ADHD Parenting Blog

Archives: July 2009

ADHD-Proofing the House

Child-proofing tricks morph into permanent ADHD-proofing for families like ours.

The last time Natalie was away from home for a respite weekend, I realized just how many of my daily habits revolve around her attention deficit disorder. When you’re parenting young children, you accept the need to child-proof your home. Sometimes it’s inconvenient, but you know that it’s a temporary situation. You know that as your kids grows, you’ll be able to remove the safety gates that always take two hands to open, the doorknob covers that are as hard for adults to turn as they are for children, and those darn electrical outlet plugs that add two extra steps to the chore of vacuuming.

If your child has ADHD, it’s a different story. Rather than outgrowing the need for safety precautions, child-proofing tricks morph into permanent ADHD-proofing, and the formation of long-term habits. So, at our house, respite from having Natalie at home includes the opportunity to relax those habits, temporarily. While Natalie was away, I could drop my purse on the floor just inside the back door. What a luxury, to be able to leave it there, and know it was safe from her ADHD curiosity. I usually have to lock it inside my car, in the garage, for safe-from-Natalie-keeping. That’s not the handiest place to keep it; I might need to write checks, use a credit card for an online purchase, or use my cell phone. But convenience takes a back seat to necessity in an ADHD household.

While Natalie was away, I could toss the mail on the kitchen table when I walked into the house. When I came back to sort through it an hour later, it was waiting--in the same spot, and in mint condition. It wasn’t ripped to shreds, or scribbled on, or covered with stickers. No disconnect notice from the electric company for an unpaid bill I never saw! How relaxing!

Speaking of stickers, if left in a drawer, rather than a locked file cabinet, our postage stamps become stickers, and a paltry supply, at that--ten dollars worth, gone in 10 seconds. “Mom, I’m out of stickers. Can we go buy some more?”

My car keys are missing. We search the park. Call the restaurant. We even try the police. We finally find them--under a bed. Laundry’s unfolded...sorting’s unsorted..stored items are un-stored. I’m exhausted just thinking about it. Sure, while Natalie was away, I could find my stuff. But while Natalie was away...I missed her.

Parents: What successful stuff-saving habits do you employ in your household? Please share your best ADHD-proofing strategies here!

The Diet-Behavior Link

I’m nearly convinced that there might just be something to this omega 3’s thing when it comes to improving the symptoms of ADHD.

Natalie is doing remarkably well, ADHD-wise, this summer. I’m not sure what’s responsible for the improvement. She turned nine last month. Is she simply maturing? I quit working outside the home a few months ago. Is the stability of having Mom at home making a difference? And I’m watching her diet--cutting back on foods with artificial colors; adding omega 3’s to her diet through food sources and supplements. I may never know for sure, but I’m nearly convinced that the omega 3’s are making a difference in Natalie’s ADHD symptoms.

I wrote previously about how Natalie played calmly and quietly with two younger girls at one of Aaron’s Little League games this summer, and that this was so out of character for Natalie, that Don and I were asking each other, “Who is that child?” Natalie sits and plays with Legos for longer periods than ever before. She’s sat through two movies already this summer--a first for her. She tolerates car rides like never before. Her behavior is still challenging at times, but overall, she’s doing much better. One afternoon she was noticeably irritable. I asked myself, “What’s going on? What’s different?” Then I remembered. I’d neglected to give Natalie her gummy fish--her omega 3 supplements--for four or five days. Could that really be the problem? When the same situation repeated itself a few weeks later, I decided it just might.

In my post, I admitted being confused and overwhelmed by all the information on the Web about amounts and types of omega 3’s in foods and supplements. Sean Hannigan wrote a comment to that post, saying that while it’s hard to compete with gummy fish when it comes to children, “… I can attest that the best source of Omega 3's with the safest delivery system would be Mila by Lifemax. There are so many success stories with this natural, raw, whole food that has 3000 mg of Omega 3's per serving.” It turns out that Mila is a proprietary selection of chia seed. Yes, chia, as in, “Ch-ch-ch- Chia!” Chia Pets. Sean, a distributor for Lifemax, was kind enough to send me a sample of Mila to try. He and his wife Danielle would be pleased to tell you more about Mila, and answer your questions about Mila and ADHD. If interested, you can read more or contact them at sublime.lifemax.net. (You can also buy chia seeds at natural food stores. I found a different, less expensive brand at our local coop, Wheatsfield Cooperative Grocery.)

I haven’t succeeded in incorporating Mila into Natalie’s diet in the way that Sean recommends: one scoop (included) per day. Nat drank one ice cream shake laced with Mila, then refused one the next day. She wouldn’t even taste the fruit smoothie I made with Mila in it. I’ll continue to try to work it into recipes whenever possible--add it to the wheat flour when I make banana bread, for example, so she’ll get ingest some. But since I can’t manage to get her to eat a full serving each day, I’ll also strive to incorporate other food sources of omega 3’s into her diet.

Natalie eats a lot of pasta, so I keep stocked up on Barilla Plus pastas, which are a good source of omega 3’s. I bought walnut oil for a new brussel sprouts recipe, so now I substitute it when I’d normally cook with olive oil, about half the time. Both olive oil and walnut oil contain omega 3’s. I buy granola bars that contain omega 3’s. Natalie will occasionally eat a little bit of fish. Since I don’t know whether to push ALA, DHA, EPA or what-ever-A, I’ll aim for some of each. Then, just to be on the safe side, I’ll keep giving her gummy fishes. It can’t hurt. It might even help. Yes, I’m nearly convinced that there might just be something to this omega 3’s thing when it comes to improving the symptoms of ADHD.

ADHD at the Dinner Table

Sitting is the worst torture we could possibly inflict on this child with ADHD--but Nat did just great.

Last summer, my attention deficit parenting skills failed the Natalie Challenge on a trip to celebrate Don’s parents’ anniversary. The test: an upscale restaurant dinner. The judging criteria: arrive on time, everyone in clean clothes, Natalie’s 7 p.m. medication in hand, activities to keep her happy at the ready.

I failed on every count.

We did it again this year to much better results. So much better, in fact, that I’m ready to embrace this as a nearly-worry-free annual event.

We had a long (looooooong being the key word to my child with ADHD), leisurely, delicious dinner with Don’s parents, his brother Gary and wife Sandy and their two daughters, and Don’s sister Julie, at a jewel of a restaurant--the Tuscan Moon in Kalona, Iowa. Natalie did just great, with her brother, Aaron’s help, and the help of her cousins Karlee and Haylee, until the last 15 minutes or so. I couldn’t have been prouder.

Nat was exhausted by the time we drove to our hotel at the end of the evening. She was upset that Aaron got to stay at their cousins' house with the rest of the family to play poker, but she had to go to bed. She cried, and complained. “That was boring! I hated that! All we did was sit!” she blubbered, nearly incoherent with tears and tiredness. Sitting, of course, is the worst torture we could possibly inflict on this child with ADHD. (She apparently forgot that she got to swim in Karlee and Haylee’s backyard pool after dinner, and that Aunt Julie jumped in with her clothes on!)

Then came the line that killed me: “I like action! I like action!” She repeated this over and over. I praised her for “using her words” and expressing her feelings so accurately; for behaving so beautifully in spite of how hard it was.

“I like action!” Her insight was so perfect, I just had to laugh. I only hope that I’ll end the evening laughing when we do this again next summer! Get ready, Tuscan Moon: Natalie’s coming--and she likes ACTION!

Dangerous ADHD Impulses

Natalie would never hurt anyone intentionally, but with her lack of impulse control, stuff happens.

As often as possible, I used respite hours or hired a babysitter to watch Natalie so I could attend, and actually attend to, Aaron’s Little League games this summer. Being able to spend time focused on Aaron is one of my main goals for respite services, and I loved doing so. (He looks SO cute in his uniform!) I only missed one game all season.

Nat came to four or five games. Where Nat goes, her attention deficit disorder follows, so there was bound to be at least one ADHD incident. Of course, there were the typical small problems; the struggle to keep her from invading the dugout, the shushing when she repeatedly tried to get Aaron’s attention when he was up to bat or in the field. And, of course, I tried to stop her from yelling “I love you Zach!” to Aaron’s best friend while he was pitching. Those behaviors, while they mortify Aaron, aren’t terribly serious. Unfortunately, Natalie instigated one ADHD incident of the serious type. Now, Natalie would never hurt anyone intentionally, but with her lack of impulse control, her disinclination to stop and think, stuff happens. Know what I mean, parents?

On this particular evening, Don and I probably got a little overconfident. As we sat and watched the game, Nat played calmly and quietly with two little girls, the youngest two children of Aaron’s Coach Snyder and his wife, Angela.

“Who is that child?” Don asked, referring not to her playmates, but to Natalie. Natalie’s behavior--sitting still, playing quietly--was uncharacteristic.

“I have no idea,” I said. We were both amazed.

Eventually, the girls’ older brother took them to the children’s play area. Nat went, too.

A few minutes later, a grandmotherly woman hurried back, cradling the youngest girl, who was crying. The girl’s mom, Angela, rushed to claim her.

“She fell off the slide, and hit her head--hard. She seemed disoriented when she got up,” the woman reported.

“I hope Natalie didn’t push her,” I whispered to Don, only half kidding.

A minute later, Nat comes to me, looking worried. “I dropped her,” she whispered. “I didn’t mean to! I was holding her...and then I wasn’t.”

She was mortified. Afraid the little girl was really hurt. Afraid her new friend, and her mother, would be mad at her. We approached Angela once the little girl calmed down. I spoke, apologizing and expressing our concern, while Natalie clung to me.

As we walked to our car after the game, we passed the play area, and Nat showed me what happened. She dropped the two-year-old from a height of about six feet. She landed face-first on the ground, hitting her head on a metal foothold as she fell.

Remember how Don and I had mused, “Who’s that child?” as Natalie played calmly and quietly? This child I recognized. This was our Natalie.

Natalie loves to play with younger kids, and as I said, she would never intentionally hurt a child. But she’s driven to pick them up and carry them around. When she plays with four-year-old William, a neighbor, she tries to direct his every movement. We’re constantly reminding her, “Put him down. Let him walk by himself.” So, I could just picture her holding this two-year-old girl, and then losing her grip. The girl falling, hitting her head, landing on her face.

There was another game the following morning. I checked with Angela, and the little girl was fine. Not even a bruise to show for her fall. I think we have the fact that this is Angela’s fourth child to thank for her calmness, her quickness to forgive Natalie for her mistake.

Regardless of intent, ADHD impulses can be dangerous. I am so, so relieved that in this case, Natalie’s impulse to pick up and hold younger children didn’t cause any lasting harm to her sweet two-year-old playmate.

Coaches of the Year

As Natalie’s mom, I know that our children with ADHD, learning disabilities, or other special needs are sometimes the Least Confident Players.

My 12-year-old, Aaron, played Little League baseball this summer. His team, the Yankees, ended their season with the winningest record in the Majors, and then went on to win the league tournament too.

His team wasn’t stacked with the best players in the league. But, I’d venture to say they had the best coaches.

I’ll never be quoted in Sports Illustrated for my coach-judging wisdom (ADDitude is good enough for me!), and ESPN isn’t calling. But here’s my opinion, for what it’s worth: I don’t care how you treat your MVP. A coach is only as good as the experience he offers his LCP, his Least Confident Player.

I don’t know anything about the boy who was the LCP of the Yankees this summer. I have no reason to believe he has special needs. But as Natalie’s mom, I know that our children with ADHD, learning disabilities, or other special needs are sometimes the LCPs of their respective teams, so I felt for this boy, as if he was “one of ours”.

The LCP of the Yankees was easy to pick out. You could tell by his stance; his expression. He was wary about swinging the bat. He didn’t field or throw like a pro. And you could tell by the level of encouragement and support he received from his parents, peers, and coaches.

Now, I’d expect nothing less than encouragement and respectful treatment from the coaches--I’m not handing out a “best of” designation for displaying simple maturity. What impressed me was how, through their words and examples, they somehow taught their team to truly respect and encourage every player, right down to the LCP.

Consistently; sincerely.

Here’s my best example. In one of the final games, the team cleared the dugout and rushed the field to congratulate the LCP--for grounding out at first! The out was beside the point to them. He hit the ball! That was all that mattered.

I doubt I was the only mom in stands who had tears in my eyes. I was proud of the LCP (now the Most Improved Player) and I was proud of his teammates, Aaron included.

The Yankees may have ranged in ability from All Star to Last Picked, but thanks to a couple of great coaches, they came out winners, as individuals and as a team.

Thanks for a great season, and for being great examples, Coach Bob DeBoer, and Coach Scott Snyder. I appreciate your influence on Aaron. And, I’d trust you to coach Natalie, my child with special needs, any day--and that’s my highest compliment.

Summer School Success

While Natalie raved about her experience, I'm already working on next year's IEP.

Summer school ended last Thursday, and this year--as opposed to last--Natalie had an excellent experience.

“I LOVED summer school!” she told relatives who asked over the 4th of July weekend. And from what I observed, this really was a “new and improved” summer school program.

A big thank you to Teresa McCune, our school district’s Accelerated Learning Program/At Risk Coordinator and Natalie’s teachers for doing such a great job. Even the bus driver played a part in making Natalie feel welcome!

As good as things were, there was still one little thing that bothered me. The format of a math facts worksheet that Natalie brought home a couple of times seemed learning disabilities-unfriendly to me. Take a look:

I don’t know precisely how this tool was used, and it looks like Natalie was successful with it. But it seems an illogical choice to use with a child with ADHD or any learning problems, because the boxes all run together rather than being separated visually. Wouldn’t it be more logical to leave white space between each problem?

Various teachers that Natalie has worked with in the past have talked about how, if a paper is visually “busy”, they cover up all but the applicable area on a page with another piece of paper, in order to help Natalie focus. I think that would be hard to do with this example.

If Natalie brought this worksheet home during the regular school year, I’d shoot off an email to check in with her teacher about it, but since the summer school session was only 12 half-days long, and I hadn’t established any communication with her teacher, I just let this one go.

As I thought about whether or not to address this, one of my first thoughts was, as usual: Here’s another thing that needs to go in Natalie’s IEP. That seems to always my first impulse: add more details to the IEP! Which is really an impulse to: Protect! Protect! Protect! But where do you draw the line with how much to include in an IEP?

Isn’t it up to the teacher to know and employ the typical tricks of the teaching trade? And wouldn’t the strategy of helping a kid with ADHD focus by isolating each problem on a crowded page be a fairly universal strategy?

If I learned a summer school lesson, it’s this: as Natalie’s mom, I’ll always have more to learn! My next lesson? Finding out how much is spelled out in a typical IEP.

The Prince of ADHD Impulse Control

Another fond memory enters Natalie and Harry’s Official ADHD Annals.

Natalie celebrated her 9th birthday last Sunday with five friends and various family members, at Ames’ Happy Joe’s. The adults in attendance are still laughing about the event’s best attention deficit moment, which came not from Natalie, but from her ADHD-mirror-image and good friend, Harry.

After raiding the lunch buffet, and powering through a small fortune in quarters in the game room, the kids circled around Natalie’s SpongeBob Squarepants birthday cake. I lit the nine candles, and we all sang.

As “Happy Birthday” drew to a close, Natalie sucked in some air, and...

Harry blew out all the candles.

Nat crossed her arms with a huff, put chin to chest, pushed out that lower lip, and trained angry blue eyes on Harry.

“We’ll light them again! Don’t worry! It’s okay! We’ll just light them again, and this time you can blow them out!” I rushed to Harry’s rescue.

“Harry...,” I warned, as I finished relighting the candles.

Check out Harry in this photo--he’s the prince of impulse control!

Harry held his lips shut--physically--throughout the reprise of “Happy Birthday” and after, as Nat blew out her candles. Impulse control as an act of ADHD friendship! Nat appreciated it nearly as much as the super-powered water-blaster he selected for her gift.

And so, another fond memory enters Natalie and Harry’s Official ADHD Annals. I love it when they make us laugh!