Published on ADDitudeMag.com

Back From the Abyss

It's been a wholly unholy month, but I've stared depression in the face and lived to blog about it. I think.

by Bill Mehlman


So, as I was saying, before the goddamn roof fell in...

The lousy two weeks turned into a lousy month. It was a teaser: every time I thought I was getting my life under control again, along came another brick out of the sky. It would be wonderful if I could tell you that I went back and re-read some of my own postings, discovering therein the key to reversing my head-first slide into misery.

But I didn't; part of the depression, of course, is the total meltdown of one's self-esteem. When I thought about taking my own medicine, all I could hear was, Why bother? If you're so smart why can't you exert some control over your own emotional state, followed by a suffocating silence.

Even in the midst of my tailspin, I tried to look at my situation objectively. Focus on the good stuff. As Steely Dan says, "Throw out the little ones/Pan-fry the big ones." No such luck.

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I've got a firmer grip on the reins now, and I'm trying to keep moving forward. In slack moments I still contemplate my flirtation with the abyss, but no good explanations have emerged so far. So I'm trying to eat better, sleep more, drink less and set reasonable expectations for myself.

Stick around. I'm trying to get back to posting regularly. Lucky you.


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Source: Back From the Abyss