ADHD Parenting Blog

Archives: November 2009

The ADHD Medication Bias

I sensed that this doctor has an underlying bias: a belief that bad families and lazy parents are often the underlying problems with attention deficit disorder.

I don’t think there’s a parent alive who wouldn’t struggle with the decision of whether or not their ADD child should take medication. I know that when I took that leap and decided to start my daughter, Natalie, on Ritalin, I cried off and on for a week! This decision is not something parents take lightly.

And I know that, like me, ADDitude readers are on a constant quest for information: for expert advice about the best ADHD treatment modalities, the most effective parenting strategies, and the tools to make us well-informed advocates for our children. We’re not lazy parents looking to ADHD medication for a quick, easy fix. If I were, I wouldn’t be writing this. If you were, you wouldn’t be reading it.

And I’m ranting about this because...

Earlier this week, I attended a free seminar (yeah, right -- I paid in angst) given by a local psychiatrist on the topic of how medications affect children’s brains. The talk was not at all what I was expecting. Imagine this, if you can: a psychiatrist coming off as being pretty strongly anti-medication for kids -- and the first diagnosis he mentioned was ADHD.

I really challenged myself to set aside my reality -- what I believe to be true about ADHD and other disorders -- and try to hear his message. I’ll admit, I couldn’t really do it.

He did make some excellent points -- about how little is known about the long-term effects of certain medications on a child’s developing brain. And, about the importance of looking at the whole picture. Could cognitive behavioral therapy change patterns in the family? Could processed foods and food additives, and a lack of essential nutrients, like Omega 3s play a role in ADHD? Could too much screen time be part of the problem? Well, yes, yes, and yes. But I’m convinced that with perfect parenting (let’s not go there) and perfect nutrition (we’ve made huge improvements) and no screen time (are you kidding me? even medicated, she can’t sit still long enough to have too much screen time) my child would still need medication.

Are there children out there who are taking Ritalin and a variety of psychiatric meds who don’t really need to? I’m sure there are. But the doctor never really answered this question: Under what circumstances would he believe that prescribing medication is an appropriate decision? It depends on the symptoms. And those would be...?

I hate to say it, and this is purely my opinion, but I sensed that this doctor has an underlying bias: a belief that bad families and lazy parents are often the problem. But if that’s the case, why even give a seminar? Lazy parents would never attend.

For parents who would chose to attend such a seminar -- for me, a parent who did -- I’m left feeling that this doctor went beyond “preaching to the choir,” which would be unnecessary, but fairly innocuous. No, for me, his message was more like rubbing salt in an open wound.

I wonder if all the social workers who attended (Oh god, NO!!!) felt differently.

A Big Reality Check on My Daughter's ADHD

Hearing the truth about the severity of Natalie’s attention deficit disorder and co-existing conditions hit me harder than it should have.

Since I’m typically a glass-half-full kind of person, some recent reality checks about the severity of Natalie’s ADHD and co-existing conditions hit me harder than they should have -- if I had let myself see, if I’d allowed myself to believe. Being told that Nat’s glass is, in reality, half empty, has left me actively grieving for the-child-who-might-have-been throughout these last few weeks.

The first reality check took place at Natalie’s fall school conference. She’s in third grade, and it seems that as the curriculum becomes more complex each year, Nat’s falling further behind her peers. At this conference, we were told for the first time since Natalie started school, that she’s getting next to nothing out of her time in the regular classroom. Her ADD and inability to pay attention, paired with her constant anxiety, mean she’s just there, trying to cope, rather than actively learning.

The second kick in the heart came with the results of Nat’s psychological testing. There weren’t even any real surprises, other than perhaps the gravity of certain issues. But somehow, hearing Natalie’s challenges all summed up, and then reading about them in black and white, was really hard to take.

My husband, Don, seemed shell-shocked too. He e-mailed his parents and summed up what we learned at the school conference. “This doesn’t mean we’re giving up on her,” he wrote. “In fact, it’s reaffirmed our commitment to making sure she has the best treatment and services available.” Well said, hon. And we are trying to do exactly that. After a break of several months from occupational therapy, I set the wheels in motion to start back up. We scheduled an IEP meeting, and Nat’s psychologist is scheduled to attend and provide input. I’m going to move up Nat’s med check appointment, and we’ll re-evaluate her ADHD medication, given the test results, and with Nat’s pediatrician and psychologist in consultation. We’ll also continue to see the psychologist.

And when I’m finished with this round of grieving, I’ll take another look at that darn glass. Maybe I’ll reclaim my old glass-half-full perspective. It may not always be realistic; it may be much too Pollyanna. But, what the heck. It sure feels better than this.

An Online Event Explaining ADHD and Public Benefits

CHADD is hosting an “Ask the Expert” online chat on the topic of Social Security and Medicaid benefits.

What a coincidence, that just after I blogged about discovering that some ADHD children qualify for Social Security benefits, I received an email from CHADD (Children and Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) advertising an “Ask the Expert” online chat on the topic of benefits. Several readers responded to that post with questions, so I thought I’d pass on the info here. Better you hear it from an expert than from me!

Read the full announcement text here, and here's a link to a blurb about the chat on the CHADD website.

Notice that the chat is tomorrow!

Fidgets to Help ADHD Kids Focus at School

I began a quest for new fidgets -- small objects with sensory appeal that Natalie can hold in her hands and fidget with. Fidgeting has been shown to help ADHD children focus.

Strategies for coping with ADHD that, for a time, help my daughter, Natalie, often lose their effectiveness with continued use. Chewing gum in school to improve her concentration is an example of a classroom accommodation that recently bit the dust.

Just before school started this fall, Natalie discovered blowing bubbles. Once she did so, simply chewing gum became absolutely impossible -- out of the question -- never to be settled for again.

Bubble blowing itself would be enough to call into question the I-can-chew-gum-in-school rule, but Natalie’s personal bubble blowing style, which incorporates the use of fingers just as much as teeth and tongue really sealed the deal. No more gum in school for my Little Miss Busy.

As a substitute for the gum, I began a quest for new fidgets -- small objects with a little sensory appeal that Natalie can hold in her hands and fidget with. Like chewing gum, fidgeting has been shown to help ADHD children focus.

Natalie’s teachers have provided a few fidgets for her to use over the years. Her first grade teacher, Mrs. Junck, had a round piece of fabric, about 6 inches in circumference, with pieces of yarn, about 2 inches long, covering one side. It looked a little bit like a mop head. (Mrs. Junck took it home and laundered it often!) Natalie has also used squishy, studded sensory balls, and her art teacher has craft-style puff balls for her to finger when they watch videos.

But, based on my belief that any one fidget-able object will lose its effectiveness with repeated use, I decided to buy a variety of items, and let Natalie put them to the test.

My online search yielded several sites that offer a great selection of sensory tools. I chose to order from The Therapy Shoppe, for two reasons. One: They have a large selection. And two: They group their fidgets into helpful categories -- alerting fidgets, calming fidgets, silent classroom fidgets, and touchy-feely tactile fidgets.

Although I would have loved to buy a couple of each and every fidget they offer, I narrowed my choices down to the following:

1) Ultimate Wire Fidgeter, $2.99 each

The Therapy Shoppe

The Therapy Shoppe

The Therapy Shoppe

The Therapy Shoppe

The Therapy Shoppe

I have no feedback from Natalie about the Pencil Topper Fidgets or FiddleLinks Fidgeter -- she appears not to use them. Her special ed teacher vetoed the Kneadable Erasers nearly immediately as too distracting, and Natalie destroyed the Ultimate Wire Fidgeter in less than a minute. It never even made it to school. It was a complete waste of money!

I’m going to place another order for a couple of sensory balls, because Natalie has been asking for one. I’ll let you know how they work for her at school.

Does your ADHD child use fidgets at school? If so, what are his or her favorites?

Trying to Keep Up with My ADHD Daughter

Are ADHD parents, who think fast, at an advantage over a slow-thinker like me when it comes to parenting fast-moving ADHD kids?

Parenting an ADHD child demands quick thinking, and my brain likes to pick the worst possible times to react slowly -- or, even worse, go completely blank.

My ADHD daughter Natalie grabs the cat and squeezes too hard.

“Let him go, Natalie.” She keeps squeezing.

“He’s going to bite you!” She flips him over, tummy up, and tries to kiss him on his kitty-lips.

“Let Smokey go before I count to five or...” Or what? Her Nintendo DS is broken; I can’t take that away. It’s pouring rain, so she won’t care if I take away her electric scooter. She has Tae Kwon Do tonight, so I can’t take away playing with friends -- she won’t have time to do so anyway. What else? What else? Think! By the time I come up with an effective “or I’ll,” we’ve moved on to “get down off the counter before I...” Before I what?

Those everyday brain-blips are frustrating, but my neuro-traffic jams are really tough when Natalie’s in the throes of a major meltdown. My molasses-brain could result in Natalie hurting herself or me, breaking toys or dishes, shoving tables into walls, tipping over chairs.

I have one final fall-back strategy for those times when my brain fails me, when I can’t come up with a parenting strategy effective enough, fair enough, creative enough.

It’s love.

I simply hold (read: restrain) Natalie, make sure my hands, cheek, or lips are touching skin, close my eyes, and concentrate as hard as I can on filling her with love.

Does it help? Not a bit. It does absolutely nothing. But as the last resort of a slow-thinker, I could do worse.

I wonder -- are ADHD parents, who think fast anyway, at an advantage over a slow-thinker like me when it comes to parenting fast-moving kids with ADHD?

ADHD, Benefits, and Some Tough Questions

Were you aware that ADHD can be considered a disability under Social Security guidelines? But do you think of your child as being “disabled”?

Did you know that it is possible for some ADHD children to be determined disabled by Social Security standards, thus qualifying them for monthly benefits, and in most states, for Medicaid? A friend of mine recently took her ADHD child for an evaluation at a well-respected specialized school. She’d like to enroll him for a six week stint in their program, but the tuition is hefty, and, with the school being in another state, they’d have significant living expenses for an extended stay away from home. Although they could come up with the money -- once -- if they absolutely had to, choosing to spend it on this school program would be a pretty radical decision, with far-reaching financial implications, for any middle or even upper-middle class household.

So, my friend asked a school representative how other families manage to pay for their services. One answer was that they do so by going to court. Some families argue successfully that their school system is required to fund the tuition under IDEA. Others apply for Supplemental Security Income (SSI) benefits for their child, and then use the benefits to pay for any number of special services and treatments that aren’t covered by medical insurance, the school system, and so on.

While I’ve been extremely thankful for the government assistance (Medicaid funds through a Children’s Mental Health Waiver) we’ve received to help pay for Natalie’s services, I’ve always felt a little guilty about accepting the help. We aren’t rich, but we also aren’t destitute. Intellectually, I believe that if a program exists, and experts determine that Natalie qualifies for it, we should take advantage of it. But I still sometimes wonder: By accepting help, are we taking services away from children who need the help more than we do?

Now, I have this new dilemma. Given Natalie's ADHD and co-existing conditions, and her school performance, I think it’s possible she would qualify for SSI benefits. But is applying for the benefits the right thing to do? Do I want to take more government money? Does our family “deserve” to? And, do I want the word “disabled” attached to my daughter, even if it’s kept confidential in some Social Security Administration computer?

I’m not going to make a decision about applying for this benefit yet. In two weeks, I have an appointment to learn the results of Natalie’s psychological testing. That will give me more information to guide my choice. And, I haven’t even mentioned the topic to my husband. He’ll need time to mull it over, get more information, and maybe even talk it over with another good friend who has a disabled child. Besides, Natalie is only nine. We can always start the application process later, if we decide to do so.

Were you aware that ADHD can be considered a disability under Social Security guidelines? Have you applied for benefits for your ADHD child? Will you look into doing so, now that you read this? Are you conflicted about whether or not you “deserve” help, or are you simply grateful when your child qualifies for assistance? Do you think of your child as being “disabled”?

It’s a lot to think about, isn’t it?