Married, with ADHD

"My spouse and I both have ADHD. How do we maximize our strengths and minimize our weaknesses?"
The Experts | posted by Melissa Orlov

Laugh at your belly flops and celebrate all of your successes.

— Melissa Orlov, ADHD and relationships expert

First, understand what your respective strengths are. Everyone has them! Take inventory and talk about the special gifts each of you brings to the relationship and how those talents will help you get things done. Then figure out where the gaps are and whether or not these shortcomings can be delegated — for example, hiring a cleaning crew that also organizes clutter. If there's something neither of you knows how to do that you can't delegate, figure out who gets to learn it. You may not be good at managing finances now, but perhaps taking a course, plus working with a financial coach, would help you get a system in place.

On the emotional side, several things will help ensure that you get along in the long-term. Laugh at your belly flops and celebrate all of your successes. Be empathetic with each other. Stop conversations as soon as they start to get out of control. Don't walk away from important issues for good, though. Write a note and leave it on the kitchen counter, so you both know to come back to the topic later.

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