With a new season around the corner and a greater acceptance of my attention deficit, I've decided to give romance another chance.
by Jane D.
There are the signs and signals and possibilities of spring, and the budding of a possible romance. I'm pinching myself as a warning to not get overly excited, take things slow. I've been here before and usually it starts with great fireworks and comes with a crash landing.
This time the romantic potential is a friend, a friend who has been there for me through thick and thin for almost a decade. This friend appears very patient and not demanding. In fact, I wish he would make more demands and step things up a bit more. I wish he would introduce me to his friends and family and at the very least share more about himself, but so far none of that. He moves, eats and even talks at a snail's pace while I am fast, maybe too fast, for my own good. It is perhaps the case of opposites, but I'm giving this one a shot.
In my twenties it didn't matter if the guy had a hot temper or a few missing screws, as long as he was in the 6-foot category and appeared athletic. Now the priorities are shifting as I've graduated into a whole other vantage.
The friend visited and spent a week with me during his vacation, and there were sparks, although I remain unsure as to whether it is because it's been so long or because this is meant to be. As the grandmother likes to remind me, life can be very interesting. There is a red string that brings lovers together and friends. Some call it fate, others call it timing.
With this friend, as with many I've dated before, I can easily spot his imperfections, but I am constantly reminded that I have my Achilles heel too, starting with the ADHD, the impatience, the hot temper, the anxiety and indecisiveness that is all me. Now in my late thirties I have come to accept that this is who I am and some things won't change. Acceptance has perhaps replaced anger.
Since my birthday in December I've noticed that the gray hairs are more swiftly sprouting, and I'm always a bit exhausted. Imperfection, which was once so easy to hide, is much more readily apparent as one ages.
So with a new season around the corner, I've decided to give romance another chance and tell myself I have nothing to lose.