The attention deficit part of me wonders if the boyfriend has simply gotten bored and moved onto the next flavor of the season.
by Jane D.
The birthday comes and goes, and all was blissful. I looked in the mirror and found a few new, white hairs, and a feeling that time has lost its meaning.
Every year flashes by with greater speed.
Things are going okay with the boyfriend, although there is increasingly a sense of dissatisfaction and discontent with him. It's been a while since I've been with someone who seemingly forgets things that matter to me -- like a simple text message to let me know that it's getting late, so sweet dreams.
I miss the first three months of dating, when he'd send me love letters and cards. I miss a feeling and sense that I am loved. I fear his anger at authority, which perhaps leads people at work to misunderstand him completely. The talk of having children and even adopting, and visiting his friends and family seems to have faded, and the ADHD part of me wonders if he's simply gotten bored and moved onto the next flavor of the season.
The behavior from the beginning to now seems to have shifted into a new territory, and into an area that I don't understand. Suddenly, within a week, I see that the person truly dislikes his job, albeit the job is a new one, and with every new job comes some shit that we all have to deal with. I see myself in him: the frustration, the mistakes. But I also know that as an ADHDer, if I love someone, I am extremely loyal and I'll go out of my way to placate him. I've done house chores and cooked for the boyfriend, and suddenly I wonder if I've become too much of a doormat. I end up feeling resentful.
I realize that one should try to count one's blessings and thank the other person, but at the end of the day, I feel like something is sorely missing in the person -- only, I can't understand it. I've told the boyfriend hundreds of times to please send a quick text if he knows that he won't be able to talk, or if he knows that work is crazy. And, once again, he's forgotten and I am left wondering if I really don't matter.