ADHD Parenting Blog

Archives: August 2009

ADDitude's Back-to-School IEP Challenge

Tell us about your child's IEP, for a chance to win our ADHD at School e-book.

Here’s further evidence of my ADHD by Proxy: I’d rather start something new than to finish a project already in progress. In that vein, before I finish announcing the winner’s of my blog-iversary goal-setting competition, I’m rolling out a new one: ADDitude’s Back-to-School IEP Challenge!

It’s nearly time to send our kids with ADHD back to school. (Loud, dramatic sigh of relief!) But back to school doesn’t mean Mom gets to plop down and watch Live with Regis and Kelly and drink coffee every morning. (Well, maybe once a week. Oooh, it’s probably rude of me to rub it in that I work from home now. Sorry, working moms.) No, Mom needs to think about her child’s IEP.

Some months ago I wrote about realizing I needed to learn a lot more about IEPs--how much detail should go into one; what are some common accommodations for kids with ADHD. I’m pleased to say that I followed through with that research. I downloaded and read ADDitude’s ADHD at School e-book. And I read Nolo’s The Complete IEP Guide: How to Advocate for Your Special Ed Child (6th Edition, c 2009, by Lawrence M. Siegal). Both were quite helpful, and I feel much more confident about being Natalie’s advocate as we begin the new school year.

So, I have a better understanding of IEPs, in theory. Now, I want to know what accommodations real kids with ADHD have listed in their IEPs. Don’t you think that would be helpful? Let’s join together to create a comprehensive list!

• Leave a comment to this post outlining at least one accommodation from your child’s IEP. • If someone else lists the same accommodation, feel free to repeat it. That way, we’ll get an idea of commonly used accommodations. • If you don’t have a child with ADHD who has an IEP, but wish to participate in the challenge, list a tip related to living well with ADHD instead.

Five lucky commenters chosen at random will receive a free download of ADDitude’s ADHD at School e-book! Leave your comment by September 30, 2009 to be eligible.

I’ll start: It’s written right in Natalie’s IEP that she is allowed to have gum in school. Chewing gum can help children with ADHD to focus.

Now it’s your turn! Let’s create the most comprehensive list of real life IEP accomodations for kids with ADHD in existence!

Accommodations, Not "Accountability"

We need practical solutions for our special ed students, not political-speak!

I blogged recently about how I felt compelled to write a guest commentary in response to an article in our local paper, the Ames Tribune, about the Ames Community School District being placed on the No Child Left Behind watchlist, due in part to the failure of our special ed program. Now the Tribune has another article about District students’ performance. Reading it made me crazy.

Susan Pecinovsky, the district’s Executive Director for Curriculum and Instruction, is quoted as saying that students in special education and students in families living at low socioeconomic levels are, indeed, subgroups of students that bear watching. The special ed program at my daughter’s school, Sawyer Elementary, was specifically cited as failing to meet 2008-09 progress goals. Okay, we’re admitting there’s a problem. That’s a good place to start. Now, what is the district planning to do about it?

“…the district already has tools in place to meet its goals going forward. We are ratcheting up our monitoring, our collaborative conversation and our accountability,” Pecinovsky said.

Sounds to me like a whole lot of nothing.

Enough with the political-speak! Where are the specifics, Ms. Pecinovsky? What about Sawyer’s overcrowded, overstimulating, full-of-distractions resource room? And the way-too-high ratio of students to special ed teachers? Or the lack of a summer school or summer tutoring program for special ed students?

“Monitoring," “collaborative conversation,” and “accountability” don’t placate me, they make me crazy! Our kids deserve better than that.

The only thing “ratcheting up” is my anger at the system.

The First ADHD Parenting Challenge Winner

A mom who is curing her ADHD by Proxy, like me!

Way back in May I marked my one year anniversary of blogging for ADDitudeMag.com with a goal-setting challenge. I made a goal for myself to cure myself of ADHD by Proxy--the ADHD-like tendencies that have plagued me since I began parenting a child with ADHD. Here’s a really good example of how far I haven’t come toward meeting my goal: it’s August, and I’m just now announcing the winners! I know, I’m pathetic, aren’t I?

To make matters worse, I’m only ready to announce one winner out of five. I want to provide an update on how each winner is doing toward his or her own goal, as described in entrants’ comments to my post, and I’ve only corresponded about this with one person so far. Yeah, I know. I’m worse than pathetic.

One of our winners was Jennifer Covello of Norwalk, Connecticut. She chose the ADHD at School e-book as her prize. Her son Christopher, who has ADHD, will enter 7th grade this fall. I cyber-bonded with Jennifer immediately due to her acknowledgment in her comment that she suffers from ADHD by Proxy too! Oh, the power of knowing I’m not alone in this crazy-making experience!

Jennifer’s goal was to loosen her expectations of herself and her son in hopes they both will learn that “we are not defined by what we do, but how we do it”.

Jennifer reports that summer was a natural time for her to work toward making this happen. Christopher had a goal of reading three books this summer, and Jennifer left it mostly up to him to decide when and how much to read. She gave him a few gentle reminders, but he initiated reading on his own also. By the time summer was halfway over, Christopher was about halfway done, so her plan to lie low and encourage Christopher to take some responsibility is apparently working. “It’s all about baby steps,” Jennifer says.

Jennifer also worked on giving herself a break from her own expectations as she draws upon her background in Information Technology and Marketing to develop a start-up business, Frittabello, LLC. “I have tons of to-do’s and some days there are just not enough hours in the day. I’ve had to learn to focus on completing the tasks that will have the most impact,” she says.

To launch Frittabello, Jennifer wrote and published an award-winning baby journal, My Life: A Chronicle of the Journey. The journal is designed for parents of children from birth to age five. Unlike traditional baby books, which tend to be one-dimensional, My Life encapsulates the true essence of a child by capturing the thoughts and feelings of those who care most about him or her, such as parents and family. It’s available for purchase on Jennifer’s website, frittabello.com.

We all have a vested interest in the success of Jennifer’s endeavors. According to her website, Jennifer believes that children with ADHD and other neurological challenges have gifts that all too often go untapped. She supports organizations that strive to dispel the myths that exist about our children with ADHD. Jennifer will donate 1 percent of Frittabello’s profits to organizations that embrace this philosophy.

Way to go, Jennifer! Keep up the great work. (I’ll try not to hold it against you that you’re leaving me in the dust when it comes to learning to cope with ADHD by Proxy!) I’ll check in with Jennifer in a few months for another update and will announce another of our five winners soon! (Promises, promises!) Really, I will...eventually.

An Adorable ADHD Moment

The big bunch of bad memories makes today’s story extra precious.

Natalie just started therapy with a new psychologist, Dr. Warren Phillips. One of the things that we talked about at her first session was how, when she wants something, she wants it DESPERATELY, and she wants it NOW. I’ve written previously about how this wanting plays out with Nat’s ADHD. To recap: Nat’s impulsivity, hyperfocus, and her inability to regulate her emotions combine to create situations that--well, let’s just say they ain’t pretty.

The big bunch of bad memories I’ve collected regarding Natalie’s wants makes today’s story extra precious. Natalie was adorable. She made me laugh.

Lately, Natalie’s been focused on wanting a cell phone. The child is 9. She is NOT getting a cell phone. She brought up this burning desire during our appointment with Dr. Phillips. He agreed with me (thank you!) that most 9-year-olds don’t need cell phones. His own son, he said, didn’t get a cell phone until he was 14.

That night, as I was tucking Natalie into bed, she had a question. Could she ask Mrs. Claus for a cell phone?

Yes, she could ask, I replied. But why did she want to ask Mrs. Claus? Why not Santa?

Because Mrs. Claus is really the boss, she said.

I may not have taught her that money and things don’t buy happiness, and she’ll probably keep having fits about wanting stuff. But she knows that women rule the world! Maybe I’m doing something right, as her mother, after all!

Kids' Author "Gets" ADHD

As far as author David Shannon knows, he does not have ADHD. That’s okay. He sure has a way of connecting with kids who do!

When you receive your Back-to-School issue of ADDitude magazine (mine arrived yesterday!) take a minute to take a peek at the book reviews that I wrote about messy room-themed children’s books. One of the books I recommend in the roundup is Too Many Toys, by big-name children’s book author and illustrator David Shannon. I was thrilled to have the opportunity to correspond with Shannon via email for the Q & A that follows the reviews. Natalie and I are both fans.

I remember reading Shannon’s "David" books (No, David, David Goes to School, David Gets in Trouble) to my son, Aaron, when he was younger, and really enjoying them. But reading them with my daughter, Natalie, who has ADHD, is a whole different experience! I see so much of Natalie and her ADHD characteristics in David. Like Natalie, David is impulsiveness personified! Natalie apparently feels the kinship too, because she can't get enough of David. (I'm cleaning out the back seat of the car, and Natalie yells, panicking, "Leave the David books!")

So, I already knew that Nat totally identifies with David when I introduced her to Spencer (Too Many Toys), with his messy room. Then I noticed that Alice ([_blank, Alice the Fairy)]) has some Natalie-like traits ("I'm supposed to learn how to make clothes...line up in the closet. I'm not very good at that, though.")

And I could write a Master's thesis making the case that A Bad Case of Stripes is an allegory about ADHD! (Shannon hopes the book could represent any number of common childhood problems.) Camilla is undeniably different, but she cries out to be liked just the way she is. She even deals with medication and alternative treatments.

After re-reading all of his books, and doing some research online to prepare for the interview, I became convinced that Shannon himself must have ADHD. And, I was brash enough to come right out and ask him: “David Shannon: Is there something you want to share with the ADDitude family?”

Turns out that, as far as Shannon knows, the answer in “No”. He does not have ADHD. That’s okay. He sure has a way of connecting with kids who do!

Here are two tidbits from the interview that didn’t make it into the magazine:

ADDitude: Many creative-types have ADHD. As a successful author and illustrator, what advice would you give to kids who have a creative streak, but may have trouble focusing it productively?

Shannon: I always tell kids to do stuff, whether they're drawing, writing, or whatever, about things they like--and do it A LOT! I drew all the time when I was a kid, and it's the one thing I kept doing through all the ups and downs and changes in my life.

ADDitude: When David's or Spencer's parents feel exasperated, what advice would you give them?

Shannon: Try bowling.

Shannon was quick to point out that although he’s often asked about ADHD, he’s no expert; thus the clever, but not altogether off target, answer, “Try bowling.”

Here’s how Natalie responded to the quip:

Nat comes over to me as I’m looking at my laptop, reading Shannon’s response to my interview questions. She climbs on my lap, and I start reading the interview aloud. “When David’s or Spencer’s parents feel exasperated, what advice would you give them?” I read. “David Shannon says, ‘Try bowling.’” “Done that. What else?” Nat blurts, the perfect ADHD response.

Read all of Shannon’s books with your child. If you’re anything like Natalie and me, you’ll both enjoy them.

Return of the ADHD Symptoms

When we arrived home from vacation, Natalie morphed into Miss No-Impulse-Control.

I jinxed myself! I wrote in my ADHD Parenting Blog that Natalie was doing exceptionally well in regards to ADHD symptoms and her resulting behavior this summer. Then, I double-jinxed myself. At Natalie’s med-check appointment with our pediatrician last week, I said the same thing, right out loud. Her meds are working very well, I reported. I should have known better!

We had a too-short but fun, relaxing, memory-making family vacation last week with our good friends Mark and Debbie Flannery, their 16-year-old daughter Julie, and her friend Emily. Natalie’s behavior was as near as she gets to perfect. Even the car rides--three hours each way, to and from Iowa’s Lake Okoboji, went smoothly. So, I couldn’t figure out what was going on when we arrived home, and for the first two days back, Natalie morphed into Miss No-Impulse-Control. She drove me absolutely nuts. More so, I think, because I’ve become accustomed to a more controlled Natalie.

No changes have been made to her medication regime, and we didn’t miss a single dose while on vacation. We took along her gummy fish Omega-3 supplements, so a lack thereof isn’t to blame. Was she having trouble with re-entry into everyday life? Did the end of vacation signal that it’s nearly time for the anxiety-inducing transition back to school? Did she have an overnight growth spurt or pre-pre-puberty hormone-squirt? Or, did I really jinx myself with my oh-so-confident exclamations that Nat's symptoms were being controlled beautifully? Whatever happened, I don’t like it. Here’s Natalie at the drugstore: “I’m going to touch everything! Touch! Touch! Touch! Touch!” And, Natalie in the kitchen, grabbing a container full of fruit and vegetable scraps meant for the compost pile, “Can I dump this?” she asks. “Sure, in the compost pile, not in the...” she dumps the whole mess in the sink. She skips around inside the house with a big slice of watermelon, juice dripping down her arms and out of her mouth to the floor, then tracks the sticky juice all over with her dirty bare feet. The examples go on, and on, and on. By the time Don arrived home from work both evenings, I was compelled to run away--to leave the house for a loooong break. I even fantasized about re-entering the work world--of finding a job that would require Natalie to attend daycare as many waking hours as I could possibly squeeze in. Working was soooo much easier than this!

Luckily, a respite weekend rolled around, allowing me break, and next week Natalie begins counseling with a new (to us) psychologist. I’m making my list of questions (desperate pleas for help!) for him, but I hope that I won’t need it. I hope that this post describing Nat’s sudden reversion to negative behaviors will undo the jinx. Don’t worry, I’m not holding my breath. (But it can’t hurt to cross my fingers, can it?)

Advocating for Special Services at School

As a tax payer I can understand budget shortfalls. But as the mother of a child protected by IDEA, I don’t care!

If you’ve followed my ADHD Parenting Blog for any length of time, you’ve probably guessed that I’m opinionated about our local school system and its special education program. Natalie qualifies for special ed due to her ADHD and developmental delays. Special ed has helped her tremendously...but.

But #1: I always want her to have more. But #2: I want what she does receive to be better. As Natalie’s number-one advocate, I have ultra-high expectations for her school experience. So, when it comes to demanding excellence, it seems I can’t keep my mouth shut, or my fingers off the keyboard.

I was reading the July 21st issue our local paper, The Tribune, and my attention was drawn to a story about how the Ames Community School District was put on the No Child Left Behind watchlist. Ames’ schools have traditionally had an excellent reputation, particularly at the high school level, where our graduates have tremendous ACT scores and the like. But NCLB identified that the Ames Community School district is indeed leaving certain children behind--Hispanics, kids from families living at low socioeconomic levels, English language learners, and, lo and behold, kids in special education. When the assessments done with those children are averaged in, even the ultra-high achievers our system boasts can’t raise the results enough to disguise the problem. I’m suddenly--for the first time ever--a fan of NCLB!

So, I’m already up-in-arms, and then I turn the page of the newspaper. The next article I read--in the very same issue--reports that the school board voted to eliminate two full-time and one part-time special ed teachers due to budget problems. I couldn’t believe what I was reading. Sure, as a tax payer I can understand that we’re experiencing major budget shortfalls, and that unpopular steps must be taken. But as the mother of a child protected by IDEA (the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act), I don’t care! Under IDEA, schools must provide my child with an appropriate education, based upon her needs, not upon costs. Budgets be damned!

Given my inability to shut my mouth and shut down my laptop, it shouldn’t surprise you that I wrote a guest commentary, which The Tribune ran a few days later. Read it here, if you’re interested: "Special Needs for Special Ed". My husband, Don, was afraid to read it at first, but after doing so said, with relief, “That’s not so bad.” High praise, huh? I guess he was relieved that I took out all references to my rantings about how the district’s special ed program would never stand up to legal challenges under IDEA, if a parent were ever to pursue a lawsuit.

That’s not a threat. I can’t ever see myself taking the path of taking legal action. But I believe it’s the truth, and I can state my opinion, can’t I? More to the point, I can’t seem not to! I guess doing so as diplomatically as possible is the best Don can hope--and I can aim for.