard for me to force myself to do the work. Thankfully, the project isn’t due until tomorrow, so I have a lot to do in the morning.

I made it through the day and I’m at home and I didn’t get fired, but that was possibly the longest day of my life. If I ever forget my meds again, I’m driving straight home to get them, even if I’m an hour late. Or, I’m taking my lunch break to go back home for them. Anything to save myself from repeating today!