ADHD Parenting Blog

Archives: April 2009

A Different Life, Part 2

A new book made me think about our different parenting styles when it comes to Natalie's ADHD and Sensory Processing Disorder.

It was a desire to understand life from Natalie’s perspective that led me to read Quinn Bradlee’s new memoir, A Different Life: Growing Up Learning Disabled and Other Adventures. While book’s style supported that mission, I couldn’t help but “think like a mother” as I read, so I appreciated how Quinn and his coauthor incorporated Quinn’s mother’s viewpoint throughout the story too.

Quinn introduces a narrative from his mother, Sally Quinn, by saying that the problems he dealt with as a child didn’t only effect him; that his parents went through everything with him. Here are a few sentences from that section:

“The advice I would give to other families is therapy. I mean it. Immediately....[I] think it’s important because husbands and wives deal with [a child’s chronic illness] differently.... The mothers are much more into it, much more open about their grief and their sadness and their depression. They want to talk about it and deal with it in the open. The men don’t want to talk about it. They’re often in denial.”

Although Sally Quinn was referring to the serious medical complications associated with VCFS, I think this the same could be said for ADHD and common comorbid conditions.

My husband, Don, and I certainly deal with Natalie’s ADHD, Sensory Processing Disorder, anxiety, and developmental delays differently. I read and research, and talk to the doctor. I attend IEP meetings, and coordinate all of Natalie’s services. I talk to other moms, and write this blog. Don is concerned, and he certainly co-parents our kids, but...his level of involvement is, well, different.

For example, we lost Don with all of the med changes Natalie had throughout the fall and winter. He couldn’t keep up. He has to ask me what meds Nat needs when.

And when it comes to communication with friends and family--on any topic, really--our styles are polar opposites. I write a blog, of all things, while Don is discreet to the point that I think of him as being secretive!

What do you think, moms and dads? Does gender predict how we respond when our kids struggle? How do you and your partner differ in dealing with your child’s ADHD?

A Different Life

A young man's memoir was eye-opening to me, as a parent of a special-needs child.

I just finished reading an interesting book, , by Quinn Bradlee, with Jeff Himmelman. Quinn is a young man with Velo-Cardio-Facial Syndrome (VCFS), a genetic disorder marked by varying combinations of characteristic facial features, congenital heart disease and vascular problems, cleft palate and/or abnormal speech, and either a learning disability or psychiatric disorder. (Whew! And I thought having a kid with ADHD was tough!) ADHD is, in fact, a common coexisting condition in folks with VCFS, Quinn included.

A Different Life is Quinn’s first-person account of life with VCFS. Quinn takes the “first person” perspective to new heights, writing just as if he is speaking. (That translates, for the faint of heart, as follows: He swears, and mentions--often--how much he’d like to "get laid"!) The result is a rare peek into the beliefs, feelings, and experiences of this young man with differing abilities, who just wants what the rest of us want out of life--work that he enjoys and is good at, and reciprocal relationships with a partner, good friends, and a wider social network. Oh, and, one other thing: Despite his differing abilities, he wants to continue to exceed others' expectations of him as far and as often as possible.

Quinn makes several points in his book that hit home with me as the parent of a child with ADHD, Sensory Processing Disorder, and developmental delays. I’ll write about those in my next several posts.

In the meantime, you might want to check out Quinn’s website, www.friendsofquinn.com, a web community for kids with learning disabilities and their families. It’s a very new site, but one that looks quite promising. I’m especially interested in following the emerging blog written by Sally Quinn, Quinn’s mom.

More about her perspective, as revealed in A Different Life, tomorrow.

I'm Using My Words, Too!

After reading that kids with ADHD sometimes have trouble interpreting social cues, I considered how that might apply for Natalie.

I recently wrote about encouraging kids with ADHD to “use their words” to communicate feelings. I’ve learned that “using my words” is the best way to communicate my feelings to Natalie, too.

After reading that kids with ADHD sometimes have trouble interpreting social cues, I tried to consider various contexts in which that concept might apply for Natalie. One scenario I came up with was those times when I become frustrated, then angry, when Natalie doesn’t listen to and follow my directions.

Here’s an example. I’m sure this will come as a big surprise to other parents of kids with ADHD, but almost every morning, getting Natalie to get ready for school is a struggle. Nat starts playing with Legos, or coloring pictures, and redirecting her to eat breakfast, put on clothes...you know the drill...involves repeating directions zillions of times, trying to force eye contact, turning off the TV to remove a distraction, and on and on and on.

The more Natalie ignores me, the more frustrated I become. My voice gets firmer. Then louder. My face turns red. My eyebrows scrunch together. I start to slam stuff--my brush on the counter, a drawer, my feet on the stairs.

My 12-year-old, Aaron, would get the picture, in no time, from just these social cues. Mom’s getting upset. I’d better listen. But not Natalie. She’s either oblivious, or she doesn’t care. Assuming she doesn’t care will just make me madder! I’d rather choose to believe that she’s just not getting it!

So, I use my words. “Natalie,” I’ll say. “I’m starting to feel really frustrated. I asked you to put your clothes on. Please put them on now.” Or, “I’m getting angry. I don’t like feeling angry. I like it when you get ready nicely so I don’t have to be crabby with you.”

I think it helps. I think Natalie “gets” my words better than she “gets” my body language.

Hmm, what a concept! Maybe I should try that with my husband, too!

Learning New Words

An interesting study about ADHD kids and language made me see Natalie's skills in a new light.

Every single time I click around ADDitudemag.com, I learn something new and interesting about ADHD. Have you ever seen a website that contains so much practical information? (Actually, as a non-ADHDer, I find the website itself to be just a little ADHDish!)

Today’s find was this: “ADHD Children Process Language More Slowly: New study indicates a difference in language comprehension speed--but not accuracy--in ADHD children.”

Natalie sometimes repeats things she hears, in a whisper, to herself. I’ve always assumed that she’s doing so in order to process the words’ and the sentences’ meaning. I think that’s a pretty high-level self-taught coping skill. Natalie may have ADHD and developmental delays, and she struggles even in special ed, but she’s also incredibly resilient and smart.

She also sometimes uses a simple word correctly in a sentence, and then turns around and asks me what the word means. Here are a couple of examples that floored me. “Mom, I had a bad dream. I’m scared. What does ‘scared’ mean?” and “Maybe we could go to the park after lunch. What does ‘maybe’ mean?” ‘Angry’ is another example of word she’s asked me about. I’m the only person she ever does this with, and she does it fairly often.

Since Natalie lived in an orphanage in Russia for the first 2 ½ years of her life, I’ve assumed these language issues related to going from learning Russian to learning English right smack in the middle of those critical language-learning years. But now I find that problems processing language also make sense in terms of her ADHD. Interesting.

Do you have any anecdotal evidence to indicate that your child with ADHD processes language more slowly?

Is Your ADHD Kid Addicted to Video Games?

A new study says pathological gamers are twice as likely to have ADHD. Really?

There was a front page article in yesterday’s Des Moines Register about research on kids and video games that was done right here in Ames, Iowa, at Iowa State University. Here’s a quote:

"Almost one in 10 American children, ages 8 to 18, are addicted to video games the way people are addicted to drugs or gambling, ISU researchers found in the largest study of its kind.

So-called 'pathological gamers' were glued to games for 24 hours a week, about twice that of other players. They were more likely to be boys and twice as likely to have doctor-diagnosed attention problems such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder."

Twice as likely to have ADHD. That’s kind of scary, isn’t, ADDitude parents?

Although Natalie loves her Nintendo DS, she doesn’t play it excessively. When it comes to playing video games, Natalie’s ADHD is more of a blessing than a curse. Because of her ADHD, she can’t concentrate on playing video games long enough for playing them to become problematic! She also doesn’t watch TV for any length of time. In fact, she’s unable to watch a movie from start to finish. And this is with medication! I’m pretty confident that limiting screen time of any variety is one ADHD-related parenting challenge I won’t ever have to worry about.

I’m sure the Iowa State University study is quite valid, however, and that not every ADHD child’s experience is like Natalie’s. Let’s do an unscientific poll to find out. Do you think your child with ADHD is a “pathological gamer”? Can we substantiate the study’s findings that boys are more likely than girls to become hooked? I’ll start: one girl with ADHD, no video game problem. Parents?

ADHD-Free Weekend

A respite weekend of doing absolutely nothing was just what I needed.

How I love respite weekends! Natalie spent the weekend at Aunt Ann’s, and I spent the weekend ADHD-free, and doing absolutely nothing.

That wasn’t my plan going into it, mind you. I meant to clean out the walk-in closet that Don and I share in our master bedroom. It’s been the catch-all for boxes, bins, and baskets full of papers, pictures, and junk needing to be sorted and put away, somewhere, for several years. It’s full of clothes that are worn out or stained or no longer fit. It needs a complete overhaul. But then, so did I--and I experienced an overhaul, of sorts, this weekend.

The weekend got off to a refreshing start on Friday night. After handing a happy Natalie off to Ann, I invited my brother and sister-in-law over for gin and tonics, stuffed mushrooms, and grilled veggie pita pizzas. We relaxed in front of our outdoor fireplace. We laughed so much and so loudly that I was afraid the neighbors would call the police.

Saturday morning I walked in Iowa State University’s VEISHEA parade, promoting the Iowa Chapter of the Gift of Adoption Fund’s upcoming fundraiser. (Shameless plug #1: The fundraiser is a special showing of the movie The Wizard of Oz, on the big screen at the Ames City Auditorium, Sunday, April 26, 1:00 p.m.--purchase tickets or donate generously at www.giftofadoption.org/iamovienight.asp!) I enjoyed seeing lots of people I knew along the parade route, including many of my former (sigh) bookmobile customers.

I whiled away the rest of the weekend reading, sleeping, eating, and with a failed attempt at figuring out the most basic formatting on my book recommendation blog. (Shameless plug #2: Reader.Writer.Reader.Writer.Reader.Writer.) I was so lazy that I even turned down a chance to help Victoria, Nat’s friend Harry’s mom, celebrate her birthday on Saturday night.

In other words, I accomplished little to nothing besides getting some rest. Ahhhh. Oh well, isn’t that what respite is all about?

By the way, some time ago I wrote about how the addition of some unrealistically time-consuming and expensive training expectations would cause our family to become respite-less beginning June 1st. It turns out those requirements were added by the agency administering our respite services. They are not new waiver requirements at the state level. We’re in the process of switching our respite services to a different provider, and they’ll take over administering our respite services starting May 1. What a relief.

If parenting a child with ADHD exhausts you, I highly recommend taking advantage of respite services, if available in your area. Check with your state’s Department of Human Services to find out more.

Sleep Struggles

After an early wake-up yesterday, Natalie was a wreck.

Natalie woke up at 4:30 a.m. yesterday. Since she started taking Clonidine at bedtime, she’s sleeping better overall. She’s only waking up in the middle of the night or early in the morning once every week or two, thank goodness, instead of several times a week.

This morning, in contrast, she just couldn’t wake up. My mom always said that a lack of sleep hits you hardest the second day, so that would make sense. But I don’t see how this evening could be much harder than last night was for Natalie. She was a wreck.

From the moment she came home from school I knew we were in for a not-so-fun night. She wouldn’t eat a snack. She tried demanding a friend to play with, but none of her friends were available. She hurled a toy camping lantern down on the garage floor, smashing it to pieces. She was C-R-A-B-B-Y. She got focused on saying she hated religious ed, and didn’t want to go, a whole day in advance (she goes this afternoon) and just wouldn’t drop it.

As bedtime neared, things only got worse. She could say that she was hungry, but seemed too tired even to eat. Don finally got her in the shower and then in bed--but not without a lot of screaming, struggling and crying.

She was a sweetie pie this morning; was in a good mood, but she just couldn’t wake up. I feel the same way--I slept all night, but woke up feeling like I’d been shorted by about four hours. This morning, even after two cups of coffee, I’m too tired to think. I can’t even tell if what I’m writing makes any sense!

Should be fun making Natalie go to religious ed after school; especially since it’s a beautiful, warm, sunny day, and she’ll want to play outside. I can hardly wait!

Natalie’s going to Aunt Ann’s house for respite this weekend. Wednesday (3); Thursday (2); Friday (1)...I’m starting my countdown to sleep.

Acting Out and ADHD Anxiety

Was Natalie's crime an incident of ADHD impulsivity? Or is her anxiety meter registering in the acting-out zone?

The phone rang Friday afternoon. It was Mrs. Carter, Natalie’s special ed teacher. This can’t be good, I thought when I heard her voice. Mrs. Carter and I usually communicate about routine matters via email.

Sure enough, Nat was in trouble. She stole a quarter from another child to buy a pencil from the little vending machine by the office. (Nat has--literally--hundreds of pencils.)

When Natalie was in kindergarten she went through a phase of stealing stuff from the teacher and the other students. She came home with all kinds of junk--small toys, erasers, one alphabet stencil from a set. Nothing of any value--nothing she actually needed. Just junk.

We set up a reward system to deal with it. Mrs. Carter checked Natalie’s pockets and backpack each day before she left school, and I did the same when I picked her up from daycare. If no contraband was discovered, Nat received a reward. The system worked, and within a month or so her crime-spree ended.

I took Nat to a therapist too. I knew how to handle the situation behaviorally, but why was she stealing in the first place?

The therapist theorized that Nat’s actions stemmed from anxiety. Nat’s teacher was pregnant and was missing a lot of school. Nat never knew, from one day to the next, or from morning to afternoon, what teacher would be in her room. Once the teacher had her baby and went on leave, a long-term sub settled in. Nat’s world became predictable again, and so did her behavior.

So, now I’m wondering: was Friday’s crime an isolated act--an incident of ADHD impulsivity? Or was it a sign that Nat’s anxiety meter is registering in the acting-out zone? Is she reacting to the change of routine caused by me quitting work? Is something else going on that I don’t know about?

Nat went to school this morning with a quarter in her pocket, restitution earned by cleaning her room independently. I’ll check with Mrs. Carter to be sure the quarter was delivered, along with an apology, to the victim of Natalie’s crime.

And I’ll keep my eyes, ears--and arms--open for any further signs of distress in my sensitive, anxious, ADHD child.

Our After-School Routine

Any change--even changes for the better--can be stressful for our kids with ADHD.

I know that kids need consistent schedules. But doesn’t that apply mostly to preschoolers? That’s what I thought. But, at age 8½, Natalie still reacts negatively to changes in her routine. I suspect that Natalie’s need for consistency is intensified by her ADHD.

I’m in my third week of stay-at-home motherhood, since quitting my part-time job. Nat’s last day at daycare coincided with my last day of work, and now she rides the school bus home to me, instead of going to daycare.

Natalie claims to be happy about this change (“I hate baby daycare!”) but you’d never know it, based on her behavior.

She bursts through the front door each afternoon in full-throttle Natalie mode, drops her backpack (she’s supposed to throw it in her locker) and then...goes nuts. Some days she demands that I make a friend appear, instantly, out of thin air, for her to play with. She acts crabby--I interpret that as hungry--but she refuses to have a snack. For the first few days she had big ‘ol out-of-control physical fits within minutes of coming home.

Wait a minute. Being home for my children--wasn’t that supposed to be a good thing?

I’m working on developing an after-school routine. I meet Natalie at the door, and remind her to put her backpack in her locker, not just dump it on the floor. I have her go potty. I offer her a snack. If she doesn’t want the snack right away, I tell her that I’ll offer it again soon. Then, it’s time to play--the more actively the better, preferably outdoors--until suppertime.

Each day gets a little better. After three weeks, I think that both Natalie and I have adjusted to our new routine. Yes, having Mom home really is a good change. This transition just served as a reminder to me that any change--even changes for the better--can be stressful for our kids with ADHD.

ADHD-Aware Teachers

Let's hear it for the fabulous teachers who really, truly care about the kids they work with.

Check out the following excerpt from an e-mail I received from my cousin, Kari, a second-grade teacher in Colorado:

I had no idea how many struggles you have with Natalie. She is such an amazing child. I think about her so much as a second-grade teacher. She has had a huge impact on my teaching.

My class this year is difficult. I love them to pieces individually, but, WOW--they are a struggle when they are all together! Whenever I'm feeling frustrated and about to blow, I think to myself, "Is this how I want Natalie's teacher to treat her class?" It calms me down and helps me remember that they are just kiddos.

One of my dear little students is, I think, struggling with ADD, and again, I think, "If this were Natalie, what would I do?" I referred his dad to a free medical clinic and I hope he is able to receive treatment.

Isn’t it amazing that Natalie can have such an impact on a classroom 700 miles away?

Oh, and I love the website you blog on. So many great tips for teachers!

Don’t you wish Kari was your child’s teacher?

As if it isn’t enough that our kids with ADHD keep their teachers on their toes, I’m sure that when I’m in advocacy mode, or in worrywart mode, I can be hard for Natalie’s teachers to deal with. So, although I might not show it, I appreciate Kari, and all the other fabulous teachers who really, truly care about the kids (and put up with the parents!) they work with.

Thanks, Kari! Thank you, teachers!

Organizing Solutions for People with Attention Deficit Disorder

Finally, a book that offers expertise based specifically on the barriers that having ADHD brings to organizing.

Organizing Solutions for People with Attention Deficit Disorder: Tips and Tools to Help You Take Charge of Your Life and Get Organized, by Susan C. Pinsky, is the best book I’ve come across for offering expertise that is based specifically on the barriers that having ADHD brings to storing and organizing. That’s what I’m talking about!

In the book’s introduction, Pinsky writes about working as a professional organizer with a bright but terribly messy artist-type. One week, they’d set up an organizational system that worked for Pinsky’s other clients. When she returned a week later, all of their work was undone. What was wrong with this seemingly intelligent adult woman? Why couldn’t she maintain this simple system, especially given the time, energy, and money she’d sunk into it? Well, Pinsky discovered, it’s because she had ADHD. Pinsky realized that a system for organizing for a woman with ADHD would have to be based on the way the ADHD mind functions.

First Pinsky developed expertise in this area, then she wrote a book about it. And, she wrote a book that’s concise, direct, even designed to work visually for folks with ADHD.

Here’s an examples of how Pinsky relates her tips directly to ADHD, as interpreted by me:

Even the smallest daily task, like taking a shower, is, if you think about it, made up of many steps. For people with ADHD, each tiny step is another chance to lose focus. It takes a lot of energy to complete any multi-step task, and nearly every task is multi-stepped. So, eliminating as many steps as possible will help a person with ADHD succeed.

Now that I learned that, I’m going to apply it: watch me go! Eliminate the need to open a cupboard by using open shelving. Use clear storage bins, so you don’t have to open it to see what’s in it. Leave the lid off, so you don’t have to open it. Forget about hangers--use hooks. Don’t put the hooks in a closet with a door, put them right on the wall, or use a coat rack. Don’t put the coat rack five steps away from the door, eliminate those five steps and put the hook right by the door.

Pinsky emphasizes letting go of wanting stuff to look pretty, and go for real functionality. That’s a tough one for me, but if it works, I can do it!

I spent most of the afternoon yesterday putting the same stuff away in Natalie’s room that I’d put away a million times before. As I did so, I started thinking about why that happens--why I spend hours cleaning up a mess she makes in 10 minutes, just to do it all again, over and over.

Pinsky gave me a new way to look at the situation. I have a long way to go, but I understand Natalie a little better.

Thanks. That’s exactly the kind of expertise I’m talking about.

Expert ADHD Organizing

If you don’t understand the multitude of ways that having ADHD leads to a chaotic home environment, then you aren’t the right person to help my child learn to organize.

For 16 years, I worked at a community mental health center, helping adults with chronic mental illnesses to live independently. I did things like taking people grocery shopping and to doctor appointments. I helped people apply for benefits like food stamps and Medicaid. I helped them fill their med-minders.

Having only a bachelor’s degree in psychology to guide me, I did a lot of learning on the job. Within just a few years, however, and through watching several entry-level social workers come, learn just a little, and go, I came to believe this: if you don’t understand what barriers a specific brain disease creates to accomplishing certain tasks, you have no business trying to advise or help a person complete that task. For example, if you can’t spit out at least 20 reasons, based on the illness itself, why a person with schizophrenia might fail to fill a prescription for antipsychotic medication, then you have no business giving that person a ride to the pharmacy to help him do so. Entry-level social workers learn, I believe, at their clients’ expense.

And when it comes to helping a child with ADHD, the same goes. Here’s one example. If you don’t understand the multitude of ways that having ADHD leads to a chaotic home environment, then you aren’t the right person to help my child learn to organize. And you aren’t qualified to advise me on creating systems to help.

This mindset has led me to be critical and dissatisfied with services that are available in our area for kids with ADHD, including the fact that the Children’s Mental Health Waiver that funds services for kids with ADHD doesn’t pay for services to help with organizing, and secondly, the fact that even if it did, I don’t believe there’s a provider in the area who would be capable of providing this service.

When Natalie worked with various speech, occupational, and physical therapists, she received professional-level services. Her special ed teachers really know what they’re doing. I believe there are ADHD coaches around the country who provide a professional level of service around organizing.

So why is the hands-on skill building that’s available to my child, through a mental health waiver, via contracts with local social service agencies, provided by poorly paid (but hard-working) minimally trained (but good-hearted), short-term (mostly college students) entry-level (you have to start somewhere) workers?

I wish there was help--professional-level, truly qualified, approved-for-funding help. Help from someone who understands, and can explain to me how Nat’s sensory processing issues impact her ability to organize. I know, from her S.I. P.T. test results, that she can’t easily find a specific object among a group of objects. That certainly must impact her ability to clean up. But how exactly, and what can we do about it?

And I swear that Natalie literally loses track of the fact that an item exists once she stops focusing on it. If that’s true, then how can she learn to put “it” away, given that in her mind, “it” no longer exists?

See what I mean about needing a professional level of expertise? Am I off track on this, folks? Does expertise like this exist? Have any of you found it?

I haven’t, and have pretty much given up on the idea of trying. I have, however, found a few nuggets of this kind of information in a book. I’ll share a little about the book in my next post.

Venting time is over for today. Clean-up time begins. ARGHHHH!

ADHD Aversion to Car Travel

If you happen to “have a need: a need for speed!”, like Natalie, then riding with a law-abiding driver, like me, just might drive you crazy.

Natalie surprised and impressed me recently by “using her words” to describe a specific ADHD-related phenomenon: the difficulty she has tolerating riding in the car.

I’ve written several posts in this ADHD parenting blog about Nat’s aversion to car travel. Think about it: what’s not to dislike, if you have ADHD? When riding in a car, you have to sit relatively still, and if you don’t, your seat belt will forcibly “still” you. Riding is all about waiting. You start at one place, and sit and wait to get someplace else. If you happen to “have a need: a need for speed!”, like Natalie, then riding with a law-abiding driver, like me, just might drive you crazy.

The obvious solution? Keep busy in the backseat. For Nat, this is an instinctive kind of coping skill that manifests itself like this: she frantically, compulsively grabs handfuls of toys every single time I herd her out of the house and into the garage. Crap accumulates in the backseat of my car to the point that my 12-year-old, Aaron, would choose being seen sitting with me at a G-rated movie over the embarrassment of offering a friend a ride home in my car.

Lately, Nat’s keep-busy-in-transit tool of choice has been her Nintendo DS. That’s fine with me. If you put aside Nat’s propensity to lose or break its expensive games and accessories, her DS is great choice for in the car--small and brightly colored, making it easy to spot when half-buried in fast-food wrappers (it’s the red Mario edition), and it won’t grow mold or melt.

A few days ago, when it was time to leave for school, Nat scurried from bathroom to kitchen, to living room, to locker, searching for her DS to play on the way to school.

“Come on, Nat,” I said. “We have to leave right now!”

“But I need something to focus on in the car!” Nat replied.

How’s that for “using her words”? That pretty much sums it up, doesn’t it?

I waited while she found her DS. By describing her ADHD-driven need concisely, she was able to get that need met! She’s a smart one, that girl. I’m proud of her.

"Use Your Words!"

For children with ADHD, assigning words to emotions is especially challenging.

First, I heard Natalie’s teachers say it. Then, it was Gayle, our in-home therapist. Now, I find myself saying it, often several times a day.

For all children, learning to assign words to feelings is an important step in development. For children with ADHD, it seems to be especially important, and especially challenging.

Why should our children use their words? Identifying how we feel--emotionally and physically--is a prerequisite for choosing how to handle our feelings. Here’s a Natalie example. Nat has always totally and completely fallen apart when hungry. She doesn’t just get crabby, she gets--or at least used to get--physically out of control. Whether this stems from that horrible low-blood sugar feeling, or her history of malnutrition and hunger in the orphanage, I’ll probably never know. But, no matter where it comes from, it’s nasty and dangerous, and I try to keep it from happening whenever humanly possible.

I worked for several years on helping Natalie identify and put words to what she was going through when hunger hit, and of course, encouraged her to eat in order to handle it.

Identifying emotions, especially anger, was the next big challenge. Gayle employed a whole bag of tricks to help with this one. Nat made half a dozen bracelets with beads spelling out different feelings, and choose the appropriate one to match the moment. She made a similar set of door hangers for her bedroom. She used puppets; drew pictures of faces. Over time, this skill has really started sinking in. She’s becoming an emotions-master.

Now, more often than not, instead of saying, “Use your words!” I say, “Natalie, excellent job using your words! You let me know that you’re feeling hungry! Let me help you find a snack!”

There are still times when this technique isn’t enough. Simply expressing that she feels angry, for example, doesn’t necessarily dispel the feeling. So, we’re working on developing an arsenal of options for releasing anger safely and appropriately.

Nat tried going to the basement and bouncing an exercise ball against the concrete wall, screaming, “This is how angry I am!” with every throw. She burst the ball. Time to get a new one.

I had her tear up an old phone book one time. That segued into more of a craft project, but since she calmed down in the process, I’d say it did the trick.

I’ve tried suggesting doing jumping jacks, jumping on the trampoline, or doing sit-ups. She prefers shoving furniture across the room or tipping it over.

Does your child with ADHD use her words? Does putting a name to a feeling help manage that feeling? What other strategies help dissipate strong feelings, like anger?