These strategies will help ADHDers and their non-ADHD spouse connect in conversations.

In ADHD couples, everyday domestic and child­rearing challenges are sources for ongoing conflict. Improving communication is usually the first line of attack in an effort to fight less and cooperate more. But when it comes to successful communication in ADHD couples, when you talk matters as much as what you say. This is true in all couples, but particularly true for ADHD spouses, whose capacity to listen...
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Some adults in my ADHD support group take a drug holiday a couple of times a year. I would like to do this as well. Should I? Can I?

I see no reason for you not to take a drug holiday. First, try to pick a time and place when being hyperactive, inattentive, disorganized, and/or impulsive will not create major problems. For example, do not take this holiday at work, but at home, perhaps on a weekend, when you have minimal responsibilities. Have someone give you feedback about your behavior when you're off medication. Determine...
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Do sports help a 10-year-old with ADHD manage his symptoms and increase his self-esteem? If so, which sports are the most appropriate and helpful?

Success in sports will increase your son's self-esteem. However, lack of success may cause more peer problems and lower self-esteem. The challenge for you is to determine what it takes to succeed in a particular sport, and to decide whether your son's symptoms (hyperactivity, inattention, problems with organization, impulsivity) will make it difficult for him to play that sport well. It is worth the effort, because...
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My partner and I have a much better relationship since she started treating her ADHD, but after years of struggle, the magic seems gone. We are more like friendly roommates. Can we rekindle the romance?

Yes! You need to have what I call an "intentional relationship." Talk about what the two of you can do to develop warmer feelings toward each other -- and celebrate those feelings when they arise. Here are some ideas: > Do as many new things as you can together. > Start dating each other again. Brainstorm a list of things you’ve always wanted to do (big and small)...
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The disability officer at my daughter's college does not believe that ADHD is a real disability. What should I do?

The disability officer at your school is incorrect, both clinically and legally. In seeking accommodations, remember that you always need current documentation of any disability. If you have those documents, the disability officer should be challenged. Your daughter's college should have an Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) or a 504 Plan grievance procedure to address the denial of disability accommodations. Virtually all colleges (except those with a...
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Why can my son, who is nine and who has ADHD, stay focused on a video screen for hours, but can't turn his attention to cleaning his room for 15 minutes, even when I try to turn it into a game?

Unfortunately, all children — and some adults — prefer activities that are fun and enjoyable to those that are "work." Watching a TV program or playing a computer game is certainly more fun than cleaning his room. Rather than turn cleaning into a game, think about how you can structure this task for him, so it is easier to do. I find that once a child or...
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My wife of 20 years recently admitted to having an affair. My ADHD, which I found out about recently, played a part in her disillusionment with our marriage. We are both ready to forgive each other and try again, but our teenage sons are angry at her. How can I help them get through this?

You must encourage your sons to forgive their mother. The first step is for you to acknowledge their anger and pain. Your wife put your family life at risk with her actions, and their feelings are understandable. The second step is to talk with them about their anger. Listen to them without judgment, and ask them what they want that pain to turn into. Help them...
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An instructor asked me to drop her class when she found out I had ADHD. Is this discrimination?

If the school is subject to either the ADA or 504 laws, you have two courses of action. First, request accommodations for ADHD through your school's disability office. The accommodations would be based on current documentation of your disability, how it impairs functioning, the need for accommodations, and how accommodations can address your disability. Second, if you believe your professor is discriminating against you, this may...
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My daughter, an eighth-grader who has inattentive ADHD, is being picked on in school. She tells me that her peers think she's stupid because she daydreams a lot. Should I talk with her doctor about adjusting her stimulant dosage? And how should I handle the bullying?

If your daughter's problems with peers relate to her daydreaming, start by meeting with her teachers to learn what they observe and why they believe your daughter has difficulties. Does she, in fact, daydream, or do her teachers have concerns about her being inattentive? Clarify what "daydreaming" means to them: Is she easily distracted by what goes on in class? Does she have problems keeping her...
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My best friend has ADHD and tells everyone that she loves to "live in the moment." I appreciate many of her qualities, but her lack of willingness to plan ahead leaves me resentful sometimes. What can I do about this?

This is tricky. She probably tells everyone she likes to live in the moment because, given her ADHD, it is difficult to do anything else. There are a couple of ways for you to compromise. Set a specific time to be together, but don't decide on what you're going to do until the day of your date. Good friends can always find something fun to do...
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