Kay Marner, ADHD Parenting blogger
For a long time after I became Natalie’s mom, and discovered she had ADHD and other special needs, I struggled with how to answer the oft-asked question: “How’s Natalie?”
My natural inclination is to gush about how well she’s doing (she’s doing miraculously well, given all the challenges she faced pre-adoption). But, I learned the hard way that giving a purely positive, truthful half-answer -- one that ignored the challenges of life with Natalie -- was unfair to both Natalie and me. It set up the expectation for Natalie to appear “normal” and “perfect,” and when she didn’t live up to that, she didn’t “match” people’s expectations. And, the positives-only response set me up to look like a terrible parent -- if Natalie’s “normal” and “perfect,” then anything she says or does that’s out of the ordinary must be my fault.
On the other hand, unless I’m totally overwhelmed and exhausted, I’m just not going to dwell on the negatives. My answer to “How’s Natalie?” shouldn’t require me to inquire in return, “How much time do you have?”
I eventually came up with the perfect, balanced, concise response. "How’s Natalie? She’s easy to love, but hard to parent." (If you sincerely want to know more, let’s meet for coffee.)
I believe that we can and should revel in our ADHD children’s unique strengths, accomplishments, and resilience. And, we can and should recognize for ourselves, and expect others to acknowledge, that parenting ADHD children isn’t your typical parenting gig. No matter how much we love and respect our kids and recognize the gifts ADHD gives them -- say it loud, and say it often -- parenting these kids...it ain’t easy.
As parents of ADHD children, we spend so much of our time and energy supporting our kids that we often neglect to seek out support for ourselves. My purpose for writing this blog is to provide that support to parent-readers. Now, I have a fabulous opportunity to continue my support-giving quest in another venue.
That’s my very long lead-up to an exciting announcement. I just signed a book contract! I’m creating an anthology of personal essays written by parents of kids who are easy to love, but hard to parent, for DRT Press.
I know many of my readers are also writers, because you’ve said so in your comments, and because I know that bloggers often follow other blogs. And, I’d bet that many of you who don’t think of yourselves as writers have valuable stories to tell. If you’re in either camp and are interested in submitting an essay, please see the Call for Submissions below.
And if you’re not inclined to contribute, I sincerely hope you’ll do me the honor of reading the completed book.
I hope to hear from many of you!
Call for Submissions
Is your child easy to love, but hard to parent? DRT Press is seeking personal essays written by parents of children with ADD, ADHD and/or other mental, emotional, and behavioral disorders for a book about the experience of parenting children with such conditions, for publication (expected) in January 2011. Compensation includes 10 copies of the completed book and unlimited discounted copies. Payment may be offered. The book will be co-edited by author/editor/publisher Adrienne Ehlert Bashista, Publisher, DRT Press, and Kay Marner, a freelance writer who contributes regularly to ADDitude magazine, and blogs for ADDitudeMag.com. Soft deadline for submissions is March 1, 2010. For more information visit http://www.drtpress.com/anthology.html. Questions may be directed to kay@kaymarner.com.
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