ADHD Parenting Blog

Archives: January 2009

Helping Moms Feed Their ADHD Kids

I recently discovered a nutritional rating system that is going to make it a whole lot easier to feed my ADHD daughter a well-balanced diet.

The Hy-Vee grocery store chain just introduced a nutritional rating system that promises to be a dream-tool for parents who are concerned about the nutritional needs of their ADHD children.

I learned about it when I made a quick run to Hy-Vee last night to get Natalie’s glasses repaired. I chatted with the vision center guy about how well Nat’s bendy glasses are holding up, picked up a half gallon of ice cream, and headed out.

As I was leaving, I came across a display by the front door.

Hmmm. The NuVal™ Nutritional Rating System. I wonder what that is.

I grabbed a brochure to find out.

I learned that Hy-Vee plans to tag every food product on their shelves with a The NuVal Rating; a number between 1 and 100. Using a formula designed by a coalition of top physicians and scientists, products’ nutritional values will be rated based on factors like protein, carbs, fiber, and fat; as well as their vitamin and mineral content. Each variable is weighted. The system even takes into account the quality of the protein or carbs, not simply the quantity.

Iron and Omega 3 fatty acids, nutrients believed to boost the brain-power of kids with ADHD, are among the 30 nutrients that effect the food’s rating; adding value for those of us attempting to feed kids with ADHD.

Just think what this means! In the cereal isle, I’ll be able to compare two types of those sugary cereals that Nat loves, and choose the one that’s the lesser of two evils. When I come to the pasta, I’ll finally find out for sure if Barilla’s multi-grain pasta really out-nourishes the whole-wheat brands. Yogurt…granola bars…the possibilities are endless!

Free, easy to use…NuVal™ sounds to me like a recipe for ADHD nutritional success.

Snuggle at Your Own Risk

ADHD kids should come with a warning. Caution: Snuggle at Your Own Risk. I might be black and blue, but I love my wiggle-worm girl.

Natalie had been extra snuggly lately. And I have the bruises to prove it!

If you’re the parent of a kid with ADHD, you probably know what I’m talking about.

Natalie, like a lot of kids with ADHD, is all bone and muscle. She has a fast metabolism, she moves constantly, and there just isn’t enough time in the day to waste some of it eating. So, she has no fat to pad those sharp elbows and knees.

She a world-class wiggler, even when snuggling. So when I hold her, I’m constantly getting an elbow in the chest.

OUCH!

Or a knee in the side.

UMPH.

Or a head butt (those are the worst) to the cheekbone, nose or mouth.

Am I bleeding?

And with her sensory processing issues, Nat constantly seeks stimulation. She can’t just let me hold her when we snuggle. She begs to be tickled; or to have her back scratched — so hard that it has to hurt. I switch off between scratching, hard rubs, karate chops, and tickling. She may be relaxing, but I’m working up a sweat!

And when she sits on my lap, she has to be pushing against me. She straightens her legs and pushes her feet hard against mine. Moves her feet; pushes against my legs again. Moves again, pushes on another spot. Probably that joint compression thing that her O.T. says she needs. So I push back. Hug her tightly. Squeeze her feet. Compress her wrists, her elbows. Rub her arms with firm, hard strokes.

After 10 minutes of snuggling I usually feel like I need a cold glass or water, a long soak in hot bath water, an ice pack, and a couple of Advil.

ADHD kids should come with a warning -- Caution: Snuggle at Your Own Risk. But I’ll take the risk. It’s worth it. I love my snuggly, loving, wiggle-worm girl.

Superparenting an ADHD Child

My ADHD daughter is easy to love, but hard to raise.

Natalie spent Friday night through Sunday at Aunt Ann’s for a respite weekend. Friday night, after she left, Don, Aaron, and I went to Wallaby’s for supper. (Thank you to the server who brought me fries when I asked for salad. That’s what I really wanted!) Then, Aaron and I went to Borders. (For someone who works at a library, I sure spend a lot of time in book stores!) Aaron picked up the new book in the Wimpy Kid series; Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Last Straw. I took a second look at Dr. Edward Hallowell’s latest book: Superparenting for ADD.

Don pointed it out to me during our last trip to Borders. I didn’t buy it. On that particular night Superparenting felt downright impossible. In fact, the title felt like a personal affront. I was working my butt off toward an “S” word, alright, but it wasn’t super-frickin-anything. It was SURVIVAL. Don’t put your super-expectations on me, Guru Hallowell, I thought. I don’t need ‘em.

Friday night, with a respite weekend ahead of me, the book’s title didn’t sound so bad after all! (What, me? Moody?) It sounded like a pep-talk. And a pep-talk felt welcomed. I bought the book.

I started reading it Friday night. So far I’ve read about the importance of really loving your ADHD child, and of making sure he or she knows it.

Well, at least I’m doing one thing right!

If nothing else, I tell Nat that I love her dozens of times each day. I hug her; I kiss her. I tell her that she’s beautiful. Loveable. Smart. I “catch her being good”; tell her when she does something well. Even when I’m giving her hell, I remind her that I love her, I just don’t like a particular behavior. And even when I’m really upset, I don’t hurt her.

It’s like I’ve always said: Natalie’s easy to love, but hard to raise.

Score one for the supermom.

Adjusting My Daughter's ADHD Medication

We've tried Ritalin and Focalin to treat Nat's ADHD. Now we are moving on to other medications, like Prozac, to help with anxiety.

As promised, here’s the latest on our quest for the best medication to treat Natalie’s ADHD.

Natalie and I met with her pediatrician, Dr. Halbur a week and a half ago for an official six week review of how Nat’s switchover from Ritalin to Focalin XR is going. I say official, because, due to several ear aches, a bad cough, and a nasty rash, Nat and I have had several unexpected opportunities to check in with Dr. Halbur along the way. We made a couple of adjustments already—going almost immediately from a 10 mg dose of Focalin XR to 15 mg, and later adding a 3:00 or 3:30 pm dose of Ritalin LA in order to cover the 13 hours Natalie is awake on a typical day.

Natalie’s teachers haven’t had a chance to really judge how the Focalin is working for Natalie at school. Holidays (and pre-holiday excitement) combined with weather-related late starts, early outs and days off (geez, no wonder things have been tough) have combined to keep them from a steady, predictable school routine. Without a certain amount of consistency, Natalie’s teachers can’t judge the medications efficacy fairly. Their early reports were of a silly, giddy Natalie. I don’t think that will be the final verdict. I’m still hopeful that Nat will be able to focus more consistently throughout the school day; our original goal for this medication change.

At home, I see no real change in Nat’s behavior from when she took short acting Ritalin, with a couple of exceptions. Her handwriting improved dramatically—telling me she can slow down and focus better on this particular task. And as I reported after Thanksgiving, she can tolerate riding in the car much better. So, although the Focalin hasn’t worked miracles, it’s wrought some positive changes.

We haven’t seen a decrease in irritability or anxiety, or some weird OCD-type symptoms, like Nat’s preoccupation with certain thoughts. Thus, our next big experiment. Dr. Halbur prescribed a small dose of Prozac.

Nat reported a little sleepiness during the first few days of taking it, but other than that, no complaints. The first big test of its ability to temper her anxiety came too soon for it to help, I think. Nat acted out like crazy the night before she was to start Tae Kwon Do lessons for the first time.(Then it was canceled due to the weather!) The combination of excitement and fear affected her just as powerfully as usual, with no sign of the Prozac taking the edge off. It was early in her treatment, so, again, I’m remaining hopeful.

If, given time, the Prozac doesn’t help, Dr. Halbur says we’ll try Risperdal instead. It’s known to help with the autistic-like symptoms that sometimes accompany ADHD, Dr. Halbur says, like Nat’s repetitive thoughts.

Right now, I think spring may turn out to be the best medicine! But in the meantime, I’ll try just about anything.

Swapping ADHD Stress Stories

It helps, so much, to know I’m not the only mom that lets the stress of parenting an ADHD child get the best of her.

Jennifer Choi commented on my recent blog post about how, in the course of trying to cope with parenting an ADHD child, I’ve been ignoring my diabetes. As the mom of two boys with ADHD and other special needs, she’s been there. She knows what can happen when mom ignores her own health.

A trip to the emergency room with a panic attack was her wake-up call to taking better care of herself. She now takes medication to treat her anxiety, as well as working on a variety of lifestyle changes and coping skills.

After Jenn commented on my blog, I paid a visit to hers: www.canmombecalm.blogspot.com. I intended to just take a quick peek, but ended up staying to read every post, then going back to it this morning (bleary-eyed, because Natalie was awake from 3:30-6:00 am) hungry for updates on Jenn and her two beautiful kids. This is a woman I could talk to, I thought. This is a woman I could be friends with. (Isn’t the Internet great?)

I feel really stupid about my frequent mini-breakdowns—my crying jags; the times I can’t cope with mothering a child with special needs and all the baggage that comes with it. But it helps—so much—to know I’m not the only mom that stress sometimes gets the best of!

If this topic hits a nerve with you, give Jenn’s blog a read. Then come back! I’ll share Nat’s latest med-change news with you tomorrow.

Recharging my ADHD Parenting Batteries

As the mom of a kid with ADHD, I have to put just as much thought into taking care of myself as I do into caring for my kid.

I’m feeling better today. No tears; no self-recriminations. I’m ready and willing to face the busy week to come.

Having a couple of teary days woke me up—once again—to the fact that, as the mom of a kid with ADHD, I have to put just as much thought into taking care of myself as I do into caring for my kid.

Even though my to-do list was as long as my 12 year old is tall, I gave myself the afternoon off on both Thursday and Friday. I read. I napped. I recharged.

When Natalie went to play at Harry’s Saturday afternoon, I went for a long walk through the park to enjoy the crisp air and the sparking beauty of the six inches of fresh snow that fell the night before. Later, Don and I went to Borders and picked up a couple of new books. When Natalie called to ask if she could sleep over at Harry’s, I called my friend Karen and she met me at Movies 12 to see Twilight.

There’s nothing like reconnecting with a friend over a chick flick to raise your spirits. I spent most of the day Sunday watching Aaron play in a basketball tournament. (The Ames Wolves 6th grade boys won both of their games. Way to go, Wolves!)

Having a hard time, and finding a way through it, reminded me of how important my support system is. Nat’s friendship with Harry, and ours with Harry’s parents means we can trade childcare. Nat sleeping over at Harry’s Saturday night was just what the doctor ordered—a break for me. Don’s willingness to put in parenting and household-management over-time when I’ve had all I can take allowed me time to zone out. His mom calling Friday night, after reading my Parenting ADHD Children Blog, to say she loves me; that she thinks I’m a wonderful mother meant the world to me. Having Karen, who, even though we only talk a few times a year, leave Mark home alone on the spur of the moment and go to a movie with me, made a difference. Perfect strangers commenting on my blog. Natalie’s sweet, warm, lovable self sleeping next me last night.

With their help, can do this. I can be Natalie’s mom.

I’m ready, world.

Hit me.

You Try Parenting an ADHD Kid

I’ve been struggling more than usual with the issue of how those closest to me view my parenting skills, or lack thereof.

Okay, I feel like I have to explain yesterday’s blog post. I really wasn’t telling a bunch of well-meaning people—my closest supports—to f_ off.

Here’s what was happening in my brain:

I’ve amassed a collection of comments and suggestions in my memory. Regardless of what the speaker intended to convey, I interpreted their words as hurtful; as criticism.

This is what they say to me:

There’s nothing wrong with Natalie.

You’re the problem.

Yesterday, these comments organized themselves into a running commentary in my mind—a list of sins; a chorus of recriminations. I replayed them—over and over—until I was half-convinced that I’m the bad mother they make me out to be. The other half of me wanted to fight—to rebut every comment with one of my own. To list examples of how good I am with other people’s kids—how they behave better for me than they do for their parents. How superior I feel when that happens.

Hurt. Anger. Belief. Self defense. As I keyed the words onto my computer screen, I started to cry. I cried off and on all day.

I’ve been struggling more than usual with the issue of how those closest to me view my parenting skills, or lack thereof. I found myself telling Nat’s therapist and case manager this—as if in warning—“I’m REALLY sensitive about criticism right now. REALLY SENITIVE.” Like--don’t set me off, or you’ll be sorry.

I don’t know how to handle this feeling, and I’m afraid of handling it terribly (like telling people to shut the f_ up), and compromising relationships that are vital to me and my family.

For now, I’m going with avoidance. I’ll remind myself not to call people. To not talk to them about problems with Natalie if they call me. To turn to stone—make my mind a complete blank—if I feel criticized.

I try so hard.

I get so tired.

I’m crying again.

Bearing the Brunt of Her ADHD

Why is it that Natalie is able to hold it together so well for everyone else... then lets loose the torrent of her ADHD behavior on dear old Mom?

Them:

“She was a perfect angel all weekend. I didn’t have to say a word to her. Not one word!”

“We sat right up front. She did great.”

“She always picks up her toys at my house. It’s not that she doesn’t know how.”

“Oh, no. Your mom would never force you to do anything. ”

“You just need to keep on top of the mess. That’s what I do.”

“Special needs? Oh yeah. She’s special, alright.”

“I just sing the clean up song and she cleans up.”

“No. Really? She’s smarter than a lot of the fifth graders I work with. She’ll be fine.”

Me:

……………..

………………………..

…………………………………

I’m doing the best I can, so why don’t you just shut the f_ up.

Oh, god. I’m crying at Stomping Grounds — AGAIN!

When Mom Neglects Her Own Health

Keeping my ADHD kid healthy, happy, and calm consumes so much brain- and body-power that I've neglected my own diet and exercise. Today's glucose reading was a grim reminder that Mom's health matters, too.

I'm not one of those SuperMoms who can do it all. For me, the demands of daily life — work, home, family — are a constant juggling act. And I never — I repeat: never — keep all the balls in the air.

Parenting a child with special needs adds extra balls to juggle — occupational therapy appointments and at-home assignments, med-checks with the pediatrician, trips to the pharmacy, appointments with service providers… on top of high-alert, high-stress, high-energy parenting.

The biggest ball I’ve let drop for the last few months is taking care of my own physical health. A couple years ago I was diagnosed with Type II diabetes (I’m old, fat, and lazy). When I was first diagnosed, I became a poster child for changing my life. My doctor actually called me that — her poster child — and asked if she could use me as an example for her other patients. I ate right — whole grains, no simple sugars, 6 small meals a day with a perfect balance of protein and carbs, lots of veggies. I exercised. I lost 15 pounds. My blood glucose readings were excellent.

Over time, I’ve dropped the ball -- let my good habits lapse. Gained back the weight. Stopped exercising. And made sneaking sugary foods into an art form. Hey, I have an excuse, right? All those balls I have to juggle? The stress of raising an ADHD child?

My New Year’s resolution is to get the diabetes-self-care ball back into the air. On New Year’s day I took out my glucose meter and dusted it off. Stuck in a test strip, and… nothing. The batteries were dead. To the drug store for batteries, and try again. This time, the meter worked. It showed that I last checked my blood glucose on Halloween. Fittingly, today’s result was scary. 308 — the highest reading I’ve ever had.

Time to see my own doctor, not only keep up with Nat’s medical and therapy appointments. Time to focus on my eating habits, not just try to get Nat to eat more when her meds suppress her appetite. I have to exercise off the carbs I eat, not just get Nat to burn of her excess energy.

I simply must juggle my diabetes-self-care ball back into the air.

What other balls will I drop to make this happen?

Losing Our ADHD Respite Services

Stricter state requirements mean that our family will lose all ADHD respite services in 2009. Happy New Year to you, too, Iowa.

As I’ve mentioned before in my ADHD parenting blog, our family receives services through a Children’s Mental Health Waiver. The services are designed to help Natalie and the rest of us cope with her ADHD.

When we applied for the waiver, our primary need was for respite — regular breaks from high-alert parenting, and perhaps most important of all, time to spend with our non-ADHD son.

There were a couple of routes we could take to receive respite. The easiest to arrange would have been to send Natalie to a residential treatment facility one weekend a month. I couldn’t do that. She’s a baby! She’s 8 years old! I’d rather end up on the psychiatric unit myself than to hand her over to strangers in a setting like that.

The other choice was to find individual providers on our own, and have an agency hire them and administer the waiver dollars. The agency wouldn’t find providers for us — they can’t find enough people to staff their own programs. So this means recruiting friends and family, or advertising and interviewing candidates on our own.

We started out by hand-picking a couple of people Natalie already knew and loved, and asking them to take on this commitment. My sister Ann, Natalie’s aunt, was one of them. A favorite teacher at daycare, Allie, was the other.

When I asked them to sign up to provide respite, I didn’t realize just how much I was asking of them. There is a lot of training required. They aren’t paid for their time for training, and they aren’t reimbursed for their expenses. The hourly rate they are paid is less than I pay babysitters, so there’s little financial incentive. When I asked them to do this, I thought the hourly pay was much higher. It turns out the agency administering the program takes a good chunk of it (in return for losing paperwork, forgetting to send training materials, not returning phone calls, changing staff 3 times in 18 months…).

We lost Allie as a provider after just a few months because she wasn’t able to renew her first aid certification by the deadline. She’s a college student, was working at a daycare center, and was preparing to student teach. Meeting the training requirements — on her own time, at her own expense — was simply more than she could possibly do.

I just found out that we’ll be losing our only other provider, my sister Ann, in June.

Ann called me the other day to tell me that the state has added another requirement — Mandt training. Mandt is a system for safely restraining aggressive people. She’s had the training before, but her certification has expired. I had it too, years ago, when I worked in residential treatment for emotionally disturbed kids. And I use it with Natalie when she’s out of control, to keep her safe, and to keep her from destroying things around her. So, I can see why the powers-that-be would think it’s a good idea for providers to have this training.

The problem is that the training takes two full days, and is only offered in a few cities around the state. Ann would have to pay for the training herself, take two unpaid days off work, travel out of town, and stay overnight at her own expense. And remember, she wouldn’t be paid for her time to take the training. That’s too much to ask of anyone. Too much to ask even of a family member.

So, I’m afraid our only option will be to give up our services. And if we have to give up respite, how many other families in the state will find themselves in the same situation?

Happy freakin’ New Year to you, too, Iowa. Thanks for nothing.