I Heart REM

...Not a cure, but something that will help you stay focused, keep calm, remember where you left the little key that opens the thermostat cover and, generally, be more productive and better balanced.

It's free. It's verrrry enjoyable. All qualified medical practitioners agree it's necessary.

Sleep.

Before I got into wordsmithing fulltime, I spent about 25 years working as a cook and chef. I owned several businesses (losers, all. You need a big tax deduction, write to me directly.) Working 12-hour days was a vacation. Hundred-hour weeks were the usual routine. Tired? Beyond tired. Numb. Borderline hallucinatory.

Listen: fatigue can be a DRUG. It can feel good. You know how sometimes you actually LIKE being a little sick? Nothing serious, nothing overly painful, just something worth staying home from work for and spending the day watching The Thin Man or Now, Voyager. Or being a little hung-over, so everything's a little fuzzy? Fatigue is like that. It gives you an excuse for forgetting to pick up the kids. Moreover, it provides what part of your brain is always in search of — a filter. If you see life through a lens wiped with Vaseline, only the big images appear.

I've watched myself carefully. I usually try for at least six hours a night. Two or three nights in a row with only five hours? I can't even type, let alone write.

The head doctors can explain what happens. No REM sleep, no dreams, whatever. All I know is that if I can grab even eight hours every third day, I'm a different man. (You, in the mauve velour top, stop cheering).

Good ways to sleep better: exercise; take a nice warm shower about an hour before bedtime; turn your back on that leftover burrito in the fridge. No heavy food after, say 8:30. Watch a little TV, talk to your spouse (remember HIM, at least?). Spend a few quiet moments going over your notebook and calendar, planning tomorrow's assault on distraction. Oh, yes, spending some intimate, friendly, non-verbal time with your s/o (for cryin' out loud, do I have to spell it out? This is a family blog, sister.) is an excellent way to lead into a good sleep. Assuming everything goes as planned. I don't write about that stuff. As the Romans said, absit omen.

So if you find that you're absolutely DRIVEN to watch the end of CSI: Omaha, don't be surprised if you walk out tomorrow morning leaving your cell phone in the charger. Your brain wants its quiet time. Keep it up near the red line all day, all night, and you'll pay with those familiar fogs and static all day. Get your sleep.

As a matter of fact, it's 12:30 am and I'm . . .