The Smell of Red Bull In the Morning

It honestly baffles me that people can study for exams weeks or even days before the test. No matter how hard I try - making schedules, setting timers, going to the library - it seems impossible for me to seriously accomplish anything until I face a panicked rush to the finish. I know it’s not healthy, but my study skills are fueled by energy drinks, coffee, adrenaline, and the fear of looming failure.

I wish this wasn’t the case; in fact, it’s been the biggest struggle I’ve faced in college, possibly in my life. I see my non-ADHD friends working on papers weeks before they’re due, when I can’t seem to even remember I have an assignment until 11 p.m. the night before. This semester during finals I got a math tutor, scheduled a time to meet, wrote it down, and deleted the e-mail so I wouldn’t be tempted to cancel at the last minute because I just ‘really wanted to watch this one show on TV.’

I did go to the meeting, so I can successfully say I studied for that entire hour a week before my test. The night before the exam came, and even though I had put in those extra hours, I found myself facing a new problem; I was so anxious about the test that I had myself convinced I didn’t know anything, making it impossible to sleep. The longer I lay awake, the more panicked I got until eventually I just took out my books and did practice problems all night.

The next morning I went to the exam, nervous as always... and completely bombed it. Seriously, it was a crash-and-burn situation. There’s just something about calculus that I don’t get; no matter how many formulas I memorize, when it comes to the exam I can’t apply any of them to the questions that are asked. Maybe something in my brain will click the next time around. If at first you don’t succeed... call the tutor again.